My gf kissed another guy :((

[JustJoe]

Ok, Fraser, I'm back again after a couple of days off. Here is how I see it.

She sent you the box of stuff for 2 reasons. 1. To show you how much your relationship means to her. 2. In order to manipulate you into forgiving her, by bringing out the emotional heavy Artillery. Both of these are legitimate and understandable. And should be viewed for what they are and responded to.

BUT. This act of affection isn't the same as her doing the work necessary to prove to you that there will NEVER be a repeat of this kind of thing. You should make this clear as crystal to her. Have you asked her the questions I proposed? Has she said how she is going to address her boundary issues and trust issues? The most important thing is for her to show YOU, not stuff from your past, but her self-improvement intentions for the future. If you decide that there will be a future. I think you need to have a real "come to Jesus" meeting with her, express your thanks for the box of goodies, but to also find out what she is going to do to show you she deserves a second chance, and how much she is willing to get to the cause of the kiss.. THEN, MAKE SURE SHE FOLLOWS THROUGH. You both can overcome this, but it will take good will on your part, and hard work and desire on hers.

[Fraser]

Obviously it would never be you keeping her under house arrest. She would be doing it because she voluntarily wants to, and knows it's a consequence of her own actions.

I understand that but what im trying to say is that's not the relationship I want, I don't want to be with a girl I have zero trust in.

I want to work towards being able to trust her as much as possible again - not on ensuring shes never In the same room as another guy again.

Surely its better to deal with the problem rather than avoid it.

 

When a person shows bad behavior in a particular environment or situation then if you want to avoid a repeat of the behavior, you have to avoid that environment or situation. "Will power" is not enough.

really? You don't even train a dog like that - if a dog fights another dog you don't just avoid it having contact with any other dog again do you? You keep putting it in that situation until it learns.........not that im comparing my gf to a dog im just saying I doubt the whole 'if you have a problem, avoid it' theory.

 

I really suspect the rock you don't want to turn over is that her relationship with the guy from high school is stronger than either of you would like to admit. There is nothing else to explain why she would do this.

Tbh her relationship with him isn't something im particularly concerned about. I know they haven't spoken in 3 years

 

It would definitely include cutting off all contact with the guy she kissed, even "platonic" contact. It doesn't sound that has even been discussed yet that is the FIRST thing that she should have agreed to do--and willingly.

Of course, of course, she doesn't have contact with him anyway and he'll be back abroad soon.

 

I think that's the wrong way of looking at this. The assumption is that she loves you and is sincere about that love. There's nothing for her to fight for because she has your love. There's nothing for you to fight for because you have her love

.

She does, but I don't know whether she knows that's still the case post-this-kiss.

 

Kissing other guys is inappropriate behavior. Putting herself into situations where she increases the risk of kissing other guys is also inappropriate behavior because one can lead to the other. Any contact at with the guy she kissed, even "innocent," must cease forever because it could lead to more kissing.

I agree

 

It's the same with any inappropriate behavior in a given relationship. If a child "acts out" that doesn't mean you stop loving the child. It means they have to learn, or be trained to, modify the inappropriate behavior.

One of the ways of doing this is to set firm and clear boundaries of your expectations and sticking to them. When you tell her something she needs to take it seriously, and behave in accordance with your wishes. If she repeatedly violates your boundaries over time then you have a choice because you're in the relationship on a voluntary basis too.

Again I agree with that, but im not a dictator - I think boundaries need at least to be fair! And no one loves a nervous wreck who wont let them out alone - im her bf and I think its important our relationship stays as that, Im not her dad - I want a relationship where were equal, im not out to be an authorities figure, in these circumstances shes hurt me so I do believe and agree she needs to make sacrifices to help fix that but I don't want to damage the dynamics of a our relationship too much.

[Simon Phoenix]

The dynamics of the relationship were damaged though. You aren't going to be able to put it together exactly how it was before. Like another poster said pages ago, she has to be demoted from "the girl I'm going to marry" to "wait and see", at least for the time being. And that's if you decide to try with her. It's never going to be the same.

 

That being said, she can get back to the "girl you want to marry", but she has to be in work and it's not going to be the same it was before. No matter where you go from here, it's going to be different. Will it be stronger, will it dissipate over time or will it not be restarted at all? Those are the questions that will be answered in time.

 

And you keep on saying that you aren't worried about the guy because she hadn't seen him in years and he was going out of town. The fact that she picked a random acquaintance to do this with isn't exactly something you should take comfort in. In fact, it would probably make me more worried. What happens when she hangs out with a guy who she has more of a friendly bond with? That would concern the hell out of me.

