BW + adult son having "intervention" w/ my MM right now

[bentleychic]

Good question. Why was he cheating? I don't know. He tells me he's in a loveless, sexless marriage, blah, blah, blah. Of course he makes her out to be some horrible monster. I don't buy that at all. They've been together for about 30 years. One day, he broke down crying to me about some things I promised I would not repeat (and have not, and won't even as an anonymous poster here). It was around his first affair, right after they got married and there have been others since.

 

I do have my own ideas about why he's having this A. But who knows why he'd jeopardize all that. I guess he never thought he'd get caught.

 

 

Oh dang. He is a serial cheater then. Not good. I'm sorry to hear that.

[BlissfullyWhich]

Not 25. I had to count b/c I was curious. We had 53 (so far) today and it was a fairly low contact day for us due to us both being busy with work.

 

I've never counted text messages. I always wondered if she snooped through his phone, but I guess she didn't have to.

[HopingAgain]

I have no interest in making any plans with him. Whatever happens happens. I've always been clear with him that I was single and available to date and I still feel the same way.

 

He is an affair veteran. He was caught once before, and I suspect he's left enough clues about others, mine being the last, that both son and BW figured it out. Again, he'll never admit to what's happening.

 

It's an interesting notion Pierre, that you think a MM should be committed to his OW and vice-versa. I never considered that to be part of the "affair rules" LOL

 

So selfish of him. If he knew he wasn't going to do right by his wife after the first time, he should have let her go. I hope you aren't making long term plans with him because its clear he's not relationship material.

[canuckprincess]

I've never counted text messages. I always wondered if she snooped through his phone, but I guess she didn't have to.

 

The fact that he didn't delete his text messages leaves one to think that maybe he wants to get caught.

[Pierre]

I have no interest in making any plans with him. Whatever happens happens. I've always been clear with him that I was single and available to date and I still feel the same way.

 

He is an affair veteran. He was caught once before, and I suspect he's left enough clues about others, mine being the last, that both son and BW figured it out. Again, he'll never admit to what's happening.

 

It's an interesting notion Pierre, that you think a MM should be committed to his OW and vice-versa. I never considered that to be part of the "affair rules" LOL

 

OOps, sorry, I thought you were a more conventional forum OW who was looking to ride into the sunset with OM.

 

Or perhaps, you are sounding disinterested to guard your heart?

 

Or perhaps the dating pool of single men is poor?

 

In any event I suggest not to be clingy and to go silent on this guy. He needs time to enjoy his newfound bachelorhood.

[So happy together]

Not 25. I had to count b/c I was curious. We had 53 (so far) today and it was a fairly low contact day for us due to us both being busy with work.

 

I'm sorry I have to laugh at this because not only would I have more texts than that, but we have already been on the phone twice, for an hour and a half each time. Lol

[bentleychic]

I'm sorry I have to laugh at this because not only would I have more texts than that, but we have already been on the phone twice, for an hour and a half each time. Lol

 

Exactly. It varies per day, of course and when we can talk for 3-4 hours on the phone, there won't be as many texts (but still a lot).

[So happy together]

I have no interest in making any plans with him. Whatever happens happens. I've always been clear with him that I was single and available to date and I still feel the same way.

 

He is an affair veteran. He was caught once before, and I suspect he's left enough clues about others, mine being the last, that both son and BW figured it out. Again, he'll never admit to what's happening.

 

It's an interesting notion Pierre, that you think a MM should be committed to his OW and vice-versa. I never considered that to be part of the "affair rules" LOL

 

Well, I think your attitude is good. Hang in there.

[HopingAgain]

This is OT, but I noticed that there is an extreme amount of phone contact during a lot of affairs, 3-4 hour convos and upwards of 50 or more texts a day back and forth is a LOT. I can see in a LDR the need for that, but it just always struck me as odd during an affair where there is more possibility for physical contact.

