completely cut off after 6 years

[seekingpeaceinlove]

It's great to read that you're doing so much better. My breakup is still fresh so I'm struggling but taking it day by day. I'm better than I was a week ago but my emotions have fluctuated quite a bit. Last night I was indignant, this morning I'm sad. I just wish I could take a break from thinking about him, us, the situation. I'm thinking about the relationship, the ex, the downfall every second and its exhausting.

 

In a few weeks I'm considering going on a solo hiking trip for a couple of days to clear my mind, meditate, and be alone.

 

I'm trying to do everything I can to move forward.

[unexpectedlyhere]

Firstly, YAY!

 

Secondly, you know, I look around an I see happy people and I feel a sting of "I wish I had that still" and then I think "Who knows what's lurking beneath the surface? And who knows what will happen to them in ten years?".

 

It doesn't help that some of the people I have spoken to about this in my family have basically made the comment that it is better to get to know someone and that they stay married now because they've been together a lifetime but if you could pick someone else... Great when coming from your mother

 

Maybe it's me being cynical but I've realised being in a relationship actually requires A LOT of compromise and while that's not necessarily difficult per se but it's a frikking delicate balance.

 

So maybe I've lost perspective but the other way. Everyone else is happy but only us blessed dumpees know the true illusory nature of this all...

 

PS: I do think I will grow out of this cynical phase and love again

[anythingbut]

Hi gang.

 

I am just revisiting a post I put up in the Summer of 2013...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/412803-completely-cut-off-after-6-years

 

...And I was amazed by it.

 

So much has happened in the last 2 years and 3 months since I logged onto this website.

 

So, without going into unnecessary detail, I eventually found out what actually happened and why my ex left me. She left me for another guy, one that she had met in work, and I was completely oblivious to it (as you can see in my post!!). I refused to believe, or accept, that this was a possibility: but yes, she left me for a mental health support worker who she had been working alongside with as part of her nursing degree.

 

When I found out (at the beginning of 2014) I was shocked, but by then I was over her.

 

The real shocking thing that I found out about her though: by the time I first posted that thread above (four months post-breakup and in a terrible, terrible place)... she was already ENGAGED to marry this guy!!! hahaha you couldn't make it up! So basically, she left our 6 years and got engaged straight away.

 

Fast forward 2 years and 9 months since we broke up, and is now married with this guy with two kids.

 

But it's cool though! You know why? Because all this time has passed and everything I wrote about her still stands: I still want her to be happy, and I still care about her deeply. But what she did for me, that I couldn't see at the time, was make me into a better man.

 

I learned a lot about myself in 2013, and I learned the hard way. I could see my mistakes clearly, and what I needed to learn and improve upon - and I acted on these and made myself a better man.

 

In December 2013 (9 months post break up) I met the most incredible woman you could possibly imagine. A doctor, who is kind, caring and beautiful. And, for the bonus, she also loves animals

 

Fast track to the end of 2015 and we are engaged to be married, and have just bought a house together. I still have my dog, but also now have three cats eeeeek!

 

The moral of the story?

 

For those of you going through a break up or a hard time right now, it DOES get better.

 

I know my words are little consolation right now, because no words can heal how you are feeling. I remember distinctly how I felt when i first posted this thread, and reading back through it has brought it all back home again.

 

Time will pass, and at first it will be hell, then hell will get worse, and even hellier, before you finally begin to come to terms with your loss and start beginning to ACCEPT it. Then you will start to feel at peace, and then you will find your next love and BELIEVE ME they will be better than your last one.

 

If there's one thing I would encourage you to do, based on my own experiences: don't allow yourself to become bitter or consumed by resentment - even if you feel severely wronged or disrespected. Try to find the strength to see the POSITIVE in the situation: if we are going to grow stronger and more resilient, improve ourselves and become better humans, we must go through adversity in order to APPRECIATE what we have.

 

You WILL learn from your experiences, and if you can learn to understand, even EMBRACE, the bad times then you will become a better person that is FAR MORE ATTRACTIVE to the next person that you decide to let into your life.

 

All the best,

 

And happy christmas

[anythingbut]

ps to all the men in here who are at their wits end. These are the resources that helped change my thinking and helped me get through those first 8 months:

 

Corey Wayne videos on youtube (look him up, and thank me later)

Read the 'Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle (girls this is a good one for you as well)

Read the 'Way of the Superior Man' by David Deida

Read (or download audio book for your car) the 7 habits of highly effective people by Steven Covey

 

Trust me on all of the above gents.

[marky00]

I read your original thread before your last response... and I so knew she had met another guy.

 

Same thing happened to me 9 moths ago and it has happened to me 2 other times.

 

When they leave you for someone else.....the transition stage is brutal...no doubt about it.

 

Only 1 time was I dumped and no other guy was involved... and guess what... we got back together.... she was still receptive etc.

 

She should have told you she met someone else right away. It would have shattered you short-term but I think you would have healed faster because it would have answered most of your questions.

 

What dumpers don't realize is that when they try and protect us from information... they often hurt us more.

 

I've been both sides and dumping with honesty (without being nasty about it)... is the best way. Dumper's don't like to do it but !!!!!

[anythingbut]

Yep, absolutely bang on the money there Marky.

 

Was a crazy 9 months post break up, and I definitely agree that had I known the truth then I would have healed quicker - althougbas you say it would have been absolutely brutal in the short term 3 months.

 

But hey, here I am - still standing and a better, stronger man that i have ever been. All thanks to this break up, and the reading I did afterwards. I'm happy, so is she (by the looks) so everyone's a winner.

 

I've still not spoken a word to her to this day, which I still find a weird concept even after all this time. 6 years of living together, then BANG - one morning, see you later alligator!

 

Life goes on.