Any chance? No chance?!

[bells18]

I'm 31 now and madly enough I've only just realised that this/ my ex has infiltrated my life for the past 10yrs! Writing and saying it out loud seems crazy though this has been on & off, it’s a long time to be messing around (in my opinion). This website however makes me see that relationships are not always as straightforward as we would like and everyone’s issues are just as bizarre, insightful & interesting as everyone else’s

 

Having originally met back in our store retail working days it was brilliant for the 1st year & a bit – at the age of 20 having never ever previously in my teenage years ever considered marriage I admitted to myself that he actually changed my mind about it and then I’d thought I’d met ‘The One’ (as you do?). However things started to deteriorate (being young and work in a top West End retail store – everyone wants to know your business) a rumour then started to float about, about him and another employee. Eventually it was true, thankfully I didn't have to put up with seeing them about for too long as one eventually left the company one after the other

 

Massively heartbroken and him not really wanting to reconcile (looking back the whole ‘work thing’ was too much as it got harder to keep up appearances of a friendship, I was just too far in love with him and I think it was a bit overbearing for him), however after months of being downhearted you pick yourself up and get on with your life. After a gap of maybe a year or more I initiated contact – it was more of a curious thing than to reconcile. He’d hit a milestone Birthday and I wished him a happy one. Then after that he continued the contact and really we just started hanging out (I’d got my own place by then) and sleeping together again, weekend getaway like nothing had happened. We didn't even discuss what had happened I've always disliked being really open/ honest with my feelings towards and about him as he’s not good at responding back and I’d take it as a rejection. Things then eventually didn't pan out that weekend getaway I’d paid for he was then reluctant to cough up the money for it or anything else I’d helped him get as he wasn't working at the time. A series of arguments and insults ended that affair quite abruptly and taking a hard stance on him I got my cash.

 

It could've been a year or even less than but he broke the no contact (NC) and we somehow got in to this Friday weekly fixture of him coming over to mine and spending the weekend. With his past indiscretions I had thought it best to keep him at an arm’s length. One day as I was blatantly spying on his unlocked FB profile scrolling backwards on his timeline; on one particular day I saw a cluster of ‘congratulations’ messages to him and his status update saying ‘can’t wait till October, gonna be a dad’

 

I remember being at work that day and my heart just sank and a wave of angriness came over me – especially remembering the week before that he asked me who else I was sleeping with! I texted him there and then a simple ‘congratulations’. He didn't respond and abusing my powers at the company I worked for then I got another mobile number that he had (I didn't have) and texted him on that. Repeating my congratulations and berating him for being a coward and not having the balls to tell me but trying to manly wanting to know who’s been sleeping in my bed

 

It took a week for him to get in touch – by then I actually didn't care as my mum had just been diagnosed with breast cancer so I was dealing with that and my family. He did text asking to call his time/ that time to explain, spoke briefly once and I explained my current situation. I then attempted a few times calling in the evening but he’d blag some excuse, and in the end I couldn't be bothered. I just couldn't give it my energy any more. That was 2010, my mum battled through her illness and after all that I had a new attitude to life. I promised myself that I would seize everyday and not let less important things bother me or worry me. In 2011 I took redundancy at my previous employer and took a much needed long holiday, the London Riots kicked off that same year, I’d just got back from holiday and was looking for a new job with my ultimate aim to be working by Christmas. That August one night he sent me an FB message asking/checking (he stated) if I was alright, much surprised I told that I was, thanked him and thought nothing much of it. Probably about 6mths later (the following year anyway) he messaged me again asking if I remembered the name of the hotel we stayed when we went Amsterdam! – You’re talking from about 2003 or 04 here, is this guy serious I thought? When April came – he wished me a Happy Birthday, and if I'm correct he may have messaged me again months later. Every time I was civil and answered whatever he asked without elaborating/ or asking anything further to make conversation.

