Returning a phone call or text etiquette

[Pyro]

Exactly. If it's important enough, I will call. I don't leave truly important things to text.

 

Plus texting has glitches but so do phones but the chances of seeing the missed call and/or voice mail is more of a sure thing then a text message.

[Simon Phoenix]

Plus texting has glitches but so do phones but the chances of seeing the missed call and/or voice mail is more of a sure thing then a text message.

 

True, the odds of a call not showing up on your phone or in your voicemail are much less than the odds of a text not getting through. I generally leave texting to quick logistical conversations "Be there in 10" "Where you at" when in a bar, or stupid bulls--t conversations. I prefer phone conversations, in-person conversations or instant message conversations when I'm on the computer. And I guess I treat text messaging like instant messenging was back in the day with AIM and all that. You'd have conversations with people and all of a sudden, either you or them would stop talking because stuff would come up. I never took it personally then and I don't take text message delays or non-answers personally now.

 

But in general, I hate having elongated conversations on text.

[Star Gazer]

Ok, but after a month of dating someone, you get a "feel" for how people are with texting or returning calls.

 

If you're dating them such that you know their pattern is to typically to respond right away, why would you flip out on the rare occasion that they don't? Why wouldn't you think, "Oh, they must be busy" instead of "How rude!"??

 

If you're dating them such that you know their pattern is to respond randomly depending on what they've got going on, same question!!

 

I've been in clia's shoes more times than I can count, including being in somewhat of a back-and-forth, and then having to attend to something else (work, another phone call, a shower, sleep, whatever), and received some ridiculous message insinuating that I was being rude by not responding on his fine table.

[sweetjasmine]

And I guess I treat text messaging like instant messenging was back in the day with AIM and all that. You'd have conversations with people and all of a sudden, either you or them would stop talking because stuff would come up. I never took it personally then and I don't take text message delays or non-answers personally now.

 

Good point. It is kind of like AIM was back in the day. And back then, I had some friends who would do the "hello? HEELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? are you ignoring me? where'd you go?" thing if I didn't respond right away. So I bet some of that leftover annoyance got carried over towards my feelings about texting.

[aloneinaz]

Plus texting has glitches but so do phones but the chances of seeing the missed call and/or voice mail is more of a sure thing then a text message.

 

Ok, this has turned into a texting debate when it was about communication expectations. I agree, in certain instances, you should pick up the phone and call the person. Where the frustration can lie is when you get a voice mail, leave a message and they then take HOURS to return your call.

 

This thread should of been titled "communication etiquette ". As it just pertains to being considerate of others time, questions or needs. It's disappointing that so many people try to justify their RUDE communication behavior by making excuses for it. "Sorry, my dog ate my cell phone, or I was captured by an alien so I couldn't return your call all day and made you wait for a simple answer"..

[Simon Phoenix]

Ok, this has turned into a texting debate when it was about communication expectations. I agree, in certain instances, you should pick up the phone and call the person. Where the frustration can lie is when you get a voice mail, leave a message and they then take HOURS to return your call.

 

This thread should of been titled "communication etiquette ". As it just pertains to being considerate of others time, questions or needs. It's disappointing that so many people try to justify their RUDE communication behavior by making excuses for it. "Sorry, my dog ate my cell phone, or I was captured by an alien so I couldn't return your call all day and made you wait for a simple answer"..

 

Maybe they were busy for HOURS and there wasn't a good time to call back? I realize this is a fast-food, instant-reward society, but I think you are being a bit unreasonable here. You have no idea what's going on on the other end of your phone. Could they be being a d--k for the hell of it? Of course. But I think it's a big leap to make that your default assumption.

[Star Gazer]

This thread should of been titled "communication etiquette ". As it just pertains to being considerate of others time, questions or needs. It's disappointing that so many people try to justify their RUDE communication behavior by making excuses for it. "Sorry, my dog ate my cell phone, or I was captured by an alien so I couldn't return your call all day and made you wait for a simple answer"..