 

Trying to look at it through your eyes, there are two things concern me about a reconciliation attempt -- what I just mentioned plus her pressuring you while you are in thinking mode. That would rub me the wrong way if I were in your shoes. But who knows.

[Fraser]

When you let cheating types get away with small things and forgive them it emboldens them to try it again and become more brazen. When you let stuff like this slide it just opens up the door for them to do it again but step it up a notch. You have to draw a very hard line when it comes to how people treat you or else you will be walked all over.

 

The thing is that if all our relationship is to her is a game where she sees how much she can get away with then i'll walk cause im not gonna play stupid games.

My gut says it means more to her than that..

[Fraser]

I don't really understand the circumstances. Who she kissed, why, how long she's known him? Someone else encouraged her to do it? Your wall of text is hard to parse.

Sorry,

she kissed a bloke she knew from school and hasn't seen in years, as for why god only knows.. he's back in town cause his nans seriously ill and her nan passed away last month - that's the subject they were on.

 

The pleading is meaningless and what cheaters always do. But the fact she came right forward and told you says something very positive. It's just a question of whether this is a current or future pattern of behavior, or not. If you could establish her sincerity, and you really care about her, then I could see sticking with her if that's what you wanted to do.

Its definitely not a pattern of behaviour - its very out of character - I uess that's whats knocked me for six.

[Fraser]

She sent you the box of stuff for 2 reasons. 1. To show you how much your relationship means to her. 2. In order to manipulate you into forgiving her, by bringing out the emotional heavy Artillery. Both of these are legitimate and understandable. And should be viewed for what they are and responded to.

Hey mate, yeah I totally agree!

 

BUT. This act of affection isn't the same as her doing the work necessary to prove to you that there will NEVER be a repeat of this kind of thing. You should make this clear as crystal to her.

Again that's very true!

 

Have you asked her the questions I proposed? Has she said how she is going to address her boundary issues and trust issues? The most important thing is for her to show YOU, not stuff from your past, but her self-improvement intentions for the future.

That makes sense - I will, i'll see her later today cause its her little cousins birthday party - I told him ages back id go and im a man of my word so i'll see her then, I'll have a chat.

 

If you decide that there will be a future. I think you need to have a real "come to Jesus" meeting with her, express your thanks for the box of goodies, but to also find out what she is going to do to show you she deserves a second chance, and how much she is willing to get to the cause of the kiss.. THEN, MAKE SURE SHE FOLLOWS THROUGH. You both can overcome this, but it will take good will on your part, and hard work and desire on hers.

Yeah, I like that, thanks mate!

[Fraser]

she has to be demoted from "the girl I'm going to marry" to "wait and see", at least for the time being. And that's if you decide to try with her. It's never going to be the same.

Yeah true I guess..

 

That being said, she can get back to the "girl you want to marry", but she has to be in work and it's not going to be the same it was before. No matter where you go from here, it's going to be different. Will it be stronger, will it dissipate over time or will it not be restarted at all? Those are the questions that will be answered in time.

I know that's true, its hard to take but I know its true.

 

And you keep on saying that you aren't worried about the guy because she hadn't seen him in years and he was going out of town. The fact that she picked a random acquaintance to do this with isn't exactly something you should take comfort in. In fact, it would probably make me more worried. What happens when she hangs out with a guy who she has more of a friendly bond with? That would concern the hell out of me.

Well yeah im not worried about him personally. Whether it makes her actions better or worse im not sure - like at least it wasn't a long running thing, flirting, in which she repeatedly put herself in a position of spending time with him. But on the other hand like you point out him meaning so little to her could also be seen as a negative thing - she'd risk our relationship over a no body.

Saying all that I don't like the fella and I don't like his game whatever it was, asking her about me before kissing her and then telling her not to tell me, I don't like him and I don't trust him but that doesn't matter - the only person it matters if I trust is Megan.

As for any of the guys shes more friendly with I dunno, I don't see them as a threat - if she wanted to be with them she would be, she's never cheated on me before and they've all been in the picture long before me so I dunno, I don't see them as a threat.

[HiddenUser]

What a lot of people are concerned about is whether or not this is the tip of the iceberg.

