Is it still bad to slap a bf once in a while?

[TaraMaiden]

I want to stop but it just seems to happen.

 

... I didn't want to but it just came off; I got mad and it happened.

 

You need to understand something important, and you need to 'get it' now:

 

Things don't 'just happen'. Everything is triggered by something and it came to the point where you lost control. But it didn't just happen.

It happened because you acted on impulse, but it happened because you meant it to happen.

You meant to hit him.

 

The 'loss of Control' is what you have to focus on.

Unless you nip it in the bud now, you will gain, and retain the reputation of being prone to violence and abuse.

 

Hitting anyone is wrong, for anyone.

 

Please don't go down that road.

get help, now.

 

And the first thing you could do, is to apologise to your BF, admit to him you know it's wrong, and tell him you're seeking help to stop you doing it ever again.

[M30USA]

OP, considering my experience from previous marriage, if any woman so much as lays a finger on me even once, I fully intend on terminating all contact immediately with no second chances. I've paid too high a price for tolerating this in the past and I've learned my lesson.

[steveT95]

I'm responding to your original post and haven't read anything else.

This is wrong. You need to control yourself, if he did it to you if would automatically be the worst person in the world.

If a girlfriend hit me she would be man-handled straight out the door. If anyone hits someone they should be prepared to be hit back twice as hard. I'm not saying it is right, but it teaches a lesson.

[M30USA]

I'm responding to your original post and haven't read anything else.

This is wrong. You need to control yourself, if he did it to you if would automatically be the worst person in the world.

If a girlfriend hit me she would be man-handled straight out the door. If anyone hits someone they should be prepared to be hit back twice as hard. I'm not saying it is right, but it teaches a lesson.

 

Lol, manhandled.

 

But that's the problem. Even physically restraining a woman in response to abuse is considered abuse and you will then be arrested. I would agree with you if we were living pre-1960, but we are not. Men cannot win. The only solution is to walk away.

[BamaBelle07]

This is wrong. You need to control yourself, if he did it to you if would automatically be the worst person in the world.

I was asked this already and answer it. I would leave him immediately if he even dare scream in my face. I wouldn't speak to him ever again. That's how sensitive I would get.

If a girlfriend hit me she would be man-handled straight out the door. If anyone hits someone they should be prepared to be hit back twice as hard. I'm not saying it is right, but it teaches a lesson.

The only lesson learned is that the relationship would be over. My feelings would change for him as well to from love to deep disgust. I can report it too but it would depend on how shock I got (even if I decide not to file charges, I wouldn't want him ever in my life again). You see, I was taught from an early age that a bf or husband hitting me once for whatever reason is one that I shouldn't even accept as a friend.

 

But like stated, I will stop.

Edited August 5, 2013 by BamaBelle07

[BamaBelle07]

But that's the problem. Even physically restraining a woman in response to abuse is considered abuse and you will then be arrested. I would agree with you if we were living pre-1960, but we are not. Men cannot win. The only solution is to walk away.

I guess you men have it so hard. I understand but I can't imagine my bf hitting me or aggressively shaking me or something. I would just be so shocked that my first words would probably be something like ''Get the hell out of my life, you psycho''.

[M30USA]

I guess you men have it so hard. I understand but I can't imagine my bf hitting me or aggressively shaking me or something. I would just be so shocked that my first words would probably be something like ''Get the hell out of my life, you psycho''.

 

Yep, I had to deal with my ex beating the snot out of me and, on top of that, she called her dad to say I was "threatening" her after I said I was going to defend myself if she kept beating on me. Unreal. So her dad completely overlooks her actual assault and, in the end, I'm the bad guy for merely suggesting that I might defend myself. I'm so glad I'm done with her and her family's dysfunction. It wasn't just her. She was the product of her entire family's warped thinking on this matter.

[BamaBelle07]

Yep, I had to deal with my ex beating the snot out of me and, on top of that, she called her dad to say I was "threatening" her after I said I was going to defend myself if she kept beating on me. Unreal. So her dad completely overlooks her actual assault and, in the end, I'm the bad guy for merely suggesting that I might defend myself. I'm so glad I'm done with her and her family's dysfunction. It wasn't just her. She was the product of her entire family's warped thinking on this matter.

Did you report it in the ending? That's way more than a slap; I have not done anything else besides that. Now that's crazy.

[M30USA]

Did you report it in the ending? That's way more than a slap; I have not done anything else besides that. Now that's crazy.

 

Yes, she was arrested after hitting me with a solid wooden plank. And her dad the next day said: "I wish you hadn't called the cops."

[sweetkiwi]

Listen OP, you are 16, supposedly. You need to grow the FHUCK UP and realize that abuse is abuse is abuse.

[bubbaganoosh]

Girl. Your about to get a pass from me (I know, no big deal) but I've been around the block more times than you can imagine. Being 65, I've seen a lot and being that your just a kid, let me ask. Have you ever been slapped in the face? Well truth be told, it hurts and it doesn't matter whose face it is be it a man or woman. It's a degrading and humiliating experience because most men when that happens to them really have no choice but to grin and bare it because we have been taught not to hit a woman. Boys are taught that as a kid you don't hit girls and your hear it enough times that if you don't hit girls as a kid, you don't hit women when your a grown man.

 

What you don't understand is that just because your female, it doesn't give you the right to think that you can hit a man and get away with it. