Can you tell WW that she is in the Fog?

[lostsoul469]

The topic is pretty much the question. Is it a bad idea to do this. For instance take down a bunch of sites that describe what exactly the fog is and just forward to them. I'm pretty sure for men most would probably not care. The way women think, would it at least cross their mind. That this is exactly what is happening to them. I found 2 really great articles about the Fog. They really put everything in to detail. I sent the articles to her sister to read and she even said that everything that is happening is just like that. She said it made her want to cry. I also showed the same articles to my friends g/f. She did start crying she said that was exactly what she did. She left my friend for the OM got married to him and now she is back with my friend. Everything is now in the open her bubble is burst. I just seen her recently first time in the last 35 days. She told me that she hates the fact that her family likes me more than her. She said she hates the fact that she cannot spend any time with my family. I didn't tell her this but the bible says we just have to ask for forgivenss.

[2.50 a gallon]

Do not put much faith into her coming back to you by simply reading a couple of articles.

 

Sorry to say her body is no longer producing love chemicals for you and is now producing them for the OM. She is likely addicted to them.

 

Addicted is the key word. You're talking logic to a woman who is on a drug high.

[Yasuandio]

I had an opportunity to be in the fog myself, it was like walking on a cloud.

 

My husband and I had been on vacation, he suddenly got angry and ballistic, and abandonded me in a small village Greece, sitting a rock, by the seaside. He threw $400 US at me, took the rental car, and just left me there at nightfall, no glasses, and without my medications. It was a very dangeriou situation. He had not been very nice to me at all in previous years either.

 

That said, once I got my act together, I decided not to come home this time (yes, this was the 2nd time he pulled this crap). I was a zoombie for a while, but some Greek people helped me get to a doctor, and I became well enough to figure out how to access my money from US.

 

I met a wonderful man there. And he cared for me, and I recover. Then we traveled throughout his country together. This man enjoyed my company, and we were like lovebirds. I spent the fall and winter whith him. I was in the fog for sure. No article would change my mind - I was not any any mood to read articles that was for sure. And when we would hear about husband looking for me, I just put a pillow over my head - cause I didn't want to hear or know anything about him. I didn't care one iota.

 

What did get my attention, however, was when I saw my name coming off the business bank accounts one day at the Internet cafe. There was no reason to do that. I had never touched any money other than my own - and was very frugal at that. But I knew I needed to go back to US.

 

I still had lover in my head big time when I got home - on the phone everytime husband's back was turned. I pretty much assumed the marriage was over. But then suddenly, my husband "wanted" me. (This is sometimes referred to as "hysterical bonding"). Since he never wanted me in that way in years past, I was confused, and of coursed, desired him, because I had loved him for 24 years as my husband - even though he was mean.

 

After that hyterical bonding, my husband told me we had to get divorced. That is when I was "out of the fog" permanently. I saw that I loved my husband, and I knew I would not really want a life with that lover in Greece - it was just a fantasy thing. That man could never handle the US ways, he was a true old culture Greek man. Then the complications of the divorce process, I just wanted my old life back again, and it was too late.

 

So, that is a real life example of a girl in fog. And how "loss of money" and "loss of your valued marital partner" (even if it takes hyterical bonding to make you realize it - or perhaps in my care "imagine it"). I regret everything I did. I know he must have been having sex outside the marriage, but that does not excuse my conduct. It was wrong. Hope this helps you understand someways to get though her fog. Yas

[lostsoul469]

Thank you. I see so many post on here with people saying that they want there WS back. I am no different. I know it is still real soon as far as the split is concerned. I know I have to give her, her space. The thing is for me that I just want her to be alone. I know that is very selfish of me. If you want to think about things then think about them. Don't trolly off with the first guy that says he is your friend and takes advantage of you on your hard times. Tells you what you want to hear. You get blind sided. You don't realize that you are hurting your family but the BS family also. That is the main reason why want to know if i can send these things to her. We had a great life together but when my medical issues started thats when things went down hill. It hurts so bad that she left but then i also get the constant reminder from the pains that they won and made me not good enough anymore.

[Yasuandio]

It was not words that got me out of my fog. It was reality that snapped me outta the fog real fast. "Reality of money." "Reality of divorce."

 

Also, those "love chemicals" - shifted in reverse. That really got me mixed up. As women bond through sex (but for men, not necessarily so). So, the little one time thing with husband made me want him again, but had the opposite effect on him. Perhaps, for him, he was subconsciously re-marking his territory.

 

So, if you took some real action, without saying a word - and just left her to her own devices, that could be a real wake-up call for her. But you gotta be serious. Dead serious.

[lostsoul469]

I would say that I have done most of the 180. In this one month I have already lost 34 pounds diet and excersize. I tend to talk to more people. I never had been on a plane and i just got back from Miami. After seeing 12 doctors my pain caused me to completely shut down. I didn't go anywhere other than work. I didn't talk to anyone. I was really codependant. Now all my friends are in relationships. No single friends at all. It is just hard to go do things by myself when i know i should.

 

I finally spoke with her this past Saturday and she seen me. She said why couldn't i have done this before. I don't know what to read by that comment.

Edited August 2, 2013 by lostsoul469

[Yasuandio]

Don't try to read anything into any comment she makes. Her words are empty air.

 

What you project in your image is life without her - and let's have that looking swell, at all times.

 

Applying NC, and especially no talkie-talk, will keep you from "mind-reading" her meaningless off-the-cuff comments.

[lostsoul469]

I'm trying so hard to hate her but it is just not in my nature. I'm thinking after the end of this month I might be filing for divorce. Even though it pains me to my soul but she is still seeing this man. Thought so many times of hurting myself.

[Yasuandio]

I'm trying so hard to hate her but it is just not in my nature. I'm thinking after the end of this month I might be filing for divorce. Even though it pains me to my soul but she is still seeing this man. Thought so many times of hurting myself.

 

I thought of hurting myself too. Many people do when they perceive their spouse no longer desiring them, and feel this ultimate rejection. Often it is a feeling I'd desperation, and self-pity, (some even hope for their spouse to feel bad, and come back to them, or care for what the betrayal has done to them). But, really, it would only be demeaning for you to ever share this "idea" of wanting to hurt yourself with your wife - you will always regret it. You never want a lover to come back to you out of PITY or GUILT. That will always backfire because it is essenially manipulation.

 

Instead, you need to seek medical assistance immediately if you are serious about wanting to harm yourself. There are suicide hotline in the front covers of every phonebook. Or call a friend, or 911, or simply go to the nearest hospital, and you will be admitted. Do not eff around if you are really thinking about this. LS people are not equipped to assist you. We are not medical doctors.

 

If you must - call your wife to take care of you - it is her duty, but, I warn you, you may be disappointed in her reaction to this (for intense, she could feel trapped). I have heard people talk about such matters in divorce groups held at a church I attended for a while, and the reaction to this sort of thing was not exactly sympathetic. You will be on a new unpredictable playing field with her, when you can just as easily have excellent assistance at a hospital.

 

Please keep us posted. Yas

[Misfortune]

I think people in the "fog" cannot be reasoned with, they're always right. They're like teenagers who feel they know much more than their parents. You push and they pull away. I feel that while they are in that euphoric state, you can have everyone tell them it's wrong, won't go the way they think, have proof of their AP plotting to use them and they will still continue down that path.