How did you get back together?

[berkeley1987]

so i'm trying to get back with my ex. i wanna send her the movie ticket from our first date? would this be a good idea to win her heart again?? will it bring back good memories??

[berkeley1987]

wreck it ralph. we both wanted to see it because of the Paperman short. we named our pet bunny after a character in the movie too.

[berkeley1987]

so i'm sick and tired of doing research on how to get your ex back. i'm tired of watching stupid videos that don't get to the point and in the end want you to buy a stupid get your ex back program. all these fake love gurus that talk bs. all i want is real ppl's stories on how they got back together with their exs. thanks!!

[alexjames88]

You can't win them back by doing anything that is artificial.

 

Though it depends on them more than it does on you. For example my ex was very strong willed and an intelligent and logical guy. Once he was done he was done at least for a few years.

 

There are couples that break up all the time and reunite multiple times. But often these individuals are immature and lack emotional intelligence and are easier to persuade etc.

 

If they really have considered the break up and then do break up with you then it's really just time that may get them back. If years later you still love them and they have not met anybody else they may come back once the reasons why they broke up in the first place have faded.

 

Also to get them back you must resolve the issues that led to the break up.

[jerryh]

Not me, but a friend just left her alone for a few months, then she figured out the single life wasnt all that and wanted him back.

[berkeley1987]

guys i just want to hear some success stories for once.

[fucpcg]

You can't win them back by doing anything that is artificial.

 

Though it depends on them more than it does on you. For example my ex was very strong willed and an intelligent and logical guy. Once he was done he was done at least for a few years.

 

There are couples that break up all the time and reunite multiple times. But often these individuals are immature and lack emotional intelligence and are easier to persuade etc.

 

If they really have considered the break up and then do break up with you then it's really just time that may get them back. If years later you still love them and they have not met anybody else they may come back once the reasons why they broke up in the first place have faded.

 

Also to get them back you must resolve the issues that led to the break up.

 

AlexJames you nailed it.

[alexjames88]

A guy I casually dated in University added me on Facebook three years later and was full on asking to meet and start dating. I can't even remember how we "broke up" all I remember about him was having dinner once in student halls though we did meet more than once.

 

Another ex who I travelled to Mexico to be with and who abandoned me in Mexico city added me on Facebook after 2 years of having blocked me.

 

Charlie my ex who I used to visit in a young persons psychiatric facility (he admitted himself) dumped me and I have and will never hear from him again.

 

And my last ex who I love with all my heart never gets in touch. Whenever I tried for a year he would either ignore me or be monosyllabic.

[berkeley1987]

thanks. i admit to abandoning my ex gf on vacation. we couldnt stop fighting. it made her cry for days, i feel so bad now. it was the last time i saw her.

[orionboxing]

I'll post this again. This is a post from me from awhile back...I have pulled three exes back in my entire life. Here's how I did it.

 

Girl 1 - She started behaving poorly and she started developing feelings for a mutual friend. I said "fine, go after him then". I turned around and went on a few dates with a girl that she knew fairly well and it wrecked her. 6 months later she sends a friend of hers to talk to me about getting back together and she wants to talk. I decide to meet with her, tells me she loves me, and tell her "no". A week or two later she approaches me again, and I give her another shot. It did not end well.

 

Girl 2 - College romance. Dated for 4 months, had to separate because we both had to go home for the summer and lived so far apart. She dumped me over the phone and I just didn't seem to care. 5 months later she calls me when we all arrive back on campus and I ignore her. 7 months later I randomly see her out and about and we exchange numbers. We lasted month and I lost interest again.

 

Girl 3 - Dated 5 years. I dumped her because she was a compulsive liar and I lost the spark with her. We kept in low contact over the next several months just checking in on each other...because 5 years is long time and the feelings don't really go away over night. I then vanished. 13 months later I see her out and about and we argue in public. I go home with her that night. We didn’t last long after that.

 

The biggest factor in reconciliation is time and indifference. Don't put your life on hold for anyone. I'm finding the more I silently pine away and reflect on my ex-wife the less likely we'll get back together. Even if you don't contact them, it's like some women and men secretly know that you are still into them and it makes them run away from you. You have to mentally separate and stop thinking about them in order to have another chance. You also need to completely disappear. If you are readily available, you just don’t seem to be valuable. It's a weird phenomenon but seems to work.

