I cheated on my boyfriend and not feeling guilty

[Wkp]

We have not contacted for a few days now, and here is my side of story. I am here to look for some advices on how to be a better person.

 

I knew my current ex in my friend's party 3 years ago, during that time I was still going through the tough time getting over with my pervious ex( he cheated on me for a year, and I still have no clue why). I told my current ex that I maybe not ready for a new relationship, but I still gave it a try.

 

My current ex is a loving and caring person, we did things together and I moved in to his house after 6 months of dating. I have learned that I often had sex with my boyfriend too early in the relationship so this time I remind myself to take it slow. To my surprise, we did take it very slow. He is a very shy gentleman, doesn't have much experience with woman ( actually I'm his second girlfriend and he is in his late 30s). In the past 3 years, our sex life was very lacking. Partially I was asking for sex at night, and he prefers in the morning. Some I believe have to do with his low sex drive.

 

 

I think for the most part, we were not communicating the right way. Our conversation often goes like this

"I initiated sex

He: baby not now

Me: when?

He: tomorrow

I turned away and get very upset, and tomorrow we did nothing"

 

 

"Me: I don't want to have ....( description of what I want and how I want for sex)

He : I have been doing that ever since, it's just me.

Me: maybe there is something we can do ...( and give example)

He: everyone is different, it is how I do."

 

 

" Me: I think the longer period we dont have sex, the less I feel you are sexually attractive to me"

He : you are the one think that I'm not sexually attractive. The problem is on you not me."

 

 

" me: maybe we need to see doctor, I have read about a lot of things on Internet. Maybe you are having a low testosterone level.......

He: so you think you are a doctor

Me: I'm not, it's just I was thinking there are many things we can do.

He : you are not a doctor, so stop assuming things. I dont want to talk about that.

 

 

Very often, the conversation ended up he walked away or pretended he is asleep, or never been discussed again.

 

But again, the past three weeks, I planned on moving out and I have been actively seeking a sex buddy, and met this guy on line and eventually in person. I did not have any strong emotional attachment to this guy I have an affair with, and I slept with him on our third date. I continuously slept with this guys for a few more days. After that, I talked to my current ex and said we need a break. He called me slut.

Then the next day, i went to his house and apologized yet I didn't confuses what I have done. We just agreed to try our best to make our relationship work out. we were talking about going to the therapist and other possible things.

 

But during these couple days when we both agree to work out our problem, i showed my worries and told him i do not think it will work out. My current ex eventually asked me if i were cheating, and said he found out those flirty texts before i wanted to move out and he asked me to leave.

 

Now, it's been a couple days, I called and texted him. His response is " leave him alone and what I have done is unforgivable"

 

I do not think I will have any chances of getting back to him.

But my problem is I don't feel that guilty for what I have done to him. And it's bothering me. I should be ashamed for what I have done and made the decision to cheat, but I am apparently not.

I still sleep with the guy I had an affair with.

 

I know some comments are going to be brutal, but I just hope some of them can guide my losing moral compass the right way.

Edited August 2, 2013 by Wkp

[zues]

you dont feel guilty because you lacked in a relationship what you should of been getting, he wasnt giving you what you wanted, in one word sex! so you went else where to get it. simple as that! you either want the guy or you dont make up your mind!

[Echo000]

ya maybe the relationship was lacking (sex) and that it wasnt enough for you. But to cheat on the guy...so low and not okay. If you wanted to have sex and he wasnt giving it to you..you break up with him. You dont cheat on him. He is right, that is totally unforgivable. Good for him for not wanting you back.

 

This doesnt make you a bad person. But the whole situation..i.e. your behavior..is pretty shallow and bad in my opinion. You probably shattered this guys heart..and its really bad you dont feel guilty.

 

But, thats okay. people make mistakes. doesnt make you a bad person, even though what you did was a bad thing. Learn from it. and keep moving forward. Let him move on and dont contact him again.

[aloneinaz]

Everyone makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up. The mistake you made was to not leave the not interested in sex BF before you met someone new. Sex is so important to a relationship. You two were not compatible in that area and it was a deal breaker (you sought out sex elsewhere).

 

Move on and find someone else you're more compatible with.

[Chi townD]

If you don't feel guilty about cheating on a guy that put his trust in you. And all is right in your universe, then why are you even posting here?

 

You don't care about the dude. You feel vindicated because he wasn't giving it up as much as you wanted so (in your head) he DESERVED to be cheated on! Serves him right!

 

That's why you don't feel guilty, because you convinced yourself that you were justified. That why you don't feel guilty now when you go over to your affair buddies house and screw his brains out all the while, the man you pledge yourself in a relationship to, is sitting at home and gutted.

[Misfortune]

Is it so hard to just be forward with someone. So hard to say "I'm not into the relationship anymore because of such and such." Try to fix or leave rather than cheating. Is cheating all people know? Such cowards.

[Knoxpwns]

This doesnt make you a bad person.

 

Yes it does. Call me jaded but simply put cheating (especially multiple times) is not something good people do. If you really crave getting plowed with no emotional attatchment then be single and do flings.

 

It's not right he was being hard headed with a problem fixing the relationship, but cheating was not the appropriate response.

 

You blatantly state you don't care. Then why are you here? If you find cheating so morally objectionable then why are you doing it multiple times?

[Chi townD]

Zombie thread......OP isn't coming back. OP has one post. It's a hit and run.