MM/MW not sleeping w/ BS a "myth"

[Pierre]

LOL, that is what almost every single OW has said, who have graced these forums. They have a high libido. Their MM/W have a high libido. The rate of their libido is a perfect match. If there was a checklist for affairs, high libido would be on the top.

 

And usually the APs were or come from sexless marriages.

[Pierre]

Some people will cling to convenient myths because it helps them get through the day. They are so deeply invested in be

Irving the fantasy that no amount of evidence can convince them else wise.

 

:rolleyes:

:love:

[IfWishesWereHorses]

- there are OW who are close friends and confidantes of the BW who may have heard from the BW that the M is sexless. (whether ethical or otherwise).

 

I think you meant backstabbing lowlife. Close friends don't lie to and betray each other.

[cocorico]

He's your husband now. He did leave his wife. There is a big difference between your situation and these other women who have been hanging on for 7 plus years.

 

The only difference, at that kind of global level, is that at some point my H left, whereas their MMs have not yet reached that point. Some may yet, some may never. It's unknowable in their cases until the A ends and / or the MM leaves.

[Lady2163]

There are a lot of good points here.

 

I'm of the thought that it is a case by case basis.

 

My ex husband could very well have said he was in a sexless marriage.

 

My story would have been different

 

Early on my husband said he didn't like the "taste". More specifically, my taste. He worked with his hands, refused to wear gloves or use lotion to keep his hands soft. That not only hurt my delicate parts, there were numerous infections which were probably due to the small cuts he would have on his hands. And he was a two stroker. Sometimes even a one stroker....really. Plunge and done.

 

So, unless I'm mistaken, in that scenario a whole lot about the sexual experience has been removed from play.

 

The first few times he beat me to the finish line, I just went along with it. Waited 30 minutes for a reboot and tried again. We probably had sex 2-3 nghts a week for a month or more, before I started to get uninterested. Then I just got nasty about it. There was no reward for me. I certainly wasn't interested in giving him foreplay since I wasn't getting any.

 

I believe MM when he says spouse doesn't like to touch him with hands or mouth below the waist. His foreplay is kissing and breast play. They are strictly missionary position. I believe him when he says she doesn't orgasm from penetration and it took him many years to get her over the edge with his hands. There are still women out there who have issues about sex being dirty and that nice girls don't enjoy it. If you're from a small town and conservative Christianity is your everyday staple, there's a pretty good chance you ran ten years behind urban areas and you just weren't exposed to things.

 

Brief example: My town did not have cable until 1982. In 2001, there were still remote farms that weren't cable or dish access.

 

The town I'm from is between 10,000-20,000 people, I'm 60 miles from an airport. The town where MM and w grew up was less than 5000 people and 2 hours or so away from an airport.

 

So for this MM, I believe him. When my female friends discuss their sex lives and it is poor, I believe them. When my male friends want feedback and discuss it, i believe them. Bragging on all sides I take with a good natured grain of salt.

 

When a married man is trying to have sex with me...I employ a healthy bit of skepticism. Whether it is how he talks about sex life, wife, kids or even finances. The players are saying whatever they think you want to hear, so they can get what they want, with as little work as possible.

[bentleychic]

But you do know its most likely a dead end right- sure hope you overcome whatever it is in you that allows you to think of yourself as weak/stupid/selfish and that you move on to a relationship that has a fighting chance and thats good for you- as I recall, you are single right-I do not understand why a single person would involve themselves in a relationship like this, seems like when single you have so much to offer to other single people-

 

 

Weak is what I feel like with him. I figured BS's would think stupid/selfish and any other expletives that they felt fit.

 

Yes, I am single. Like I said, we were friends and I fell in love somewhere in there, even though I know ALL ABOUT that slippery slope. It definitely wasn't something that I intentionally sought out. I could tell you all of the reasons that I'm still here, but I'm sure it'll be chalked up to the exact same story all the OW's tell (I'm catching on ) so I won't bother.

[Lady2163]

I have yet not found an OW in the forum that did not have a high libido. And some of them are in their 60s. God bless them!!:laugh:

 

 

My 92 year old aunt recently moved into a new apartment She cheerfully told her sisters, "one of the things I really like about the place is we discovered the shower is large enough for my boyfriend and I..."

 

I'm pretty sure they are still praying for her.

 

And I know where I get it from.

 

And...Ew. TMI, Auntie Estelle.

[SoleMate]

There are definitely sexless marriages. I don't think anyone has ever claimed there are not. We have many, many examples over the years on Loveshack.

 

There are definitely cheating MM who are in a sexless marriage and/or a cold, empty, meaningless marriage.

 

There are definitely cheating MM who are in a seemingly warm, close marriage with lots of good quality sex.

 

I've never seen any serious or credible dispute on ANY of the points above! So there's no need to reassert them.

 

Most cheating MM will tell the prospective OW that their marriage is sexless. Many of these are lying when they say so. That is a fact. And it's also a fact that unless an outsider has at least one of the H and W on camera 24/7 for an extended period, you can't possibly validate sexlessness.

