VanCal Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Like the title says its been 3 weeks NC, its been up and down but these past few days i really can't stop thinking about my ex. i really want to call her.. i have this deep down feeling that she is just confused and misses me and is too proud to contact me (i know thats stupid) i just hate feeling this way its almost like i need to put a nail in my coffin, either see if she still feels the same or she has moved on, maybe that will help me move on? Link to post Share on other sites
AllTooWell Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Okay even if your fantasy is right (she misses you and is confused) that doesn't mean she wants you back. But we can pretend it does. So let's pretend she's sitting there and wants to get back together but is "too proud" to contact you. She can't put her pride aside and be with you? why would you want to be with someone like that? Think about it like this. Here you are heartbroken and rejected, yet you're not too proud to contact her. So what does that mean? That means she isn't contacting you because SHE DOESN'T WANT TO CONTACT YOU. To continue... So you call her, she is now in the power seat and you have handed her your ego and self-respect. She has already TOLD you she doesn't want to be with you, yet here you are, crawling back to her. Why would she want to be with you? She doesn't need to put in any effort and you still come around anyway. If she wanted to get back together with you she would contact you. And yeah, MAYBE she is thinking about it, but contacting her now will push her further away and set you back in your healing. Do not contact her. it sucks, it's hard, but do not do it. you will NOT get the response you want 3 Link to post Share on other sites
supaflyz Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 dont do it Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanCal Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 Your advice is sound and logical, that is why i posted on here instead of contacting her. is it always black and white though? just having a hard time letting go right now and that's not usually the case i moved on quite well in previous relationships knowing it was over.. i guess i was saying i wanted to test the water and maybe i need a rejection so i know there is no return? feels so unfinished in a way. Link to post Share on other sites
onearthur Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 You have to stay strong and listen to Supa, as trust me if you get rejection you'll feel worse. Every time you want to make contact just think of why you broke up to begin with! There is a reason why you are hurting and not together anymore and it isn't to do with coincidence! Stay Strong! Your advice is sound and logical, that is why i posted on here instead of contacting her. is it always black and white though? just having a hard time letting go right now and that's not usually the case i moved on quite well in previous relationships knowing it was over.. i guess i was saying i wanted to test the water and maybe i need a rejection so i know there is no return? feels so unfinished in a way. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Don't do it. It won't help and you'll look needy, desperate and pathetic. You need to stay NC and move on w/your life. Here's another spin on it. So, you contact her and she agrees to try it again because she's lonely and wants the break up pain to stop. What's changed in 3 weeks that would make it work this time? So, the new "honeymoon phase" lasts for a week or two and then you're right back where you were and possibly get dumped a second time. My man, I kept going back to my ex after she'd break up with me. She'd always tell me she made a huge mistake and would never do it again. Guess what, I let her do it to me three times.. THREE TIMES.. WTF was I thinking. After the third time, she hasn't heard $hit from me nor will she ever. Learn from my mistake and don't do it. Find someone else, you'll be so much happier for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoaks Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Dont do it. I also have a massive urge to contact her after 4 weeks. We already had a go at it after a months breakuo last time. Everyone is right, say you get back together, it wont last long. When my ex and I got back together, the honeymoon phase lasted less than a month, then she was back to her old self. But worse than ever this time, the hurt is 10 times worse. I am reading and venting on here to stop contacting her. Because it can go 2 ways, she hangs up on me, which would be crushing. Or we try again, it woukd last less time and I would be worse again. Ride out the urges, post on here, vent. And I am believing what everone here says, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And the urges will go away and you heal and get better. Link to post Share on other sites
jesse93 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) i agree with the others, i'm currently in a ****ty situation where i ended up breaking NC and the other day we had a heart to heart conversation where she said "we could possibly get back together" and she still has feelings for me she cried, and after that conversation it gave me this false hope that everything will end up ok like "oh damn now i have my chance to win her back!" but no, unfortunately its nothing like that. I text her sometimes, she texts me now and then and its so emotionless, its very distant conversations with no excitement to talk to each other just simple convos like "hows your day" they don't go anywhere and tbh its just disappointing but what else did i expect? of course it wouldn't just magically fall back into place and everything would be ok, it never works out that way, And even if it did it wouldn't last long at all i can already tell. So from me to you, save yourself the heart ache and pain it wont be the same as it was when you were together.. and I highly doubt it'll ever be the same its better to stay NC i wish i would've listened to all the advice i got. Edited August 1, 2013 by jesse93 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanCal Posted August 2, 2013 Author Share Posted August 2, 2013 thanks for the advice i haven't contacted her, don't have to actually.. UPDATE so funny how things happen but out of the blue my friend calls me last night, he was the one that introduced me to my ex. haven't heard from him in a few weeks, have been trying to avoid him for a little while.. he was talking to my ex, and told me that she asked about me, saying that she does miss me, is pinning for me but not sure if she wants to be with me. and that she asked me to be her friend for 'now' see where it goes but i refused so she is respecting that decision. she's not 100% sure of her feelings whether she made the right decision or if it would change, that when her and i met she was going through a rough stage with her previous relationship but now is good and she is not seeing anyone at the moment. she admitted that because she was going through that rough period she couldn't fully commit and my feelings for her were alot stronger than hers was for me and that made her run away sometimes. i guess if i look back now misjudged the situation and i came on too strong sometimes, even though i thought i was taking it slow lol. my urge to contact her has subsided, i know she is confused, i know she has feelings for me. im sure everyone on here always assumes that their situation is different to everyone else, so i won't but i feel really bothered that im not even gonna try work it through with her at least once? it feels like ill never know what could happen and gave up too easy? is regret better than risking pain for a couple of months? Link to post Share on other sites
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