Celeste3773 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Hi I am new here but need some perspective and don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I've been married to 4 years together for 7 no kids. I recently turned 30. I love my husband and he is a great guy in so many ways. I was 23 when we met and not really sure of who I was. As I get older I have started to realize that although my husband is a good looking loving compassionate creative and completely faithful guy who makes me laugh, he is not really a good provider. I know a lot of woman would love to be married to someone like him but as I get older I am starting to want to have kids and need financial security. My husband keeps promising me it will get better but I don't really believe him anymore. We recently moved to a new state to try to make a better life for ourselves. Within 4 months he has some problems at work and was fired. We work together. I got a second job and now work 6 days a week while he is getting established at his new job. So here's the thing: there is this guy that I work with at the job my husband and I used to work with together. When my husband got fired and I felt alone and scared he started flirting with me and making me feel taken care of. He is 5 years older than me and married with 4 kids. He is a notorious flitter and admits to cheating. We have not had sex but it has gotten mildly physical but the thing is I know it's stupid but I'm kind of in love with him. He is the opposite of my husband. A good provider and a strong and capable man but obviously a player. He played me so well and made me feel what I needed and wanted to feel. I don't even think he has any intention of sleeping with me I think he just played with me because he could. I want him but I need to not want him what should I do? I hurts me to love him because I know it's going nowhere and he will never really give me what I need. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 (edited) enjoy the flirtation, do not take it seriously, it is flattering, good, but leave it there, you could think about keeping this situation the back-burner, you know yourself starting an affair will mess up your head, if he divorced and you are single, then you two can talk, though he will have alimony to pay to his ex/wife who might be any sort of vindictive drama queen, I think you should slow down or you might yet end up used over some office desk secretly, a side piece having to live a double-life Edited July 30, 2013 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Hi I am new here but need some perspective and don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I've been married to 4 years together for 7 no kids. I recently turned 30. I love my husband and he is a great guy in so many ways. I was 23 when we met and not really sure of who I was. As I get older I have started to realize that although my husband is a good looking loving compassionate creative and completely faithful guy who makes me laugh, he is not really a good provider. I know a lot of woman would love to be married to someone like him but as I get older I am starting to want to have kids and need financial security. My husband keeps promising me it will get better but I don't really believe him anymore. We recently moved to a new state to try to make a better life for ourselves. Within 4 months he has some problems at work and was fired. We work together. I got a second job and now work 6 days a week while he is getting established at his new job. So here's the thing: there is this guy that I work with at the job my husband and I used to work with together. When my husband got fired and I felt alone and scared he started flirting with me and making me feel taken care of. He is 5 years older than me and married with 4 kids. He is a notorious flitter and admits to cheating. We have not had sex but it has gotten mildly physical but the thing is I know it's stupid but I'm kind of in love with him. He is the opposite of my husband. A good provider and a strong and capable man but obviously a player. He played me so well and made me feel what I needed and wanted to feel. I don't even think he has any intention of sleeping with me I think he just played with me because he could. I want him but I need to not want him what should I do? I hurts me to love him because I know it's going nowhere and he will never really give me what I need. Why do you love him? What do you love about him? Do you mean you just like how you feel with him, and the nice stuff he says and that he makes you feel wanted? It doesn't even seem like you know this man that well much less to be in love with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste3773 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Thank you both for your insights, feels good to talk about it. Darkmoon, his wife is an attorney from an extremely well off family and I don't believe he would ever consider leaving her so there's that. Missbee, you are right i dont know him very well and he keeps it that way. what I love about him is his strength, his incredibly intuitive touch, the fact that we both love the outdoors, are very active and physical people, his intelligence and the fact that he is very good at his job. He doesn't say a lot but he is very aware of everything that goes on. He is ex military and also kind of a "bad boy" somewhat. He is a Gemini and extremely independent. It's not even that he tells me nice things or makes me feel pretty or anything like that I don't need that.....he just made me feel like someone was there when i needed it. I think I'm going to end up leaving that job also and probably won't see him much after that. Just wondering how long it will take for me to stop thinking about him and hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste3773 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Just saw yours Alexandria, everything u said I know to be true but somehow that didn't stop me from falling for him just trying to crawl my way up again. Also let me add I've never done anything like this before I've always been faithful to my husband. I do talk to him about our issues.....counseling is probably the best solution but we can't afford it. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 cognitive therapy is a one-appointment fix, choose a nice therapist, just one go, it helped me, much on-line 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Op You have been married a long time. It is ok to feel flattered by attention and most married women with good self esteen may enjoy this. However; women in need of validation-attention-and with poor boundaries fall in love. OM can tell you are vulnerable and is toying with you. You are also attracted to power and the so called bad boy. You know how it ends. Lastly: Having an affair is degrading for you. If you don't have kids you could always get a divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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