Returning a phone call or text etiquette

[MrCastle]

So basically you don't care if they're at work or they're with family and friends, they have to answer your text in a certain amount of time or else? I think you need to relax dude. Just because a woman has a phone on her doesn't mean she's compelled to be at your beck and call. You have no idea what the other person is doing or not doing. You have no idea what's going through their mind or if they just forgot. I doubt you are the only person who is texting them at a certain amount of time.

 

Also, they might be resisting texting you back because they feel pressured by you. I think you need to chill out a bit. And if you really need an answer to something, why not just ask right off the bat? Or better yet, why not call? I mean, whenever I just needed to discuss something real quick with my ex, I'd eschew the texting and just call.

 

Wrong.

 

Why not call? Because calling is invasive. Because the person has to stop what they are doing to focus on you and you only. You talk about "they can be texting other people" -- which is a benefit of text. You can talk to multiple people at once. If you call someone, that's all it is. Them talking to you, you talking to them. There is no room for anything else. That's much more invasive than a text.

 

Secondly, no one said anything about working or being out with family or any of that -- and you know how that gets cleared up?

 

(After a long delay): Sorry, I was working.

 

Or

 

(After a long delay): Sorry, I got caught up in something.

 

You know what that's called? Being courteous. As I said -- in other mediums, that's standard practice. In texting, no. It is perfectly fine to ignore a message for days, or not answer it period.

 

I don't need to "chill out" -- people need to have text etiquette.

 

Going back and forth for 20-30 minutes until a question is asked that you'd rather not answer, so you ignore the person completely is immature and poor taste.

 

Things like that need to be frowned upon as opposed to attacking the person who was waiting for an answer like "chill out, relax"

 

No. Have some class when it comes to communicating with another human being.

[sweetjasmine]

What if they're with friends? It's rude to sit there and pick up the phone when you're with people.

 

Yes. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Especially if I'm in the middle of saying something, and it's *bzzzzz bzzzzzz*, "Sorry, hold on"...and then 30 seconds of me staring off into space while they f-ing click away on their phone and wait let me check Facebook or my email or this or that or the other thing while I'm at it. Gawd. People are more likely to ignore a phone call, but a text? Must answer. Right now. Sorry, were you in the middle of saying something?

 

The assumptions that (a) everyone has a smart phone, (b) everyone has it with them at all times, and © everyone is constantly checking it are simply maddening when they don't apply to you. No, some of us don't have 24/7 access to email and text. And some people who do aren't slaves to it.

 

I work in a place where cell phone use is not allowed unless you're on break. And, yes, it's obvious when someone tries to break those rules, which is why people sneak into the bathroom/locker room to text. If the timing is just right (or wrong), it might take me hours to respond to a text and over a day to respond to a phone call. If someone can't handle that, well, sorry. You'll have to get over it, like the students who used to email my old office on a Saturday morning and get pissed that they didn't get a response until Monday morning during regular business hours.

[Simon Phoenix]

Wrong.

 

Why not call? Because calling is invasive. Because the person has to stop what they are doing to focus on you and you only. You talk about "they can be texting other people" -- which is a benefit of text. You can talk to multiple people at once. If you call someone, that's all it is. Them talking to you, you talking to them. There is no room for anything else. That's much more invasive than a text.

 

Secondly, no one said anything about working or being out with family or any of that -- and you know how that gets cleared up?

 

(After a long delay): Sorry, I was working.

 

Or

 

(After a long delay): Sorry, I got caught up in something.

 

You know what that's called? Being courteous. As I said -- in other mediums, that's standard practice. In texting, no. It is perfectly fine to ignore a message for days, or not answer it period.

 

I don't need to "chill out" -- people need to have text etiquette.

 

Going back and forth for 20-30 minutes until a question is asked that you'd rather not answer, so you ignore the person completely is immature and poor taste.

 

Things like that need to be frowned upon as opposed to attacking the person who was waiting for an answer like "chill out, relax"

 

No. Have some class when it comes to communicating with another human being.

