Returning a phone call or text etiquette

[aloneinaz]

Ok, I'm a self confessed IMPATIENT person. One of my big pet peeves is when people don't return calls or texts in what I view is a reasonable amount of time. So, with this and the fact that most woman have their phones sitting next to them (I'm a guy) as do many guys, what is the appropriate amount of time someone you're dating should take to return a text or call?

 

Now, obviously if they are at work, it can vary and if they are home it can as well but Im curious to hear other view points on how long to return a call or text.

 

Myself- Rare that I won't return a call in an hour. A text, usually no more than 30 minutes. If I can't return a call in a reasonable amount of time, then I'll text the person and let them know I'll get back to them.

 

Thoughts??

[Brunettie]

Other than work, maybe an hour or so, depending on what they're doing.

If they're out with friends, or shopping or eating or doing errands, it might take a bit of time.

I reply to anything pretty quickly.

But those people that take over 24 hours to reply...I don't understand that. A text takes 5 seconds to send, and everyone has a spare 5 seconds (even if they have to send it while using the restroom, lol)

[Star Gazer]

I think technology has created a sort of entitlement problem. You send a text, you think you're entitled to an immediate response, on your time table.

 

The speed of my response depends on so many things.

[aloneinaz]

I think technology has created a sort of entitlement problem. You send a text, you think you're entitled to an immediate response, on your time table.

 

The speed of my response depends on so many things.

 

That's a great way to put it! I also think it's a control issue as well. One thing i've discovered is I feel like I'm quick to reply to calls or texts and EXPECT others to have the same courtesy. Clearly, this is not the case..

 

What's also worse is when people use calls or texts as manipulation or game playing.

[soccerrprp]

People are different. The use of technology is no different from any other form of communication. You prioritize and then decide whether an immediate or reasonable response is necessary. The truth is that most people have smartphones and know that a reasonable time to response is what should practiced. Why get email, texting and a fricken' phone if you're going to inconvenience others with lazy, annoying tardy responses? That is simply inconsiderate and frankly, don't care what you do or how busy you are. The purchase of said technology is to make things more convenient for all of us. For many, the smartphone is the PRIMARY form of communication, so, treat it like such. Get back in touch with people in a "reasonable", considerate time-frame.

 

I can understand if your battery went dead or if you forgot, misplaced your smartphone, but if it is on your body constantly, no excuse for huge amounts of time to have elapsed to give some kind of response.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm torn on this. I mean, it's easy to get a text when you are busy, read it but not have the time to respond until later and then completely forget about it. I know that's happened to me quite a few times.

 

I generally hate small talk on text. Text is good for logistical purpose "Meet me here on Friday at 7 p.m." and quick conversations with a purpose. It's also good if you are at work or at a noise place which phone conversation does work. But if you want to talk to me for any length of time, give me a call or just come over.

[aloneinaz]

For me, what's frustrating is when you know the person you're dating has their phone glued to them whether they are home or at work. Yet, they still take their sweet time to return a call or text.

 

I have limited patience with girls who routinely take un-reasonable amounts of time to reply to a text of phone call. Sorry, it's a form of game playing as well. In the past 6 weeks, I disqualified and stopped replying to two different girls that I dated a couple of times due to this.

[soccerrprp]

For me, what's frustrating is when you know the person you're dating has their phone glued to them whether they are home or at work. Yet, they still take their sweet time to return a call or text.

 

I have limited patience with girls who routinely take un-reasonable amounts of time to reply to a text of phone call. Sorry, it's a form of game playing as well. In the past 6 weeks, I disqualified and stopped replying to two different girls that I dated a couple of times due to this.

 

Yup, game playing, inconsiderate...unnecessary...

[Simon Phoenix]

For me, what's frustrating is when you know the person you're dating has their phone glued to them whether they are home or at work. Yet, they still take their sweet time to return a call or text.

 

I have limited patience with girls who routinely take un-reasonable amounts of time to reply to a text of phone call. Sorry, it's a form of game playing as well. In the past 6 weeks, I disqualified and stopped replying to two different girls that I dated a couple of times due to this.

 

If I'm remotely busy at work, I'm not answering personal texts and I wouldn't expect anyone else to either.

[MrCastle]

The problem with texting (my primary form of communication) is that it is too impersonal.

 

You wouldn't walk away from the middle of a conversation without saying anything would you? But in text it's perfectly alright to stop responding whenever you see fit.

 

Some people are considerate, some people aren't. Some people have common courtesy and etiquette and some don't.

 

I don't deal with bad texters and in fact is grounds for dropping someone.

 

As silly as it may seem, it's still a form of communication, and as I stated before, my primary source of communication. If we are not on the same page as far as text etiquette is concerned, then we're not communicating.

 

It's easier to let it slide when you're getting to know someone as you don't know their habits.

 

But if it's someone in your circle? (most of the women I talk to) and I know your habits? Or you ignore a text but five minutes later post on facebook or instagram? That's being rude. I don't put up with that.

