My gf kissed another guy :((

[HiddenUser]

Fraser, there's a reason I'm telling you to move on. You specifically said that nothing was wrong in your relationship. These types of things don't happen in happy relationships. If you truly love someone, you don't go around kissing other guys. You know deep down that she didn't just bump into a stranger's lips. She's been talking to this guy for some time now, and their feelings have been simmering under your nose for God only knows how long. She is starting to get bored of the relationship and her feelings for you are diminishing, otherwise she wouldn't have done it. The sudden emotional response of texting you and sending you messages is about security, not real love. You guys have been together for a long time and suddenly being apart is a painful, scary thing. She's not latching on out of love, it's out of fear.

 

Dumping that box full of cherished memories at your place was a way of helping herself to move on. Not only does she know she's ruined any chance of you ever looking at her the same way, she knows the relationship isn't going to work out in the long term. It's easier to do it now so it's not as painful later. Yes, she wrote you an endearing letter, but she's basically telling you goodbye because she knows it's not ever going to be the same. You will forever remember the moment you found out she cheated on you and it will forever be an emotional scar.

 

There's not a doubt in my mind that you guys had a wonderful relationship together. She loved you just as much as you loved her, but it's over.

[salparadise]

...I know it, totally, not a doubt in my mind and that kinda makes me think that actually even with all of this I do still trust her, inspite of everything I can still trust her.

 

This is the key to it, Fraser. This relationship is way too valuable to throw away because of this one little thing. It wasn't her who initiated it, she just hesitated a second before pushing him away. If you truly believe what you wrote above then it's time to reconcile and start the healing. It's even possible to make it better than ever. You both deserve every chance to make that happen.

[Iama]

Pride, integrity, and self-value are very important things to have. How utterly stupid to say otherwise. When someone's "pride is hurt", it's because of a situation that has degraded, and belittled them.

 

You don't give 2 craps about Fraser. You're trying to give him relationship advice when even Ray Charles can see their relationship won't last for too long.

 

Whatever he decides, it's best he knows to take high value in himself. Even if he does get back with her, he should go in with a different perspective.

 

You have no idea what you're talking about.

 

You say their R won't last, when you have so little info.... just the one that is given on this thread.

 

Pride and Ego is just a stupid tool that doesn't let people be happy.

 

In your own words, you think that even thought this girl could make him happier than if he were with someone else, you think he shouldn't be with her because of his pride.

Long story short, he should prevent himself from being happy because of his pride..... PLAIN INSANITY.

 

Guess what. In any relationship you'll have (child-parent, friendship, romantic), your pride will get hurt at one point or another. That's just because people are not 100% perfect. If you go with a closed mind to mistakes you'll never be able to cherish, what is really there, the glass half full (or as it seems 90% in the OP case), but you'll always notice the empty part...

 

Again I don't know the guy. I don't know the R. I can't say if the girl will make him happy or not. But it's up to him to choose.

[MidwestUSA]

This is the key to it, Fraser. This relationship is way too valuable to throw away because of this one little thing. It wasn't her who initiated it, she just hesitated a second before pushing him away. If you truly believe what you wrote above then it's time to reconcile and start the healing. It's even possible to make it better than ever. You both deserve every chance to make that happen.

 

Read this again, and again. WAY too much other extraneous input here for something that was a forgivable, hopefully one-time mistake.

 

 

Sheesh!

[Fraser]

You've any idea why she's so obsessive with you? Are you her first real relationship?

 

Just curious, because.

 

because im awesome

Jokes...I don't think shes 'obsessive' and shes had other relationships in the past though I am the longest, as she is for me.

Its not obsessive though its just very Megan - like she always buys the best gifts for everyone, like not even expensive but just incredibly thoughtful, she's a thoughtful girl and a proper proper romantic.

[Fraser]

Said all this, again, I think the best approach is handing her the problem and letting her solve it. For your peace of mind if anything. Why should you worry on what to do for a problem you did not create? Let her worry.

 

This is very much how I feel!!

[Shepp]

Then why did she return all the precious symbols of the relationship with a "Dear John" letter? That's not what a woman does when she wants to continue to cherish a relationship. It's what a woman does when she wants to move on. It's a preemptive strike so she can say "I dumped him, he didn't dump me."

 

I'm sorry but I'm calling bulls--t on that!!

C'mon mate she's CLEARLY not breaking up with him - she's blatently trying to show him how much there relationship means to her.

If your this girl, you lads not taking you calls of whatever, how do you get through to him? You make a gesture - this is her gesture.

[Shepp]

Nah, she obviously didn't mail that stuff merely to get rid of it. It was a poignant gesture that was meant to evoke an emotional response from Fraser. He had already told her to leave him alone for the time being, so this was the most effective way of reaching out to him. What this girl did was stupid, immoral and disloyal, but there's no reason to believe she's as callous as you're making her out to be.

 

Amen brother!!

[Fraser]

Nah, she obviously didn't mail that stuff merely to get rid of it. It was a poignant gesture that was meant to evoke an emotional response from Fraser. He had already told her to leave him alone for the time being, so this was the most effective way of reaching out to him. What this girl did was stupid, immoral and disloyal, but there's no reason to believe she's as callous as you're making her out to be.