 

So people have to tell you why there was a delay in their response? That's some uber-controlling bulls--t, I'm sorry. People do not have to explain to you what they are doing on a minute-by-minute basis so they can justify to you why it took them a certain amount of time to get back to you about whatever banal text message you wrote. I mean, if they want to, that's fine and all, but that shouldn't be something that is expected or mandatory. Only someone with a huge ego would demand that.

 

And I'm sorry, a 90-second phone call is not invasive compared to several text messages sent over the course of a half-hour or an hour. If they can't answer, they can't answer, but I can leave a voicemail with all of the necessary information that they can respond to when it's convenient.

 

I'm sorry dude, you seem really high maintenance. Maybe you should put down the cell phone for a bit and decompress. You can't expect people to operate a certain way because we all have different schedules/demands, etc. People have things to do and have no need to answer to you, to me, or to anyone else.

Edited July 31, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[MrCastle]

So people have to tell you why there was a delay in their response? That's some uber-controlling bulls--t, I'm sorry. People do not have to explain to you what they are doing on a minute-by-minute basis so they can justify to you why it took them a certain amount of time to get back to you about whatever banal text message you wrote. I mean, if they want to, that's fine and all, but that shouldn't be something that is expected or mandatory. Only someone with a huge ego would demand that.

 

And I'm sorry, a 90-second phone call is not invasive compared to several text messages sent over the course of a half-hour or an hour. If they can't answer, they can't answer, but I can leave a voicemail with all of the necessary information that they can respond to when it's convenient.

 

I'm sorry dude, you seem really high maintenance. Maybe you should put down the cell phone for a bit and decompress.

 

So wanting an answer to a question is high maintenance?

 

I'm not asking "so what's your favorite color?"

 

I'm asking "so are we still set for Friday night?"

 

or

 

"Should I pick you up at 7 tomorrow?"

 

Things like that need to be answered.

 

The stuff you're saying is the stuff people use as an excuse to be douchey.

 

Like their time is so much more precious than mine that they can't be bothered to reply to a simple text.

 

Or that I "need to relax" because they don't feel like answering a question.

 

And I don't know what kind of 90 second phone calls you have, but I don't just call or text to make plans -- I do it to build rapport when I can't see them in person.

 

So if I'm calling you (which is rare) -- it is certainly not 90 seconds and once again, more invasive.

[Simon Phoenix]

So wanting an answer to a question is high maintenance?

 

I'm not asking "so what's your favorite color?"

 

I'm asking "so are we still set for Friday night?"

 

or

 

"Should I pick you up at 7 tomorrow?"

 

Things like that need to be answered.

 

The stuff you're saying is the stuff people use as an excuse to be douchey.

 

Like their time is so much more precious than mine that they can't be bothered to reply to a simple text.

 

Or that I "need to relax" because they don't feel like answering a question.

 

And I don't know what kind of 90 second phone calls you have, but I don't just call or text to make plans -- I do it to build rapport when I can't see them in person.

 

So if I'm calling you (which is rare) -- it is certainly not 90 seconds and once again, more invasive.

 

And herein lies your problem -- you have no real concept of how other people operate besides yourself. Unless I'm talking to immediate family members, I'm on and off the phone in less than two minutes. So yes, a phone call from me is usually much less invasive.

 

I mean, all this talk about courtesy from you seems rather one-sided. With my ex, I knew when she was at work, I wasn't going to get a text back right away most of the time. So I'd either a) try to text her during her lunch when she might be more available b) just text her whenever and then not worry about when she'd respond or c) wait until she was done with work. I mean, sometimes she'd respond four hours later, but it's because she was busy. When she wasn't, I'd get a response in four minutes. I never took it personally.

 

And I don't really think you understand that your approach is basically saying that your time is more important than theirs. That you don't really care what they have going on in their life, they better answer you in an amount of time you deem acceptable or else. You don't seem to have respect for what other people have going on from what you have typed. It comes off rather demanding and high maintenance. If you want people to respect your time, you should respect theirs. From what you've written, I don't get that impression from you. You seem like you want everyone to serve you.

 

Either way, it's safe to say that we wouldn't work as a couple if either one of us were girls I mean, I try to answer as quick as possible, but sometimes s--t happens. You don't seem very tolerant of it.