 

This is just so hypocritical. You're not giving ANY deference or respect to the person you're texting and calling. If they don't respond on your timetable, they're rude? But you're not, for imposing your own rules on them?

[Simon Phoenix]

This is just so hypocritical. You're not giving ANY deference or respect to the person you're texting and calling. If they don't respond on your timetable, they're rude? But you're not, for imposing your own rules on them?

 

Exactly. Circle gets the square.

[Star Gazer]

Maybe they were busy for HOURS and there wasn't a good time to call back? I realize this is a fast-food, instant-reward society, but I think you are being a bit unreasonable here. You have no idea what's going on on the other end of your phone. Could they be being a d--k for the hell of it? Of course. But I think it's a big leap to make that your default assumption.

 

Yes!

 

Maybe they're just having a really sh*tty day, they're exhausted, they're busy as overwhelmed with work or personal business and just don't feel like talking to anyone, especially if it's chit chat or they don't know if they're going to be up for the activity you're inviting them to... Do they really need to drop what they're doing to appease the caller/texter? Can't they respond when they're ready, willing and able?

 

What's RUDE is expecting someone to set aside their own needs to meet yours.

[aloneinaz]

This is just so hypocritical. You're not giving ANY deference or respect to the person you're texting and calling. If they don't respond on your timetable, they're rude? But you're not, for imposing your own rules on them?

 

 

 

 

I get YOUR POINT.. This is why I started this thread because I know I'm wrong with my impatience at times and wanted other view points on this subject as well. You're generalizing this a bit as well. I just think in todays society and with MOST everyone always having there cell phones near by that people could respond to things in a reasonable amount of time. I've polled family and friends and most agree that you should be able to return a phone call within an hour and the same for a text. YES, there are exceptions to the rule, I get that.

[aloneinaz]

I think that there is an age thing here. Sometimes the young (Castle) and his girlfriends may use texting as a form of playing? So it is a sort of mental thing, where you don't text back quickly or for several hours means you are messing with my head man, you are pretending that you are not interested in order to up your game:lmao:. Whereas once you are over 30, it is a different ball game. You reply when you have the chance. I like texting even though I am over 30 and do get upset if someone I am emotionally attached to does not answer within 5 hours. But I consider me to be the exception?

 

Very good point on the age subject. I think the younger crowd probably do use it for game playing where people in my age bracket (40's) don't do it as much but it still takes place.

 

Clearly, the other prominent factor is people personalities as well. I'm a Type A and want everything 5 minutes ago. This clearly creates un-realistic expectations for me with texting and phone calls and the time people take to get back to me. Now Type B or the laid back crowd don't have as much sense of urgency in doing the same and that's where the big difference in view points on this thread come from.

[BradJacobs]

I've polled family and friends and most agree that you should be able to return a phone call within an hour and the same for a text. YES, there are exceptions to the rule, I get that.

Most of the time I probably can but most of the time I don't care to do it or don't want to do so.

 

Some of it is about programming boundaries and setting expectations.

[BradJacobs]

Clearly, the other prominent factor is people personalities as well. I'm a Type A and want everything 5 minutes ago. This clearly creates un-realistic expectations for me with texting and phone calls and the time people take to get back to me. Now Type B or the laid back crowd don't have as much sense of urgency in doing the same and that's where the big difference in view points on this thread come from.

Hahaha! Type A has nothing to do with this.

 

You remind me of this story:

High on top of a mountain there stood an old bull and a young bull.

 

Both of them were leering at the young heifers down in the valley quite a distance away.

 

The young bull was snorting, huffing and puffing, pacing back and forth, etc.

 

Finally, after a while, the young bull said...

 

"Say, why don't we run down this mountain and have our way with one of them?"

 

The old bull pondered for a moment, smiled, leaned over, and calmly said...

 

"Why don't we walk down the mountain and have our way with all of them!"

[clia]

Very good point on the age subject. I think the younger crowd probably do use it for game playing where people in my age bracket (40's) don't do it as much but it still takes place.

