"Social skills" are overrated

[MomsSpaghetti]

It actually pisses me off how whenever a guy posts about not being able to get a date, people here assume that he must be deficient in social skills. I know plenty of guys who are very social, very talented with communication and interpersonal skills, and yet they don't attract women. Social skills are important in the sense that you need to be extroverted enough to get out of the house and mingle with women, but they're of trivial importance beyond that. Guys who are good-looking but socially awkward do well with women. It's common sense. If a woman thinks you're cute, she's not going to judge your "social skills" very much. The general rule that I hope we've established here is that if a woman finds you handsome, you don't need to do much to impress her. She'll overestimate your intelligence, social skills, etc.

[tbf]

Yes, you're right. All that matters are looks. Ugly men should just give up and roll over.

[Imported]

You're wrong OP. Looks are not enough to overcome a lot of things.

[Ryan R.]

I know a lot of good looking guys who do terrible with women because they can't keep the woman's attention for too long. I feel that looks get you in the door, but personality or in this case social attentiveness keeps you in the house.

 

Speaking of "house", maybe you should get out of it more because I don't know how you came up with this. There's all kinds of factors that come into play when meeting a girl, looks is only one of them. It can tip the scale but I don't think it's the end necessarily.

[ThaWholigan]

Again, the social skills argument needs more elaboration for the folks who keep misinterpreting what it means. Everybody should at least have basic enough social skills to hold a conversation with a girl, but there will come advanced elements and nuances - including non-verbal communication - that can enhance these social encounters and make them more charged romantically. As such, she will be able to see you in a more interesting light than just a guy who was kinda cool that she spoke to. You become an interesting individual - how you hold yourself, the things you say and the way you say them etc. I became good at it, out of necessity. It's not impossible.

 

Regarding good looking guys who are socially awkward - again you guys sometimes see these things happen and think it's the same all the time everywhere and it really isn't. A lot of guys strike out a lot, even the good looking dudes strike out from time to time - but the guys who consider themselves inferior only notice the times the super guys get in there. For all intents and purposes, some people would consider me a good looking guy. I haven't exactly set the world on fire in the past - it is only sorting out other aspects of my social character that helped me a bit more.

 

So with social skills, that's what they mean. You have to use your brain and read into it a bit more, but essentially it encompasses all the nuances of social interactions that you may not pay too much attention to - but girls tend to.

[Weezy1973]

It actually pisses me off how whenever a guy posts about not being able to get a date, people here assume that he must be deficient in social skills. I know plenty of guys who are very social, very talented with communication and interpersonal skills, and yet they don't attract women. Social skills are important in the sense that you need to be extroverted enough to get out of the house and mingle with women, but they're of trivial importance beyond that. Guys who are good-looking but socially awkward do well with women. It's common sense. If a woman thinks you're cute, she's not going to judge your "social skills" very much. The general rule that I hope we've established here is that if a woman finds you handsome, you don't need to do much to impress her. She'll overestimate your intelligence, social skills, etc.

 

You really have to define what you mean by "do well with women." Does that mean attract random women to have sex with? Or does it mean have the ability to connect with one woman to develop a relationship with? There's a pretty big discrepancy between those two things.

 

I would say in general looks are certainly the main component in being able to attract randoms for casual sex. When it comes to relationships, compatibility play a much bigger role.

 

Me for example - I would say I'm average looking - probably fluctuate between a 4 and a 6. I've never had a one night stand and the girls certainly don't flock to me or get all hot and bothered in my presence. But - I'm smart and I'm funny. And just with those things alone, in literally every single situation I've been in where I'm able to get to know women over a prolonged period of time, I've had women crush on me. Certainly not because I'm hot; solely based on my social skills (and specifically being smart and funny).

[GravityMan]

Well, MomsSpaghetti....dating tends to have plenty of socializing between the man and the woman, so...*shrug*