My Update

[DelusionalOne]

Hello All.

 

I haven't been out here much, but when I signed in I have a few PM's asking me for an update and I saw one of my old posts was looking for an update.

 

Well, everything has happened and nothing has happened.

 

I DID NOT get the promotion... neither did he. I got A promotion... he got nothing. Turns outs, after all this, now that my boss is gone... I really don't like the company, and I really don't like the job... so I am actively looking for another job. I was up for another job that probably would have hired me... if I had turned over inside company information like they asked.... no thank you.

 

SO I guess you are wondering about the xMM. Yes, he did come back. As Pierre states often... they ALL come back. This is NOT a good thing. While you want to believe they are coming back because they love you... it is not the case.... they are coming back because they are seeking something missing in their life and they would like to use you to fill that need.

 

So, xMM nominated me for a Peer Award. Which I got. I emailed him and politely thanked him for it. Nothing more. Well, that opened the door to a pretty much a full court press. I was being IM'd, Emailed and Called (all office things that I can not block) throughout the day, everyday. There were no ILY's, or I miss you. Lot's of I'm thinking of you and how heartbroken he was to "lose his best friend...again."

 

He was sharing a lot of personal details and I was pretty much keeping it strictly business. He stated at one point that him and his W were doing MC. About a week into all this I flat out told him that the "best thing for him was to stay away from me." That lasted a day before he contacted me.

 

So the IM's, emails and calls went on another week. Finally I had enough. I sent him an email stating that on DDAY when he asked me to leave him alone, I did...with no questions and no drama. Now he wants to come back and be "friends" when he knows that it can not be. I wished him the best. I apologized for any pain or complication that knowing me may have cause him and I told him that if he cared for me, even a little bit, he would leave me alone and let me forget him.

 

It virtually tied his hands. If he cared for me, he would not contact me again. If he did contact me, it would show me he didn't care. No win situation for him.

 

Him...always needing to have the last word... wrote back an email saying "I will."

 

And that was the end. Granted it's only been a week and a half now, but I finally feel like it's over. I don't need to worry about him popping up anymore.

 

Doing it this way resolved two things... It gave him the validation that he obviously needed.. "yes she cares about me" BUT.... it gave me the control. I could have had him back... if I was willing to settle for less than what I deserve.... I said no. Like someone else said... the only power I have is the power not to give in. The last time it happened, it was truly unintentional...friends that had crossed inappropriate boundaries....if anything happened this time, it would be a conscious decision and I just wasn't cool with that.

 

Do I still have twinges... well yes of course. Do I feel like I did the right thing? Every single day without a doubt. But, I am sure I will continue to have twinges for awhile.

 

As for him... obviously MC is a joke if he is contacting his ex AP. His 6 year old marriage has 3 separations and 2 instances of Infidelity (W had a PA - He had an EA with me). I personally don't think that his marriage has a snowballs chance in a hot frying pan. But I could be wrong. Not my problem either way. I believe he will seek out other "validation", again, not my problem.

 

The more distance I get the better I feel. Making the decision once and for all that I didn't want any of that and taking control of the situation was the best thing I ever did. Yes it was hard. Yes it hurt. But it is best... for everyone involved. Maybe someday xMM will thank me for saving him from his stupidity.... LOL... doubt it.

 

Take care everyone. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU! TAKE CONTROL. Be well and be happy.

[skywriter]

DelusionalOne,

 

I always knew you should have a different screen name! LOL! I'm so, so, relieved for you.

 

Congrats on the promotion. Sorry your boss is gone, hope you find what you are looking for in your field of employment.

 

As for the twinges, just hang on for this too shall pass.

 

It gets better! Take care and thanks for the positive update.

[Pierre]

Hello All.

 

I haven't been out here much, but when I signed in I have a few PM's asking me for an update and I saw one of my old posts was looking for an update.

 

Well, everything has happened and nothing has happened.

 

I DID NOT get the promotion... neither did he. I got A promotion... he got nothing. Turns outs, after all this, now that my boss is gone... I really don't like the company, and I really don't like the job... so I am actively looking for another job. I was up for another job that probably would have hired me... if I had turned over inside company information like they asked.... no thank you.

