Should I move? I don't know what to do...

[TenGHz]

Hello -

I'm new to the forums here. I came seeking some advice with my fiance. I'll try to keep my question short as it's kind of a long story.

 

My fiance moved to another town about 4 hours away last January for her education. She was always planning on coming back, and we had discussed her coming back after she was done with school. Well, it turns out that a place was offering a job to her locally where she was going to school. We talked about it, and pretty much decided that I wouldn't be able to find a job that was in my field in a town of that size, which was pretty small. So she agreed that it would be best to come back still, keeping to the original plan. She figured she would just take the job there and once she found something back 'home' she would come back.

 

Well, turns out they didn't give her the job after all... She was very disappointed, and she started looking for something as a replacement for the job she didn't get. She then found another job which was only 3 hours from home. I was pretty happy that she was going to be closer than before.

 

Now, she doesn't want to come back. She now admits that she didn't really come back because of problems with her family, and was tired of the town here. This was a shock as she's lived here all her life. I knew she had family problems, but didn't think she would want to leave because of them.

 

Anyways, she said to me that I should move to where she is. My problem is that I really enjoy my job here. It took me a while to get where I'm at here with my job. Also, I like the town a lot. I also don't want to leave all my friends either. I don't really like the town she lives in now for many reasons (high crime rate, crowded, etc..).

 

I'm really confused on what to do... It's basically down to this: either I move as soon as I can, or else she's going to leave me... I'm really confused on what to do. She said that if I really cared for her that I would want to be with her as soon as I could.... I care a lot about her, but it seems like she doesn't believe that.

 

I really think that she's trying to run away from her family problems by living there, but living 1 mile away or 5000 miles away doesn't really leave your problems behind. I'm afraid that she will want to come back, or will have to come back to help her family. Then I would have to start over yet again. I really don't want to leave everything that I know and have here, but I don't want her to leave me either. It feels like she's rather be there alone without her family than here with me and her family...

 

I don't know what to do, and it's ripping me apart, as well as ripping me and her apart. Any advice would be great. Thanks for taking the time to read my long post.

[dnm1010]

being in a relationship means compromises... and im sorry she is so set in her ways.. i know that my boyfrind and i have been discussing our futures and where we will live and i want to be with him more than anything and so i would move for him. and likewise he will move for me. my family is moving and they invited him to move with them and he knows how important they are to me so he sais yes even though he is leaving the comfort of his own hometown.

 

i think you should move for her. you can always come back. it will strenghten your relationship especially if you want ot gert married. you need to begin to make decisions for the both of you not just yourself. i think she said if you loved her blablabla because of her emotions abotu her family. i think she needs your support.. you cant make her deal with a problem until she is ready. but having her there withy ou will be a major step in helping.

 

best of luck.

[Christ85]

I agree.....My boyfriend and I have discussed all of this as well...its really tough to decide whether to stay where you are comfortable or take a risk and leave. Sometimes, though, you haave to step out of your comfort zone. I know that is hard to do, but it will be easier knowing that she is there with you to help you to get used to it all. I had to compromise a lot when it came to my boyfriend, and believe me, I was set in my ways that I wasn't going to compromise, but I did. In the end, it all payed off. And its still paying off. I wish you good luck....

[bluechocolate]

If you can imagine that your future is with her then move. Keep in mind that moving like this could be very stressful & test the strongest of relationships so if you decide to be with her be determined that it's for the right reasons & that it can work. I moved 000's of miles to be with my partner & left a job & many friends behind. I still miss my friends (not the job!), but I've never regretted my decision.