so angry!

[UnicornGirl]

my ex cancelled a dinner date on me for tonight. he is driving back to his university from home (a pretty long drive) and was going to visit me on the way ... but he says he was up all last night coughing (he's sick) and is just now starting his drive and has work to do before school starts again.

 

I was full of questions -- why didn't you do this work during your break, why didn't you plan things better, I KNEW you would do this!!! -- but I stayed calm and told him I was sorry he was so sick and that I'd miss him but I wanted him to get back to school safe. he really is very irresponsible -- always did things like this, even when we were dating. I usually got pissed off at him but I think being understanding will score some points.

 

I'm so angry because I feel like my feelings for him are dying at every thing he does like this. I met a guy last night and though it wasn't the fireworks I get from seeing my ex, it was nice to feel attractive and loved for a change; haven't felt that way much these past two months since the breakup. I really don't want to give up on my ex but I feel like he's forcing me to. I don't think he gives a **** about getting back together even though he said he might want to -- I think that was a stupid excuse to keep me involved in his life. He acts like he doesn't care, even told me he basically didn't care what I did in terms of other guys during the breakup -- he said I "didn't have to tell him anything I did" but that he wouldn't be seeing anyone.

 

This, from the guy that proposed to me, that told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world, that took care of me when I was sick and came to see performances I was in every single night they ran. The guy who took a year off before university to work so he could be in the same town as me. The guy who told me he'd never leave.... I AM SO ANGRY! and I'm so afraid I'm being played for a fool.

[smile]

my ex and i went through that stage. Right after the break up. He wanted me to see other guys and get over him.. so I just left.

 

It was no contact from me for a month.. only the absolutely necessary stuff, we had a cell phone togther so we had to fix that. I started to live my life for me , and I am LOVING IT! Then out of the blue he started to call me and seemed interested in what I was doing. Made sure I knew he was at home with no plans on a weekend.

 

We talk on the internet for hours then he calls me and we lay in bed and talk for an hour or two more. This has been going on for about two weeks now . Even now I am taking it for what it is. I trust that somewhere inside he wants me for SOME reason.. he has come to realize that he misses me in his life. I am not having sex with him or going out with him but keeping a distance and keeping him interested.

 

We have so much to talk about, and it means so much that we are at this place where he wants to tell me things and be honest about stuff.. It took that space for him to realize that I am important to him.

 

While I do want him back someday, I am not living just for THAT . I have learned to appreciate EVERYTHING equally. Family, friends, and him. If he does come back you should have taken this time to become a whole person with experiences and happiness. Then when you get back together your life isn't all about him. Which is great for two reasons. One if he does leave again you will have a life to go back to. And two if you stay together, having two seperate lives does wonders for the health of a relationship... guys wig out when you are clingy.

 

So go see that guy and live your life. If he really wants you the news of you moving on may kick him into gear and make him face the choices he made. Be happy

[UnicornGirl]

thanks for the insight.

 

yeah, I find that the more I leave him alone the more he is randomly nice for absolutely no reason. I think he is proceeding as if we haven't broken up but are "healing" from the fight we had that caused the breakup, whereas I am seeing the benefits of being without him and not having to deal with him acting rudely.

 

for instance: after he called to tell me he wasn't coming, he called two hours later to tell me a random factoid that his mother told him over the break. ?!?!??!?!?! inexplicable.

 

now, when we had been dating, I probably would have given him hell for cancelling our date. but when I agreed with him that he shouldn't come, told him I hoped he had a great drive up and said nothing more about the date than a casual, "Aww, well, I'll miss you tonight," and generally didn't make him feel like I thought he was an irresponsible dolt, he calls me again two hours later.

 

this works, but I still feel slighted that he didn't put in the time and effort to see me; rather, he stayed up late and didn't do his schoolwork for the whole week he had off. then again, he has no idea I was up till dawn dancing. I guess we're both slighting each other a bit these days.

[Weird]

serenity now babe:)

 

On a serious note, that was pretty weak of him to cancel like that. Sorry:(

[UnicornGirl]

yeah, well, he's always done things like that. he's pretty disorganized in terms of time and getting things done ... in short he's a big nerd. I usually find it slightly adorable.

 

and about this other guy ... I kind of let him down last night by abruptly going back to hang out with my friends. I actually found a way to contact him and was thinking of e-mailing him to see if he might want to get together ... but then again, random twentysomething guys that approach me at parties usually aren't interested in friendship per se. though we did have a conversation about math ... I had a feeling that when he asked me to go on a walk with him, it wasn't the kind of walk I'm interested in right now. it would have worked, maybe, if I'd just asked for his number ... but mainly, this guy just made me feel attractive and confident about myself. and that's all I'd want him to be -- a yes-man for the evening. It would really, really suck, just in principle, if it turned out my ex was seeing someone right now, but it's not likely and not of huge consequence.

 

oh well. the ex, though disorganized, did want to get together sometime this week. I'm at a point where I really just want to look at him and say, "Hey. I love you. And I want to be the one to make you happy. And I want you to be happy." or maybe write it on a napkin and nudge it over to him over a pizza. I love this guy. he's spectacular. perhaps a bit on the undeserving side lately, but we all have our bad moments.

 

...and if for some ungodly reason my ex is stringing me along, there's always the option of watching Bridget Jones's Diary for the umpteenth time and Hershey's caramel kisses. and more parties.