dustystar Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 I met my MM a little over two years ago. I am in my mid-20's. He is in his mid-30's. He's never cheated before (I believe him). He said that his wife doesn't want him to touch her and that she jokes with family members that he is impotent when they ask about them having more kids. They have two middle school aged children together and have been together for 10+ years. She sleeps upstairs, he sleeps downstairs. He claims that they don't ever go anywhere together. I fully believe that. I think that he is lonely, but I don't think that he is absolutely miserable. We see each other 3-4x a week, mostly for short periods of time. I get to see him once or twice a week for an extended period of time, usually for eight hours at a time. He's sweet and tries to take care of me. His wife is a good person, she does more of the child-rearing, I'd say. MM does the cooking, bills, maintenance. In the past, he would say that something would happen at the 2 year mark. I don't know what that "something" is. He's never promised that he'll marry me. He knows that I want more, more specifically, marriage, out of our relationship. Our 2 year anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks. I am 85% sure that he is not going to leave BS for me. When I bring up the 2 year conversation with him I intend on breaking up with him for good if he does not choose me. Hopefully I can follow through. He isn't the dream man that I've longed for (he has a slight belly, values are mismatched with mine, a little more stubborn than I'd like), but I am fully in love with him. I've turned into a person I detest. I've changed. For the worst. I've broken up with him 10x over the course of our relationship because of guilt and whatever remaining conscience I've maintained. He was crushed, as was I, when we were broken up. I've tried different techniques to stop the affair. I've tried stopping the PA, only to fail. I've tried complete NC, only to fail. I am so weak and can't imagine being without him. It's not the idea of not being with someone, it's the idea of not being with him that scares me. Every time I've broken up with him, I get anxious and panic with the thought of never seeing/speaking to him again. It frightens me. He was my first everything-first boyfriend, first kiss, first intimate partner. I can't believe that I actually want to break up a marriage. This isn't what I envisioned for my life. I'm not the person I want to be. I don't even want to think of the repercussions that would come with a broken up marriage (suffering kids, upset BS, enraged family). Many days/nights are spent in despair (which I know full well that I deserve). I was happy before any of this began. If I do get out of this relationship for good, I know with all of my being that I will never get involved with a MM ever again in my entire life! Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Best wishes to you. I sincerely hope that you can make it out. I promise you that a NORMAL boyfriend would be way, way, way better for you. I truly hate that this relationship is the first one that you have to judge a man by. That is truly and sincerely a shame and makes me feel extremely sorry for your situation. Sending you much strength towards moving on, hon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dustystar Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Thank you BentleyChic. You're sweet and I enjoy reading your insights and posts. : ) Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Aww, thank you Link to post Share on other sites
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