LilGirlandOW Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 Yay! Today I found out I was invited to a training program which will further launch my career. I'm excited about new goals! When A started I was MM assistant. Fastforward 10mnths into A, and I'm being offered training to a position different than but higher in the pay scale than MM's =) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Red Wolverine Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 Couple months since the end of my affair. He was planning his exit, made a few moves, and ultimately ran out of time in his timeline. I told his wife because of how he was treating her. Knowing that wouldn't end, she deserved to know. I know why I was vulnerable to getting involved. Never again. I'm focusing on my kids and my career. If an intelligent, funny, kind, successful, and single man crosses my path, I'm open to it. In the meantime, I'm perfectly happy. Link to post Share on other sites
TaintedLuv Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 I joined the forum back in February when my MM of five years (then) told me he got his wife pregnant with their first child. It was a whirlwind of emotions for me but I went NC then of course, he weaseled his way back in few months later then NC again and for the past couple of weeks we've been speaking again. Their child is due in September and I feel myself slowly starting to lose it. He is fine continuing the A after the child is born. I'm not sure how that would work but I'm not interested. This hurts enough- I don't need anymore by watching him dangle his happy little life in front of me. I'm going NC again- the clock is reset to 0 as of today. It's been so hard as I see him as my closest friend but I'm hoping that this will be the last time and I can finally heal for good instead of temporarily healing then he reopens the wounds when he insists on contacting me again. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 divorced and living with ow now.thanx to her for getting me out Been over 2 yrs w her now and i might never done it cept for her I have read your postings before and if memory serves me correctly your ow ratted you out. That must of been hard on your former bs. Didn't your ex know you were still in the affair cause you had several ddays didn't you? I'm curious as to how you ex is doing now, I know my mms wife is quite fragile and I'm torn between doing the right thing and keeping quiet because I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have. Good luck to you and you fow. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 There seem to be a few people going through recent, daily changes. Where are you, where do you want to be? Almost like an intro thread. I'd like this to be open to everyone...just the facts, no judgments please. I'll even try to keep this brief...for me. I am on Day 2 of the end of a physical relationship with a married man. We are long distance and have been involved for 6.7 years. I've been content, I decided last week, to change things but didn't have to talk to him until yesterday. He does not know I'm easing away from him. We only see each other every 6-8 weeks. I think I have 3-4 months before I have to say it aloud to him. Due to a glitch on my end, we may be dropping to LC, which may help us transition away from each other. Today...I am thinking of inventing an imaginary boyfriend. MM was pretty happy a while back when I met someone and had a two month relationship. Communication did dwindle then. I'd like to see us become the type of friends who are able to talk warmly and freely a few times a year. Few meaning more than twice but less than 12. I've been in the same place for over 7 and a half years. Link to post Share on other sites
fanine Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 I joined the forum back in February when my MM of five years (then) told me he got his wife pregnant with their first child. It was a whirlwind of emotions for me but I went NC then of course, he weaseled his way back in few months later then NC again and for the past couple of weeks we've been speaking again. Their child is due in September and I feel myself slowly starting to lose it. He is fine continuing the A after the child is born. I'm not sure how that would work but I'm not interested. This hurts enough- I don't need anymore by watching him dangle his happy little life in front of me. I'm going NC again- the clock is reset to 0 as of today. It's been so hard as I see him as my closest friend but I'm hoping that this will be the last time and I can finally heal for good instead of temporarily healing then he reopens the wounds when he insists on contacting me again. The same thing happened to me. His wife got pregnant. I went NC and he got back in touch. I tried to keep my distance. Foolish me, he roped me back in. It was very very hard. When the baby was born he texted me really excited. I was pleased for him but the emotions in my head, my heart. Really just well impossible to describe. He kept promising me it wouldn't change things. I kept trying to say it wasn't enough for me, I felt bad about it all. Fact is once the baby was born of course he did not have much free time. ... I feel awful just thinking about the whole time. I was naive to the extreme. I'm someone who never knowingly hurts people but I felt it would hurt the wife so much what I was doing. But then having a man professing his love, not wanting to let go as well....that screwed my mind even more. He really could not understand why I should be happy with this whole thing.... So down the line I was emotionally so fragile, I was even weaker, and found it even tougher to go NC. It is only now I can do it. I don't know why now, maybe I am simply so tired of it all, emotionally and physically. And I have to tell myself is a man who acts like this really one I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Link to post Share on other sites
