Told a friend I was falling in love with her

[cartavio]

She is the daughter of a very good family friend from a foreign country. We are both similar in age (early 30's). I've never dated, and she has only dated once a very long time ago.

 

Her personality is very "child like" and immature but not in a bad way. She's not afraid to be herself and act like a 6 year old having fun. She can be a mature adult when necessary. I would describe her as someone very down to earth, fun to be with, extremely friendly, intelligent, and playful.

 

We met during a family trip 2 years ago, I didn't speak to her initially. Strangely, she starts to warm up to me, talk, hug, touch, compare my age with her age, and get very close. After that trip she goes home and we keep in touch. Naturally we get very comfortable around each other and 2 years later we are still very friendly with one another. I talk/flirt with her regularly over email, Skype, telephone, and in person when possible. I visited her last December and May, and she recently came to visit in July.

 

While she's not exactly the "prettiest flower in the garden" (she doesn't wear makeup or fix herself up much). I have fallen in love with her personality and see her as someone very attractive. I am almost certain she felt the same way. After all, we continue to break the touch barrier and even people around us have dropped hints that they see we are both in love. This was driving me crazy.

 

This last trip before she leaves to go back home, (at the airport) I told her I was falling in love with her and wanted to know if she felt the same way. I was planning to do this several times before but could never work up the courage. I thought carefully about what I was doing, I knew something like this could destroy a friendship.

 

She starts laughing, and says "Wow, I don't now", I like you a lot but only as a friend". "I am very surprised at you"....

 

I respond back with a simple "okay", we laugh it off and go on as normal. (I of course am heartbroken inside). I continue to help her with her bags, we say goodbye and she gives me a huge hug, a kiss on the cheek and looks at me with a bit of sadness in her eyes.

 

As expected, she disappears for a few days. According to her sister she was a little distraught. I finally manage to email her and explain what happened. She replies back confessing that she was truly shocked at what occurred and says that she is not confused about her feelings towards me. She also tells me that our friendship is safe and still in full force. We continue to exchange emails for a few days, mostly pictures of our trip.

 

I come to the conclusion that perhaps she doesn't see me as someone "datable" or that I may have moved too quickly. I will admit that I am not attractive, I am overweight and dress a little sloppy. I still have very strong feelings for her and I believe that deep in her thoughts she probably feels the same towards me, but my appearance is turning her away. I have begun to focus on improving myself in hopes to capture her attention and maybe have her change her mind about me. I plan on giving it a few months before I make any moves.

 

For now I continue to treat her as a very good friend, but it's been about 2 weeks since I last heard from her. She has since not responded to any of my emails, not even a simple hello. This is nothing new with her. She often "disappears" for a few weeks and comes back out of nowhere. She is a school teacher and lives a pretty busy work life. This time I am a little worried and I am not sure what to think. According to her, everything was fine.

 

Could she have suddenly developed feelings for me and is now too shy, scared, or embarrassed to talk to me?

Or was she lying and is still afraid and uncomfortable with me?

Is it possible that she just isn't mature enough (emotionally) for feelings of love?

Or perhaps I am over thinking and speculating and should just keep waiting.

Edited July 31, 2013 by cartavio

[Eddie Edirol]

You were right the first time, She doesnt see you as datable. When women say "Friendship" they mean they arent attracted to you. Even shy women dont tell guys they like "Friendship is in full force" and then disappear.

 

You have a full on infatuation with a woman that has no interest in you. She is probably talking to you because she has no dating prospects at the moment. Also, since you told her you were in love with her, you blew any chance of her developing an attraction to you. But not to worry, I dont think you ever had a chance with her, if she really acts how you described.

 

So if youre going to lose weight and improve your appearance, work on the women local to you first, dont waste your time with this woman any longer.