 

I saw a claim above that the supposed confidences of the BW to the OW are the gold standard for authentic sexlessness of a marriage. Hmm, maybe. Although in a twisted triangle like that, the BW may have any kind of agenda and any kind of motivation for any particular story shared, be it true or untrue. When the webs of deception are that gnarled and the decision-making that outlandish, all bets are off.

[bentleychic]

My 92 year old aunt recently moved into a new apartment She cheerfully told her sisters, "one of the things I really like about the place is we discovered the shower is large enough for my boyfriend and I..."

 

I'm pretty sure they are still praying for her.

 

And I know where I get it from.

 

And...Ew. TMI, Auntie Estelle.

 

 

WTG Auntie Estelle! Man, I hope I'm still enjoying it when I'm 92! Two things (aside from family, of course) that I wouldn't willingly give up before anything else, sex and music. Food? No problem.

[Betterthanthis13]

There are men in sexless marriages who cheat.

There are men who are having sex with their wives occaisionally who cheat.

There are men who are having sex with their wives daily who cheat.

 

A man in each of these cases has the ability to lie to his wife on a daily basis.

 

A good way for a married man to get a single woman interested in him is to say he is in a sexless marriage.

 

1. Why is it so hard to believe that a man capable of lying to his wife on a daily basis is capable of lying to a single woman to get more attention and sex?

 

2. How does an OW know which of the marriage scenarios her WS is actually involved in?

 

My guess is that MOST WS's are playing both sides. I'm sure there are exceptions.

[bentleychic]

My guess is that MOST WS's are playing both sides. I'm sure there are exceptions.

 

I guess that was really my point. There are exceptions. Everyone doesn't fall under X, Y, Z category. Maybe a lot do, but you (general) cannot say a MM never leaves for a OW. You cannot say every MM/MW is lying when s/he says s/he is in a sexless marriage. It might often be the cases, but not always.

 

I hate saying this because I do not intend to cause more hurt, but I do feel like a lot of people say what they need to say to make themselves feel better.

 

Whether that's MM, MW, OW, BS. MM/MW may say they don't have sex even when they do. OW may say BS let herself go and that's why MM came to her. BS may say OW is an unattractive worthless whore. I am finding that a lot here, putting down others or saying pretty hurtful things in an attempt to try to justify or make themselves feel better about what they're doing or what situation they are in. I never felt like putting someone else down or hurting their feelings made me feel better, but I see a lot of that type of thing here. I cannot ever imagine putting BS down because she has done NOTHING to me. Quite the opposite.

[LilGirlandOW]

My MM is very open about their "sex life", she has no drive or interest... What he really missed was missing is the casual intimate encounters, they hadnt "french kissed" in several years (close to 10yrs), when they had sex there was zero foreplay/cuddling.... It was at his urging to affirm his manhood (imo) and it was always missionary, quiet, she never had an orgasm... he found it hard to stay turned on long enough to have one himself (TMI i know).

 

What he says he really missed in the M was the hand holding/kissing/affection/ affirmation/ compliments over the actual sex itself.

 

I know of other M in my personal (non-LS) life where the H/W lack all intimacy and have "routine" sex. I also know others who are madly in love after 20+ yrs of M, thats what I hope to have one day. I never wanna be in a M that drys up intimacy wise.... when you find the right person, the right soul-mate you really can have it all and have all your needs fulfilled by 'the one'.

 

I think my MM and BS are great at co-existing, but he needs more than that and has expressed that to BS more than once, she's simply "not into it"...

[LilGirlandOW]

 

My guess is that MOST WS's are playing both sides. I'm sure there are exceptions.

 

Sure my MM is playing both sides, but its also two totally different games as well. My guess is most WS are playing both sides, different games.

[Betterthanthis13]

I guess that was really my point. There are exceptions. Everyone doesn't fall under X, Y, Z category. Maybe a lot do, but you (general) cannot say a MM never leaves for a OW. You cannot say every MM/MW is lying when s/he says s/he is in a sexless marriage. It might often be the cases, but not always.

 

I hate saying this because I do not intend to cause more hurt, but I do feel like a lot of people say what they need to say to make themselves feel better.

 

Whether that's MM, MW, OW, BS. MM/MW may say they don't have sex even when they do. OW may say BS let herself go and that's why MM came to her. BS may say OW is an unattractive worthless whore. I am finding that a lot here, putting down others or saying pretty hurtful things in an attempt to try to justify or make themselves feel better about what they're doing or what situation they are in. I never felt like putting someone else down or hurting their feelings made me feel better, but I see a lot of that type of thing here. I cannot ever imagine putting BS down because she has done NOTHING to me. Quite the opposite.

 

Everyone wants to be the exception to the rule, and it is difficult to accept that you may just be a statistic.

 

I'm finding it easier to do it the opposite way. To ASSUME the worst, that my cheater is the worst of the worst, and if by some miracle I am an exception , well then that's a miracle or something. Im not holding my breath. In the meantime I'm doing everything in my power to move on from this disaster. If a man is seriously in love with you, there is really not much you can do to chase him away, and he will fix whatever life problems he has to make himself 100% right.