 

I'm not keeping up with every single page, but by the sounds of it, Fraser has already convinced himself to give her another opportunity. From what I have read, though, I really don't see it lasting much longer. Couples that have been together for a while gain a sense of security. The prospect of moving on usually overshadows the actual issues and people get back together for comfort. Things are great for a while but suddenly those issues come flooding back and the relationship is reset again. Her letter pretty much proves her immaturity and feeling of insecurity. "Don't want to accept my apology? Fine, I loved you, but it's your fault that we're not together now. I'm not waiting for you to make up your mind. I've already said I'm sorry that I hurt you, but now you're just hurting me. I'm done with you." She's expecting him to get over this like it's nothing. If he forgives her, she'll know her behavior was acceptable. Subconsciously, she'll see him as a weak, insecure pushover. It's going to ruin her attraction to him and further push her to repeat her cheating behavior.

 

I could always be wrong, but I don't feel as if I am. Only time will tell what happens once Fraser forgives her. I'm really hoping it works out for the best, but I just don't see that it will.

Edited August 8, 2013 by HiddenUser

[Fraser]

There are a couple of points this brings up to me.

 

First, human psychology isn't black and white. You want this thing to be black and white and it's not. Giving into temptations doesn't mean a person is automatically all evil game player and vice versa, an apparently totally "good" person can give into temptation in the right combination of circumstances. It happens all the time where people who seemingly have been happily married for years, one of them gets into an environment and gives into a temptation. Yeah it's a deliberate choice to cheat but there are ways of increasing or reducing the risk BEFORE the temptation gets too great.

Mmm that's all very true, I guess I do like things to be black and white, this or thatand I do know that people and relationships aren't always like that I just guess with me and Megan it always has been.

 

On the other hand, and if not in this relationship hopefully in the future, you and your gf or future partner(s) will learn the time-tested wisdom of having clear and firm boundaries of what is and is not acceptable behavior in a relationship.

Yeah I think before now I always kinda thought that kind of stuff was unspoken

 

lot of people also have pretty serious family issues which they bury deep down yet they act out in their own relationships. Could be her mom cheated (you might not know about that) on her dad, or is flirtatious around other men, and she's acting on that role model. But dude you're not her psychologist either. But everyone develops baggage and brings it into their relationships, now you've got a whole lot of baggage that you're dealing with from this one.

I get that - like my brothers gf had a really really err tough home life and she carries that with her and that's a big part of there relationship but they work on it and they do alright.

But Megan's family is like as stable as they come, my parents had us very young and always had a unique kinda attitude to parenting, my dad was sports mad thou, hence why I still probably spend more time swimming than sleeping, but we turned out alright and I'm close to my family but megas family is just...like that kind of normal that no one actually is , y'know? Like I can't imagine her parents before they were 45 and married with grown up children,

 

She sounds like a good person who loves you and cares about you but perhaps is somewhat immature and inexperienced and ALSO does not place you on quite the same high level of value as you place her. She does not have firm boundaries for her behavior and she needs to learn those. That takes time and maturity. If she is early 20's it may well take her five to ten years to reach a maturity level where she is totally trustworthy in any romantic relationship.

Ah she is a good person, I know that.

 

Fraser, think of all the teenage and early 20's age girls you know. Can you seriously say these women as a group are particularly "mature" as in being completely ready for lifelong committed monogamous relationships?

No not at all, most are no way day for that kind of commitment.

 

just like your gf, right?

But not just like my gf - this is the thing. Like megan was the exception from that (not just me saying that because I was dating her). Like so so many people ypu see to make a big deal about us being like a 'married coupled' or of how 'settled down' we were. People our age, people our folks age, people our grandparents age, i heard it over and over again.

It's not just me that's surprised by what she's done. my friends, her friends, my family, her family - all I keep hearing is 'i can't believe it' 'Megan's just so not like that'

This whole thing was really put of character in a way that it wouldn't be for most girls that Age.

 

But the same thing applies to you too. Put you in a situation--let's say you find yourself at a hot tub party with numerous scanty clad hot women, everyone is drinking and partying, one of them comes over in the hot tub and sit on your lap--as a 20 year old guy, can you honestly say under no circumstances would a kiss happen or you might grope her (or she you) before you came to your senses? Or something more?

It's a good question! I can honestly say that what I've got with her is too special to throw it away on some other girl. But obviously I couldn't stop her kissing me always - I have had that once a girl kiss me out of no where...but I had plenty of witnesses to account that gave her no signs and I pushed her straight off me, that was like wayy back, me and meg had only been together about a month.