 

Clearly, the other prominent factor is people personalities as well. I'm a Type A and want everything 5 minutes ago. This clearly creates un-realistic expectations for me with texting and phone calls and the time people take to get back to me. Now Type B or the laid back crowd don't have as much sense of urgency in doing the same and that's where the big difference in view points on this thread come from.

 

I'm extremely Type A, so I don't think it has anything to do with that.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm very impatient when it comes to a lot of things. I definitely want solutions to problems five minutes before the problems arise. But as I've grown up, I realize that's not how the world works. You can't control how other people respond to certain situations, so I just look to get other things done instead of waiting and getting myself into an unnecessary lather.

 

And honestly, I don't really care if your family says that people should get back to you in an hour. People will get back to you when they can. In fact, if you weren't so fidgety about it they'd probably get back to you sooner, or at least in a time period that seems sooner.

 

You have your way of doing things. Other people have theirs. Neither is right or wrong no matter how much you want them to be. I try to get back to people as soon as possible, but the more they push or nag, the less I'm going to want to.

[aloneinaz]

I'm extremely Type A, so I don't think it has anything to do with that.

 

Come on.. A famous trait of a type A is impatience.. If not type A, then what do you contribute it to?

[clia]

Come on.. A famous trait of a type A is impatience.. If not type A, then what do you contribute it to?

 

It's one of many traits of Type A. I am impatient in many aspects of my life, but not when it pertains to personal return of calls or text. I don't know why. I just don't care if it takes a friend 3 hours or 24 hours to respond to my call or text. I assume she's busy and hasn't had time. I don't read anything else into it. Same with my boyfriend. In my line of work (law), we typically give a timeline to respond when we demand info, so no need to be impatient. It is what it is.

[InsaneTrombone]

Bottom line, it's plain inconsiderate. If I call, it goes to voicemail. We get a text back saying 'you called?'

 

I actually asked a girl out, turned out she was busy on that day, so she said she'd let me know her schedule soon. Never heard back from her. This coming from a girl who has stated she likes seeing me and spending time with me, but doesn't take the time of day to respond to things like that. But it's okay to update your facebook status with lyrics.

 

You got the text, you read it, you decided not to respond for whatever reason. It isn't about being super busy or having a life if you're updating your FB status shortly after. You're being a douche to that individual and it's infuriating. Next.

[babydoll88]

I LOLed when I saw this thread because I cannot believe how many times I have broken my head over this question, how long does it take to text back?? I am a multitasker. I can drive, cook, work out, park, reverse, réuni, use thé restroom all while texting lol. I am never without my phone, and it is an addiction. So yes I expect people to be that way because I don't know how to live without my smartphone anymore. I don't mean this in a good way at all lol. I had to learn the hard way that some guys just don't care where their phone is or how long it takes to reply etc. Some guys like my bf are single minded people. They do one thing at a time. My bf and I have gotten into arguments over this but now I think it's a good balance mainly because I can't expect him to be like me. When he studies he cannot look away or he will lose all focus. When he is rebuilding his house and doing all that construction he cannot answer his phone either. He showed me how he walks in the attics for wiring and how he accidentally drilled a hole in his hand lol. Yea I am bot going to want him to text me back during those times. You really need to understand the lifestyles of the other people. Some people take downtime and use it to text. Others don't. They use their downtime to relax. Moreover my bf does say, yea he can respond while in the bathroom but it would be half assed. He would rather wait till he can give the text all his attention. (Unless its an emergency. Then call!)

[MissBee]

Ok, I'm a self confessed IMPATIENT person. One of my big pet peeves is when people don't return calls or texts in what I view is a reasonable amount of time. So, with this and the fact that most woman have their phones sitting next to them (I'm a guy) as do many guys, what is the appropriate amount of time someone you're dating should take to return a text or call?

 

Now, obviously if they are at work, it can vary and if they are home it can as well but Im curious to hear other view points on how long to return a call or text.

 

Myself- Rare that I won't return a call in an hour. A text, usually no more than 30 minutes. If I can't return a call in a reasonable amount of time, then I'll text the person and let them know I'll get back to them.