 

On the other hand, if he is full of empty words and promises, and what he is currently doing is working for HIM, he's not going to change a damn thing except the actors in the play he is directing. Apologize to BS, go to counseling, smooth out homefront, find new mistress.... Done. If its BS that leaves, and he's a cheater by nature, and ends up in OW's arms, he will do the same to her sometime in the future.

 

There are some exceptions where a MM falls in love, leaves his wife and he and OW are happy and it's meant to be. There are some exceptions where a MM has an affair and realizes it was a huge mistake and reconciles with BS and never cheats again. I am not going to pretend for one single second my cheater is one of these unicorns. He is a liar and a cheater and that's all I need to know. It's up to HIM to prove to ME anything he wants to at this point. There are lots of guys out there who have never lied to me or cheated. Why on earth would I pick him to date? HE is in a disadvantaged position. Not me. I'm not begging him to pick me over some other chick. Screw that.

[LilGirlandOW]

p.s. I was in a sexless marraige as well, I hated sex with my H, we grew apart and into different people, the attraction wasn't there, it was more a call of duty.

[bentleychic]

I'm finding it easier to do it the opposite way. To ASSUME the worst, that my cheater is the worst of the worst, and if by some miracle I am an exception , well then that's a miracle or something. Im not holding my breath.

 

 

This is my philosophy as well at this point. Expect the worst and be grateful if it turns out better than that. That way I'm not as disappointed.

 

Meanwhile, if someone else better comes along in a better situation, I'll feel free to move along if he's not in a suitable situation for our relationship at that point...(if I can get over that dam* love thing!)

[ForeverHopeful1]

LMAO these men want sex all the time. Do you really think they are going home and keeping their hands off their wife especially after an amazing phone sex session? Don't you think it's possible you get them all sexed up for their wife?

 

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

[William]

Candid discussion regarding the 'myth' of a MM/MW not sleeping with a BS is welcomed. Cross-talk and editorial comments regarding other topics between members is not welcomed; also, refrain from using explicit or vulgar descriptions describing sex. The topic isn't about the specifics of sex, rather the myth as described in the starting post. Thanks.

[HopingAgain]

This is anotherv area where women seem to grasp at straws in order tob justify the affair. Its a rare OW indeed who would continue the affair KNOWING MM is going home and and sexing up his wife, so of course the MM would lie aboutv it! This one falls into thev category of common sense.

[Silly_Girl]

Really? I don't think I know one sexless marriage if by 'sexless' you mean no sex ever or only very very rarely. If I never had sex with my H I'd question my marriage very seriously (speaking as someone with a lowish libido reduced even further by anti-depressants).

 

Exactly. Most normal folk would see it as an issue, but some men/women just don't know a) what the norm is, or b) how to address it.

 

It makes me shake my head!

 

My xMM had full sex once with his wife, and no happy endings either.

 

I know someone who hasn't had sex with her SO for 15 months.

 

I hear a fair amount of chatter from people 'who know people' who have no sex at all, ever. Then I have some friends who consider it their 'duty' and pretty much avoid it.

 

Beats me.

[Silly_Girl]

This is anotherv area where women seem to grasp at straws in order tob justify the affair. Its a rare OW indeed who would continue the affair KNOWING MM is going home and and sexing up his wife, so of course the MM would lie aboutv it! This one falls into thev category of common sense.

 

One of the reasons xMM even made it ON to my radar was that he wasn't shagging anyone else. I learnt quickly here that many OW expect and accept it (whether they like it or not) as a routine part of their MM's marriage.

[So happy together]

This is anotherv area where women seem to grasp at straws in order tob justify the affair. Its a rare OW indeed who would continue the affair KNOWING MM is going home and and sexing up his wife, so of course the MM would lie aboutv it! This one falls into thev category of common sense.

 

Actually, there are MANY women who know/assume their MM is also having relations with the BS. Why do you assume it's a rare OW indeed? I know SEVERAL who are perfectly fine with having a parallel relationship.

[So happy together]

Exactly. Most normal folk would see it as an issue, but some men/women just don't know a) what the norm is, or b) how to address it.

 

It makes me shake my head!

 

My xMM had full sex once with his wife, and no happy endings either.

 

I know someone who hasn't had sex with her SO for 15 months.

 

I hear a fair amount of chatter from people 'who know people' who have no sex at all, ever. Then I have some friends who consider it their 'duty' and pretty much avoid it.

 

Beats me.

 

I don't get it either. My sis-in-law confided that she didn't like sex at all, that they stopped having sex after their youngest was born. She is now 8 years old.

[HopingAgain]

Actually, there are MANY women who know/assume their MM is also having relations with the BS. Why do you assume it's a rare OW indeed? I know SEVERAL who are perfectly fine with having a parallel relationship.

 

In most of the threads here asking if MM is still having sex with BS" you can hear crickets and see tumbleweeds blowing through.

[Pierre]

p.s. I was in a sexless marraige as well, I hated sex with my H, we grew apart and into different people, the attraction wasn't there, it was more a call of duty.

 

Sure, at seems most OWs in the forum come from sexless marriages.