 

I understand you don't want to be a jail keeper but what you are basically saying is that the gf would not really be up for these kinds of restrictions on her activities and would end up resenting you for even asking or perhaps finding ways to evade them. This is one of the reasons a lot of people are telling you just to next her, because even if she can be rehabilitated the effort required and the odds are so long that you're just better off starting fresh and not wasting any more of your time on this relationship (if what you are after is "serious" not just "fun").

No no not at all I'm not saying she wouldn't do what I asked to save our relationship or gain my trust or whatever I just don't, I'm not looking to punish her in anyway, I want our relationship to remain as untouched as possible hence I on,ypu want to make changes that are totally necessary combined with the fact that I want her to be able to say 'sorry I've got a bf' or take herself out of the situation herself, not do it because I'm asking her too.

I guess I want her to take responsibility for fixing it!

[Fraser]

The "why" isn't that complicated, really. [assuming this was just a random one-off kiss] Because you put young emotionally immature people of opposite sex together, add some alcohol, perhaps some strong emotions due to the circumstances (and your gf is VERY emotional by the way she is behaving with you, almost melodramatic), and there is natural attraction. It's human biology. The ATTRACTION is ALWAYS going to be there.

I guess yeah!

If you met her and you didn't connect her with this thread you wouldn't think tht - that she was emotional person - she holds back a lot till she really knows someone, she's shy but underneath she is, especially regarding her nan dying, they wer're close, that hit her really hard (but like I say you wouldn't know it till its was just the two of us - at the funeral she was looking after everyone else)

 

What a mature, committed person learns to do if they want to be in a serious monogamous relationship is not to act out on that attraction, or frequently, not put themself in that position in the first place.

That makes sense, yeah!

 

Fraser, the friends you and your crowd hang out with--how many of them are happily married and spend a lot of time socializing & partying WITHOUT their spouses? Or if not married in serious committed monogamous long term relationships?

 

Think about it.

Well obviously most of our friends aren't settled down, my best mate from school is Married with a little boy and one of my other friends is in a very solid relationship - and point taken neither of them spend a lot of time socialising apart.

Altough I don't want to give the wrong impression - me and Megan don't spend a lot of time socialising apart - obviously I do things with the boys as she does with her girls but most things we do together. That said though obviously I have to spend a lot of time training, something that my friends in committed relationships don't do, and I'm awear of that so I feel it's unfair of me to expect her to sit at home doing nothing cause I'm training...although not unfair of me to not want it to be one on one with some guy (which it never normally is to be fair) I guess it's all about balance really.

 

As far as whether it's a "pattern of behavior"--Fraser, you really don't know this gf as well as you think you do. Have you spoken with her past boyfriends? You don't even know if she's done this kind of thing in your own relationship before. What a lot of people are concerned about is whether or not this is the tip of the iceberg.

I haven't met them but I know of her past bf's - you know like friend of a friend - she's only had 2 and iknow she didn't cheat on them, one moved to australiaand the other one dumped her for his ex. And I really don't believe she's cheated in me before - if she couldn't keep one kiss that she easily could of and was being told to, from me. Then I really don't think she's done it before.

[Fraser]

I'm not keeping up with every single page, but by the sounds of it, Fraser has already convinced himself to give her another opportunity. From what I have read, though, I really don't see it lasting much longer. Couples that have been together for a while gain a sense of security. The prospect of moving on usually overshadows the actual issues and people get back together for comfort. Things are great for a while but suddenly those issues come flooding back and the relationship is reset again.

The thing is if there was issues in the table to deal with I'd deal with them, but I can't find any causefor this. If there's issues I sure don't know what they are!

 

Her letter pretty much proves her immaturity and feeling of insecurity. "Don't want to accept my apology? Fine, I loved you, but it's your fault that we're not together now. I'm not waiting for you to make up your mind. I've already said I'm sorry that I hurt you, but now you're just hurting me. I'm done with you." She's expecting him to get over this like it's nothing. If he forgives her, she'll know her behavior was acceptable. Subconsciously, she'll see him as a weak, insecure pushover. It's going to ruin her attraction to him and further push her to repeat her cheating behavior.

At the very least I don't think anywhere she has said she's done with more or have I said what she's done is acceptable!

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah true I guess..

 

 

I know that's true, its hard to take but I know its true.

 

 

Well yeah im not worried about him personally. Whether it makes her actions better or worse im not sure - like at least it wasn't a long running thing, flirting, in which she repeatedly put herself in a position of spending time with him. But on the other hand like you point out him meaning so little to her could also be seen as a negative thing - she'd risk our relationship over a no body.

