I was the other woman

[imbetteroff]

Here's my story;

I met this MM on a sleazy website, I'm not trying to excuse my behavior but I was very lonely at the time and was having tons of problems with my husband and teenaged daughter. I was stressed out to the max, so what do I do? Sign up to Ashley Madison, BIG MISTAKE, HUGE!!!!

I met this man, I'll call him Jeff, and we started having sex right away. He told me that he had an open relationship with his wife, but I now know he lied.

We continued to have sex once or twice a month, at his house while his wife was at work. We did this for about 9 months, then suddenly he told me his wife was divorcing him but wouldn't tell me why. I asked him if it was because of me but he said no, and that she was just crazy, blah, blah, blah. We continued to meet, but he started distancing himself from me, he no longer texted me to talk about stuff, only texted me for sex.

The last time I saw him I asked him one more time why his wife was divorcing him and he said, "Because I slept with one of her friends". When I asked him when did this happened he told me it was around October, he was still having sex with me in October. So I knew he was cheating on me too, and yes I know I DESERVE IT!!

I decided to end it right there and then and walked out of his life.

I went home and cried and cried like a little baby, it took me a couple weeks to start feeling better again but eventually I knew I was better off, after all my husband is faithful and a good provider. So I thanked my lucky stars that my affair was still a secret, and my marriage was still intact.

Fast forward to month 3 of NC and guess what? Jeff texts me again. He wanted to know if I would see him again. He said his divorce was now final, I didn't ask him if he was dating anyone but I should have.

I told him I would still have sex with him but we never made any arrangements to actually meet. He continued to text me wanting to have sex with me, but to this day we haven't met, just texts.

He texted me at the end of May and asked me to meet him at his new place that he had rented, he said we would have to meet that Friday or Saturday because his "room mate" was moving in Sunday. I didn't go and I asked him to stop texting me because I needed to work on my marriage.

He texted me again 3 weeks ago still wanting to meet I told him I was busy watching tv home alone. To that he asked me if I was truly home alone and I told him that yes, I've been home alone for the last 6 days since my husband and the kids were out of state, (I couldn't go because of work). He said, "why didn't you text me, I would have come right over". To that I replied that it didn't even cross my mind. He then asked me if I ever think about him and I told him "No". I lied, I think about him ALL the time.

I found out a couple weeks ago that his "room mate" is actually his girlfriend, a woman who is in the process of getting a divorce and has 4 kids, Jeff has 3.

I asked him if he was happy with this woman and he replied "yes!!" I then asked him why was he still contacting me and asking me to have sex with him then. His reply; "IDK"

He texted me again today, telling me he had a dream about me.

I don't know what to do, I thought I was over him but the more he texts me the more I want him. I am still unhappy with my husband and I even asked him for a divorce but divorcing him is probably going to be a struggle since he doesn't want to end the marriage no matter what.

Why is he trying to cheat or is already cheating on this woman whom he's only been living with for 2 months? And who apparently treats him well.

I know the chances of Jeff and I working out are 0%, but I can't help but wonder if there is someone out there for me that I can fall in love with again.

What should I do?

[happy stillmore]

Please don't give in. He is living with his GF and still textintg you for sex! He doesn't want a relationship. You must want one because you were deeply hurt when you learned he had sex with someone else during your time together. This affair thing messes with your head. If you are truly unhappy, divorce. Close one door before opening another. You don't deserve to be used like this. He will just keep using you if you let him. Please stop contact with him. It really is the best thing for you in my opinion.

[Hazyhead]

I think your problems with Jeff are masking your situation with your marriage. This man is distracting you from something you cannot run from - your unhappiness with your husband, as you are right now. You are trying to manage so many things at once, and these are issues that cannot be balanced: you need to prioritise.

 

My advice would be for you to cut contact with Jeff and concentrate on the problems at home. Talk to your husband; it is likely he will feel as frustrated and unhappy as you, and see if you can find a solution. It may be to work on the marriage, in which case all contact with anyone else must be cut, or perhaps you would be better divorcing. Whatever the outcome you must work towards it as best you can for the sake of your children and yourself.

 

There may well be somebody out there for you with whom you'll be happier. Just don't leap into one thing without solving the previous.

[imbetteroff]

Thank you so much for your quick replies. I know deep inside that he is just using me for sex. I did want a relationship with him because he made me feel good, but at the same time I knew it would never work because of how he is. His wife divorced him because she was tired of his cheating.

I know I'm better off without Jeff, he'll be cheating on me in no time, just like he is his new girlfriend. I just don't love my husband anymore. I don't want to hurt him either but I don't want to stay with him much longer.

Please keep telling me what I already know; Jeff is using me for sex, I'm his sex toy, that's all I'll ever be to him. I need to hear it from other people so that it would finally sink in and I can find closure and move on.

In two months I'll be switching cell phone providers and will change my number.

 

Also, how do I deal with the feelings of betrayal, abandonment, used, and not being good enough for him to have a relationship with me. I feel ugly, cheap, used, old, even though I know I'm none of those things yet, lol.

I had to start taking an antidepressant and an anti anxiety medication last week because I couldn't stop crying, it felt as if someone had died.

Edited July 31, 2013 by imbetteroff

[happy stillmore]

believe me we all know the feeling.