 

If anyone's hurt by her actions its me but she is not a bad person, no way!

[Fraser]

Then why did she return all the precious symbols of the relationship with a "Dear John" letter? That's not what a woman does when she wants to continue to cherish a relationship. It's what a woman does when she wants to move on. It's a preemptive strike so she can say "I dumped him, he didn't dump me."

I dunno, it meant something to me - seeing all the little stuff she'd kept, I wouldn't of known she had it If she hadn't shown me.

 

You keep talking about all the texting she's doing. She's doing all that texting because it's meaningless to her.

how does that figure?

 

No, according to you, she could have written "I will understand if you continue to trust me because it was just a mistake and I still love you." But she did NOT write that.

What im saying is that if she had written that id of felt pretty put out, the fact she acknowledges my write to be angry is a good thing!

 

Look I am just offering an opinion based on her actions and statements. Everything she has done so far means the relationship is over. Since she is relatively young and doesn't want to be perceived as the "bad guy" she keeps saying she loves you and wants the relationship but she hasn't actually done anything that is consistent with a person who actually wants to stay in a relationship.

So what would be consistent with a person who actually wants to stay in a relationship?

[Fraser]

So if you told her you need your thinking time then why did she return all her relationship items before giving you a chance to make up your mind?

 

Its not like she returning all my stuff - theres loads of stuff that belongs to me still at her place, I think she was just trying to show me something, y'know?

[Fraser]

This is the key to it, Fraser. This relationship is way too valuable to throw away because of this one little thing. It wasn't her who initiated it, she just hesitated a second before pushing him away. If you truly believe what you wrote above then it's time to reconcile and start the healing. It's even possible to make it better than ever. You both deserve every chance to make that happen.

 

I do believe it, totally.......I just don't know where to start

[Fraser]

If you're correct then it's deliberate emotional manipulation by her. As you stated he had asked her to leave him alone for a while but she ignored him and did what she wanted to "evoke an emotional response.".

 

I kind of want her to thou, im sick of the ball being in my court when I did nothing wrong, I want her to fix it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, I think there's been an overreaction to the delivery of the nicknacks and the letter she sent. I don't think she was dumping him. I think she's trying to make the grand gesture to get him to take her back. My only problem with it is that she's trying to push him into making a decision instead of letting him deliberate, but I don't think it has the nefarious motives that have been bandied about ITT today.

[salparadise]

I do believe it, totally.......I just don't know where to start

 

Start by telling her you love her and want her, want to forgive and move forward. Explain that you're going to need her reassurance and help in healing, but that you're certain you want her in your life. Tell her you know she's sorry and you forgive, and ask her understanding and forgiveness too. Kiss her like you mean it and take her out to celebrate!

 

Set that pride and ego aside for the foreseeable future, if not permanently. She's done all she can now, it's time to man-up, and in this case it means nurturing what is valuable and right for you both––despite the fact that you hit a bump in the road. Nothing is perfect. You just gotta go for what's right.

[Simon Phoenix]

Start by telling her you love her and want her, want to forgive and move forward. Explain that you're going to need her reassurance and help in healing, but that you're certain you want her in your life. Tell her you know she's sorry and you forgive, and ask her understanding and forgiveness too. Kiss her like you mean it and take her out to celebrate!

 

Set that pride and ego aside for the foreseeable future, if not permanently. She's done all she can now, it's time to man-up, and in this case it means nurturing what is valuable and right for you both––despite the fact that you hit a bump in the road. Nothing is perfect. You just gotta go for what's right.

 

Um, what does he need to apologize for exactly?

[Iama]

Start by telling her you love her and want her, want to forgive and move forward. Explain that you're going to need her reassurance and help in healing, but that you're certain you want her in your life. Tell her you know she's sorry and you forgive, and ask her understanding and forgiveness too. Kiss her like you mean it and take her out to celebrate!

 

Set that pride and ego aside for the foreseeable future, if not permanently. She's done all she can now, it's time to man-up, and in this case it means nurturing what is valuable and right for you both––despite the fact that you hit a bump in the road. Nothing is perfect. You just gotta go for what's right.

 

While I agree he should put his pride and ego aside... I think he should be way less nurturing and warm approach.

 

More of a "I'm giving this a shot, but it's up to you to fix this. Let's just see how it goes", rather than "Everything is the same, let's celebrate."

 

Where to start? Call her up and tell her you would wanna meet up with her @ date and time if she can.

Then tell her exactly what you've been thinking. That she hurt your big thick manly skin. That you'd be willing to give it another try, but it's up to her to convince you that things like this won't happen again and that she truly can be trusted. Ask her about her opinion as well. And what she thinks is the best for the both of you. LISTEN. Choose whatever you think is best.

 

Tell her exactly what you're thinking, even tell her you emotions if you want but NEVER BE emotional in doing so. Be rational and level-headed, or else it might turn into a who's wrong type of scenario which you want to avoid.

 

Cheers, GL and let us know how it goes.

