Sis-in-Law and TMI about my bro on FB

[D-Lish]

I assume things aren't going well between my Brother and his wife- because she's been posting negative comments on her Facebook page about him. I'm not at all impressed. It was my mother that initially brought it up, as she had seen a few unsavoury things that had been posted. My poor little mom only joined FB because her and my Dad aren't living in the same country at the moment and she likes being able to be included in what we are up to.

 

My SIL is the kind of person that posts her entire life on Facebook. Everything from what she is eating for breakfast, to what she is wearing to work- where she is with the kids. Even while on vacation, there is a play-by-play of what they are doing. I don't use FB like that, I actually rarely check it. I only saw the comments because I was talking to my mom on the phone and she brought it up- so I went in and checked.

 

I love my brother, but I can certainly understand how being in a relationship with him could be frustrating. He doesn't communicate well...At all. I just don't think the whole world needs to know every time he does something that frustrates her. He doesn't have Facebook, so I'm not even sure if he even knows he's being publically embarrassed.

 

I really want to say something, but I'm sort of feeling a little too angry right now, and don't want to say anything that I could regret, I want to say the right thing without causing waves.

 

I'm not sure how to address this- any suggestions?

[tbf]

Any comment from you won't be taken kindly and considered inferring, since you have a vested interest because he's your brother.

 

If one of my SILs pulled that stunt on either brother, I'd rip her a new one.

[D-Lish]

Any comment from you won't be taken kindly and considered inferring, since you have a vested interest because he's your brother.

 

If one of my SILs pulled that stunt on either brother, I'd rip her a new one.

 

I know, I've held in in for a few days. I wanted to go on a rampage initially, but I've been holding it in for a few days trying to figure out the right words- but three days later, the right words are still angry ones.

[tbf]

I know, I've held in in for a few days. I wanted to go on a rampage initially, but I've been holding it in for a few days trying to figure out the right words- but three days later, the right words are still angry ones.

D, are there right words for unbelievable crassness and stupidity?

 

You and your mother are her fb friends. You do have the right to say something to her. I suppose the nicest thing you could say to her is to suggest the shoe, other foot thing, where your brother has her mother and sister on fb, and your brother kept commenting on her fat rear end or flapping mouth.

[D-Lish]

D, are there right words for unbelievable crassness and stupidity?

 

You and your mother are her fb friends. You do have the right to say something to her. I suppose the nicest thing you could say to her is to suggest the shoe, other foot thing, where your brother has her mother and sister on fb, and your brother kept commenting on her fat rear end or flapping mouth.

 

Yes, it's true, and putting it in perspective helps.

 

Knowing what she is like, I'm trying to figure out if I'll get the best result by "ripping her a new one" or taking a less aggressive approach. I don't want to pry into their marriage though... I don't think I am the appropriate person to be a sounding board for her marital troubles.

 

It's a cry for help- messages like that for the world to see. I can only surmise that only an extremely lonely person would spend so much time reverting to FB when they have two kids and a husband. Given that she is my family, and the mother of my nephews, and she has very little support from her own family- I just want to approach it in the right way.

[tbf]

I can only surmise that only an extremely lonely person would spend so much time reverting to FB when they have two kids and a husband.

Hey, I resemble that if you replace FB with LS but I'm not a lonely person!

 

Given that she is my family, and the mother of my nephews, and she has very little support from her own family- I just want to approach it in the right way.

I understand. Perhaps you could suggest to her that Fb isn't the place to air out dirty laundry since people will talk. You could also send her to an online site like LS but not LS. Possibly enotalone or some other relationship site where anonymity can be reasonably maintained.

[D-Lish]

Hey, I resemble that if you replace FB with LS but I'm not a lonely person!

 

Not the same thing pretty one . LS has the anonymous element.

 

I understand. Perhaps you could suggest to her that Fb isn't the place to air out dirty laundry since people will talk. You could also send her to an online site like LS but not LS. Possibly enotalone or some other relationship site where anonymity can be reasonably maintained

 

Yes, I do believe if I approach her, I'm going to have to hear about the troubles in their marriage. I can tell she needs an outlet.

 

It's not that I don't have the balls to approach her, I do- I just need to make sure I don't do anything to alienate her. What she's doing at the moment is really crappy, it's not cool- but I've also grown up with my brother, and I get where she is coming from.

 

I have to say something. Should I do it by email- or give her a call?

[CC12]

Why not tell your brother what you've seen and let him handle it?

[tbf]

I have to say something. Should I do it by email- or give her a call?

Difficult to say since I don't personally know her. You've got good instincts when it comes to soft people skills, so you're the best person to gauge approach medium.

 

The advantage of email is that if she loses it, you can close your inbox if you don't feel like dealing with her and she won't know whether you've read it or not. The advantage of phone is the ability to soften a message through tonal quality and the faster way to know when someone's getting upset, so you can mitigate before it escalates to out of hand.

[D-Lish]

Why not tell your brother what you've seen and let him handle it?

 

Well, that's an option. He's not on FB- but I know a lot of his friends are.

I thought about that- but then, it's ME interfering in their marriage if I say something to him. It's facilitating a fight. A fight that obviously needs to be had- but maybe not my place to set it in motion.

[D-Lish]

Why not tell your brother what you've seen and let him handle it?

 

Difficult to say since I don't personally know her. You've got good instincts when it comes to soft people skills, so you're the best person to gauge approach medium.

 

The advantage of email is that if she loses it, you can close your inbox if you don't feel like dealing with her and she won't know whether you've read it or not. The advantage of phone is the ability to soften a message through tonal quality and the faster way to know when someone's getting upset, so you can mitigate before it escalates to out of hand.