[happydate]

so i'm sick and tired of doing research on how to get your ex back. i'm tired of watching stupid videos that don't get to the point and in the end want you to buy a stupid get your ex back program. all these fake love gurus that talk bs. all i want is real ppl's stories on how they got back together with their exs. thanks!!

 

Intimate relationships are God's way of teaching us who we really are and what are the lessons the relationship meant to teach so we can learn from them and MOVE ON.

 

I don't understand what's the fuss about second chances unless you like having just sex with ex and watching re-runs. There is a reason why you guys break up and that reason is the message.

 

I've known only a very small number of people who do get back together and married and live happily ever after, but these small percentages when I look at them are really meant to be together. The breakup were minor things that they weren't willing to let go and surrender. Once they surrender, the relationship then works.

 

The majority of relationships aren't meant for us to be together like you see in the Hollywood movies. Sorry, but the love movies are there to generate ticket sales.

 

If you are UNWILLING to move on and learn your lessons, you will continually be experiencing the "SAME" kind of relationships again and again and again until you yourself surrender to the notion that, I must improve myself and heal and move on. Once you are truly healed, you will not even consider going back to your ex or even dating the kind of girls that resemble your ex.

 

That my friend is your graduation party. Then you will date different kinds of women and meet other challenges, but at least it will have a different ENDING! Once you've experienced a better different ending, you will laugh at people craving for Second Chances. Those guys kept going to "summer school" and flunking God's will to teach them important lessons!

When the Lord determines you have learned enough, you will then be with someone who will be your equal and be happy with. Do not expect it. The Lord will deliver this to you someday. Your job now is to heal your wounds, your heart and go out and date again. Someday, you will meet the girl you thought you would never. There will be a "KNOWING" that gosh I've known this girl forever. There is no nervousness, no game playing and lots of light and funny convos like you guys are meant together. Don't short changed yourself please..

Edited August 3, 2013 by happydate

[240Zest]

Anyone have a success story from a situation where they couldn't apply no contact because they had to drop off/pick up the kids and see their ex twice a week?

[Dolphono]

You have to mentally separate and stop thinking about them in order to have another chance. You also need to completely disappear. If you are readily available, you just don’t seem to be valuable. It's a weird phenomenon but seems to work.

 

 

I concur...

[JadedRomantic]

It really depends on the relationship, the personalities and issues of the people involved and the time span etc etc etc ...

 

However ... I will say that I have had two experiences with breaking up and getting back together.

 

The first guy was my first love, we were compatible in many ways but just too young and too dumb. We were on and off for 8 years. That alone should tell you that there was at least a little bit of total dysfunction there and it did not last. It didn't end in anything super crazy or ugly though. We just got older and our paths moved apart and too much heaviness in our history just made it a must. we have very little and sparse contact, but we do text/ call once in a blue moon; wax nostalgic a little and move on again.

 

Currently, I am in the beginning stages of reconciliation with my most recent ex. He had something similar to GIGS, we were apart for 6-7 months and maintained about 2 months of NC and then LC through out. We started hanging out and 'testing the waters' a little about a month ago and then in this last week or so, we are giving it another shot. I posted about it recently.

 

I used LC with him and not NC (the 2 months of NC was for me to gather my thoughts and emotions) because I know he has deep abandonment issues. He seems to have realized a few things not just about love and our relationship and me, but also about himself and how he interacts with the world. Things seem to be stronger and deeper and while there are still some moments of deep emotional conversation, it seems really good thus far.

 

I'll keep you updated lol

[JadedRomantic]

Intimate relationships are God's way of teaching us who we really are and what are the lessons the relationship meant to teach so we can learn from them and MOVE ON.

 

I don't understand what's the fuss about second chances unless you like having just sex with ex and watching re-runs. There is a reason why you guys break up and that reason is the message.

 

I've known only a very small number of people who do get back together and married and live happily ever after, but these small percentages when I look at them are really meant to be together. The breakup were minor things that they weren't willing to let go and surrender. Once they surrender, the relationship then works.

