ausername Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) i was emotionally involved with my best friend for two years. it was one of those things that you don't expect to happen and aren't sure how it ended up happening, but it happened and at the time it felt unavoidable, and she was trying to sort out what it meant for her life. we never took things too far, but there was still guilt and confusion and it was a very messy time. some time ago, we decided that nothing was ever going to change if we didn't take time apart. this was excruciatingly painful, though it's gotten easier. at first it was no contact and i tried to completely let go emotionally, but as she's headed towards separation, we've started to talk to each other a little more. the important thing is that whatever she's doing, she's not doing for me, she's doing for her, because it's the thing that makes sense for her life. but it's hard for her not to think about me, and it's hard for me not to think about her, and it feels fake when i tell myself i've let go, because i clearly haven't. supposing she keeps moving forward, i don't know at what point we should start seeing each other again. maybe we'll know? maybe it will just feel right? in a perfect, emotionless, world, the answer is, "once the papers are signed." but that's definitely more than a year away and could be longer, and i'm not sure i could keep waiting and stay lonely that long. what do people do when the "happy ending" looks nigh? i'm not naive enough to assume that things are definitely going to work out, but i want to give them the chance to without messing things up or getting in the way. Edited July 31, 2013 by ausername Link to post Share on other sites
AllTooWell Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 In my opinion if you can't keep waiting/can't wait that long then you need to let go and move on now. Firstly, if she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you. Secondly, I highly doubt she will ACTUALLY go through with her divorce. Thirdly, if you can't wait a single year for this girl you claim to want - why do you want to be with her? Do you see marriage and a future with this girl? I don't think you really do if a single year apart is preventing you from toughing through it. Personally, I say you should cut her out. Wait for her to approach you. And remind yourself of how she has treated her husband because that could be your future. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 At least one year after the divorce is final. NC until then. That is the advice I would give to anyone. Now special advice for somebody interested in a cheater - the above plus once they get their crap together. Cheating instead of leaving is a character flaw. You will be dating a cheater if she doesn't work on changing her coping skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ausername Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) it's true that a year isn't that long. and i probably can wait it out if i know for certain what's happening, yeah, because i always have seen a future here. it's just tough. i was wondering what most people did. people here are quick to say "once a cheater always a cheater" or "if she'll cheat on you she'll cheat with you" without even knowing the story. but "cheating" is such a vague term that it can mean anything from a full-on affair to just having feelings for someone else. and by the latter definition, i'm pretty sure everyone's been a cheater at some point in their life. sometimes it just takes some people longer to figure out what that means to their life and decide whether or not it makes sense to act. Edited August 1, 2013 by ausername Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 i'm pretty sure everyone's been a cheater at some point in their life. sometimes it just takes some people longer to figure out what that means to their life and decide whether or not it makes sense to act. If you would be okay with what she is doing to her BS being done to you, then there is no reason to go NC at all. If she decides to stay with her BS then you will survive. And you know the deal. If she leaves and does the same to you. Again you know the deal. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ausername Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 If you would be okay with what she is doing to her BS being done to you, then there is no reason to go NC at all. If she decides to stay with her BS then you will survive. And you know the deal. If she leaves and does the same to you. Again you know the deal. Good luck. different situations are different. too many assumptions, too many bitter people here that think that no one ever learns from their lives, i guess. later. i won't read any responses to this. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I know you probably won't read this, but in case you do... you may want to examine why you've resorted to name calling in this discussion. 1) I do think people learn from their mistakes. Which is why I gave you the advice to wait at least a year AND after she gets it together. I think that was pretty good advice. 2) I don't see where I have made assumptions. Your girl is with somebody else. An emotional affair is still cheating. 3) I am not bitter. Sometimes when you hear something it strikes a chord and you immediately want to discard it. Maybe later you can come back to this thread. In case you do, I won't post in it again so as not to upset you. I do still wish you good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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