MM/MW not sleeping w/ BS a "myth"

[So happy together]

Vodka has has the lowest calories of any alcoholic drink though! Only 50 a shot so in a sense it is not so bad for you

 

You are correct, between 50 and 100 depending on what it is. Then add whatever you mix it with, orange juice, 8 oz 110 calories... and drink them until the bottle of liquor is empty. Every night. LOTS of calories.

 

But, it's delicious!

 

I think my fav is probably a margarita on the rocks. Yummmm.

 

 

Bentley, you are a little trouble maker!!

[bentleychic]

Bentley, you are a little trouble maker!!

 

Indeed!

[Pierre]

Many OW newbie forum members often say they are very sexual in their first post and that the MM comes from a sexless marriage.

 

Why is this statement so prevalent? OP even made a thread about it and she also claims to be very sexual.

 

I ask because I see this all the time.

[bentleychic]

Many OW newbie forum members often say they are very sexual in their first post and that the MM comes from a sexless marriage.

 

Why is this statement so prevalent? OP even made a thread about it and she also claims to be very sexual.

 

I ask because I see this all the time.

 

I actually never claimed my MM was in a sexless marriage.

[Pierre]

I actually never claimed my MM was in a sexless marriage.

 

BC, I give you credit. You did not state the typical phrases. However, many others do. And the question is why?

 

I love sexual women, don't get me wrong, but there is a fine line between loving sex in a healthy manner or using sex to medicate low self esteem. BTW, your posts do not suggest low self esteem to me. If they did I would have mentioned that a long time ago.

[bentleychic]

BC, I give you credit. You did not state the typical phrases. However, many others do. And the question is why?

 

I love sexual women, don't get me wrong, but there is a fine line between loving sex in a healthy manner or using sex to medicate low self esteem. BTW, your posts do not suggest low self esteem to me. If they did I would have mentioned that a long time ago.

 

Maybe justification (to themselves or others, I don't know) or as a "reason" why the MM likes/wants to be with them?

 

I personally still feel there's no REAL justification for what I'm doing so I won't even pretend to offer it.

[Pierre]

Maybe justification (to themselves or others, I don't know) or as a "reason" why the MM likes/wants to be with them?

 

I personally still feel there's no REAL justification for what I'm doing so I won't even pretend to offer it.

 

When a poster does not offer silly rationalizations I assume they have good self esteem!:laugh:

 

 

One more question: How about the hypersexual women that never had an orgasm? It happens.:o

[bentleychic]

When a poster does not offer silly rationalizations I assume they have good self esteem!:laugh:

 

 

One more question: How about the hypersexual women that never had an orgasm? It happens.:o

 

That would be me for the first 12 years of my marriage (at least with exH. We won't talk about w/ myself ). O's were very rare to come by even after that.

 

It's very, very different with MM, thank goodness.

[Pierre]

That would be me for the first 12 years of my marriage (at least with exH. We won't talk about w/ myself ). O's were very rare to come by even after that.

 

It's very, very different with MM, thank goodness.

 

The most hypersexual woman I ever knew at work. A woman that took no prisoners never had an orgasm in her life. Some women think that whatever pleasure they feel must be the so called big O.

 

Congratulations.

 

So far I have no suggestions for you.

[bentleychic]

The more comfortable I feel with my body and my partner, the more likely I am to relax enough to experience it.

[Got it]

My parents were in a pretty sexless marriage.

 

My marriage, we didn't have sex the first 6 months of marriage and didn't even realize it for the first 4. I was okay with it as my passion was turned towards a sport that I was heavily in so got the energies out that way. I was never happy with our sex life but it was . . . whatever. It was when I was turned 30 and my libido ramped up that it became glaringly apparent to me. Over the course of our relationship, we had sex about once a quarter on average.

[Pierre]

My parents were in a pretty sexless marriage.

 

 

Most people do not like to think the parents are having sex.:laugh:

 

I never pondered that question and thankfully never heard strange noises.:eek:

[Got it]

Most people do not like to think the parents are having sex.:laugh:

 

I never pondered that question and thankfully never heard strange noises.:eek:

 

What???? What does that have to do with what I posted? It isn't about what I may speculate. I wouldn't have posted it if I didn't know it.

[So happy together]

BC, I give you credit. You did not state the typical phrases. However, many others do. And the question is why?

 

I love sexual women, don't get me wrong, but there is a fine line between loving sex in a healthy manner or using sex to medicate low self esteem. BTW, your posts do not suggest low self esteem to me. If they did I would have mentioned that a long time ago.

 

You know what? Sex is fun. Why can't it just be fun?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

You know what? Sex is fun. Why can't it just be fun?

 

It absolutely can be! Unfortunately, there are not a ton of women here willing to share! Many MP's require that regardless of their situation!

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Most people do not like to think the parents are having sex.:laugh:

 

I never pondered that question and thankfully never heard strange noises.:eek:

 

I did! I remember after understanding the bird and bees, having overnight with my bffs on my street, saying, can you see your parents, my parents, whomever's parents doing that???? EWWW!

[whereamigoing]

Oh my how this thread has flourished. My 2 cents on the original topic:)

 

I won't go so far as to say xMM had an entirely sex-free marriage but it was low sex. I wasn't privy (nor did I wish to be) to the exact frequency but it wasn't often. To put it bluntly there was another man in the relationship...God. From her mouth to my ears..."sex is for reproduction." Very conservative Christian upbringing, taught that sex was inherently evil, etc. Virgin at marriage (he was not) and never enjoyed it as anything else outside of missionary and intercourse was not permitted...giving or receiving. It made any physicality between them tense. He didn't know how to help her and she began to "pray for him" and his deviant ways long before our affair began. Don't get me wrong, they still loved each other but had very different opinions on the value of sex. I don't know if it was discussed pre-marriage but I very much doubt it (have some reasons for suspecting as much but can't reveal as a bit tmi for this place).

