Jmarsh Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I have been with my girlfriend for 10 months and she is my first true love. She treated me like nobody else has and people would always remark how perfect our relationship seemed as we would never get into fights. She has alot of home problems and sometimes she relied on me to help her which I was fine with, since she gave me love in return. Just this past week she went to the movies and I discovered that she hid the fact that this guy who had been calling her cute and wishing to spend more time with her had gone. I started to have anxiety problems because for the first time I was worried something was going wrong. She was changing and she kept going out places without inviting me but inviting other people instead. Cutting the story shorter, she left her tumblr open on my computer and I saw messages like "I kissed this guy tonight" and "I don't regret it" " I would probably do it again" so now that I've found out she is begging for me to take her back and that she only said those things because she was trying to justify her actions and stop caring so that we could break up without me having to find out. She has a history of constant lying and not telling me things. She says HE kissed her and she told him she didn't like it but the things online seem different. I love her and want to give her a chance. But I always hear things like "once a cheater always a cheater" and I don't know what to do. Does the excuse she gave sound valid? Would she probably do it again? Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Its up to you whether you try to forgive her. I dont think she has a sincere bone in her body and I wouldnt date her again. She has no remorse and lied even after you saw the messages. Shes probably cheated on you before this. I am sorry youre going through this. It friggin sucks when people break your trust. I would move on. I am speaking from experience. ;( 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 "I kissed this guy tonight" and "I don't regret it" " I would probably do it again" Unless you can't read or fail to understand what she wrote, what exactly are you confused about? She'll do it again and she won't regret it. It takes a big man to take back a girl who will definitely go and hook up with another guy again. You must be comfortable with being a cuckold. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I saw messages like "I kissed this guy tonight" and "I don't regret it" " I would probably do it again"This is all you need to know. She kissed another guy and she even gloated about it on social media. Respect yourself mate. Take the high road and walk away from her remorseless a**. If you forgive her just like that, your girlfriend will actually lose respect for you. You'll be a doormat in her eyes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 "I kissed this guy tonight" and "I don't regret it" " I would probably do it again" She has a history of constant lying and not telling me things. To forgive someone who has wronged you there is always a need of remorse from the one who wronged you... She doesn't regret that she kissed the guy... she regrets the fact that you found out. She (herself) wrote the sentence marked in bold... that answer your question... she would do it again! I am not going to tell you what you need to do... it is your life and your relationship... Good luck with what ever you decide to do but she is not in the same page as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Just this past week she went to the movies and I discovered that she hid the fact that this guy who had been calling her cute and wishing to spend more time with her had gone. Going to a movie with a guy that has been hitting on her is called a date. I started to have anxiety problems because for the first time I was worried something was going wrong. You do not have "anxiety problems", you have a cheating problem. she kept going out places without inviting me but inviting other people instead. When she is dating another guy, why would she invite you to come along? If she let you come along it would not be a real date now would it? I saw messages like "I kissed this guy tonight" and "I don't regret it" " I would probably do it again" Of course she kissed the other guy, that is why she went on the date. That fact that she admits that she would probably do it again, is an admission that she intends to cheat on you again without remorse. She broke up with you and the two of you are no longer exclusive, she just forgot to tell you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Dude, she put it on tumblr for the whole world to see!!!! She was bragging about it!!! She's ignoring you, going places without you and inviting others to go along with her.... So, why the hell would she want to keep you? And more importantly, why the hell would you want to stay!! How many people do you think saw that? And how many people are secretly going to laugh behind your back if you stay with her! Dude, there's another guy in this sub forum where his girlfriend kissed another guy. She is very remorseful. Read it and compare his girlfriend to yours. dude, cut her loose and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Friend, she gave him a try out, your the back up. She's openly dating that's why she stopped inviting you. Once posted, it's public domain, she was so happy she wanted the world to know. Why do you want her back, she put it in writing that she fully intends to cheat on you again? She didn't regret it, pretty much says it all. She was going to dump you but you caught her before she was ready, new guy wasn't properly trained yet. This is your chance to get your dignity back by kicking her ass to the curb, sends a signal to all of her cheater friends to treat you with respect because you don't put up with that kind of sh*t. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmarsh Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 Thank you for replying everyone. We met up somewhere and talked about it. She looked me in the eyes and said that she didn't cheat and that "guy A" kissed her, I said since he kissed her and it was an isolated incident we could work through it. But just last night I started to doubt what she said and messaged her friend on Facebook. He said he promised not to say anything but it turns "guy A" never existed and she in fact went to the movies with a "guy B" alone. and then initiated a kiss with him a week later, she also lied about going out to eat with friends so she didn't have to text me, she says it was because she was upset with me for disagreeing with some of the guys she talks to and going on her Facebook . Which is the guy I suspected all along, she kept lying to me until the very end when there was nothing else she could say. She continues you promise that she lovese and made a huge mistake but tried to push blame onto me saying " the things i said to her were hurtful and she felt like she had no privacy."I'm on the edge and thinking today is the day I end it. I realize I may seem stupid but she's my first real relationship, first sexual partner, and I've never had to deal with this before, maybe I'm just love blind which is why I haven't done it yet. She also self harms and I'm worried if I drop her she will attempt suicide since it happened before we were together. Is she a compulsive liar? Or maybe even a sociopath? Or just selfish and confused? Thanks for all the replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmarsh Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 Shes probably cheated on you before this. ;( I don't think she has due to the fact that she was saying online to her friends that " it was the first time she cheated" and that