[BlissfullyWhich]

OOps, sorry, I thought you were a more conventional forum OW who was looking to ride into the sunset with OM.

 

Or perhaps, you are sounding disinterested to guard your heart?

 

Or perhaps the dating pool of single men is poor?

 

In any event I suggest not to be clingy and to go silent on this guy. He needs time to enjoy his newfound bachelorhood.

 

Pierre, riding into the sunset has crossed my mind, absolutely. But I know that's not a reality. I am very interested in him as a friend and lover, so I hope I'm not sounding too disinterested. I think my presence here means that this whole thing is tearing me up inside in some way or another. In my head, everything was perfect. Now, my social/ sex life is no more.

 

The dating pool here sucks indeed. But I've recently reconnected with a college acquaintance who's 3 hours away (not my ideal relationship at all because I like being around the men I'm dating outside of weekends and holidays). It looks promising some days, and then depressing others. I haven't seen him in about 2 years, when we last tried to connect. Back then we were 6 hours away from each other, and I refused to be in that kind of relationship.

 

I'm not going silent on him. I know it sounds logical, but logic is not always going to make things better. We've tried that before when we agreed to split. That never lasted 2 days. Eventually it will end and we'll go our separate ways. That could easily be tomorrow, post-intervention.

[BlissfullyWhich]

This is OT, but I noticed that there is an extreme amount of phone contact during a lot of affairs, 3-4 hour convos and upwards of 50 or more texts a day back and forth is a LOT. I can see in a LDR the need for that, but it just always struck me as odd during an affair where there is more possibility for physical contact.

 

How often do you (and others, Chic) see/ spend time with your MM?

[bentleychic]

This is OT, but I noticed that there is an extreme amount of phone contact during a lot of affairs, 3-4 hour convos and upwards of 50 or more texts a day back and forth is a LOT. I can see in a LDR the need for that, but it just always struck me as odd during an affair where there is more possibility for physical contact.

 

Well, our relationship is definitely not just about sex and physical contact. Most days, we don't even talk about sex or anything in regards to that part of our relationship when we are texting or talking. We talk about everything and sometimes nothing important at all.

 

We both work full time and I have children so we do not get a lot of time together. Maybe 1-2x a week for a few hours each time if we're lucky. I expect daily contact, period, whether by text or phone. (We speak EVERY day on the phone during the week unless he's home and that's pretty much something that I do not budge on and even when he is home. I guess that's one of my few "rules". )

[BlissfullyWhich]

So selfish of him. If he knew he wasn't going to do right by his wife after the first time, he should have let her go. I hope you aren't making long term plans with him because its clear he's not relationship material.

 

This is something I've so struggled with for the last few days. I never thought he'd get caught (It's amazing that we spend so much time together, even going away for weekends, and him sleeping over) that I thought she just didn't care, and that he was in it for his son and granddaughter. None of this makes sense, but then again, can't say my actions do either.

 

We are not making long-term plans. Just day-to-day plans at this point.

[So happy together]

This is OT, but I noticed that there is an extreme amount of phone contact during a lot of affairs, 3-4 hour convos and upwards of 50 or more texts a day back and forth is a LOT. I can see in a LDR the need for that, but it just always struck me as odd during an affair where there is more possibility for physical contact.

 

I don't think I count because we are LD, but we are in contact constantly.

[bentleychic]

and even when he is home. I guess that's one of my few "rules". )

 

That should have said "and even when he is home, I expect at least a few texts a day back and forth."

[BlissfullyWhich]

Well, our relationship is definitely not just about sex and physical contact. Most days, we don't even talk about sex or anything in regards to that part of our relationship when we are texting or talking. We talk about everything and sometimes nothing important at all.

