How do you know when you're a pushover?

[colejack]

Or why might women believe you are one? What signs might you give off?

[baRx]

When you go out with a girl you haven't seen in years, just as friends, and you goto the bar for "something to eat and some drinks" and she shoves the bill in your face and says "you're the man, you should be paying" and walks out. Then you pay the bill and don't say a word about it.

 

That's an example of being a pushover.

 

It wasn't a date, it wasn't anything special, just two old friends catching up -- but since you're the guy and she's the girl, she assumed you were supposed to pay and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Then, later on in the night, she goes off with some other dude and doesn't say a word to you.

 

Source: Happened to me once.

 

She tried to get in touch with me 2 years later and I lost my sh-t at her for it.

 

Pushover no more, I says!

[WordvAction]

Lol the list goes on and on for this question; is this for a specific question or are you just wondering?

[colejack]

I'm mainly talking about before you're dating or in the very early stages of dating. Like, would doing small yet generous things for someone that aren't really an inconvenience for make you look like a doormat right off the bat?

 

I will call a girl out if I feel like she's disrespecting me. At the same time, a girl has to be pretty bad to legitimately bother me, but it has happened, in which case I've let her know that her behavior won't fly. Still, I'm a gentleman about it and will confront her in a cool and stern way instead of raising my voice and showing too much emotion. I'm wondering whether my approach is good or if it's perceived as too weak and doesn't get the point across.

[colejack]

Depends what it is and under what context you are doing it.

 

For a girl you're on a very early date with, things like driving her back to her place at the end of a date even if it's a few minutes out of your way so she doesn't have to use public transport, paying for stuff when we're out, holding doors open for her, etc. These things seem like second nature to me, so much that if I didn't do them for a girl that's given me no reason not to like her, I would feel like a jackass. None of these things cost me much time or money, so I figure why not do them? Women don't seem to appreciate these things, though, and while I know I'm just trying to be a gentleman, I'm wondering if they have the thought that these are signs they can get away with more.

 

I don't know you in real life. So I can't observe your behavior and give you proper feedback.

 

How do women generally respond to these things? Continuing to do it? Stopping at your request?

 

If they know that you don't like something and continue to do it, they are disrespecting you and you are a pushover.

 

It's hard to say since the last girl I had to put my foot down with argued with me and actually didn't think she was doing anything wrong (she had issues). We were on a weekend trip where she became very disrespectful and bitchy, and I called her out on it. We fought, and then at the suggestion of our friends made a temporary truce for the rest of the day. I then drove her back to my place without major conflict, where her car and stuff was, and ended things with her once she got all that stuff. She wanted it to be over too, for very different reasons though. Haven't spoken to her or seen her again.

 

In a case like that, I'm wondering if I did the right thing by keeping calm, squaring everything away, keeping my promise to drive, and then ending it, as opposed to telling her to get lost and going back alone, leaving her to find her own way back. It might have felt more gratifying to do the latter, but it would have caused more problems later on since she would have had to come back to my place anyway. Keep in mind, things were very good for a time. Her behavior on this trip was a total 180.

 

That's an example of how I handle things. That's the only example of having to deal with disrespect from a girl I knew for a good amount of time. There have been girls I went out with once or twice, and the next time we plan something, she'll completely stand me up. I just cut girls like that off and don't even bother contacting them any more, not even to tell them they suck for doing that. I'm wondering if there's anything I possibly do upon meeting a girl to make a her think she can do that the next time or 3rd time we plan to see each other, or if this is just the behavior of a ****ty person and happens to the best of us. Without actually seeing how I handle any big action of disrespect, is there any sign a girl can pick up on through talk that makes her think, "This guy is a pushover. I bet I can get away with _____"

[hppr]

Learn how to be assertive and selfish.

 

Basically, whenever you are together do your absolute damnedest to get your own way every time. Make that your #1 rule whenever you go on a date or are in a relationship and you will get called lots of things...but never a pushover.

 

As far as the confrontation part your approach is good but you are waiting too long and letting too much stuff fly under the radar.