Emotional Affair-

[confusedlady22]

Sadly, i was sucked into the world of internet chatting, a few month back and met a guy from another country , complete different time zone to me and we connected rather quickly on a intelligent mind level, things escalated pretty quickly, it started when i was at my lowest in my life, my husband wasn't working , we had to move in with my parents, he was never at home always out to his friends at night and always at his moms place, one year down the line situation hasn't changed, and i was always at home alone with our 6 year old daughter- no excuses just reasons as I am trying to rationalize my situation in my head. I have been chatting to this guy for about 6 months on and off, our conversations became pretty intense, and we emailed as well as chatted on skype whenever possible. My husband came across the emails on my mobile phone, i forgot to close them i was busy deleting, and the guy i was chatting to , as we haven't spoken to each other in two weeks, and i was hoping to try and remain strong as I needed to stop the EA. But my husband found the emails read them, and now he has walked out , asked for a seperation.

He doesn't want anything to do with me , We were all still living by my parents, there has been no progress to make changes to our situation, its been frustrating and lonely. I know what i did was wrong and a huge mistake, I have apologised and dont know what i actually want out of this situation. There was never any plans to meet or run away together but of course my husband is hurt by what his read, i dont know how to fix this and whether i even want to .

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[DawnR]

the fact that you say "whether I even want to" makes me wonder if it is not already over. I never wanted to be the "ROOM MATE" type of marriage. I need emotional support and compassion, as well as financial stability and passion. That is just my opinion... and it sounds as if he isnt providing any of that for you. Whether you had met this other guy or not... it sounds as if the relationship has been over (in your mind) for a while now.

 

WHY IS HE NOT WORKING? Can he not find work?

[Moper]

Sadly, i was sucked into the world of internet chatting, a few month back and met a guy from another country , complete different time zone to me and we connected rather quickly on a intelligent mind level, things escalated pretty quickly, it started when i was at my lowest in my life, my husband wasn't working , we had to move in with my parents, he was never at home always out to his friends at night and always at his moms place, one year down the line situation hasn't changed, and i was always at home alone with our 6 year old daughter- no excuses just reasons as I am trying to rationalize my situation in my head. I have been chatting to this guy for about 6 months on and off, our conversations became pretty intense, and we emailed as well as chatted on skype whenever possible. My husband came across the emails on my mobile phone, i forgot to close them i was busy deleting, and the guy i was chatting to , as we haven't spoken to each other in two weeks, and i was hoping to try and remain strong as I needed to stop the EA. But my husband found the emails read them, and now he has walked out , asked for a seperation.

He doesn't want anything to do with me , We were all still living by my parents, there has been no progress to make changes to our situation, its been frustrating and lonely. I know what i did was wrong and a huge mistake, I have apologised and dont know what i actually want out of this situation. There was never any plans to meet or run away together but of course my husband is hurt by what his read, i dont know how to fix this and whether i even want to .

Any advice would be much appreciated.

 

I am in the room mate situation mentioned above. I had an EA about 10 years ago and I pulled myself back from that brink. Then about 5 months ago I had an EA and didn't pull myself back.

 

I don't think the physical part of it makes a damn bit of difference. You clearly were filling an unmet need or two.

 

I find these boards to be helpful, dumping my own thoughts out, but that's just how I am wired. Go get counseling, is my best advice. It is helping me except I am kind of afraid that I will slip back into the mode that made me open to having the affair. I do want to learn from this but it is going to take me a lot of time and a lot of work.

 

I think your EA is something you need to figure out. That doesn't sound like a lot of advice but I know you know what I mean when I say that your situation here is paradoxical and perplexing. Take small steps. Why were you open to an EA? When you understand that you can move on to your next question, which may be what do you want to do about it?

[confusedlady22]

the fact that you say "whether I even want to" makes me wonder if it is not already over. I never wanted to be the "ROOM MATE" type of marriage. I need emotional support and compassion, as well as financial stability and passion. That is just my opinion... and it sounds as if he isnt providing any of that for you. Whether you had met this other guy or not... it sounds as if the relationship has been over (in your mind) for a while now.