TaintedLuv Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 The same thing happened to me. His wife got pregnant. I went NC and he got back in touch. I tried to keep my distance. Foolish me, he roped me back in. It was very very hard. When the baby was born he texted me really excited. I was pleased for him but the emotions in my head, my heart. Really just well impossible to describe. He kept promising me it wouldn't change things. I kept trying to say it wasn't enough for me, I felt bad about it all. Fact is once the baby was born of course he did not have much free time. ... I feel awful just thinking about the whole time. I was naive to the extreme. I'm someone who never knowingly hurts people but I felt it would hurt the wife so much what I was doing. But then having a man professing his love, not wanting to let go as well....that screwed my mind even more. He really could not understand why I should be happy with this whole thing.... So down the line I was emotionally so fragile, I was even weaker, and found it even tougher to go NC. It is only now I can do it. I don't know why now, maybe I am simply so tired of it all, emotionally and physically. And I have to tell myself is a man who acts like this really one I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Mine is the opposite- he keeps telling me that he's not sure that he will love the baby and might resent it. He didn't exactly want it but she did and he held off for seven years before it happened. I doubt he will help her much. He hasn't been to a doctor's visit with her since January. I would feel horrible if that was my husband. He's very disconnected but he chose to give her what she wanted so he can't blame the baby- only himself. He swears that Im the love of his life but I waited five years for him to walk away and now its too complicated for my liking and he didn't think that through but whatever. Its hard knowing he's available if I want him but its also a slap in the face at the same time. Its a mindf*ck every time!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 He does not know I'm easing away from him. Why haven't you told him that you are doing NC and the A is over? By NOT telling him about your decision to go NC gives you an out if you change your mind down the road. Nothing lost/nothing gained. I've mentioned this to you before in another thread .. Anyway, I wish you luck and to stay strong.. AND to get the courage to speak up and just tell him it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Things are business as usual with us, except today he referred to himself as "daddy" for the first time, during sex. So I'm assuming Lady was right... possibly he's trying to ease it in.... and I didnt call him that back, too awkward for me. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Things are business as usual with us, except today he referred to himself as "daddy" for the first time, during sex. So I'm assuming Lady was right... possibly he's trying to ease it in.... and I didnt call him that back, too awkward for me. I must say I still find your relationship creepy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy_Love Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 In a two-year A with the love of my life, but getting ready to go NC AND end my 16 year marriage at the same time, this week. I'm so done with men, I think I shall become a hermit nun. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I have been done for a while ...maybe 6wks? I don't know...more than a month though, roughly that. I am just here. Alone. Not loved. Not cared for. Not anything to anyone. Not a beloved wife. Not a precious girlfriend. Not an "other" woman...I am just nothing... ...but that is alright. I'm sure the man deserves a husband of the year award for triumphing in the face of adversity after all his 'suffering' over those months with me as a part of his life...*yawn*... Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I'm so done with men, I think I shall become a hermit nun. I believe there are good ones ...but I don't believe I will ever get one.(I did want to write that they are all rubbish but...that would be mean...& accurate lol) I get paid on friday. Lets go habit shopping Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I have been done for a while ...maybe 6wks? I don't know...more than a month though, roughly that. I am just here. Alone. Not loved. Not cared for. Not anything to anyone. Not a beloved wife. Not a precious girlfriend. Not an "other" woman...I am just nothing... ...but that is alright. I'm sure the man deserves a husband of the year award for triumphing in the face of adversity after all his 'suffering' over those months with me as a part of his life...*yawn*... You don't have friends or family? There is more to life and being loved besides being someone's "beloved wife" or "previous gf" or worse, other woman... The man you speak of didn't love you or treat you well anyway, so even if you were still playing OW, it would be an illusion of love. Cheer up! Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 You don't have friends or family? There is more to life and being loved besides being someone's "beloved wife" or "previous gf" or worse, other woman... The man you speak of didn't love you or treat you well anyway, so even if you were still playing OW, it would be an illusion of love. Cheer up! I have friends & family...and I think I've been doing reasonably well; staying NC, trying to go out, meet new people, read more...change shifts at work, cycling to get firmer thighs ... But I am human and still have off-days (or off-hours lol) where I feel not as good as I should ... Link to post Share on other sites
