GreySkyMorning Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 His son is grown and of course didnt know anything about me until dday. He would often send me pics of he and his grandson together. Towards the end, I was so uncomfortable with that to the point I would often delete them without even looking at them. My own two kids that are at home, ages 13 & 15, knew him well. At the beginning, I wouldnt let him meet my kids because I don't bring people into their lives. In the 11 yrs I've been divorced, they've only met three men that I've dated and he was one. After things changed from just sex to an actual relationship, he begged me to let him meet them. I still put him off for a while and then gave in. He often spent the night at my home and would interact with my kids. He was moms boyfriend to them. I will always resent him for intruding in their lives when he knew from the start that he had no intention of being there for the long haul.
HopingAgain Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I think when you hear about a BS going "crazy" and going after the OW physically, it would be in a situation involving this. I'm an xOW. there were opportunities where my kids (pre-teens) could've met xMM. NEVER HAPPENED. I hate to say it this way but..... This is fu**ed up!!! I agree. If anything would make a BS go all "Snapped" on an OW, messing with her kids would be it. I also agree with whoever said this is too much like a "Hand that Rocks the Cradle" scenario, that along with the following BS and MM to their car is just too much. IF (and thats a mighty big IF) this whole story isn't made up...this is bound to end with some major drama and I wouldn't be surprised if violence came into play from SOMEONE involved in this mess, be it MM, OW, or BS! 3
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 When we talk about the affair fog, or whatever you want to call it. Involving the kids is part of what causes people to SAY its a fog (drug, insanity whatever). This is the selfishness.. Someday, now, later, whatever those kids say...that Lil...she broke up may parents marriage. They know they liked you, and it fuxs them up because they contributed to it..they are a PART of the affair. I am sorry Lil but this is wrong, extremely poor judgement. True.. People frown on the fog...but when you see people, esp the WS, doing stuff like this, which my dad also did, having my sister meet up and chat with the OW, without any seeming understanding of how it is a bad idea, or their idea of how it will play out is some unrealistic Brady Bunch thing, how can you NOT think they are in a state of mind where their judgment is impaired??? Either that or they are naturally born fools. Take your pic....temporary loss of common sense or natural born fool. 3
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 His son is grown and of course didnt know anything about me until dday. He would often send me pics of he and his grandson together. Towards the end, I was so uncomfortable with that to the point I would often delete them without even looking at them. My own two kids that are at home, ages 13 & 15, knew him well. At the beginning, I wouldnt let him meet my kids because I don't bring people into their lives. In the 11 yrs I've been divorced, they've only met three men that I've dated and he was one. After things changed from just sex to an actual relationship, he begged me to let him meet them. I still put him off for a while and then gave in. He often spent the night at my home and would interact with my kids. He was moms boyfriend to them. I will always resent him for intruding in their lives when he knew from the start that he had no intention of being there for the long haul. Hey Grey...when you had him meet them and sleep over and all that, was it because he was going to be a permanent fixture? And if so, what made you think that? Yeaa...I wouldn't allow my married bf to meet my kids much less sleep over until he was divorced. Better safe than sorry. A MM can say anything...until he is actually doing it, my kids come first. 1
LilGirlandOW Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I dont know what to say.... I can see looking in how it seems so wrong, its just the brutal honest truth of our situation.