 

WHY IS HE NOT WORKING? Can he not find work?

well, this is the problem, I am confused, he hasnt been working for about two years, eventually we decided to move back home and then straight in with my dad. He is trying to start up his own contracting business, but this is type of work has been sporadic and not much income coming in that way. Its become a total frustration, we have been together 20 years since high school, and i think its reaching its brink. I am the one that is working always and have tried to be supportive but i will relook at the situation between us and use this time apart to decide what we want,. Thankyou for the advice

[confusedlady22]

I am in the room mate situation mentioned above. I had an EA about 10 years ago and I pulled myself back from that brink. Then about 5 months ago I had an EA and didn't pull myself back.

 

I don't think the physical part of it makes a damn bit of difference. You clearly were filling an unmet need or two.

 

I find these boards to be helpful, dumping my own thoughts out, but that's just how I am wired. Go get counseling, is my best advice. It is helping me except I am kind of afraid that I will slip back into the mode that made me open to having the affair. I do want to learn from this but it is going to take me a lot of time and a lot of work.

 

I think your EA is something you need to figure out. That doesn't sound like a lot of advice but I know you know what I mean when I say that your situation here is paradoxical and perplexing. Take small steps. Why were you open to an EA? When you understand that you can move on to your next question, which may be what do you want to do about it?

Yes there are things that need to be addressed especially on why I turned to the seeking support from a complete stranger. Things maybe that were lacking in my marriage, and found comfort in my cyber relationship. I have been thinking about counselling, and will go as I feel that is the best way to reach the root of the problem, we have been together a long time 20years , I just feel , that we both might have changed, and this situation re:EA came about due to a break down of things that have happened in the past few years, Some tough decisions need to be made ..

[uncool]

I was in an emotion affair w/my old high school girlfriend and it was awesome!

If I had a strong marriage I wouldn't even have the desire to have an EA. It's my wife's fault. My EA is over now as we both realized it was impossible to hook up again.

It let me know that I was still way attractive to women. She told me that I'm the type of man that women were looking for. That if my wife didn't shape up and quit acting like a bitch all the time that I'd do just fine finding another woman. It was a great confidence booster for me to have a little test to tell me that I still "have" it.

[LimeBlue]

I was in an emotion affair w/my old high school girlfriend and it was awesome!

If I had a strong marriage I wouldn't even have the desire to have an EA. It's my wife's fault. My EA is over now as we both realized it was impossible to hook up again.

It let me know that I was still way attractive to women. She told me that I'm the type of man that women were looking for. That if my wife didn't shape up and quit acting like a bitch all the time that I'd do just fine finding another woman. It was a great confidence booster for me to have a little test to tell me that I still "have" it.

 

Did you feel real feelings for you EA partner? Or was it just a play around? I have just ended an EA, well it was a mutual decision, and I have yet to work out if he actually had real feelings for me or if I was just a big fat joke to him. Would be interesting to hear a mans view.

[uncool]

Did you feel real feelings for you EA partner? Or was it just a play around? I have just ended an EA, well it was a mutual decision, and I have yet to work out if he actually had real feelings for me or if I was just a big fat joke to him. Would be interesting to hear a mans view.

 

yes, real feelings. This gal is the neatest lady. She's the type of woman I'd like to have as a wife. She's perfect, honest, outgoing, romantic, sweet, kind, respectful,religious, motherly and a great communicator to boot! This woman is awesome!!. I was feeling out the possibilities of how she'd be an awesome step mom to my kids. It was a mutual break off when she pushed me to divorce my broken and disrespectful wife and I wasn't ready to 100% throw in the towel yet (but almost). I really respected this woman. She is the type I hope is waiting on the other side if I divorce my current wife. She had been alone for a while and wanted me to take immediate action. She was in a huge hurry and wanted a new husband immediately. I didn't want to move that fast. And told her to go ahead and find that man. She thanked me for proving to her that there are real men still out there with the qualities she's looking for. I said the same thing back to her. She just got married to someone she says is just like me. I wished her the best of luck and I'm sad to see her go but very happy for her at the same time.