 

Thoughts??

 

If I'm into a guy, I will respond to a text most times immediately/as soon as I see it. Unless it's something I have to think about then maybe within a few minutes. If you've called me, likewise. I will return the call once I see it, if I'm into you. If you call and I'm busy I'ill send you a text explaining it and that I'll call you back later, and I do, as soon as I am free.

 

If I'm not that into you though then I get to it when I get to it, if at all.

[Lansing]

For the first time ever I am purposely not responding to a "friends" text because she annoyed me to much over the last while. She doesn't give a definite answer of if she wants to go to an event/whatever. I had invited her to an event, she texted a response that made no sense and I responded and she didn't answer back so I just left it. 3 days later she asks me how the event was and I just didn't bother responding. It isn't the first time she has been flakey. I can't be bothered with people like that anymore. I am done putting more effort into a friendship without the other person reciprocating.

If someone invites me to something I will respond to the e-mail or text within a day and give a CLEAR answer if I am going or not. Not wishy washy responses. A pretty big pet peeve.

[happydate]

Ok, I'm a self confessed IMPATIENT person. One of my big pet peeves is when people don't return calls or texts in what I view is a reasonable amount of time. So, with this and the fact that most woman have their phones sitting next to them (I'm a guy) as do many guys, what is the appropriate amount of time someone you're dating should take to return a text or call?

 

Now, obviously if they are at work, it can vary and if they are home it can as well but Im curious to hear other view points on how long to return a call or text.

 

Myself- Rare that I won't return a call in an hour. A text, usually no more than 30 minutes. If I can't return a call in a reasonable amount of time, then I'll text the person and let them know I'll get back to them.

 

Thoughts??

 

If these women gave you the number to call them after they blah blah said they're really into and then all you got was, a ring and then voicemail and then you keep getting them. It simply meant that they aren't really into you but too insecure enough to tell you in your face that they don't like you.

 

A secure and confident girl WILL take the call to tell you to stop calling or texting because she's not into you. But you see, a lot of girls are insecure enough to do this. So they play the voicemail tag game or they'll reply or call back when they feel up to it.

 

Do you really want to date insecure girls that are mostly controlling and manipulative in nature? The act of NOT returning your call or text and waiting a while now causes you to over-think and over-analyze making you think somehow you did something wrong. Sometimes, that's exactly what they want you think. This is the same psychological mind game bullies prey on their preys -- to make you think something is wrong with you that you need to discuss it over on LS. I guess she got your mind buddy!

 

My rule is this. If she doesn't call or text within a reasonable period of time and after I repeated gave her chances to, then I just write her off. Plain and simple. I don't need someone to manipulate my mind over something trivial.

[happydate]

For the first time ever I am purposely not responding to a "friends" text because she annoyed me to much over the last while. She doesn't give a definite answer of if she wants to go to an event/whatever. I had invited her to an event, she texted a response that made no sense and I responded and she didn't answer back so I just left it. 3 days later she asks me how the event was and I just didn't bother responding. It isn't the first time she has been flakey. I can't be bothered with people like that anymore. I am done putting more effort into a friendship without the other person reciprocating.

If someone invites me to something I will respond to the e-mail or text within a day and give a CLEAR answer if I am going or not. Not wishy washy responses. A pretty big pet peeve.

 

This is what most people called playing mind games. Women play mind games with men who they know are weak. They already sized you up with a brain that can easily be manipulated and conditioned. Their insecure deflated ego is so low that they find it amusing to play other weaker people like yourself into mind games to get you over-think and over-analyze. They are no different than bullies, except they are bullies in your mind. See how effective she plays on you.

 

You are desperate for a relationship or even a lay. She knows that. When you are not desperate for a relationship or even a lay and calls her bluff is when you have the upper control over people who like manipulating others.

 

Stop being manipulated by girls!

[Lansing]

To clarify, I am not interested in this girl sexually at all. My intentions were purely friendship and I thought I made that clear to her. I have known her for a couple of years. Just finally getting fed up with her behaviour and drawing the line.