Saying all that I don't like the fella and I don't like his game whatever it was, asking her about me before kissing her and then telling her not to tell me, I don't like him and I don't trust him but that doesn't matter - the only person it matters if I trust is Megan.

As for any of the guys shes more friendly with I dunno, I don't see them as a threat - if she wanted to be with them she would be, she's never cheated on me before and they've all been in the picture long before me so I dunno, I don't see them as a threat.

 

You didn't see this guy as a threat either though.

[Shepp]

obviously I have to spend a lot of time training, something that my friends in committed relationships don't do, and I'm awear of that so I feel it's unfair of me to expect her to sit at home doing nothing cause I'm training

 

Its swimming you do right?

So is she cool with this?? Or is this your potential mystery issue??

[Fraser]

Have you asked her the questions I proposed? Has she said how she is going to address her boundary issues and trust issues? The most important thing is for her to show YOU, not stuff from your past, but her self-improvement intentions for the future.

 

So we had a chat about this kind of thing - I basically told her I wanted her to decide where we go from here, how we fix it, boundries I guess..

her response was along the lines of:

Fraser I would do anything that you wanted, and if you want me to take the lead in fixing it i'll be completely transparent with you. Tell you where im going and who im going with. If something happens and plans change, I'll let you know. Right down to leaving the house for milk if you want me too?

And he's gone darling, ive deleted him off my facebook I don't need or to ever see him again.

And you already know my passwords for my phone and email, I use the same one for everything - check it, whenever you want, I have never and will never hide anything from you.

If I knew what to say or do id do it but I don't, all I can say is I promise you it wont happen again.

[Fraser]

Its swimming you do right?

So is she cool with this?? Or is this your potential mystery issue??

 

Yeahh, no she's totally cool weigh it, she's a big supporter of my swimming!!

[salparadise]

While I agree he should put his pride and ego aside... I think he should be way less nurturing and warm approach. More of a "I'm giving this a shot, but it's up to you to fix this. Let's just see how it goes", rather than "Everything is the same, let's celebrate."

 

Obviously things aren't going to be exactly the same in the short-term, but I don't think he should used this to exert power and control or put her on probation so to speak. As for saying he's sorry to her, it's not that he needs to, it's a gracious gesture that helps restore the balance. He hasn't done anything egregious but she has suffered too and a simple "I'm sorry too" would be a way of assuaging her pain, the opposite of leveraging the situation and maintaining an air of sanctity. I believe that if he's going to forgive and reconcile he should do so completely.

 

I know the hard-liners here cannot see the value in this, and many pages of that line of reasoning are on record, so no need to dissect and go on about it again.

 

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." C.S. Lewis

[Fraser]

The purpose of the courtship ritual is you get to see how the other person

behaves over an extended period of time. After the initial first few weeks or months of the sexual chemistry begin to cool off a little bit.

You get a chance to see the person over time cycles and in different

situations.

I get that - one of the things I loves about iur relationship was our honeymoon phase was gone but the day-in-day-our-real-life gig was great with her.

 

In that situation anyone would want to believe "it's just a kiss." Except

it usually isn't just a kiss. There is an underlying motivation behind it which

led up to it

 

When the gf is unable to explain why she did it, that's a huge cause for

concern. The why of it requires her to be honest with herself and with Fraser.

We don't know the "why she did it" because she's not telling. Either because she's hiding it or because she doesn't understand it. Either one of those possibilities is alarming.

True, I mean like if she had a problem within the relationship then I could work and make changes to help fix that.

 

But Fraser the ONLY remedy is TIME.

You don't want to hear that because basically it means you might invest another year or so of your life in a relationship that ends up going nowhere which you don't want to do.

yeah I think the time is worth it thou - our relationship was good, I want to know I tried, we tried to save it.

 

See now this is the thing, this isn't just me putting her on a pedestal this is the honest truth (which in a way makes the whole thing harder to understand) -

Does she like partying a lot when you aren't around?

Not at all, she'll go if its her friends birthday or whatever but that's not her idea of a good night, she's always more down for a chilled night with a couple of close mates or a quite night with a movie just the two of us.