 

This year having turned 31, I've started to really evaluate and look at what I want to do with all aspects of my life. Having tried internet dating in the past I thought there’s no harm in giving it another go, and I was gearing myself up to sort myself out (take some new flattering photos/ get a profile written up – that sort of prep) Specifically on Saturday afternoon having a chat to one of my best mates since high school about us going out the same evening we started to speak about relationships. We eventually got on about my Ex (as you do). No bad mouthing - I’d actually said to her that it’s a pity that we couldn't have been more open and honest with each other and things were left the way they were. That very same night as I'm waiting at the bus stop to get to the same said friend. Taking my phone out of my pocket to check the time and there’s an FB message – slightly different in tone from what he’d sporadically message the year before. It was a blatant what you up to/ doing with yourself. I was so shocked I didn't actually go into the message to read it (FB read receipts!) or reply until the following day after my night out, plus I needed to think about this. I thought his timing was all too bizarre, I texted my friend with the opening line of ‘you’ll never believe who just messaged me?!’

 

I responded the following day saying ‘hello’ and that being in March (2013) he kept up the dialogue – easily because the British Football (Soccer) season was still on so we’d have a bit of banter now and again regarding our teams. Eventually he started to step it up a gear by introducing flirting/ are you in this weekend/ watching the game type talk. Eventually he asked to come round/ hook up – I couldn't help thinking what’s your game mate? Really just like that after 2yrs. My intentions this time however I couldn't let the pass issues slides and him getting in touch that night was weird-ing me out. The flirting actually became annoying where he’d lead it on and back off, in the end gave him a bit of an ultimatum – telling him that he’s a ‘bean teaser’ and your flirting is akin to being in a long queue at the checkout and continuously leaving it to go grab something else – do you check out in the end or drop the basket of goods and leave?

 

The very next day, nursing a slight hangover lying on my sofa. He calls with a ‘where are you’ and within 2hrs he’s round watching TV, watching films, drinking beer and whatever else adults do together. His company was weird but exciting at the same time, conversing I'm thinking you have no idea what I've been up to in the last 2yrs it’s like being a stranger sometimes and then other times it was like this guy never left my side. After a weekend together I didn't know what to think really - I was slightly annoyed at myself if anything that I didn't tackle certain things when I had the chance (i.e his child) but I thought one step at a time with this. It was then the case to me of ‘what happens now?’, though I was definitely certain that although I may still love him I'm not actually in love with him. Can I be bothered? Though a week passed and I thought it was extremely rude that he wasn't being considerate of the situation. I mean you holla at me all them months, you get in then try to do a disappearing act on me! I don’t think so, where’s the respect

 

So I broke my silence embargo and contacted him by text – but I felt the impression of coldness/ being distant and I thought this guy is trying to play me (already even!), so I gave it a bit and hollered again and he gave a ‘child excuse’ for his silence. Being annoyed at him missing my point that I'm not necessarily to a degree trying to forward with this liaison but its manners to contact someone. He tried to go the wrong way about it- it felt really high school, so I blatantly told him after a very long time apart that that’s not the behaviour that you can be carrying on with and regardless of what you intentions or future intentions were should have just been a gentlemen about it. He went silent on me for a few days and I texted saying that I hope we’re cool and he’s cool going forward and he responded saying that we’re good. I thought it was best after that to just stay as friends I don’t have the heart or patience any more to deal with it other than that, far too messy

 

After that though he picked up communication again – contacting me, then the flirting picked up and I told him that my banter is serious – so if you are too come correct. Then I started thinking if this was even a good idea to do so, I have no idea what his game is. Is it wise to go there – again, it is now becoming a total mind****, trying to guess his next move, actions and what he’s thinking all the time. Why did he come back – again? Does he think he can do that every two years or so? One day I won’t be able to entertain it at all. I asked him out last Thursday for Friday night, he gets back to me Friday afternoon with an excuse. I still haven’t replied – I couldn't he pissed me right off, I'm done with it now. Though I’d hate to leave things as it is, who makes that 1st step? I don’t even know where to start with him issues wise, I don’t even know if he’ll be man enough to respond so I don’t even know if I should waste my time!

 

I got a headache thinking about this the other night; I'm such a typical Taurus and he’s such a typical Capricorn. Those stars are supposed to be a match made in heaven – really?

[AllTooWell]

I don't think this guy is worth it.

 

He has never in the history of your relationships with him been honest or straightforward with you.

 

This guy is not making you a priority.

 

However you also said he uses his child as an excuse which is just bizarre to me... his child is not an excuse, his child is a main and important focal point in his life...much more important than you or any other woman.

 

 

I think he is keeping you around to hook up and have a good time because you have demonstrated you are willing to drop everything and do just that.