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 I dont know what to say.... I can see looking in how it seems so wrong, its just the brutal honest truth of our situation. No one's saying it's not the truth...it's precisely because it is the truth why everyone is like huhhhh??? Why??? I think most would feel better if it were a lie in fact. You say you see how it seems wrong to others, how about to you? 7
wanting more Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I dont know what to say.... I can see looking in how it seems so wrong, its just the brutal honest truth of our situation. You have to admit this is a messed up situation!!! I never understood that whole "lil girl" name calling!!! That would've been my first clue that your MM is sick, strange, weird. (please tell me he doesnt make you call him daddy (sorry, I just threw up in my mouth at that thought) The next would've been that whole teddy bear thing. Sick, Strange, weird. And now this kid thing. Sick, strange, weird. I know you said looking from outside it must seem wrong, but when you re read your own posts, does it seem wrong to you? How do you feel after reading all thd replies. Or even just reading your own posts? 7
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I dont know what to say.... I can see looking in how it seems so wrong, its just the brutal honest truth of our situation. So Lil, One thing I want to point out. No two things. 1. At least own it. You do this, he does this, it's a choice...not the situation. Nobody forces you to meet up at the park, nobody forces you to hang out with the kids. It is your choice on how you conduct the affair... At least own it. 2. Did you notice how in light of negative pressure from STRANGERS you flip flopped? THIS is why you are in this terrible situation...you need to think about it. 6
BrokenPrincess Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 No one's saying it's not the truth...it's precisely because it is the truth why everyone is like huhhhh??? Why??? I think most would feel better if it were a lie in fact. You say you see how it seems wrong to others, how about to you? I think the "why" is that in her A fantasy world, this highly inappropriate relationship with MMs kids is further validation and justification that they are meant to be. See how well I get along with them! See even THEY think we make a great couple! His W can't even be bothered to be warm & loving like I am! I don't think that this is necessarily a deliberate manipulation by Lil, but in this fogginess, it seems like she is thriving off her relationship with his kids and at the same time, demonizing the BS. All of it helping to rationalize the A. 9
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 You have to admit this is a messed up situation!!! I never understood that whole "lil girl" name calling!!! That would've been my first clue that your MM is sick, strange, weird. (please tell me he doesnt make you call him daddy (sorry, I just threw up in my mouth at that thought) The next would've been that whole teddy bear thing. Sick, Strange, weird. And now this kid thing. Sick, strange, weird. I know you said looking from outside it must seem wrong, but when you re read your own posts, does it seem wrong to you? How do you feel after reading all thd replies. Or even just reading your own posts? Yea..it doesn't matter how weird it is to us...we're not the ones doing it, precisely because it is so off. The only person whose opinion matters is yours Lil, and it is telling whether or not you think it is all too much reading your posts or you think it is fine.
LilGirlandOW Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Its the brutal honest truth, thats why I hope MM and BS never come here, lol, my story will stick out like a black sheep, but I know I'm safe to get it off my chest here and thats helped me alot. The following to the car thing, I dont know,,, moment of weaknessi had to see what they're like in a parting ways situation, or in a situation where I wasnt around, as I know when I'm here hes obviously gonna not be lovey with her. They dont have social media or anything. I had to know, in a moment of bat **** craziness
GreySkyMorning Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Hey Grey...when you had him meet them and sleep over and all that, was it because he was going to be a permanent fixture? And if so, what made you think that? Yeaa...I wouldn't allow my married bf to meet my kids much less sleep over until he was divorced. Better safe than sorry. A MM can say anything...until he is actually doing it, my kids come first. Yes, I honestly believed he was going to be around forever. I believed every word he told me. I was completely in love and believed him when he told me he was too. This man could charm me like no other person ever could and still can. He knew how protective I am of my kids. Thats been my biggest source of anger since all this. He swore he'd be there and he wanted to be part of their lives.
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Its the brutal honest truth, thats why I hope MM and BS never come here, lol, my story will stick out like a black sheep, but I know I'm safe to get it off my chest here and thats helped me alot. The following to the car thing, I dont know,,, moment of weaknessi had to see what they're like in a parting ways situation, or in a situation where I wasnt around, as I know when I'm here hes obviously gonna not be lovey with her. They dont have social media or anything. I had to know, in a moment of bat **** craziness No one's asking about the following to the car... We're asking if YOU don't see a problem with your relationship with his children or if you find it acceptable? Are you conflicted about it or completely comfortable and love it and were it nor for our shocked responses, you'd have never thought it out of place. THAT's the question. So? 3
LilGirlandOW Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I'm not a stupid person, I admire and respect alot of posters on LS, I understand that when your 20:1 you're in a loosing situation, like myself.