 

The majority of relationships aren't meant for us to be together like you see in the Hollywood movies. Sorry, but the love movies are there to generate ticket sales.

 

If you are UNWILLING to move on and learn your lessons, you will continually be experiencing the "SAME" kind of relationships again and again and again until you yourself surrender to the notion that, I must improve myself and heal and move on. Once you are truly healed, you will not even consider going back to your ex or even dating the kind of girls that resemble your ex.

 

This is a little brutal and cynical lol but completely true at the same time and I agree with it. We're all going to miss our exes. But I think for some exes, my i got over quickly and I knew that, even in the midst of my 'heartbreak', I wouldn't be even trying to or considering getting back together with them. I learned what I needed, grew mentally or emotionally, mourned the loss a little and moved on.

 

However, there have been 2 (as mentioned above) that I believed in fighting for and that it was something more. Funny thing is, they had the same Sun and Moon signs which I didn't find out until recently.

 

So ... it's up to you to decipher your feelings honestly.

[Angry bird]

The more time that goes by, the more I remember why I was uneasy about the relationship. And, although I miss him and love him, he was doing very disrespectful things and was either oblivious, down right stupid or did not give a damn. I was so desperate to be loved I was accepting garbage from this person. and when he pushed me to the brink, I ended it, and he talked his way back in. Then he did something stupid four days later, and I went off on him, and then he dumped me.

 

6 weeks or so have passed, NC,, and I wanted to reconcile at first, but now, I realize that this man was not the one. But, if I was still talking with him, I would have wanted to stay in the relationship with him.

 

The space and time has given me peace of mind and I am more at peace without him around, although I do love him. He was waaaay out of control and really immature.

 

I can see myself with someone more on my level now. This a 180 from where I was a month ago, begging him to talk to me.

 

I love him, but I think I got the better deal. "Me", lol. And I am not on social media t all. He will not know a single thing about me. And, yeah, I think he does wonder where the hell I am, because I'm not writing subliminal pathetic messages about love. F**k him.

[happydate]

I agree with this.

 

 

 

It's not always about sex. And it's not so much re-runs, either, as it is answering questions and catching up/filling in some blanks in the cases of some.

 

Re-runs are things that's going on in your mind of things you kept thinking about what went wrong and how I could fix it in your past relationships. It's extremely debilitating and sucks most of your energy out, but a lot of people keep thinking about the past. Somehow they think they have a time machine and can fix that. Accepting mistakes, forgiving yourself and then forgiving them is closure and acceptance, not by going back to your ex and ask why. They won't know why because it's not your lesson they know. It's your OWN lesson you should know and close.

 

Otherwise, you will start comparing your new man or woman against all your past exes and not even giving fair chance to the new person who you are actually dating. We call this baggage and many of us carry them. It's bad and it's what causing the re-runs of failed relationships.

 

Naw. I want success in relationships, so I move on and forget.

[ForeverHopeful1]

My husband and I broke up a long time ago. We spent 5 months apart.

 

He and I were in an argument, over something completely stupid (obviously not stupid at the time, but looking back, we shake our heads...) It was a blessing in disguise as we have not taken one another for granted after that.

 

We broke up, I went no contact. I didn't know what else to do.

 

I feel if someone doesn't want to be with me, I cannot force them, and I am not begging. If you love me, cool. If not, it may hurt, but I am not the kind of person who needs someone else around. I enjoy having my husband in my life, and I want him there. No more. No less. I figure if you don't want me in your life, you probably don't want me calling, messaging or bothering you either. If you did, you would let me know. Since he didn't, I let him be.

 

When he realized I wasn't coming back begging, he did a little work of his own and got to thinking about how he had made the wrong choice. He called to see how I was doing. I didn't really care for the small talk after 5 months NC and years together before that. It made no sense for him to call unless he was telling me he was an idiot for ending things and that he wanted a second chance and to forgive him for walking out on me and ending things for silly reasons.

 

I cannot make anyone love me. I can only hope they do.

[berkeley1987]

I agree with this.

 

 

 

It's not always about sex. And it's not so much re-runs, either, as it is answering questions and catching up/filling in some blanks in the cases of some.

