BW + adult son having "intervention" w/ my MM right now

[HopingAgain]

Well, our relationship is definitely not just about sex and physical contact. Most days, we don't even talk about sex or anything in regards to that part of our relationship when we are texting or talking. We talk about everything and sometimes nothing important at all.

 

We both work full time and I have children so we do not get a lot of time together. Maybe 1-2x a week for a few hours each time if we're lucky. I expect daily contact, period, whether by text or phone. (We speak EVERY day on the phone during the week unless he's home and that's pretty much something that I do not budge on and even when he is home. I guess that's one of my few "rules". )

 

I think one of the reasons I am amazed at so much phone contact etc is its so easy to get caught that way, most of the affairs I've heard of having Ddays is because of phone or internet contact.

[canuckprincess]

He's got two lives. It's almost as though I'm in a polygamous relationship, except there is a BW. I'm sure people assume. We are out together all the time and hang out with my friends. He never worried about his wife finding out. It was strange.

 

Holy crap, if I didn't know better I'd think we are involved with the same man lol.

[BlissfullyWhich]

Uh oh, it sounds like you are falling in love with him, or already are in love with him. If his wife goes through with divorcing him, he will likely be looking to you as a soft place to fall. It would probably be wise not to let him put that type of pressure on you, especially if you're already vulnerable. You might become his new main squeeze and he seems too set in his ways to change his pattern now.

 

I know I'm in love with him. And yes, we did have the "soft landing" discussion briefly. I clearly stated my expectations if he got a divorce, which was that nothing between us would change. But things are very much still in motion and that convo was the day after DDay. I'll probably have to have it again if/ when he divorces.

[BlissfullyWhich]

Holy crap, if I didn't know better I'd think we are involved with the same man lol.

 

LOL dude is NOT that good! Or maybe....

[bentleychic]

Well, it's almost a year since we started talking and it was 100+ texts a day plus hours a day on the phone even at the very beginning. I know he doesn't delete on a regular basis and saves some texts. If she hasn't discovered it, yet by that, I truly don't think that will be the things that tip her off. We facebook message occasionally, but not very often at all.

[2sure]

Ok, one question. And it isn't about the affair or what you want or morals, but I'm completely serious .

 

I just can't imagine having a Man call my house and have to stand there in front of his wife , or anyone, and pretend he was calling someone else . With me there, on the other end saying WTF?

 

A grown man. I mean, I just could not , after witnessing that, ever take him seriously again.

 

And I'm laughing, I'm not being mean.

[HopingAgain]

I know I'm in love with him. And yes, we did have the "soft landing" discussion briefly. I clearly stated my expectations if he got a divorce, which was that nothing between us would change. But things are very much still in motion and that convo was the day after DDay. I'll probably have to have it again if/ when he divorces.

 

Hold your ground, and use your head. The reality of a relationship with this man, an out in the open one and not the affair relationship anymore, will be different. And it doesn't sound like the odds are in your favor that he will be monogamous with you, if that is something you'd desire in an exclusive relationship.

[HopingAgain]

Ok, one question. And it isn't about the affair or what you want or morals, but I'm completely serious .

 

I just can't imagine having a Man call my house and have to stand there in front of his wife , or anyone, and pretend he was calling someone else . With me there, on the other end saying WTF?

 

A grown man. I mean, I just could not , after witnessing that, ever take him seriously again.

 

And I'm laughing, I'm not being mean.

 

Yep, he's a seasoned player. That's the type that will gnaw his arm off rather than tell the truth!

[BlissfullyWhich]

Ok, one question. And it isn't about the affair or what you want or morals, but I'm completely serious .

 

I just can't imagine having a Man call my house and have to stand there in front of his wife , or anyone, and pretend he was calling someone else . With me there, on the other end saying WTF?

 

A grown man. I mean, I just could not , after witnessing that, ever take him seriously again.

 

And I'm laughing, I'm not being mean.

 

The whole thing was just bananas. He's an actor. I call him out on his BS and bluffs all the time. He knew he could cop to it because every bit of everything would have been burning in a bonfire on their front yard (his words). It was desperate and sad, but at least he's got his stuff, right?

[BlissfullyWhich]

Hold your ground, and use your head. The reality of a relationship with this man, an out in the open one and not the affair relationship anymore, will be different. And it doesn't sound like the odds are in your favor that he will be monogamous with you, if that is something you'd desire in an exclusive relationship.

 

Thanks for saying that! I totally try to use my head, but my heart often times just take control. But you're absolutely correct.

 

I'm interested in settling down with someone some day. I'm not in a rush. At 40, I've never been married, and have no children. I love my freedom and I'm used to it. I know I want a monogamous relationship, and I know it probably won't be with him. He's the one who would immediately want to be in a relationship with me, at least that's what he'll think he wants. I know he doesn't want to remarry, so I've already known my options with him for some time, if ever a divorce occurred.

[2sure]

My X was a Serial cheater.

I'm not going to go into the whole lecture, but please think about believing me..

They aren't players so much as they are very seriously F'd up.

 

You seem ok, you do not need a part of this.

[BlissfullyWhich]

My X was a Serial cheater.

I'm not going to go into the whole lecture, but please think about believing me..