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 I'm not a stupid person, I admire and respect alot of posters on LS, I understand that when your 20:1 you're in a loosing situation, like myself. Huh? Lil...you still didn't answer the question. It's not about winning or losing...you've been brutally honest thus far, so I'm not sure why that particular question is different or would lead to any more of a "loss". But perhaps in declining to respond that is already the response. 2
Lady2163 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Lil, I'm truly not trying to stop you from posting. But when people talk about unique relationships with mm, yours really is. (as is mine, for the most part in this forum but not to your extent, I think). Now, since everyone think I'M bat **** crazy.... If there is not a BDSM component to Lils relationship with her MM, I will, I will....well, I can't think of anything impressive. I will be stunned. And if Lil says there is no BDSM to her R, I bet if I found a BDSM "Littles" checklist, she and MM have done more than half the items listed. I just don't know as I type this if one exists.
threelaurels Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Lil, I'm truly not trying to stop you from posting. But when people talk about unique relationships with mm, yours really is. (as is mine, for the most part in this forum but not to your extent, I think). Now, since everyone think I'M bat **** crazy.... If there is not a BDSM component to Lils relationship with her MM, I will, I will....well, I can't think of anything impressive. I will be stunned. And if Lil says there is no BDSM to her R, I bet if I found a BDSM "Littles" checklist, she and MM have done more than half the items listed. I just don't know as I type this if one exists. I agree 100%. I have been the little in a Daddy/girl BDSM relationship. I am inclined towards that dynamic in relationships. The big difference between my relationship and LilGirl's is that mine fulfilled the three tenants of BDSM--safe, sane, and consentual. 3
threelaurels Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 And that matters how? I don't think the BDSM community believes that cheating is a value or requirement of the community. It matters more than you would think. Some people in the BDSM community live in dominant and submissive roles 24/7. If LilGirl's inclination towards submission is spilling out into her "real life" dynamics without a formal agreement in place, it's feeding an unhealthy relationship. 2
wanting more Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Daddy/lilgirl BDSM. Although I'm not into that, if youre adults and that's what you're looking for, go for it. I don't get reading from Lilgirls post that she is looking for that. Maybe MM is, but I don't think lil is. Don't really think this thread should turn to BDSM. 1
thomasb Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 My sons knew the OW since my wife and I had worked with her for around six years. We were all involved in a fairly small group of co-worker/friends. Yeah, don't **** where you eat and work! They also knew about the affair prior to my wife and they were disgusted and ashamed of me. Their natural father had been physically abusive to both them and their mother. I had always stood for being an honest, gentle and loving husband and father. I let them and myself down tragically. After dday there were a couple of instances between my sons and OW's little brother that did not come out well for the brother. I let my wife handle it with them since I was in no position at the time to have any positive influence. It took a long time for that to change. The OW will never know how lucky she was that my wife is a woman with a big heart and a lot of compassion for people. OW lost her mind after the affair and became a stalker/harasser extraordinaire. My lovely wife has a dignity that cannot be surpassed. 1
wanting more Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 With kids that attend the same school, children that are friends, living in I'm guessing the same neighborhood I honestly don't see how what lil is doing as so horrendous. To his and her children, they are just their friends parents. So they meet at the park, as do many other parents. They are not affectionate together in front of the children. I will say using the children to meet, like making plans to go to the park isn't the greatest idea, but what would be the difference in it not being an ap at the park, or at a school function but were just a friends parent? I'll go against the grain on this one. If it does come out, that they are having an A I doubt the children will feel responsible. They may feel conflicted, they may feel slightly more betrayed as it would be by not only their father, but also someone else they held in high regard. It isn't a great idea to have your children involved, but then again I think many Ap's want to see their mm's children, they want to see the interaction mm has and I don't think that's solely an ap feeling, it's a womanly feeling to judge a man on his parenting and his general interaction with his children. My mm had no children. But I did judge him on his interaction with his dogs...I didn't do it consciously but reflecting on it, I did do it. Do you have kids?