the only thing she regrets is that it's the first time she's f'd up in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jennifersmith Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 Thank you for replying everyone. We met up somewhere and talked about it. She looked me in the eyes and said that she didn't cheat and that "guy A" kissed her, I said since he kissed her and it was an isolated incident we could work through it. But just last night I started to doubt what she said and messaged her friend on Facebook. He said he promised not to say anything but it turns "guy A" never existed and she in fact went to the movies with a "guy B" alone. and then initiated a kiss with him a week later, she also lied about going out to eat with friends so she didn't have to text me, she says it was because she was upset with me for disagreeing with some of the guys she talks to and going on her Facebook . Which is the guy I suspected all along, she kept lying to me until the very end when there was nothing else she could say. She continues you promise that she lovese and made a huge mistake but tried to push blame onto me saying " the things i said to her were hurtful and she felt like she had no privacy."I'm on the edge and thinking today is the day I end it. I realize I may seem stupid but she's my first real relationship, first sexual partner, and I've never had to deal with this before, maybe I'm just love blind which is why I haven't done it yet. She also self harms and I'm worried if I drop her she will attempt suicide since it happened before we were together. Is she a compulsive liar? Or maybe even a sociopath? Or just selfish and confused? Thanks for all the replies. Judging that she's your first gf, and all that, both of you should be pretty young? If that's the case, you should break up with her now, and let both of you explore other possibilities first. If the relationship is truly meant to be, she will come back to you eventually. Don't sweat it now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmarsh Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 I hate people like this. Not just this woman. If you intentionally don't invite your SO, cheat, don't regret it, what is the point in begging to take you back? Screw logic? Yeah I know, it's the first time I've been through this and I feel foolish for even being with someone like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmarsh Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 Judging that she's your first gf, and all that, both of you should be pretty young? If that's the case, you should break up with her now, and let both of you explore other possibilities first. If the relationship is truly meant to be, she will come back to you eventually. Don't sweat it now. I am 18 and just graduated, she is 17. So, young would be correct. But one of my main worries is that she's just going to move on within a week and I'll be the one that has lost out because she'll be having a blast and I'll just be lonely. Being that I don't know any other girls that would be interested but she knows alot of guys that are. Link to post Share on other sites
jennifersmith Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 I am 18 and just graduated, she is 17. So, young would be correct. But one of my main worries is that she's just going to move on within a week and I'll be the one that has lost out because she'll be having a blast and I'll just be lonely. Being that I don't know any other girls that would be interested but she knows alot of guys that are. I know at this point in life, you might think this girl is everything to you, but she is not. There are other things in life. She will move on in a week, but you will too.. eventually. It is okay that she is going to have a blast. You said he has been nice to you before, and you value her right? If that's the case, don't' you want her to be happy and not miserable her whole life because you two broke up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmarsh Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 She doesn't regret that she kissed the guy... she regrets the fact that you found out. I really though about that statement and I believe you are correct since she obviously didn't care beforehand. The only things that is holding me back is the fear of her having fun now and leaving me in the dust. Because I'm not going to pursue anyone else for awhile but I'm guessing she will and the fact there was a time when she treated me like the most important person in the world and the "first times" we have together. That won't be special with anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmarsh Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 You said he has been nice to you before, and you value her right? If that's the case, don't' you want her to be happy and not miserable her whole life because you two broke up? Call it selfish but I don't understand how I could wish happiness on her since she has constantly lied to me and cheated once? I realize she will move on just like I will but I don't want her to move on before I do because that means she just had people lined up ready to go which will hurt more knowing she hardly cared. Link to post Share on other sites
jennifersmith Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 Call it selfish but I don't understand how I could wish happiness on her since she has constantly lied to me and cheated once? I realize she will move on just like I will but I don't want her to move on before I do because that means she just had people lined up ready to go which will hurt more knowing she hardly cared. This is not selfish and of course a normal reaction, but trust me, it won't do you any good to hate or think about that. Whether she goes around hurting others is not up to you. You just need to accept that this relationship no longer works out and exit it for your own good. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 Jmarsh The problem is she is your first love and your only seeing what you want to see and disregarding the important things in a relationship and you just admitted it. SHE HAS A HISTORY OF LYING. You cannot have any kind of relationship if she can't be honest. It won't survive and until you realize that your going to be going through a lot more than what your going through now with someone who can't be trusted. She has a whole lot of growing up to do and so do you. My advice is to let her go and find someone who can at least be honest. She already knows that if she gives you love (?) in return, you'll stay put like a good little boy while she does her thing. In other words, your being used. She knows how to play you, and now she's begging you to take her back. She's the type of person who thinks only about herself and it doesn't matter what your feeling. You think that if you did the same thing to her that she would put up with it? I don't think so. Not when she puts herself at the head of the line. Dump her before you really take one on the chin. Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 Theres a lad a couple of threads down that's situation is really really similar - similar age, similar length of relationship, similar offence committed by both girls. Honestly I don't know his gf and I don't know yours but if I was him id take her back and if I was you id run for the hills! Give his thread a read through because that's a girl who's sorry for what shes done, I think maybe the contrast between what shes saying to him and what your gfs saying (even now, post initial finding-out) would help you see just how little your gf is putting into your relationship. She's playing you lad - don't let her! Link to post Share on other sites
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