 

i'm not going to lie, part of me wants to go back for the sex. but i do want to marry this girl, i truly love her.

[berkeley1987]

we are both into disney and we both are artists. but it's not about the movie. it was our first date ever. it means something.

[TaraMaiden]

It means nothing.

If she dumped you, her first reaction will be "ugh! Jeesh, give up and leave it alone, why don't you?!"

 

Trust me, bad move.

 

If she ditched you - why would she want to get back with you, on the basis of a movie?

 

It would take more than that.

 

Why is it over?

Why did she end it?

 

(going to look at previous thread....back in a mo'....)

[TaraMaiden]

Checked.

 

You need therapy.

 

You need to drop out of her life for good.

You need to implement complete, total No Contact, block, delete, deny and go AWOL, and fall off her radar completely.

 

Check the NC Guide in my signature to see how to do all this P-R-O-P-E-R-L-Y.

 

NC is not a tool to get someone back.You seem to be trying to manipulate things that way, and that's childish, juvenile and puerile.

 

And don't even THINK of friendship.

That's a complete impossibility, right now, and frankly, looking at your threads, any time in the future too.

 

Kerrist sakes!

leave her alone!!

[daftpunk]

Naw. I want success in relationships, so I move on and forget.

 

And yet, here you are.

[TaraMaiden]

i'm not going to lie, part of me wants to go back for the sex. but i do want to marry this girl, i truly love her.

 

have casual sex with someone else, then see how you feel.

 

It's not a question of how much you love her.

 

She doesn't care.

If she really cared about you and your feelings, you might still be together.

She may KNOW how you feel - but she knows how she feels too.

And it's nothing that will be sufficient to warrant her U-Turn.

[alexjames88]

As Thomas Crown said "it's just a game love".

 

Having been dumped by my ex I have discovered I have deep abandonment issues. My mother was never really there for me and threw me out when I was a child. I no longer speak to her it has been over a year now. Very rarely do I think about her and I have no wishes to see her again. I am not sure I love her as a mother though. I am not sure there is any love there for her.

 

When my ex told me he loved me and then much later broke up with me. I figured he had abandoned me. I begged and pleaded. I promised I would change. I had bad lifestyle and alcoholism so I did need to change. I would tell him all this stuff and about him abandoning me etc. He is a sweet man. He would listen. But it did nothing positive to change his mind. He had done the difficult part in ending it. The rest was in comparison easier to say no too.

 

On reflection and back to my quote. Nobody wants to hear or see someone with loads of baggage. We all have it. My ex has it too but he doesn't flaunt it. He is an emigrant and I suspect the way he talked to me about family and London being is home now that he has deep rooted issues regarding his emigration. Fortunately he is an emigrant of economics and not war so does not have the trauma that goes with the latter. He so desperately wants to feel settled and secure with somebody I feel.

 

But it is a game. You really have to be forgotten and a new person in order to get them to come back.

 

I stopped being facebook friends with him after a year and a final message telling him I still loved him. In hindsight now having no way for him to contact me gives me a better chance of getting him back than having a form of contact with him. He knew I was always there wanting him. We all want what we cannot have.

 

It has to do with self esteem also. You have become dependant on their love.

 

I do believe in fate and I do believe that something science cannot explain but does exist...they do know when you still want them and they do know when you are still not strong and have not moved on.

 

When I finally deleted my ex I have no way of knowing whether he was sad for a while or relieved. Or maybe he thought I was immature for doing it after all that time. It is irrelevant.

 

My ex knows exactly what I want and how I feel about him. But as "TaraMaiden" wrote it is not enough to have him get in touch and be my lover again.

 

It is so hard and I do falter on many, many days but in short. You need to get your self esteem back and date new people. Casual sex is not a good idea because inevitably they "abandon" you after orgasm and this all sends you back to wanting that hug and kiss after sex as you did with your ex.

 

I have done all I can. I told him on multiple occasions after a lot of time had passed I still loved him and wanted to be with him. He turned those chances down. I have no regrets because I did everything I could. I would have rather told him in person and showed up at his flat but he has a flatmate and would not have appreciated it.

 

I am rebuilding my life and I will talk to him again one day. But it has to be when I stop feeling like I need to talk him and wanting it.