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 With kids that attend the same school, children that are friends, living in I'm guessing the same neighborhood I honestly don't see how what lil is doing as so horrendous. To his and her children, they are just their friends parents. So they meet at the park, as do many other parents. They are not affectionate together in front of the children. I will say using the children to meet, like making plans to go to the park isn't the greatest idea, but what would be the difference in it not being an ap at the park, or at a school function but were just a friends parent? I'll go against the grain on this one. If it does come out, that they are having an A I doubt the children will feel responsible. They may feel conflicted, they may feel slightly more betrayed as it would be by not only their father, but also someone else they held in high regard. It isn't a great idea to have your children involved, but then again I think many Ap's want to see their mm's children, they want to see the interaction mm has and I don't think that's solely an ap feeling, it's a womanly feeling to judge a man on his parenting and his general interaction with his children. My mm had no children. But I did judge him on his interaction with his dogs...I didn't do it consciously but reflecting on it, I did do it. Wanting to see the MM's children and realizing why you probably shouldn't are very different things. It comes down to your boundaries in the affair and what you deem appropriate in that context and what's not. I heard how my exAP spoke about his child and overheard their interactions, but knew that would have been about as far as I should responsibly take it while it is still an affair. But for me him and his child to hang out, or for me to have phone conversations, etc would have been too much. I am cautious of my relationship with the children of any man I date, even if it isn't an affair, and so it is crazy to me when it's an affair why anyone wouldn't be even more cautious. I did however say, since their kids attend the same school it's not as crazy-sounding, but still inappropriate nevertheless. The fact the MM's children are telling Lil they think their dad has a crush on her negates the idea that they aren't affectionate so it's okay, as I said, kids aren't dumb and one need not kiss or hold hands in front of them in order for them to tell the relationship is not platonic. 2
Lady2163 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I agree 100%. I have been the little in a Daddy/girl BDSM relationship. I am inclined towards that dynamic in relationships. The big difference between my relationship and LilGirl's is that mine fulfilled the three tenants of BDSM--safe, sane, and consentual. It has nothing to do with cheating...not in the least bit. I've done security for bdsm parties at a private club. I get my motel room paid for and some decent money for a few hours of work. I socialize with the party hosts and their friends before and after the play party. Oh - and I've read the 50 Shades of Awful Writing Series... Anyway, in my limited experience, submissives often have boatloads of moxie and nonchalance about things. Littles can be brats...and there's no way to explain how that is not always an insult. Other than her Lil nickname, Lil has an amazing amount of confidence in both her relationship and her Dominant...ahhh I typed it, I'll leave it...her married man. I'm wondering if he talks her into anything. Whose idea was it to have her around the children? Did she hesitate the first time? In this instance they both have awful boundaries. Does he ever correct her? Does he just encourage her?
LilGirlandOW Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 No one's asking about the following to the car... We're asking if YOU don't see a problem with your relationship with his children or if you find it acceptable? Are you conflicted about it or completely comfortable and love it and were it nor for our shocked responses, you'd have never thought it out of place. THAT's the question. So? I dont see it as all that bad, its been a handful of times in parks, playgyms, etc. very casual. I also feel conflicted and unsure due to the mass opinion being against my thinking.
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Daddy/lilgirl BDSM. Although I'm not into that, if youre adults and that's what you're looking for, go for it. I don't get reading from Lilgirls post that she is looking for that. Maybe MM is, but I don't think lil is. Don't really think this thread should turn to BDSM. Yea that's a whole other thread entirely and hasn't much to do with OW/OM and their involvement with the MP's children. 1
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