They aren't players so much as they are very seriously F'd up.

 

You seem ok, you do not need a part of this.

 

Thanks 2sure. I will do my best!

[Pierre]

Thanks 2sure. I will do my best!

 

This guy is a grandpa. How old are you?

 

Some of these philanderers slow down as the penis becomes weakena with age. So he may turn out to be a good partner and maybe you can retire together.

[BlissfullyWhich]

This guy is a grandpa. How old are you?

 

Some of these philanderers slow down as the penis becomes weakena with age. So he may turn out to be a good partner and maybe you can retire together.

 

Pierre, I'm beginning to like you

 

He's 52. I'm 42. And he's technically a grandpa. He's quite hot too!

[Pierre]

Pierre, I'm beginning to like you

 

He's 52. I'm 42. And he's technically a grandpa. He's quite hot too!

 

At 52, he is still in the zone. But, you are way too young for this guy, but it may work.

 

There is also the possibility he may hit the Viagra real hard now that he is single.

 

Only time will tell. I wish you luck; there is nothing you can do. Don't be clingy!

[whichwayisup]

Pierre, I'm beginning to like you

 

He's 52. I'm 42. And he's technically a grandpa. He's quite hot too!

 

He's a player and good at it. Serial cheater and a lifestyle he has got used to over the years. Sorry but he isn't going to change. He's cheated all throughout his marriage and even if they divorce, chances are high that he'll continue to cheat if he ends up with you or someone else. This guy is addicted to the behaviour and feelings that an A brings out.

[BlissfullyWhich]

At 52, he is still in the zone. But, you are way too young for this guy, but it may work.

 

There is also the possibility he may hit the Viagra real hard now that he is single.

 

Only time will tell. I wish you luck; there is nothing you can do. Don't be clingy!

 

I never thought I was way too young. But I've heard that before. But he's a young 52. He's run in the a marathon for the last 2 years and plans to run another one. He's also got me eating better and exercising (hiking, cycling, gym). He's in excellent shape and still gets excited when he sees freight trains go by, waving at the motorman (like a kid).

[Trimmer]

Weird. I got a cellphone call at about 9:30pm Wednesday from a number I didn't recognize. I recognized the area code, which is one used for the surrounding suburbs in my city. It was a woman who took some time to tell me she was sorry, but she must have had the wrong number. MM was home and we were actually texting at this time. At about 10:15 he told me goodnight and that he'd see me in the morning (he drove me to and from work everyday). Then at about 10:30 he called me asking for someone, a man. He was demanding to speak with this man. At first I thought he was joking around and kept asking "do you know who this is?" as though he may have butt dialed me LOL. But then I heard a woman's voice in the background muttering something, then he hung up. He called me back about 10 minutes later asking to speak to the same man. I just said this man was not available, and I'd have him call back

So she went through his phone, found a number for an unknown "Fred Smith" (how he has you listed in his contacts) and called it from another line at 9:30 to discover that there's a female voice and no Fred at the other end. At 10:15, they start arguing about it, and at 10:30 she makes him call "Fred" in front of her. Humiliating. I wonder if you were on speaker during the first call when you were saying "MM, do you know who this is?"

[So happy together]

Wow! So, who takes care of your kids while you are on the phone and in constant contact? I don't have time to have more tha a 10 min. Conversation with my mm if I am taking proper care of my kids and keeping my house.

 

I am just wondering how you manage it all, as my kids take most of my time.

 

We make time. He's a very busy person, as am I. We wake up two hours early so that we can have that private time. Then, on our lunch we talk. Then when the kids are in bed we talk. A text takes two seconds.

 

I don't put anyone before my children.

[BlissfullyWhich]

So she went through his phone, found a number for an unknown "Fred Smith" (how he has you listed in his contacts) and called it from another line at 9:30 to discover that there's a female voice and no Fred at the other end.

 

No. She got the number from the cell phone bill. There were hundreds of calls/ texts to my number for the month of June.

[canuckprincess]

No. She got the number from the cell phone bill. There were hundreds of calls/ texts to my number for the month of June.

 

Due to his past cheating she has never trusted him so it would be easier to catch him one would think. Or shouldn't he of been better at covering his tracks? I know some that are brilliant at covering their tracks and it helps if bs doesn't care or is in denial.

[BlissfullyWhich]

Due to his past cheating she has never trusted him so it would be easier to catch him one would think. Or shouldn't he of been better at covering his tracks? I know some that are brilliant at covering their tracks and it helps if bs doesn't care or is in denial.

 

He's told me of 2 past As. One was right after the marriage (almost 25 years ago) and one three years ago. Both were long-term incidents, between 3-6 year As.

 

I'm not certain what constitutes serial cheating.

[canuckprincess]

He's told me of 2 past As. One was right after the marriage (almost 25 years ago) and one three years ago. Both were long-term incidents, between 3-6 year As.

 

I'm not certain what constitutes serial cheating.

 

He's been having a 10 year affair when you add it all up so I would say serial cheater. Chances are if you end things eventually he'll stray again and his wife must realize that.

[So happy together]

Did you hear anything more about what happened with the 'intervention'?

[canuckprincess]

I don't understand why it's any of your adult sons business.