 

People like that get dropped.

[Star Gazer]

For me, what's frustrating is when you know the person you're dating has their phone glued to them whether they are home or at work. Yet, they still take their sweet time to return a call or text.

 

I have limited patience with girls who routinely take un-reasonable amounts of time to reply to a text of phone call. Sorry, it's a form of game playing as well. In the past 6 weeks, I disqualified and stopped replying to two different girls that I dated a couple of times due to this.

 

What if they're with friends? It's rude to sit there and pick up the phone when you're with people.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Depends on if I want to talk to them or not.

[Simon Phoenix]

What if they're with friends? It's rude to sit there and pick up the phone when you're with people.

 

Exactly. If I'm hanging out with someone I'm not going to have my face buried in my phone. That's rude. Unless I'm expecting a specific text (like someone meeting up and trying to find me) at that time I'm not going to look at it right then. And even if I had to take it, I'd apologize to the person I was with. Now if they have left the table (or wherever we are) and gone to the bathroom or something I'll check my phone to see who it was.

 

But just because we have a phone on us at all times doesn't mean that we are compelled to stop everything we're doing to answer quickly. Part of the reason why I resisted cell phones for as long as I did was because I didn't like feeling that I was always on call. I liked being "out" and then coming home to messages and responding to them in my own time.

[Star Gazer]

But just because we have a phone on us at all times doesn't mean that we are compelled to stop everything we're doing to answer quickly. Part of the reason why I resisted cell phones for as long as I did was because I didn't like feeling that I was always on call.

 

Exactly! I'm not at the beck and call of anyone who texts or calls!

[MrCastle]

Exactly. If I'm hanging out with someone I'm not going to have my face buried in my phone. That's rude. Unless I'm expecting a specific text (like someone meeting up and trying to find me) at that time I'm not going to look at it right then. And even if I had to take it, I'd apologize to the person I was with. Now if they have left the table (or wherever we are) and gone to the bathroom or something I'll check my phone to see who it was.

 

But just because we have a phone on us at all times doesn't mean that we are compelled to stop everything we're doing to answer quickly. Part of the reason why I resisted cell phones for as long as I did was because I didn't like feeling that I was always on call. I liked being "out" and then coming home to messages and responding to them in my own time.

 

My personal issue is this:

 

Me: blah blah blah

 

Her (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Me (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Her (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Me (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Her (remote silence)

 

Pretty much this --

Aziz Ansari Stand up - Texting with Girls (Dangerously Delicious Preview) - YouTube

[Simon Phoenix]

My personal issue is this:

 

Me: blah blah blah

 

Her (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Me (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Her (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Me (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Her (remote silence)

 

Pretty much this --

Aziz Ansari Stand up - Texting with Girls (Dangerously Delicious Preview) - YouTube

 

Maybe she got sick of the conversation or had to go? I mean, I detest those pointless text conversations, so I can't really blame her. I guess she could have said "gotta run, bye!" but someone is always going to have to stop talking eventually. I guess I just don't take it personally if it's a useless conversation -- sometimes things come up or a conversation runs its course. Same thing with IM on the computer.

[Star Gazer]

My personal issue is this:

 

Me: blah blah blah

 

Her (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Me (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Her (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Me (5 minutes later): blah blah blah

 

Her (remote silence)

 

Pretty much this --

Aziz Ansari Stand up - Texting with Girls (Dangerously Delicious Preview) - YouTube

 

The very beginning of his schtick points out how people don't like to be called unless it's an emergency: "Are you on fire? No? Then text me that sh*t!" Point: Texts shouldn't be treated as an emergency.

 

As for the back and forth texting, he talks about how his last text to which she doesn't respond right away is the date invite. Yes, that's annoying... but you never know what's going on on the other side.

[MrCastle]

Maybe she got sick of the conversation or had to go? I mean, I detest those pointless text conversations, so I can't really blame her. I guess she could have said "gotta run, bye!" but someone is always going to have to stop talking eventually. I guess I just don't take it personally if it's a useless conversation -- sometimes things come up or a conversation runs its course. Same thing with IM on the computer.

 

I understand, but the convo usually ends when I ask a question. That's rude.

[Lani]

I understand, but the convo usually ends when I ask a question. That's rude.

 

Don't ask so many questions.

[Simon Phoenix]

I understand, but the convo usually ends when I ask a question. That's rude.

 

Agreed there, but in general, I think people take the text thing a little too seriously. You have no idea what's going on on the other end. As for women, I hold them to the same standard I hold my friends. Do you get mad when your friends don't text you back promptly? Of course not, because they're your friends. Shouldn't hold women to higher standards, especially in the early going.

Edited July 31, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[thefooloftheyear]

People just assume that all folks keep their phone on their person at all times like its another appendage:rolleyes:

 

I dont carry my phone on me while I am trying to run my business. It would get destroyed in one day with the type of work I do. It sits on my office desk for the entire day and I might just take a peek at it if I am spending some time on the phone(land line) or during a lunch break..

