Day 26 NC, getting rough..

[sadwithouthim]

I keep thinking maybe I'll email and just say "hey, just checking on you, wondering how you're doing", I'm going to look like I have SOME nerve...right?

 

I'm the MW, he's the OM, and he wanted NC. I don't want to look stupid by breaking NC, besides he might get angry...or worse, just ignore me.

[lifelesson101]

It hurts like he'll..and it sucks. I have no wise words.... But I can promise if you stick it out it gets better. Even though you don't believe it now - time heals. I have walked miles in your shoes. Seven months on no contact for me... I think of him every day - but it no longer consumes me. Every day it gets a tiny bit easier..a tiny bit better.

[whichwayisup]

I keep thinking maybe I'll email and just say "hey, just checking on you, wondering how you're doing", I'm going to look like I have SOME nerve...right?

 

I'm the MW, he's the OM, and he wanted NC. I don't want to look stupid by breaking NC, besides he might get angry...or worse, just ignore me.

 

Don't do it. It's selfish and unfair for you to reach out to him. You are the married one and he couldn't take it anymore which is why NC is in place. Breaking NC will hurt him. 26 days of NC for HIM. Keep that in mind. You will ruin HIS progress, and set him back so DO NOT contact him. It's disrespectful if you break your word and since he asked you to leave him alone and the A is over.

 

Focus your energy into yourself and your own grieving. Get counseling and talk to your husband.

[sadwithouthim]

Thanks, I'll come to this site each time I need a reminder. Meanwhile, I need to clean up my life...without focusing on him. I need to channel some strength.

 

Only tears help to make it better, and only for a little while. I'm crying more as the days drag on though. I think I was in denial at first.

[sweet_pea]

I know you're hurting, but he asked for NC and so you should respect that, especially if you love him.

[sadwithouthim]

I'm eating and crying at the same time. I need something sweet after this meal. Good old comfort food couldn't hurt.

[sadwithouthim]

This would probably be even worse if it had gone to PA. I can't imagine how much a mess I'd be then.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks, I'll come to this site each time I need a reminder. Meanwhile, I need to clean up my life...without focusing on him. I need to channel some strength.

 

Only tears help to make it better, and only for a little while. I'm crying more as the days drag on though. I think I was in denial at first.

 

I know sometimes my posts are harsh but I do care. As much as you're hurting, he's hurting just as much so keep that in mind. Sticking to NC and respecting his wishes shows him that you are respecting his wishes and that care enough about him to leave him alone so he can heal and find love again with someone else.

 

Don't allow yourself to wallow like this daily all day. Gotta push yourself and live life and put him and what you feel out of your head. Be pro active and make plans with your women friends and laugh, be silly and have some fun.

[compulsivedancer]

And stop counting the days...one thing I did was just keep delaying. I thought to myself, "I won't contact him today; I'll do it next week," until finally I didn't have the pressing need to contact him anymore. Don't know if that would work for you, but it worked for me.

[sadwithouthim]

Part of the problem is that I started my day by thinking maybe we could talk tonight. It was a coping mechanism, but only one that hurt when I realized I can't break NC, and he hasn't written.

 

I'm feeling better after eating and crying a bit. Thanks to everyone.

[whichwayisup]

Part of the problem is that I started my day by thinking maybe we could talk tonight. It was a coping mechanism, but only one that hurt when I realized I can't break NC, and he hasn't written.

 

I'm feeling better after eating and crying a bit. Thanks to everyone.

 

See, you are not doing NC in your head. You are bringing it on yourself and making yourself feel worse. Don't! Make yourself stop and give up hope. It is over and you have to let go of any hopes of speaking to him again.

 

All thought habits and patterns can be broken. Pick up any good book about cognitive behaviour therapy and it'll teach you ways of gaining control back.

[sadwithouthim]

See, you are not doing NC in your head. You are bringing it on yourself and making yourself feel worse. Don't! Make yourself stop and give up hope. It is over and you have to let go of any hopes of speaking to him again.

 

All thought habits and patterns can be broken. Pick up any good book about cognitive behaviour therapy and it'll teach you ways of gaining control back.

 

I'll definitely check into this, thanks.

[canuckprincess]

I keep thinking maybe I'll email and just say "hey, just checking on you, wondering how you're doing", I'm going to look like I have SOME nerve...right?

 

I'm the MW, he's the OM, and he wanted NC. I don't want to look stupid by breaking NC, besides he might get angry...or worse, just ignore me.

 

As an ow if I were to go NC and I was serious about it and my mm broke it I'd be pissed. The first time he'd get a warning the next time I'd tell his wife. Unless your gonna leave your marriage, please don't string him along any further.

[thecharade]

There is the dumper and the dumpee, and affairs mess with those realities and roles. Cake eaters are dumpers; you are the dumper!! It's fine and maybe even right to choose your M and 'reject/dump' any plan to officially be with him, but I think cake eaters who emotionally and actively want to and try to keep both relationships have a big chunk of the responsibility for the A and the dysfunction. You need to own this twisted thinking. Wanting both relationships is very, very damaged thinking--fairly indefensible compared to perceptions by other people in affairs who are actually wanting their AP out in the open. Get help for yourself and leave him alone. If you are choosing your M, bravo! But work on why that isn't enough. Do not toy with your AP when you have already rejected him.