MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) In your A is there/was there anything with regards to the MP's marriage that was too much information for you? Did you listen in on conversations, look at their finances, read emails between them and their spouse, watch videos of them etc? How much did your MP share about their marriage? Did you request that they not share certain details? Were there any details shared which felt awkward? Edited July 31, 2013 by MissBee capitalize title Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Check your inbox Stuff thaf was told in innocence...maybe because he didn't think I would feel anything...or else he was downright insensitive ... Who knows Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Check your inbox Stuff thaf was told in innocence...maybe because he didn't think I would feel anything...or else he was downright insensitive ... Who knows Smhh....not even sure what to make of it As for me....I'm trying to think. He didn't share much information about their relationship and being discreet is a virtue of his, which I did respect. He saw our relationship as ours and theirs as theirs and never the twain shall meet was his motto. I didn't have to request he not share certain details because he didn't have a habit of doing so anyway. I never looked at emails between them, texts, listened in on conversations, saw videos or anything. Maybe I'm overlooking something...if I remember anything I thought was TMI I'll post it. He told me once, and only because I asked and was upset about something, that they always used condoms...that's about the only "TMI" thing I can recall. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Yes, I overheard conversations. I rarely listened to them exclusively. No to email or financial statement. I know how much he paid for his house and how much he pays in taxes. As he does mine, we compared county pages once. Because he is getting older I often know if he is unable to have an erection at home. We contribute this to guilt, getting older and maybe he's not recharged from being with me days earlier. I know a bit more about their finances, than a casual friend. He hosts activities that bring in money a few times a year. Usually he'll tell me what he cleared. I think I could have asked him anything and he would answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Yes, I overheard conversations. I rarely listened to them exclusively. No to email or financial statement. I know how much he paid for his house and how much he pays in taxes. As he does mine, we compared county pages once. Because he is getting older I often know if he is unable to have an erection at home. We contribute this to guilt, getting older and maybe he's not recharged from being with me days earlier. I know a bit more about their finances, than a casual friend. He hosts activities that bring in money a few times a year. Usually he'll tell me what he cleared. I think I could have asked him anything and he would answer. Does he come to you and say "Hey, I couldn't get an erection last night"? Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 In your A is there/was there anything with regards to the MP's marriage that was too much information for you? Did you listen in on conversations, look at their finances, read emails between them and their spouse, watch videos of them etc? How much did your MP share about their marriage? Did you request that they not share certain details? Were there any details shared which felt awkward? My exMM told me tons about their marriage...very little of it true. I didn't tell him to withhold anything from me, but I also didn't enjoy hearing stories about some of their times together. It was all very hard. I never listened to messages or read emails. I never snooped other than looking at the FB pages...and those were open. I did see some things on her page that made me sad and made me question so much of what exMM had told me. I overheard her voice a couple of times when she'd call while exMM and I were away together...I'd leave the room. I didn't want to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Does he come to you and say "Hey, I couldn't get an erection last night"? Lol at the above...sorry :laugh: P.s. Sorry for clogging your inbox Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Shoot now I want Sarabi to tell me hers! LOL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 The only time I've "listened in" on a convo is when we were together and I was unable to get away (think moving vehicle). I know their finances to some extent and I know when they make bigger purchases b/c he always stresses when he spends a lot of money and tells me about it. He doesn't share much about their marriage and does not talk poorly of her. I cannot remember him telling me anything that made me feel awkward and I don't request he not tell me things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Lol at the above...sorry :laugh: P.s. Sorry for clogging your inbox Lol, not clogged, no worries Re the question, I'm totally serious...I'm curious about if he just brings up whether or not he couldn't get it up or how exactly does the conversation transpire. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Psht... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Psht... Alright....thanks for your contribution? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 One of my dad's OW called my mom to say how many times they had sex and where..... Who does that? My dad claims it was all lies, and she was just saying it to upset my mom, but who can believe him? So it was TMI, but from another angle. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Alright....thanks for your contribution? Miss Bee, I was already bawled out once today for knowing too much and how it was 'cold, sad'... I figured everyone had seen it. Lol I knew pretty much everything. I never shared it with anyone except to vent about it here, where it is supposed to be anonymous. He shared it all with her as well, so she knows what he has. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Does he come to you and say "Hey, I couldn't get an erection last night"? "There was interest, but I couldn't perform." Usually bundled in response to a question like, "How was your morning? What did you do this weekend? How was your day? Etc." It's not as sordid as you might think. My usual follow up is, "Is everything all right at home?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissBee Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 "There was interest, but I couldn't perform." Usually bundled in response to a question like, "How was your morning? What did you do this weekend? How was your day? Etc." It's not as sordid as you might think. My usual follow up is, "Is everything all right at home?" LOL! Thanks for clarifying. I'm laughing because I'm like wow, when someone asks how you are or if all is alright at home, you think to mention your failed erection??? Then how my mind works I just started imagining this being par for the course where you see acquaintances in the street and say "How have things been?" and they reply "As well as can be, seeing that the old pecker can't perform" LMAOOOOO sorrry....my mind works like that sometimes 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissBee Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 Miss Bee, I was already bawled out once today for knowing too much and how it was 'cold, sad'... I figured everyone had seen it. Lol I knew pretty much everything. I never shared it with anyone except to vent about it here, where it is supposed to be anonymous. He shared it all with her as well, so she knows what he has. And it didn't make you squeamish or uncomfortable to hear all the sordid details? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Well, I know my X didn't tell OW a thing, usually including his real name. When I was OW, MM would often talk about money, how much money their wives spent , how much they paid for their house. Just in passing of course. Yeah. Sex was a frequent topic as well, as they had sex frequently with their wife , but it just wasn't enough. Impressive, right? Conversations like that we're not two way, I'd listen. They would talk like we were friends, which we were...but I certainly did not share the same information with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 LOL! Thanks for clarifying. I'm laughing because I'm like wow, when someone asks how you are or if all is alright at home, you think to mention your failed erection??? Then how my mind works I just started imagining this being par for the course where you see acquaintances in the street and say "How have things been?" and they reply "As well as can be, seeing that the old pecker can't perform" LMAOOOOO sorrry....my mind works like that sometimes Yeah, sorry it's not more raunchy. Okay, well for me I'm not, but for your imaginative mind, it has to be a letdown. Personally, if their sex life continues as its been, I think he'll need a pharmaceutical boost in under a year. I really don't think he will have another affair. I think he's learned enough about himself to not go there. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 during the course of my fWS's affair he got scripts for Viagra....something I would not learn until after DDAy. We don't use, never have used, Viagra. Do not need it. At least he doesn't, not with me. I think guilt was affecting his performance and he did not want to disappoint her and her expectations. She was in love with him. He did have feelings for her, but he was in lust with her; the way she desired him all the time and the way she validated him ALL THE TIME. I doubt she knew his little blue pill habit during the affair. I discovered the purchases when I super-sleuthed his bank records after DDAY. he has not purchased the blue pill since the end of his affair. I really do not know what to say here..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 during the course of my fWS's affair he got scripts for Viagra....something I would not learn until after DDAy. We don't use, never have used, Viagra. Do not need it. At least he doesn't, not with me. I think guilt was affecting his performance and he did not want to disappoint her and her expectations. She was in love with him. He did have feelings for her, but he was in lust with her; the way she desired him all the time and the way she validated him ALL THE TIME. I doubt she knew his little blue pill habit during the affair. I discovered the purchases when I super-sleuthed his bank records after DDAY. he has not purchased the blue pill since the end of his affair. I really do not know what to say here..... He doesn't use the blue pill with me. He tried it once with her and didn't like the side effects. Age will be his albatross. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 And it didn't make you squeamish or uncomfortable to hear all the sordid details? TO be fair, it wasn't told to me in sordid detail. It was more... his upset, he was frustrated and didn't know what to do. It wasn't "Ha ha! Let's lookie at this"... know what I mean? So... when he showed me he was distraught. He wanted out and couldn't quite leave yet. He did also show her because he would tell her how awful it was and she would roll her eyes, call him a liar and walk away. So he recorded a few incidents. And he's kept every email as his atty told him to. I haven't read them. Just a few things that he wanted me to see. Honestly, I just felt sorry for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissBee Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 I think for most people TMI is the gateway to the affair. We've all read how they start. They are almost always the same. People meet, become casual acquaintances, eventually start to open up about their lives. One will start talking about spouse, kids, home life, finances. Then the inevitable story of sexless marriage, spouse who spends too much money, more friends than lovers, blahblahblah. Then they start putting out the feelers. Little compliments, sexual innuendos, light touches, longing looks. Then the rush just gets too be too much, and the line is crossed and before one knows it they are in an affair. Not saying all affairs start like that, but that does seem to be the general formula. But it usually seems to start with TMI. You're soooo right about that! Which is why it's never a good sign for me personally...I feel a man who goes around talking about his relationship business to coworkers and friends casually, including their intimate issues, sex life, finances etc. is a man that can stay away from me please...as I won't be sure that if we are going through a rough patch you won't do the same, thus building up emotional intimacies and inappropriate relationships with other people based on our life. Discretion for me is everything. This goes for single guys I'm dating...we may share about exes but I pay attention to how much they blame as well as divulge intimacies in their former relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissBee Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 Well, I know my X didn't tell OW a thing, usually including his real name. When I was OW, MM would often talk about money, how much money their wives spent , how much they paid for their house. Just in passing of course. Yeah. Sex was a frequent topic as well, as they had sex frequently with their wife , but it just wasn't enough. Impressive, right? Conversations like that we're not two way, I'd listen. They would talk like we were friends, which we were...but I certainly did not share the same information with them. I know people who are this way, the last couple of people I worked with in fact. I went to work, was polite, did my job and left. I'm not one for dishing about my life with coworkers...but all of them were into talking about all kinds of stuff...and I'm like don't they realize the conversation is one-sided? That is, I'm not also divulging personal details? But they just yapped on....so some people are just like that it seems. I dislike it in friends and in a partner, even more so. I tend to be attracted to men who are more reserved publicly anyway...which is interesting, in that the men I tend to like, women, and perhaps me too, are attracted to them and want to pin them down and figure them out, because they seem mysterious/hard to get close to, even if they are charming and polite. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I've seen 1 picture of them all together on a vacation, I've seen text threads before that he's showed me 2 different times he says to show me that their relationship is "all business". Link to post Share on other sites
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