2 months into marriage my wife has an affair. Should I stay?

[SmokeRat]

I think I'll chime back in on the LS community, as I believe I'm rightfully qualified to relate to this young man's experience, given that my STBXW, cheated on me three months after our wedding.

 

Listen Brother, this is going to suck, and suck something fierce. I know, I've been there. But you need to realize something, that she never loved you, EVER. People who have affairs are shallow, poor excuses for humans, they do not know what love and empathy are.

 

She said the words, those sacred vows in front of friends and family. Now, I want you to think about that. Sit down, right now and mentally go over that exact moment. Remember her saying those words?

 

Now, look at the situation you're in. See the contrast? She was lying, plain and simple. It's a basic survival instinct of the classic Cake Eater.

 

Time to stop being depressed, as hard as it is, and time to start getting ANGRY. Time to start DEMANDING your right to know all the details. Time to start DEMANDING she act like a proper, well adjusted MARRIED WOMAN.

 

All the details, no bull****, no gas lighting, no rug sweeping. Nothing. But. The. Truth.

 

Make that plain and clear to her, no adjustments, no falling back on that. I made that mistake, I decided to be the nice guy and try and figure out WHY she did it. Don't do that, what's done is done, what you need to sort out is whether she is actually committed to you and this relationship from this point on.

 

Listen, I'm not going to say the relationship is a lost cause, because everything is different. Everyone handles infidelity on a different level. But NOW is the time to sort this ****ing mess out, and you had better believe that your 'wife' best start doing the heavy work.

 

And as for the OM, I'd find out as much as you can about him. Also I'd call your In-Laws and let them know what a wonderful daughter they allowed you to marry. Time to expose what she did, as Cheaters love to live in the dark while eating cake.

 

Stay strong Brother, we're all here to support you when you need it.

 

Make sure your 'wife' is doing the work, not you. No gas lighting, no rug sweeping, no bull****.

[aliveagain]

Friend, you don't stay with someone because she is drop dead gorgeous, specially if she has already proven she will act on a opportunity if it arises. She may be beautiful on the outside but she is all ugliness on the inside. That's the worst combination to have in a spouse, extreme good looks with the willingness to give it up to other men. I see a lot of DNA tests in your future with this one. Work on yourself, get your degree everything else will fall into place.

[soccerrprp]

Infidelity is non-negotiable for me. I would leave her. Since you have no kids, you are free to go wherever and start over.

[Turtles]

The thread title "2 months into marriage" makes it sound like a very callous act BUT you had already been together 6 years so it was already 6 years into the relationship. Not to minimize what she did but since most of the replies are "Dude she betrayed you already??" - NO it is not like she jumped on some other guy right after meeting you, it was after 6 years together. I don't know if that makes it any more or less forgivable but it's something to take into account if you decide whether to try & reconcile.

 

That said, with no kid in the balance personally I believe I would leave her because it would be too hard to rebuild the trust. I don't see why you can't stay locally if you leave her, or why you can't be a hydrologist if you leave the area.

[Madman81]

OP, the mind movies are hell, especially in the first year or so after the bombshell. In my case, I kept remembering all of the memorable times together, and it hurt like a sonofabytch to realize that all those memories were tainted, because through all of them (she started cheating during the engagement), she either had already cheated, was doing so, or was going to. I realized that the only untainted memories from those 7-8 years of being engaged and then married were those concerning my kids, my friends, my family, and my own experiences and accomplishments independent of her. In short, I had NO untainted memories of being with her, except for the three pre-marriage years before she started cheating.

 

And certain episodes in particular made me see red; one of her OMs was somebody from our social circle who, while she was screwing him, had been a guest in our house on several occasions. Outwardly she became "friends" with him, but I remember on one occasion they were squabbling in my presence. I commented that they were acting like siblings. Little did I know that I was witnessing tension between f***buddies.

 

Time is your friend here. Right now it feels like you'll never be happy again. But you will. Once she is firmly and finally part of your past, you'll have a realization one day that, while you'll never forget how she hurt you, it no longer bothers you. You're able to look at it with detachment, as just a ****ty thing that happened several chapters ago in the book of your life.

 

Keep moving forward -- you will get through this.

[Artie Lang]

well, it seems like the only reason you're staying is that you've hooked yourself a "trophy wife." look at the cost that you've had to pay, though.

 

is that what you want? guys checking out your girl..... having to look over your shoulder at every corner. doesn't sound like a comfortable life to me.

[Madman81]

well, it seems like the only reason you're staying is that you've hooked yourself a "trophy wife." look at the cost that you've had to pay, though.

 

is that what you want? guys checking out your girl..... having to look over your shoulder at every corner. doesn't sound like a comfortable life to me.

Hear hear. If you stay with her, your guts will churn every time you walk into a room with her and half the guys there turn to stare at her, because you'll wonder which one of them she'll screw around with.

 

There are lots of beautiful women out there who don't cheat. Don't tie yourself anymore to this one. In fact, it'll probably be a huge boost to your self esteem to be able to say "yeah, I was married to a hot woman, but I dumped her cheating ass." You'll be communicating and demonstrating that you have certain minimum standards for how people who get to be in your life treat you, and that hot cheater failed to meet them. And a few years from now, you'll be proud of this, and rightly so.

 

Far better than being the insecure guy who's married to a beautiful woman, and puts up with her cheating on him, humiliating him and exposing him to communicable diseases, just because she sometimes grants him access to her coveted lady parts. Just one man's opinion.

[Zak1]

I feel pity for you my friend and I can definitely relate to how you are feeling because I have gone through the same. My wife cheated on me and then repented and begged me to take her back which I did and exactly after 1 year she cheated on me again with another man and left me.

 

Even I didn't have kids and I am happy this bitch is out of my life as I can now look forward. I would suggest you immediately leave her and do not fall under her emotional drams as she might want you back now but once she gets an opportunity to cheat again she will kick you out and move on with another guy. She wont feel any remorse or care about you as such females are just selfish and could go to any extent to achieve their desires. You don't wanna be in a situation wherein you accept her and then live like a detective and keep a track on her. Don't punish yourself. Trust is over and it can never be rebuild again I can promise you this.

 

Don't accept her and then regret after she leaves you again. Man up a little and take the hard way. Initially it be very difficult as you might go through depression, anxiety, sadness and loneliness but remember time is the best healer you will soon come across a woman who would love you and be honest to you.

 

Life is beautiful and not worth crying for someone who never respected you and treated you as a doormat.

 

PLEASE WALK OUT IF YOU NEED PEACE.