Lady2163 Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 There seem to be a few people going through recent, daily changes. Where are you, where do you want to be? Almost like an intro thread. I'd like this to be open to everyone...just the facts, no judgments please. I'll even try to keep this brief...for me. I am on Day 2 of the end of a physical relationship with a married man. We are long distance and have been involved for 6.7 years. I've been content, I decided last week, to change things but didn't have to talk to him until yesterday. He does not know I'm easing away from him. We only see each other every 6-8 weeks. I think I have 3-4 months before I have to say it aloud to him. Due to a glitch on my end, we may be dropping to LC, which may help us transition away from each other. Today...I am thinking of inventing an imaginary boyfriend. MM was pretty happy a while back when I met someone and had a two month relationship. Communication did dwindle then. I'd like to see us become the type of friends who are able to talk warmly and freely a few times a year. Few meaning more than twice but less than 12. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady2163 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Single. Yes. I'm going to start driving 60 miles to singles events. I don't talk much about my past boyfriends...when I dated the guy for two months I said my last relationship was long distance and hadn't worked out. When I was younger I talked more. Gentle nudge...wiser where are you with things now... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Done. My exAP and I had a convoluted road, even a chance to be open, it wasn't working for lots of logistic and other reasons. We're still friends though, loosely, (he was not married and no longer with the same SO, hence a friendship was even possible). He's currently single and I'm single, there will always be chemistry between us and love, but the affair aspect has been over for years, before I even came to LS it was way done. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 I am 11 months past 2nd d-day with xMM, end of the A. It's also 9 months past d-day with my BSO Today I can hear his voice on my voicemail, I can hear someone mention his name, and I can not feel the love nor hate I felt a few months back. He broke my heart. My heart is slowly healing. I was living 2 seperate lives back then. At the time i would've told you how happy I was, and then I really did believe that. My life has had ups and downs, lots of downs the past year. But I am now focusing on myself, my kids, my job. I will never think I had put him above my kids, but I did put him above myself and my job. That's changed now. I feel good About myself now (still dealing with the guilt of the A, but it's getting better) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 10mnths in A, and possibly Daddy/Little Girl BDSM situation with MM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady2163 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 10mnths in A, and possibly Daddy/Little Girl BDSM situation with MM. I hope you know I'm not picking on you or anything when I say that. But it did make me LOL. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 After a 4 1/2 year affair, my AP and I are expecting our second child. We've been married since the affair ended. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 We are married, some years passed the affair, doing pretty well. Well we bought a house and arguing over what home improvements actually need to be done or can wait. But pretty much same old same old. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 We've been M now for considerably longer than we were in the A, and it's all good. Kids are all fledged, our careers at points where we can enjoy life, and our social lives are buzzing. Can't think of anything I'd change, TBH. Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Ugh...LOL! Right now, he's not accepting "I can't be friends" as an answer. His marriage is rocky and he is looking for me to come back as "just friends" and leave the physical out. Hence, he wants the emotional part to satisfy him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Almost a year in to an A. Love him very much, but at the point that I need some answers or concrete deadlines set in to place or I'm walking. Beginning to stand up for what I feel I need and deserve. Where would I like to be? On the other side of this, one way or another. Preferably with him, but if that's not possible, by myself and healthier and happier. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 10mnths in A, and possibly Daddy/Little Girl BDSM situation with MM. Aha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lil Girl an bit wild!:laugh: Naughty Girl:cool: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fanine Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Where am I now? Well I had a bust up with my MM of 18 months on Monday. At the moment I am getting the silent treatment. Yesterday I sent him a text saying "okay last time we talked you suggested we see a counsellor. I will do that. Sometimes you do things that make me feel hurt and confused. I know you do not mean it. but it hurts me. Same as I do things wrong sometimes too - and you have to tell me that as well. If this is to work we have to talk properly, you have to communicate with me." I have had no reply. ha! Well. So at the moment I am working on everything else in my life. I am sure at some point I will hear something from him. But I am booking up my spare time with seeing other people, enrolling on a course, booking a holiday. I've shown I want to be adult about all this. I see he is being a coward and as more time passes I see how selfish he is, how he is in fact an emotional bully who wants to control me. Of course I still love him. But after 18 months I know I deserve more than this and certainly deserve better treatment than this. I think actually too he is now beginning to kill the love and feelings as I cannot believe how he can act in this way - silent treatment is nasty, cruel. So I am working on getting myself out of this. I do not think I can go NC immediately. But LC yes. It will be a long journey out of this - but I do see the light at the other end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady2163 Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Aha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lil Girl an bit wild!:laugh: Naughty Girl:cool: Pbbbtt...I suggested she google it...and she found some similarities. I wouldn't start having visions of her with whips and chains....and her teddy bear just yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LaceyS Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Today, I am 22 months in. I am going away soon and want to see him before I go - I don't think he 'can'. Hell hath no fury... (Ill wait until the time is closer..he still has time, but it's not looking good). Today, a single man asked me out, in a lovely way. Bad timing - going away. And, of course I am 'elsewhere'.. Things to think upon. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 I haven't been physical since the end of June with my XMM, but I'm use to weeks of not bring physical w/ him.. Right now I am trying NOT to contact the xMM as I was still trying to keep communications open but once I told him why we're not friends on FB, he seems to be cutting me short. Just trying to stay away and live my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Where am I now? Single. My story isn't too exciting as I've told it countless times on here. My exMM and I were a couple many years ago but it didn't work out because he moved to another country and I married my now exH. Oct 2011 we started corresponding regarding alumni stuff. Sometime in March 2012 he told me his marriage was over, his wife wanted a divorce and she wouldn't consider counseling. He later claimed they were living separately...it was a long distance relationship. June 2012 we met up for the first time and things progressed rapidly to a PA. By mid summer we were travelling together again and he was proposing marriage. By October I was asking more questions than he felt comfortable with about his "upcoming divorce." This past Feb. he confessed that his wife wanting out was a fabrication "to protect" me from feeling like I was the impetus for the divorce HE wanted to initiate (but as far as I know still hasn't). In March, we saw each other for the last time and at that point I started telling him if he didn't tell his wife I would...which scared him and he went NC...for 3 months or so. Lately he has been trying to be in contact with me via email/phone. I was clear that there isn't room in my life for a married man. While I KNOW rationally that he is an a$$ for handling things as he did, I still love him on some level. Perhaps I always will. The good news is that the 3 months of silence from him taught me that I CAN survive with out him. I'm beyond survival now...I'm actually doing OK. I hope in a few months to be doing well, and in a few months after that...be with a single man. Who knows...I don't want to live my life for some man, I will focus on my kids and my own future. ExMM claims he is still leaving his wife. He claims he still doesn't have sex with his wife. He claims lots of things. I don't believe him. At all. Nothing to bank on and I'm ok. I think maybe it makes him nervous that I'm as ok as I am. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Right now, I'm trying to sustain a friendship with with someone I've known for over 2 years, and had an EA/semi-PA with on and off for pretty much the whole time. Both of us are married. I love him. I think he'd like to continue having the affair, but I'm exhausted with it, and I'm NOT going to supplement his marriage. He can leave her if he's miserable in it. Link to post Share on other sites
BlissfullyWhich Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I'm a week after D-Day (and new to the forum). Still talking, things have definitely changed, but kind of wondering what happens next. Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I'm in NC- 3 days, finding it extremely hard. Wondering what he's doing... Link to post Share on other sites
missy268 Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 me and my ex AP are no contact. Last time i saw him was March 29th 2013 , last time i spoke to him was April 12th 2013....I last text him on June 13th 2013 when i found out why he had ditched me, just to call him a spineless so and so and he could of told me he was going to ditch me etc but that was just his lack of respect for me. Do i miss him? Sometimes, we had a friendship before the A, but then i remember some of the things he did, and they weren't really that great. I may think his girlfriend is the luckiest girl ever, but really she isn't. Unless he has learnt his lesson from messing me and his ex partenr around, then its not going to be that great and i feel for her, but who knows, their relationship is none of my business and if hes happy then he's happy. I have decided what i'm going to do if i see him at my front door ever again and i'm happy with the decision. For the first time in 2 years, i'm ok with not having him in my life, and i'm happier. The first time we went NC i felt my heart had been ripped out. I guess it gets easier with time and the more bad things that you see them do. Sometimes i wonder if he thinks of me, but that's natural, he probably does, and i do him, but i dont want him back in my life. We had some happy times, but mostly confusing times, especially the 2nd time we had a fling, it literally made me so unhappy but i kept thinking i couldn't lose him . I guess deep down i will always love him he was special to me, but he isn't the guy I fell in love with anymore, he is somebody else, as am I. I am not the shy nieve woman i was 4 years ago when we first met, I am stronger... I do wish i could sit and write we are very much in love, we are together and he is my soulmate, but he isn't. I thought he was and we were meant to be, but everything that has ever happened was proven me otherwise I deserve better, and I now know this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 Nowhere...Im giving all my :love: , attention and free time to my darling little 10 year old daughter...And frankly I am as happy as a pig in shyt.,.. TFY 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Anna-Belle Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 Closing up to 5 months post Dday, 2 months post separation and moving out for MM. For me 11 months to go of my own obligations before I can join him. Suits us pretty well since he and his family need to get accustomed to the changes in family structure. We're in no rush. We have the entire rest of our lives ahead of us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 I am still smack-dab in the middle of the chaos I created. While there has been no on-going affair between AP and I physically, we are still very much emotionally attached. Where would I like to be? With him, once the dust settles. In order to get there, though...divorce needs to occur, and after that, I'll need time to adjust to the changes. The worst part is feeling like a bladed pendulum is swinging above me. I feel trapped, restless, scared, hurt, and above all, impatient. There's so much I have to worry about, so much I have to factor in. What I want is simple; getting there is the hard part. I think I'd have an easier time, beating my head against a wall... Link to post Share on other sites
obladi Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 divorced and living with ow now.thanx to her for getting me out Been over 2 yrs w her now and i might never done it cept for her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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