 

I believe his need for physical intimacy and closeness opened the door for our affair. It doesn't excuse it by any means and I'm certainly not putting any of the blame on BS. There were clearly better ways to handle this issue than cheat.

 

I feel physical intimacy is a very important part of any romantic relationship I am involved in, I require it to feel close to someone, to bond, and so did he. Not all people have this requirement, apparently BS didn't. Not all people enjoy physical intimacy. There are all different kinds of sex and levels of libido and sexuality. The important thing is both parties must have similar wants/needs. When they don't add up you run into problems. Without acknowledging the gap and actively working to close it the problem will never be resolved and the result is an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship for one or both.

[cocorico]

You do not know for a fact that their marriage was sexless. I think you are confused as to the meaning of the phrase "know for a fact".

 

You only know what MM and others have told you. Even if BS told you herself it was sexless, you still dont know for a fact whether it was or not. Maybe BS lies or exaggerates or forgets or is in denial. Maybe she doesnt. Point is, you dont know either way. You only know what you were told, or what you read. That is not knowing for a fact.

 

Unless you were in their bedroom 24-7, or filiming it, for months at a time, you do not know for a fact.

 

 

Actually, I know perfectly well what constitutes a fact, and I stand by my claim. Your belief in your own assumptions is breathtaking.

 

And BTW, there was no "their" bedroom. There was her room, and his room. And yes, that's another fact.

[thefooloftheyear]

Actually, I know perfectly well what constitutes a fact, and I stand by my claim. Your belief in your own assumptions is breathtaking.

 

And BTW, there was no "their" bedroom. There was her room, and his room. And yes, that's another fact.

 

Or the couch:(...

 

I dont get why people think this doesnt happen(shrug)...Like I said before, its relatively common..Guys just dont fck anything with a vagina..Its just not the case....

 

TFY

[LilGirlandOW]

My MM is a couch sleeper, bought a couch for downstairs rec room for that specifically.

 

I agree every man wont sleep with anything with a vagina.... I know some TMI about BS's lack of "grooming" down there for the past almost decade that makes MM cringe.

[Pierre]

My MM is a couch sleeper, bought a couch for downstairs rec room for that specifically.

 

I agree every man wont sleep with anything with a vagina.... I know some TMI about BS's lack of "grooming" down there for the past almost decade that makes MM cringe.

 

MM does not sleep with you in the same bed? He prefers the couch?

 

 

Why?

[thefooloftheyear]

LOL you really believe these men sleep on the couch? They may fall asleep on the couch while texting you sweet nothings but I am sure they go up to bed. These men that are staying together for their kids do not "live" on the couch. That is not what they would show their kids.

 

You really think they are going to stay in an unhappy marriage for years and years living on the couch because they don't want to lose time with their kids or their possessions? What possessions? He's living on a couch like a guest in his own home. Not buying the couch theory.

 

 

You are dead wrong...Sorry...Believe what you want, but you are just plain wrong...Period..

 

Dont get me started...

 

TFY

[Summer Breeze]

Your husband left because his marriage was over. It was sexless/over. The men that aren't leaving are not finished with their marriages...

 

Interestingly enough maybe they are and are not yet ready to end it. I ended the A with DMM and 5 years later we were together again. It took him 4 years to decide it was over but he did. Because some of these MM aren't leaving in a split second doesn't mean the M isn't over. It doesn't mean it is over. As so many people like to say we don't know because we're not privy to the Rs we're talking about.

 

No one can say for sure that all of these MM are having sex with their Ws. I look at the posters in other sections here and in other forums. There are hundreds and hundreds of posters anonymously talking about their sexless Ms. Not about As. About sexless Ms. Somewhere along the line there are a lot of people not having sex. I read something someone else wrote here quite a while ago. Comics have a dig at things that are real because everyone can relate. How many gags and themes of sitcoms and movies revolve around sexless (or low sex) Ms? Lots.

 

Interesting thread OP. I am of the opinion that some MM are lying and some telling the truth. I am also of the opinion that people have to make up their minds what they choose to believe. Because anonymous people on a forum keep saying everyone is involved in really vigorous sex during the A doesn't make it so. It's like everyone thinking As are all full of monkey sex. Nope. We spent more time being together than having sex. Sex was important but not nearly as important as the R as a whole. And I know that not every A is like that. The point being no matter how much someone shouts from the rooftop that we're all the same. We aren't.

[waterwoman]

The point being no matter how much someone shouts from the rooftop that we're all the same. We aren't.

 

Well exactly. I think the phrase "Not Every Relationship Is The Same' should be written in 10 foot letters of fire above the entrance to LS. I can tell you a thousand times what happened in my marriage and in my H's affair. It doesn't mean it applied to anyone else's.

[Summer Breeze]

It is a moot point if the married AP has sex or not at home.

 

The important thing is that "sexless" is used as an excuse to promote the EMR and this perception becomes reality for whomever needs it.

 

I personally would never stay in a sexless marriage and the last thing I would do is tell others I am sexless. I consider that to be personal private information.

 

Many MOWs told me they rarely had sex, but I suspected it was the typical call card "I am available".

 

 

But, ultimately, affairs happen for a set of complex reasons and reducing it to sex is not important.

 

If it's a moot point why is it always being brought up and used like a stick to beat OW with?