 

We both work full time and I have children so we do not get a lot of time together. Maybe 1-2x a week for a few hours each time if we're lucky. I expect daily contact, period, whether by text or phone. (We speak EVERY day on the phone during the week unless he's home and that's pretty much something that I do not budge on and even when he is home. I guess that's one of my few "rules". )

 

I agree Chic- most days we don't talk about sex or our relationship, although he obsesses about our relationship more than I do. It's almost like a normal relationship, but he's got a W. Work, life, news, etc. I don't have children so we are able to spend more time together.

 

My MM takes me to work and picks me up almost everyday (some days I work late and take the company pool car home and drive it back). At least 2-3 weekday mornings he'll come over at 5am and we'll cuddle or make love. We usually get a few hours together after work when I'm not working late. I see him at least 1 full day on weekends. We've spent weekends away camping.

[BlissfullyWhich]

The fact that he didn't delete his text messages leaves one to think that maybe he wants to get caught.

 

Oh, he deleted them. The cell phone carrier just kept a tally about how many were sent to me.

[canuckprincess]

Oh, he deleted them. The cell phone carrier just kept a tally about how many were sent to me.

 

Oh ok, I liked your last post the said it felt like a regular relationship except he's married. When I tell people about my boyfriend I say hes a wonderful man the only bad thing about him is he's married.

[bentleychic]

So you're out with people about the fact that he's married? VERY few people know that I'm in a R with a MM. VERY FEW.

[Pierre]

Oh ok, I liked your last post the said it felt like a regular relationship except he's married. When I tell people about my boyfriend I say hes a wonderful man the only bad thing about him is he's married.

 

I love how you rationalize that. It seems to work for you.

[BlissfullyWhich]

Oh ok, I liked your last post the said it felt like a regular relationship except he's married. When I tell people about my boyfriend I say hes a wonderful man the only bad thing about him is he's married.

 

It's funny. I'm in my 40s (he's in his 50s) and I'd like to think I'm self aware. I am an introvert who laughs and talks more than most. I'm confident at work, public, but in private I am insecure and can be selfish.

 

When I look at this man, with all his flaws, I know I'm also looking at myself. And maybe that's why we think we're such a great match. It's clear that I was his best friend for 16 months because he had this huge secret (his A) and I was the only one he could talk to about it and confide in. When/ if he and his BW divorce, that'll all probably change.

[HopingAgain]

How often do you (and others, Chic) see/ spend time with your MM?

 

Well, my affair was over many years ago (over 10) but at that point in time, we saw eachother very often but the calling, texting was nowhere near as frequent as I see people doing today. I guess it is going with the trend of people calling, texting, online chatting more versus face to face communication.

[BlissfullyWhich]

So you're out with people about the fact that he's married? VERY few people know that I'm in a R with a MM. VERY FEW.

 

He's got two lives. It's almost as though I'm in a polygamous relationship, except there is a BW. I'm sure people assume. We are out together all the time and hang out with my friends. He never worried about his wife finding out. It was strange.

[bentleychic]

Well, my affair was over many years ago (over 10) but at that point in time, we saw eachother very often but the calling, texting was nowhere near as frequent as I see people doing today. I guess it is going with the trend of people calling, texting, online chatting more versus face to face communication.

 

I would greatly love more face to face time. It's just not doable on either end at this point. I could make it happen more easily than he could, though.

[HopingAgain]

It's funny. I'm in my 40s (he's in his 50s) and I'd like to think I'm self aware. I am an introvert who laughs and talks more than most. I'm confident at work, public, but in private I am insecure and can be selfish.

 

When I look at this man, with all his flaws, I know I'm also looking at myself. And maybe that's why we think we're such a great match. It's clear that I was his best friend for 16 months because he had this huge secret (his A) and I was the only one he could talk to about it and confide in. When/ if he and his BW divorce, that'll all probably change.

 

Uh oh, it sounds like you are falling in love with him, or already are in love with him. If his wife goes through with divorcing him, he will likely be looking to you as a soft place to fall. It would probably be wise not to let him put that type of pressure on you, especially if you're already vulnerable. You might become his new main squeeze and he seems too set in his ways to change his pattern now.