dfourthhorseman Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Hi, I'm in college right now and I had met this girl and dated her for about 2 months. She had ended a 2 1/2 year relationship with some other guy not too long ago and maybe that's the source of the problem. Basically, at first I was just a friend and had absolutely no intention of falling in love with her, but then as we hanged out more, I couldnt stop thinking about her. At first she said she wasn't ready for a relationship, then all of a sudden it turned into an open relationship between us, and then it ended after about 2 weeks. Shortly after that, we got together officially and went out for 2 months and now we partied again. I have done everything I could possibly do to help this relationship. I help her with whatever studies I can and comfort her when she needs it. I even do things like do her hw if shes really stressed out and has a test to study for, or small things like help her with her laundry. She has been under quite a bit of stress since the beginning becuase her grades weren't doing too well, and after the last calc mid term, she decided to think everything over. What confuses me is all her signals. One, she says I'm everything she ever wanted in a guy and she'd be a fool to lose me and things along that long during the entire relationship. Then after her last test, she tells me next day that she doesnt think it will work, she thinks either her feelings have changed or she has realized its a different kind of love, and she realized this because after her test the person she wanted to comfort her wasnt me. Then that same night, we went on a walk and she basically changed into us going on a break, saying we should be allowed to date others but just not going into anything serious, so basically an open relationship. I truly love this girl. I've been in a number of relationship in the past but there's something about her that makes me so intoxicated by her. Now I really don't know what it is she's thinking and wants from me. Am I merely a backup? Is she still recovering from her breakup, I was a rebound, she realizes that and is looking things over? Or is she just not ready for a serious relationship? I mean she wants me to be her friend, but still also wants me to cuddle with her and sleep with me (not doing anything, we are both still virigins). Now what kind of friendship is that? One minute she's telling me not to wait and the next she's making me promise not to fall in love with another girl and to try and wait for her, even though at the same time shes basically asking for permission to fool around. I really want to be with her. We are both still freshmen in college and I want to spend my next four yrs, and hopefully more, with her, but is there a good possibilty of that? How should I go about it? I really find it hard to see her even on fun dates with other guys. So I really would like some ideas on how to 1) not date others, 2) be ready for a relationship with me, 3) get back together soon. Please any help/advice/opinion would be great, thanks. Ruibing Link to post Share on other sites
innocntlisy1981 Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 well im a female and I've just advoided tha situation that she id doing rite now i split up with my boyfriend and then i had feelings for this guy and we hung out together every day and he really wanted to get together.but i knew deep down my feelings were only there cos i was trying to forget about tha old relationship so i told this guy id rather be friends cos i didnt want ot hurt him and now im glad i did cos now i dont have any feelings for him whatsoever iknew that would happen!!yes i think its a rebound she wants you around for comfort just until she can get better no offense.its like a security blanket she needs to feel special and at tha moment ur doing that but she also wants to have her cake and eat it to.dont let her play these games with u either u are together or ur not tha fact that she wants u there but also wants to go see other people proves this relationship is a flunk from tha start good lukK Link to post Share on other sites
Author dfourthhorseman Posted November 1, 2004 Author Share Posted November 1, 2004 *sigh* Ok, let's suppose that is so, how should I appoarch her to get to the bottom of it? I really want to do it in a way that can sort of answer it truthfully instead of being evasive and everything. Thanks, any other opinions are welcomed too, Ruibing Link to post Share on other sites
Odradek Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Confront her. Tell her the way her mixed signals are making you feel, and ask her what it is she really wants. Best Scenario: She feels she could lose and realizes she has true feelings for you. Worst Scenario: If she gets too evasive, then you know she just wants you as a safety deposit. On the other hand, she might answer straightfowardly that she only sees you as a freind (or any of those lines taken from Cosmo that invariably translate into "I don't want to be with you") and you might get hurt, but at least you get to move on with your life and not be taken for a puppet. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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