 

I also forbid emplyees from using cell phones while on the job..They can use it during breaks or lunch but they are not allowed to keep them on their person while they are working..Its a dangerous environment and total concentration is needed to prevent a disaster. I dont want to hear about "what if there is an emergency"? Simple, give whoever is important in your life the business phone and I will happily allow calls for whoever..And those of you who use your phones while on company time for FB, Twitter, Instagram, LS or whatever are stealing from your employers...And they are fools for letting it go on, but well leave that for another thread..

 

I also dont bring my phone into the gym, so add another two hours to the day that I dont have my phone on me..So between, work, the gym and sleep, I might see my phone for a total of 2-3 hours a day..

 

Point is, be patient...Some people just arent sitting by the phone waiting for your contact..Its also important to inform others that you dont keep your phone on you, as to not have a panic attack when a text isnt answered in the first five minutes you sent it...

 

TFY

[Pisces13]

I'm always pretty prompt in replying to texts regardless of who it is from. I'll usually i'll respond in under an hour, depending on what I'm doing of course, since I usually always have my phone on me.

 

The girl I'm seeing at the moment has a pretty hectic job (although I know she always has her phone on her or nearby), I'll usually get a text from her early in the morning, I'll reply, sometimes I'll get a quick response, others I won't hear from her for the next 5 or 6 hours. It can get frustrating, but I just try to remind myself that she's got her own stuff going on in her life and she'll reply when she can. I don't think it's worth getting worked up over, but sometimes can be a little off putting.

 

One of my best friends who I've known for 10 years usually takes ages to reply to the messages I send him too though. I will sometimes get a response 2 or 3 hours later, so it's not just gender specific or restricted to the person you're dating, at least not in my case.

 

Some people are just busier than others.

[MrCastle]

I'm always pretty prompt in replying to texts regardless of who it is from. I'll usually i'll respond in under an hour, depending on what I'm doing of course, since I usually always have my phone on me.

 

The girl I'm seeing at the moment has a pretty hectic job, I'll usually get a text from her early in the morning, I'll reply, sometimes I'll get a quick response, others I won't hear from her for the next 5 or 6 hours. It can get frustrating, but I just try to remind myself that she's got her own stuff going on in her life and she'll reply when she can. I don't think it's worth getting worked up over, but sometimes can be a little off putting.

 

One of my best friends who I've known for 10 years usually takes ages to reply to the messages I send him too though. I will sometimes get a response 2 or 3 hours later, so it's not just gender specific or restricted to the person you're dating, at least not in my case.

 

Some people are just busier than others.

 

While that's certainly true, I feel some people use that line as an excuse to be a dick when it comes to texting.

 

In the example in my previous post/youtube clip, the girl in question lacks etiquette.

 

You can go back and forth no problem and then all of a sudden go cold when a question pops up? Answer the question. Or say "hold on let me get back to you" and answer it when you have more time.

 

Like I said in my initial post, the problem with texting is etiquette is not enforced. Society hasn't set the standard as to what's acceptable and what isn't.

 

I would expect going forward, as text continues to get more and more popular, and as the ease of answering a simple message gets even easier, there will be a shift into what's socially acceptable. Fewer and fewer excuses will be made and accepted.

 

Where I'm at, as a 25 year old surgically attached to his phone, texting with other 20 somethings who are surgically attached to their phones, I already have a window of what I deem okay and what I deem not okay.

[napy666]

I always reply right away to the text and phone calls same thing unless I left my phone in another room and stepped out of that room to do something around the house then I will return that call or text.

[Simon Phoenix]

While that's certainly true, I feel some people use that line as an excuse to be a dick when it comes to texting.

 

In the example in my previous post/youtube clip, the girl in question lacks etiquette.

 

You can go back and forth no problem and then all of a sudden go cold when a question pops up? Answer the question. Or say "hold on let me get back to you" and answer it when you have more time.

 

Like I said in my initial post, the problem with texting is etiquette is not enforced. Society hasn't set the standard as to what's acceptable and what isn't.

 

I would expect going forward, as text continues to get more and more popular, and as the ease of answering a simple message gets even easier, there will be a shift into what's socially acceptable. Fewer and fewer excuses will be made and accepted.

 

Where I'm at, as a 25 year old surgically attached to his phone, texting with other 20 somethings who are surgically attached to their phones, I already have a window of what I deem okay and what I deem not okay.

 

So basically you don't care if they're at work or they're with family and friends, they have to answer your text in a certain amount of time or else? I think you need to relax dude. Just because a woman has a phone on her doesn't mean she's compelled to be at your beck and call. You have no idea what the other person is doing or not doing. You have no idea what's going through their mind or if they just forgot. I doubt you are the only person who is texting them at a certain amount of time.

 

Also, they might be resisting texting you back because they feel pressured by you. I think you need to chill out a bit. And if you really need an answer to something, why not just ask right off the bat? Or better yet, why not call? I mean, whenever I just needed to discuss something real quick with my ex, I'd eschew the texting and just call.