 

SO I guess you are wondering about the xMM. Yes, he did come back. As Pierre states often... they ALL come back. This is NOT a good thing. While you want to believe they are coming back because they love you... it is not the case.... they are coming back because they are seeking something missing in their life and they would like to use you to fill that need.

 

So, xMM nominated me for a Peer Award. Which I got. I emailed him and politely thanked him for it. Nothing more. Well, that opened the door to a pretty much a full court press. I was being IM'd, Emailed and Called (all office things that I can not block) throughout the day, everyday. There were no ILY's, or I miss you. Lot's of I'm thinking of you and how heartbroken he was to "lose his best friend...again."

 

He was sharing a lot of personal details and I was pretty much keeping it strictly business. He stated at one point that him and his W were doing MC. About a week into all this I flat out told him that the "best thing for him was to stay away from me." That lasted a day before he contacted me.

 

So the IM's, emails and calls went on another week. Finally I had enough. I sent him an email stating that on DDAY when he asked me to leave him alone, I did...with no questions and no drama. Now he wants to come back and be "friends" when he knows that it can not be. I wished him the best. I apologized for any pain or complication that knowing me may have cause him and I told him that if he cared for me, even a little bit, he would leave me alone and let me forget him.

 

It virtually tied his hands. If he cared for me, he would not contact me again. If he did contact me, it would show me he didn't care. No win situation for him.

 

Him...always needing to have the last word... wrote back an email saying "I will."

 

And that was the end. Granted it's only been a week and a half now, but I finally feel like it's over. I don't need to worry about him popping up anymore.

 

Doing it this way resolved two things... It gave him the validation that he obviously needed.. "yes she cares about me" BUT.... it gave me the control. I could have had him back... if I was willing to settle for less than what I deserve.... I said no. Like someone else said... the only power I have is the power not to give in. The last time it happened, it was truly unintentional...friends that had crossed inappropriate boundaries....if anything happened this time, it would be a conscious decision and I just wasn't cool with that.

 

Do I still have twinges... well yes of course. Do I feel like I did the right thing? Every single day without a doubt. But, I am sure I will continue to have twinges for awhile.

 

As for him... obviously MC is a joke if he is contacting his ex AP. His 6 year old marriage has 3 separations and 2 instances of Infidelity (W had a PA - He had an EA with me). I personally don't think that his marriage has a snowballs chance in a hot frying pan. But I could be wrong. Not my problem either way. I believe he will seek out other "validation", again, not my problem.

 

The more distance I get the better I feel. Making the decision once and for all that I didn't want any of that and taking control of the situation was the best thing I ever did. Yes it was hard. Yes it hurt. But it is best... for everyone involved. Maybe someday xMM will thank me for saving him from his stupidity.... LOL... doubt it.

 

Take care everyone. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU! TAKE CONTROL. Be well and be happy.

 

Great post!

 

Stay strong

Good luck

[JustAReformedGirl]

Congratulations on sticking to your guns on the matter. It must take a great deal of strength to do that. In your situation, I don't think I could be as strong. So, you should certainly be proud of yourself.

[veryhappy]

I was up for another job that probably would have hired me... if I had turned over inside company information like they asked.... no thank you.

 

Are you saying you're not a completely imoral, depraved human being? Impossible!

 

Keep walking on the path you chose. If you blink, he'll take advantage and never believe you that you are serious. The only way is to consistenly convey that yes, the fun is over. Unfortunately you are right and coming back while he's in MC has nothing to do with loving you. Actually it's usually to use the AP to detach and feel stronger about the M. Sort of trying to wean off and switch the negative feelings from the M to the AP. Good for you for not falling for his sweet messages.

 

As far as his M, men don't leave. Women do. Most people are not happy in their M, but they drag along for decades. The good part is that at some point you won't care anymore. He's a big boy, he can live his life the way he wants.

[hippetyhop]

Best of luck and stay strong!!!!

 

Thank you for the update!

[WakingUp]

Yay!

 

I am so proud of you, clever girl.

 

I am in a similar place, and proud of me too.

 

Yay!