Does she tend to develop "friendships" with other men where she shares her feelings with them?

no, shes very reserved when it comes to her feelings normally - like even at her nans funeral, I know how bad she was hurting (she was very close to her nan and her death was very sudden) but she didn't cry, she was looking after everyone else. Shes different with me to some extent though, she lets me in more, y'know she cried herself to sleep that night in my arms but saying that she'd made me breakfast in bed as per next morning when i woke up - again alwasys looking out for everyone else. But ive gone off topic, she doesn't have many close male friends.

Does she tend to be careless with alcohol, money, or other day to day things in her life?

Again no (see this is whats so strange) shes good with money, shes got a really good job, she likes her gin but isn't a big drinker.

 

Is this a girl who has a good basic foundation of integrity?

I would of sworn she was...you knoe, like our core values were very similar, shes got good morals, this whole situation hasn't just shocked me its knocked her own friends and family for six.

 

A person with integrity doesn't cheat on their partner because cheating violates their personal integrity, as well as hurting the partner. Even if they decide they no longer love their partner, they don't cheat because "cheating is wrong" and would violate their own self-image as an honest person even if the betrayed partner never finds out about it

.

I do agree, I do.

 

A person who just does things based on feelings and emotions rather than from a center of personal integrity is more prone to cheat. They love you when they feel that way but if they are in a different situation and their emotions pull them towards someone else they will tend to justify cheating based on listening to those emotions rather than behaving from a central core image of personal integrity.

makes sense..

 

 

thanks

[Simon Phoenix]

Obviously things aren't going to be exactly the same in the short-term, but I don't think he should used this to exert power and control or put her on probation so to speak. As for saying he's sorry to her, it's not that he needs to, it's a gracious gesture that helps restore the balance. He hasn't done anything egregious but she has suffered too and a simple "I'm sorry too" would be a way of assuaging her pain, the opposite of leveraging the situation and maintaining an air of sanctity. I believe that if he's going to forgive and reconcile he should do so completely.

 

I know the hard-liners here cannot see the value in this, and many pages of that line of reasoning are on record, so no need to dissect and go on about it again.

 

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." C.S. Lewis

 

She suffered due to her own mistake. There is no need for him to apologize at all.

[MrRightNow]

So we had a chat about this kind of thing - I basically told her I wanted her to decide where we go from here, how we fix it, boundries I guess..

her response was along the lines of:

Fraser I would do anything that you wanted, and if you want me to take the lead in fixing it i'll be completely transparent with you. Tell you where im going and who im going with. If something happens and plans change, I'll let you know. Right down to leaving the house for milk if you want me too?

And he's gone darling, ive deleted him off my facebook I don't need or to ever see him again.

And you already know my passwords for my phone and email, I use the same one for everything - check it, whenever you want, I have never and will never hide anything from you.

If I knew what to say or do id do it but I don't, all I can say is I promise you it wont happen again.

 

Personally, I could never be in a relationship in which I felt it necessary to keep track of my girlfriend's every move. Are you sure it's worth it Fraser?

[Fraser]

Personally, I could never be in a relationship in which I felt it necessary to keep track of my girlfriend's every move. Are you sure it's worth it Fraser?

 

Well ths is exactly it that's me all over - I honestly have no desire to keep track of her whereabouts. In my heart I just want to trust her and if she screws up again then we're over. But I also feel that if she wants to do this stuff voluntarily to try and fix or help smooth over te fall out then maybe tHats okay...I have no desire to 'punish' her in anyway but I a.so don't want to one over Asa pushover..

[salparadise]

She suffered due to her own mistake. There is no need for him to apologize at all.

 

I told someone yesterday that I was sorry she was not feeling well. I had no part in the reason she wasn't feeling well. Was I wrong to do that?

[Simon Phoenix]

I told someone yesterday that I was sorry she was not feeling well. I had no part in the reason she wasn't feeling well. Was I wrong to do that?

 

That's a really, really bad example, since I'm doubting her sickness negatively impacted your life in any degree, much less the degree Fraser's girlfriend's actions impacted his. I think you need to take a lap.

[Fraser]

Just wanted to check in at the start of a brand new year to seriously thank everyone for their advice and support at a time in my life where my head was all over the shop. It was my one source of genuinely impartial advice and it helped be see things with a clearer head.

 

Me and my girlfriend are still together, better that we ever were I think. She is more open now, doesn't bottle everything up as much and I think my pool/home life balance was in need of some adjustment and I try to be more flexible with my time now.

 

So yeah, just wanted to say thanks!!

 

- Fraser

[mano]

Yayy, good luck to both of u.

Glad things are better than ever.

[Shepp]

Happy for you mate! Good on you both