[Simon Phoenix]

While I agree he should put his pride and ego aside... I think he should be way less nurturing and warm approach.

 

More of a "I'm giving this a shot, but it's up to you to fix this. Let's just see how it goes", rather than "Everything is the same, let's celebrate."

 

Where to start? Call her up and tell her you would wanna meet up with her @ date and time if she can.

Then tell her exactly what you've been thinking. That she hurt your big thick manly skin. That you'd be willing to give it another try, but it's up to her to convince you that things like this won't happen again and that she truly can be trusted. Ask her about her opinion as well. And what she thinks is the best for the both of you. LISTEN. Choose whatever you think is best.

 

Tell her exactly what you're thinking, even tell her you emotions if you want but NEVER BE emotional in doing so. Be rational and level-headed, or else it might turn into a who's wrong type of scenario which you want to avoid.

 

Cheers, GL and let us know how it goes.

 

Much better approach. He needs to be practical with her. Does not need to nurture her and sure as sh*t should not be apologizing to her.

[aias]

What??? dumped??? She is telling him that is his choice... how manipulative can someone become?

 

Fraser please... stop posting here and analyse your relationship by your own... people here are not invested in your relationship... they are bitter for their own bad experiences that they project to you.

 

It is you the one who needs to decide if what she did is something unforgivable or not... only you. Think about you and how would you feel the best.

 

Don't allow other peoples ego and bitterness play with your life... they are playing God with your life!

At last a reasonable person,18 pages of hatred and wickedness.what's the matter with you people, she kissed a guy she has regret it,she is more than willing to fix it,why you chery-pick everything trying to make her look like the devil himshelf?

she has made a mistake and admits it, don't you ever make mistakes? Why you lay the blame in bad faith when it could be pure stupidity? I thought that "Les Misérables" was fiction, well i was wrong.

[Fraser]

While I agree he should put his pride and ego aside... I think he should be way less nurturing and warm approach.

 

More of a "I'm giving this a shot, but it's up to you to fix this. Let's just see how it goes", rather than "Everything is the same, let's celebrate." [/Quote]

I agree I love her, I want her but I don't feel particually warm and nurturing right now

 

Where to start? Call her up and tell her you would wanna meet up with her @ date and time if she can.

Then tell her exactly what you've been thinking. That she hurt your big thick manly skin. That you'd be willing to give it another try, but it's up to her to convince you that things like this won't happen again and that she truly can be trusted. Ask her about her opinion as well. And what she thinks is the best for the both of you. LISTEN. Choose whatever you think is best.

I like that...I can't fix it all by myself, I want her to play an active roll I'm repairing this.

 

Tell her exactly what you're thinking, even tell her you emotions if you want but NEVER BE emotional in doing so. Be rational and level-headed, or else it might turn into a who's wrong type of scenario which you want to avoid.

Makes sense!

 

, GL and let us know how it goes.

Thank you

[Fraser]

Obvious answer, if she can't handle herself appropriately in a situation, then she has to stop putting herself in that situation. We are talking about going anywhere where other guys might be without you, especially if there is alcohol being served. Remember this guy she kissed isn't even particularly attractive.

 

So it means she can't go to pubs or cafes without you anymore. Can't go partying or girls night out anymore. Can't go to parties where guys might be anymore without you.

If the only way to keep a girl faithful to me is by virtually keeping her under house arrest then I don't want any part of that - ause what have we really got. I want to be able to trust my girl enough she can leave the house without cheating if she can't then were done!

 

Most likely she simply won't agree to it. She's not going to stop going out and having fun when you're not around.

My mum and dad met as young teens, I believe the secret to making young relationships work is making sure that your still having fun

 

Rather than respecting you enough to listen to what you told her--leave you alone for a while so you could sort things out--she actually disrespected you by trying to emotionally pull at your heart strings.

 

You try to rationalize that after the fact by saying it was OK but still she didn't do as you asked her to.

Well yeah but then I want her to be fighting for this

[Simon Phoenix]

Well yeah but then I want her to be fighting for this

 

There's a difference between fighting for appearance's sake and fighting because you really want and respect the other person. Fighting for someone doesn't mean infringing on them when they are having a think -- it means being thoughtful and putting your best foot forward when it's time to "battle". I don't like that she's been pushing you -- she needs to let you take your space and then fight when it's time for you to talk.

[Woggle]

When you let cheating types get away with small things and forgive them it emboldens them to try it again and become more brazen. When you let stuff like this slide it just opens up the door for them to do it again but step it up a notch. You have to draw a very hard line when it comes to how people treat you or else you will be walked all over.

[ChessPieceFace]

I don't really understand the circumstances. Who she kissed, why, how long she's known him? Someone else encouraged her to do it? Your wall of text is hard to parse.

 

The pleading is meaningless and what cheaters always do. But the fact she came right forward and told you says something very positive. It's just a question of whether this is a current or future pattern of behavior, or not. If you could establish her sincerity, and you really care about her, then I could see sticking with her if that's what you wanted to do.

[Suave]

I would find it very difficult to continue a relationship after details of cheating had surfaced, regardless of who it is with.

 

Once that is out in the open, everything changes.