[MrCastle]

And all this talk about "being busy" and other excuses as if the other person has no life and sits there looking at the screen until they get a message. All of us get busy at one point or another. All of us have stuff come up where we can't text immediately or even within a few hours.

 

The difference is, some people feel they owe it to that other person and answer that message, as well as provide a reason why they couldn't answer sooner, so that person knows they weren't being ignored.

 

I do this for everyone, male, female, date, friend. I think it's common courtesy to say "Hey sorry I didn't reply sooner, I was at the movies." -- Or whatever else.

 

Not because the other person demanded to know where I was, and was some insane control freak, but because I feel it's only right to let them know why it took me 3+ hours to respond to a very simple question they had.

 

With other forms of communication, excuses are often used. "Sorry I missed your call, I was in a meeting."

 

"Sorry I'm just now responding to your email, it got lost in my inbox."

 

For whatever reason, some feel when it comes to text, no answer needs to be given. You can ignore someone's message (again, not a message that doesn't need to be answered, but a message that warrants some sort of response back) with no explanation. You don't have to answer them at all if you don't want to.

 

To me that's poor taste.

[Lani]

And all this talk about "being busy" and other excuses as if the other person has no life and sits there looking at the screen until they get a message. All of us get busy at one point or another. All of us have stuff come up where we can't text immediately or even within a few hours.

 

The difference is, some people feel they owe it to that other person and answer that message, as well as provide a reason why they couldn't answer sooner, so that person knows they weren't being ignored.

 

I do this for everyone, male, female, date, friend. I think it's common courtesy to say "Hey sorry I didn't reply sooner, I was at the movies." -- Or whatever else.

 

Not because the other person demanded to know where I was, and was some insane control freak, but because I feel it's only right to let them know why it took me 3+ hours to respond to a very simple question they had.

 

With other forms of communication, excuses are often used. "Sorry I missed your call, I was in a meeting."

 

"Sorry I'm just now responding to your email, it got lost in my inbox."

 

For whatever reason, some feel when it comes to text, no answer needs to be given. You can ignore someone's message (again, not a message that doesn't need to be answered, but a message that warrants some sort of response back) with no explanation. You don't have to answer them at all if you don't want to.

 

To me that's poor taste.

 

If excuses are what you need, then why not use those other forms of communication where they're more commonly given?

You can't impose these sort of rules on texting, it's silly and you're only irritating yourself. Often, if people apologise to me for the delay in responding to a text, I'll tell them not to.

Yes it can be frustrating when people take a while, but realise that's your issue, not theirs. Just let it go.

[MrCastle]

And herein lies your problem -- you have no real concept of how other people operate besides yourself. Unless I'm talking to immediate family members, I'm on and off the phone in less than two minutes. So yes, a phone call from me is usually much less invasive.

 

I mean, all this talk about courtesy from you seems rather one-sided. With my ex, I knew when she was at work, I wasn't going to get a text back right away most of the time. So I'd either a) try to text her during her lunch when she might be more available b) just text her whenever and then not worry about when she'd respond or c) wait until she was done with work. I mean, sometimes she'd respond four hours later, but it's because she was busy. When she wasn't, I'd get a response in four minutes. I never took it personally.

 

And I don't really think you understand that your approach is basically saying that your time is more important than theirs. That you don't really care what they have going on in their life, they better answer you in an amount of time you deem acceptable or else. You don't seem to have respect for what other people have going on from what you have typed. It comes off rather demanding and high maintenance. If you want people to respect your time, you should respect theirs. From what you've written, I don't get that impression from you. You seem like you want everyone to serve you.

 

Either way, it's safe to say that we wouldn't work as a couple if either one of us were girls I mean, I try to answer as quick as possible, but sometimes s--t happens. You don't seem very tolerant of it.

 

Way off the mark. I don't know how many other ways I can phrase this so I don't think there is much more we need to discuss.

 

I didn't say something crazy like "well if she doesn't answer within 30 minutes I'm done with her."

 

I don't care how long it takes really, as long as if it's ridiculously wrong, you provide a reason. And I've dealt with both of those kinds of women.