JustAReformedGirl Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I am still smack-dab in the middle of the chaos I created. While there has been no on-going affair between AP and I physically, we are still very much emotionally attached. Where would I like to be? With him, once the dust settles. In order to get there, though...divorce needs to occur, and after that, I'll need time to adjust to the changes. The worst part is feeling like a bladed pendulum is swinging above me. I feel trapped, restless, scared, hurt, and above all, impatient. There's so much I have to worry about, so much I have to factor in. What I want is simple; getting there is the hard part. I think I'd have an easier time, beating my head against a wall... Just to Briefly Update: Well as some may know from a thread I created, I came clean to H a few days ago, or so (I have officially lost my concept of time, with everything I've been feeling/experiencing; I think it was Friday, or Saturday). We've talked about the affair a little bit here and there, but neither one of us is in a rush to take action. I think he's sorting through his feelings, and I'm sorting through mine. In regards to wanting to D, be single awhile, and then possibly try at a relationship with AP? That's up in the air, at this current juncture. The truth is, I don't know what I want, anymore. I know H would be on board for reconciling, which is more than I deserve, if I so choose to go through with it. I'm dealing with too many conflicting emotions, too much push/pull and feelings of withdrawal in regards to AP (seriously, I might make a thread about that; it deserves one, unto itself). So, I'm basically in the centre of Limbo. Or Hell. I swing back and forth between escapism, numbness, and absolute despair. My advice to anyone else who finds themselves in the same or a similar situation to mine? Don't do it. The pain is excruciating. I have been done for a while ...maybe 6wks? I don't know...more than a month though, roughly that. I am just here. Alone. Not loved. Not cared for. Not anything to anyone. Not a beloved wife. Not a precious girlfriend. Not an "other" woman...I am just nothing... ...but that is alright. I'm sure the man deserves a husband of the year award for triumphing in the face of adversity after all his 'suffering' over those months with me as a part of his life...*yawn*... *Hugs* You are not nothing, my dear. You are a beautiful, kind soul, and you will find someone deserving of your love. Stay strong; you are worth so much more than he made you feel you were, at the end. I have friends & family...and I think I've been doing reasonably well; staying NC, trying to go out, meet new people, read more...change shifts at work, cycling to get firmer thighs ... But I am human and still have off-days (or off-hours lol) where I feel not as good as I should ... Don't be too hard on yourself; we can't help how we feel. The important thing is, you are making the effort to better your life, and yourself. One day, you'll look back on this experience, and you'll smile; because after all that, you're still here, and you're better than ever-stronger than ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenix32 Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Let's see....I am still married, been having an affair for almost 4 months now, and still love both men. It's had it's ups and downs, I have had a couple nice long talks with MOM this week clarifying our feelings and where we stand, and I also have made some progress with my H getting him to understand what I need from him. So it's all still very....I don't know what to call it. This weekend, OM's wife is in town visiting him, so I won't talk to him all weekend. I believe his wife has priority and I won't interfere with that. And believe it or not, it doesn't even bother me. Yes I know, the whole thing is strange but for now it works for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady2163 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Share Posted August 11, 2013 I should probably do my own update. I did meet MM last week a couple of times for a few hours. I told him I wouldn't be back in his area until November. My first singles event is this Thursday. I'm already trying to talk myself out of it. Right now I'm using the excuse that I don't have anything to wear since I've put on weight. But I know later today I'm going to try on clothes and see if I can find something. My goal is still to find someone who is single and drift away from married man. I'm about to find out if my emotions for him are definitely stronger than what I have been telling myself. I don't have a specific number in mind, but I'm thinking if I truly make a serious attempt to go to varied singles activities and I don't find anyone I'm interested in, in the next three months, then I will have to end things with married man and go the whole NC route. But a few months back, I did meet a single man that I was pretty happy with and was looking forward to the relationship deepening. So, I'm pretty hopeful I'm not emotionally tangled with the MM. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) It seems like every day is a change. An endless rolller coaster until I decide to get off. A lot of it is self inflicted, though and I think it gets worse the closer I get to needing a definite answer or end. Yesterday was good, I got way more contact on a weekend than I normally do which surprised me. I had dreams all night about him (no, not THOSE kind of dreams) and then I had a dream that BW found out and confronted me and I called him asking him what to do and what he planned to do. I woke up before the conversation went very far. Needless to say, not a very restful night. Edited August 11, 2013 by bentleychic Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 I am backsliding emotionally for the past few weeks, and it hurts so much. I'm 3 mo NC since he ended our attempt to rekindle underground. For a while I felt sad, hurt, but also relieved. I've had days of indifference, just honestly didn't care and just felt a light fondness for the good times we had, but it was just a very distant memory. Unfortunately, these past few weeks, I've completely regressed. I don't know what is wrong with me. I miss him SO much. I feel so painfully hurt I cry. Vivid memories of his voice, his laugh, his kiss...I'm triggering a lot. Then feeling extra hurt because I know he's over it this time...he weaned himself off me while we were underground and now I imagine that he's just continued on like I initially felt...a distant fond memory of the past but no feelings anymore. It's really hard because I felt like I was truly moving on, and now all these feelings are resurfacing and it HURTS. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Red Wolverine Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 I am backsliding emotionally for the past few weeks, and it hurts so much. I'm 3 mo NC since he ended our attempt to rekindle underground. For a while I felt sad, hurt, but also relieved. I've had days of indifference, just honestly didn't care and just felt a light fondness for the good times we had, but it was just a very distant memory. Unfortunately, these past few weeks, I've completely regressed. I don't know what is wrong with me. I miss him SO much. I feel so painfully hurt I cry. Vivid memories of his voice, his laugh, his kiss...I'm triggering a lot. Then feeling extra hurt because I know he's over it this time...he weaned himself off me while we were underground and now I imagine that he's just continued on like I initially felt...a distant fond memory of the past but no feelings anymore. It's really hard because I felt like I was truly moving on, and now all these feelings are resurfacing and it HURTS. It's probably not regression. Letting go can include the grief cycle so this is to be expected. I smiled reading your post....Memories of his voice and laugh. I was just thinking about that last night. It's natural to miss him and to mourn that. Just make sure you balance those thoughts with the negative aspects of the affair. Don't worry about how he's feeling. Regardless of whether he's devastated or elated, you'll never know and it's not your responsibility. Focus on getting through each day without the stress of the affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 SO weird! Trying to include your post in this, BrokenPrincess, but it keeps quoting Red Wolverine's post instead of yours. Know I did it right. ??? My update is a take off on yours. You mentioned the old feelings had come back, I believe. So my sitch went through a period of NC, no feelings (on my end). Had an A over 15 years ago with MM. Both of us deeply in love. After two or three years and too much pain I ended things. NC. Amazingly, I didn't suffer for a minute. From that point on I was free! He did contact me every two or three years with a brief phone call to update me. Fast forward to earlier this year. The feelings all came back stronger than ever. After thirteen + years of being apart. I called him and things started up again. He's planning to exit M. Last week he needed LC. I did great with a brief phone call a day (we usually talk hours a day) This week he is back to normal call schedule. He contacts me. It's rare that I contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Need to vent.... this is where MM and I are now, today. MM got re-assigned at another office... new assitants (I was his previous Assist). We still are in contact everyday, but its been less and less as life is throwing wedges between us. As I posted previously boss/assistant A's are a huge no-no, I've seen people fired for it, hense why I resigned my position as his Assist, to save his job. Anywho.. 1 month into his new job and he contacts me with plans to "gun for" his new assist, have her fired... he apparently spoke with his new boss about me being such an amazing assist (which i was..with work stuff and I treated him like a freakin king!) and how so-and-so isnt succeeding (which she is doing fine). So he says give me 2 weeks and I can have my old position back (with a raise, lol). I dont know if he's going bat-****-crazy cause he coaxed me into resigning before and now this! And it doesnt have to do with sex, as we still have lots of that. So thats where MM and I are now. MM's BS will find out if I take the position. I really miss the "old days" when we had the work dynamic too, its was an amazing time. But that was during EA and start of PA, no deep emotional attachment, no ILY's then. I feel like its going to be hard to go back to before all this and pretend to be just a compatible team. Side Note: He has had one employee fired previously cause he was constantly flirting with me, talking to me, even bringing me treats and stuff to work, once word got out that that guy and I had to team up for a small project MM had him fired within days, I always felt so bad cause as much as I wasnt interested in that guy he was very nice and genuine Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 I like this thread Its like an open A diary, lol. Thanks OP xo Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Married 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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