 

Yep, I think I will just go the email way. I think I need to say something because my mom is upset. I think I'm more upset because my mom is upset- and she would never say a word.

 

So- do I pull a "Yo- B, not cool" or do I take a harder stance?

 

I'm still pretty pissed off. He's my little brother. We have never gotten along overly well- but I don't want to listen to other people talk sh*t about him.

[CC12]

Well, that's an option. He's not on FB- but I know a lot of his friends are.

I thought about that- but then, it's ME interfering in their marriage if I say something to him. It's facilitating a fight. A fight that obviously needs to be had- but maybe not my place to set it in motion.

 

I think going to her instead of your brother would be more of an interference. It surely has the potential to cause much more drama.

 

Telling your brother directly could be as easy as a "Hey, I don't know if you know this, but your wife says unkind things about you on Facebook. I just wanted you to know." Then it's out of your hands, and you won't be interfering, you'll just be telling your brother something that he needs to know.

 

It's your brother. Why wouldn't you tell him first? If his wife (his WIFE) is going around airing their dirty laundry and saying negative things about him publicly, then he deserves to know that, and he deserves an opportunity to handle it himself before his family steps in.

[T3h L337 d00d]

Don't tell him! It's no secret what she's doing. Let one of his friends or some other person be the barer of bad news. Chances are he already knows. You'll just add further humiliation. Just let him handle it how ever poorly or good he does. It's none of your business.

[Emilia]

I think going to her instead of your brother would be more of an interference. It surely has the potential to cause much more drama.

 

Telling your brother directly could be as easy as a "Hey, I don't know if you know this, but your wife says unkind things about you on Facebook. I just wanted you to know." Then it's out of your hands, and you won't be interfering, you'll just be telling your brother something that he needs to know.

 

It's your brother. Why wouldn't you tell him first? If his wife (his WIFE) is going around airing their dirty laundry and saying negative things about him publicly, then he deserves to know that, and he deserves an opportunity to handle it himself before his family steps in.

Yes I 100% agree with this.

[Radu]

It may be his and her marriage, but he is still your blood.

 

If unsavory comments were made about me on FB [or any other media] by someone, with my mother and sister's full knowledge, i would personally consider it a betrayal if they did not tell me.

 

Just like i consider a betrayal what your sister-in-law is doing right now; she is publicly humiliating her husband, and in time this may reach his kids.

[Highness]

Id go call but email may be easier for you, who knows. Id go the 'I really don't appreciate the stuff you've been writing about your husband on FB but I know you're not deliberately trying to upset him or our family (though that's whats happening). Whats really going on? Maybe you should address it with him first?'

 

Like Ive said before I know you a little bit and I think the kinder, not confrontational, route is always the better option for you.

 

Best of luck.

 

xx

[DaisyLeigh1967]

Truthfully, you and your mom should block her from your news feed. Stop reading what she posts.

 

I would not get involved in their marriage. It will only breed resentment and your brother may not appreciate it either.

 

One of my SILS tried to put me in my "place" for saying something not so sweet about my husband, her brother, once. It actually was a joke. I told her where she could stick her place putting.

[D-Lish]

Truthfully, you and your mom should block her from your news feed. Stop reading what she posts.

 

I would not get involved in their marriage. It will only breed resentment and your brother may not appreciate it either.

 

One of my SILS tried to put me in my "place" for saying something not so sweet about my husband, her brother, once. It actually was a joke. I told her where she could stick her place putting.

 

Well, this isn't just a one time "joke" posting- it's pretty obvious there is strife in their marriage- because she's posting it on FB over and over again.

 

I did send a text to her today, because I'm trying to co-ordinate what gifts to give my nephew for his b-day. I concluded by mentioning that my mom views her FB and is a little distressed by some of her posts of late.

 

I honestly think it's her way of crying for help- and I know she doesn't have anyone in her own family to turn to. I'm not looking to interfere in their marriage- but knowing my bro doesn't have FB, he's being publically humiliated behind his back... Not cool.

 

My parents support them financially. They (my parents) would never hold that over their heads- but I don't mind reminding her subtly.

 

Call me a bitch, but that's MY BROTHER we're talking about- and publically humiliating him may not be the intent- but it's the result nonetheless.

[Taramere]

In that situation (which I can imagine very well) I would not even be bothering contacting my SIL about it. I would call my brother, give him my login details and let him check it out for himself. I think I'd probably say something like "Maybe you're okay with her using FB to vent like this, and if so that's fine...but I just wanted to check that you're aware of the situation."

[Trimmer]

In that situation (which I can imagine very well) I would not even be bothering contacting my SIL about it. I would call my brother, give him my login details and let him check it out for himself. I think I'd probably say something like "Maybe you're okay with her using FB to vent like this, and if so that's fine...but I just wanted to check that you're aware of the situation."

Agree with this.

 

Aren't you (by taking up the fight directly with your SIL) infantilizing your brother a little bit? Doesn't it just keep him on the outside, as if you assume that he wouldn't be capable of doing anything useful with the information? It just seems like a real vote of no confidence in him.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

Why do you have to remind her in ANY way that your parents support them? While I see why that is annoying, truthfully, that is between them and your parents. None of your business. Your marriage is none of their business. I will bet he is not as stupid as you think and can handle his own marriage without you.

 

You want to start something? Put her in her place? Then go ahead and do what you want. But don't be surprised when it bites you in the butt.

 

Good luck with that.

[Meaplus3]

Hi D. I can tell you one thing FB is no the place for family matters. Have an X sister in law that sounds like yours. Except mine was nuts. As for Bro, talk to him via phone or in person. I'd go easy sort of feel him out and see where he's at. Good luck.

 

 

Mea:)