 

Women who took a long time to text and came back with "I'm soo sorry, I was ____" and we continue the convo smoothly, and those that feel they can take 7, 8, 9+ hours to respond and act like we're still having the same conversation -- or not answer back period.

 

And once more, I'm referring to messages that need an answer. I am fully aware some texts are fluff and don't need answering, and the conversation needs to stop sometime. But that's not what I'm referring to.

[Simon Phoenix]

I guess I just don't get bent out of shape about such things. If something is important, I will let the other person know I deem it as important, but I'm just not going to get stressed or bent out of shape about such mundane things.

 

As for explaining, sure, I might volunteer what I was doing over the course of the eventual conversation. But I don't feel that I should be compelled to tell someone what I was doing all day and I certainly wouldn't demand it from the other person. If you want to tell me, go ahead, if not, whatever.

 

Either way, maybe you need to find a woman who meets you eye to eye on your texting/communication demands. Then you guys can text each other all day until the end of time and give play-by-plays of your day.

[Simon Phoenix]

Way off the mark. I don't know how many other ways I can phrase this so I don't think there is much more we need to discuss.

 

I didn't say something crazy like "well if she doesn't answer within 30 minutes I'm done with her."

 

I don't care how long it takes really, as long as if it's ridiculously wrong, you provide a reason. And I've dealt with both of those kinds of women.

 

Women who took a long time to text and came back with "I'm soo sorry, I was ____" and we continue the convo smoothly, and those that feel they can take 7, 8, 9+ hours to respond and act like we're still having the same conversation -- or not answer back period.

 

And once more, I'm referring to messages that need an answer. I am fully aware some texts are fluff and don't need answering, and the conversation needs to stop sometime. But that's not what I'm referring to.

 

And I don't think you are owed a reason, so we are going to agree to disagree. It's not their job to report to you what they are doing over the course of a day. I guess I'm just more laid back, I don't know.

[MrCastle]

If excuses are what you need, then why not use those other forms of communication where they're more commonly given?[/Quote]

 

Because texting is the easiest, most commonly used, and least invasive form of communication we have in today's world. There's a reason why it's so popular.

 

You can't impose these sort of rules on texting, it's silly and you're only irritating yourself.[/Quote]

 

I can impose what I want on whatever I feel. If being a considerate texter is part of what I look for, then so be it. What a surprise, the women I've had the most success with are women who share the same views on texting as I do. Could it be possibly that they realize texting is a form of communication and because of that, it's easier to communicate when both of you are on the same page?

 

Often, if people apologise to me for the delay in responding to a text, I'll tell them not to.

Yes it can be frustrating when people take a while, but realise that's your issue, not theirs. Just let it go.

 

It's not my issue because as stated before, once I feel someone is not communicating with me to my liking, they're done. It's not a second thought in my mind.

 

I was merely stating my stance in here because I'm tired of all the garbage I see when these kinds of threads come up. "People need to relax" -- typical cop out bullish*t because you know looking at yourself introspectively and saying "maybe I can communicate better?" is out of the question. Just write the other person off as needy, insecure, has no life, is too uptight, etc.

[MrCastle]

And I don't think you are owed a reason, so we are going to agree to disagree. It's not their job to report to you what they are doing over the course of a day. I guess I'm just more laid back, I don't know.

 

I don't think you're more laid back. I think I just expect more from people than you do.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't think you're more laid back. I think I just expect more from people than you do.

 

Oh I'm pretty laid back. And I don't expect the world to revolve around me, so you are probably right on the second point.

[Lani]

Because texting is the easiest, most commonly used, and least invasive form of communication we have in today's world. There's a reason why it's so popular.

 

 

 

I can impose what I want on whatever I feel. If being a considerate texter is part of what I look for, then so be it. What a surprise, the women I've had the most success with are women who share the same views on texting as I do. Could it be possibly that they realize texting is a form of communication and because of that, it's easier to communicate when both of you are on the same page?

 

 

 

It's not my issue because as stated before, once I feel someone is not communicating with me to my liking, they're done. It's not a second thought in my mind.

 

I was merely stating my stance in here because I'm tired of all the garbage I see when these kinds of threads come up. "People need to relax" -- typical cop out bullish*t because you know looking at yourself introspectively and saying "maybe I can communicate better?" is out of the question. Just write the other person off as needy, insecure, has no life, is too uptight, etc.

 

You need to get the hell over this 'they're done' mentality.

It's unreasonable.

[Simon Phoenix]

You need to get the hell over this 'they're done' mentality.

It's unreasonable.

 

I actually don't have a problem with that part of what he said. While I don't agree with his viewpoint, he does know what he wants and it'd probably be better off for him to find someone who is closer to his core beliefs on texting. I'm sure they're out there somewhere and he's certainly passionate about it.

[MrCastle]

You need to get the hell over this 'they're done' mentality.

It's unreasonable.

 

Why is that? Aren't we free to add or drop people to our liking for whatever reason?

 

Call me crazy but I prefer women who acknowledge my existence as a human being and respond to my messages when I ask questions that need answering as opposed to women who only answer when they feel like answering. When they're bored etc etc.

 

Seems to me that it goes a lot smoother when we're on the same page.

[Lani]

I actually don't have a problem with that part of what he said. While I don't agree with his viewpoint, he does know what he wants and it'd probably be better off for him to find someone who is closer to his core beliefs on texting. I'm sure they're out there somewhere and he's certainly passionate about it.

 

I'm talking in more of a general sense, not so much just here.

But I'm threatening to take things off topic, so we'll leave it there

[MrCastle]

Oh I'm pretty laid back. And I don't expect the world to revolve around me, so you are probably right on the second point.

 

Didn't know expecting an answer to a question meant I expected the world to revolve around me but so be it I guess. We're just gonna have to agree to disagree.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm talking in more of a general sense, not so much just here.

But I'm threatening to take things off topic, so we'll leave it there

 

I'm sure he's a good ship, just a little needy. Reminds me of one of my best friends. He tended to be excitable and anxious and would get worked up when his calls weren't returned right away. Of course, my buddies and I would intentionally wait extra long to call him back just to be jerks and mess with him

 

But different strokes for different folks.

[Lani]

Why is that? Aren't we free to add or drop people to our liking for whatever reason?

 

Call me crazy but I prefer women who acknowledge my existence as a human being and respond to my messages when I ask questions that need answering as opposed to women who only answer when they feel like answering. When they're bored etc etc.

 

Seems to me that it goes a lot smoother when we're on the same page.

 

Of course you are.

But if you're dropping people due to one misdemeanor that they may not have even known about, then it's silly and won't make you many friends.

 

I'm not getting into this with you again.

[MrCastle]

"People need to relax" -- typical cop out bullish*t because you know looking at yourself introspectively and saying "maybe I can communicate better?" is out of the question. Just write the other person off as needy, insecure, has no life, is too uptight, etc.

 

 

I'm sure he's a good ship, just a little needy. Reminds me of one of my best friends. He tended to be excitable and anxious and would get worked up when his calls weren't returned right away. Of course, my buddies and I would intentionally wait extra long to call him back just to be jerks and mess with him

 

But different strokes for different folks.

 

[Lani]

I'm sure he's a good ship, just a little needy. Reminds me of one of my best friends. He tended to be excitable and anxious and would get worked up when his calls weren't returned right away. Of course, my buddies and I would intentionally wait extra long to call him back just to be jerks and mess with him

 

But different strokes for different folks.

 

He is a good ship most of the time.

All my bitchyness towards him comes from a place of love. He knows that.

[MrCastle]

Of course you are.

But if you're dropping people due to one misdemeanor that they may not have even known about, then it's silly and won't make you many friends.

 

I'm not getting into this with you again.

 

Uh I'm pretty sure it's not gonna work out if you're not gung ho about answering questions about dates I'm planning.

[Simon Phoenix]

 

We never gave excuses though. We told him straight out we were f--king with him.

[MrCastle]

We never gave excuses though. We told him straight out we were f--king with him.

 

Was referring to the needy thing.

 

I think you have some image in your head where I send a text and after about 10 minutes of no response I start cursing the woman out or something.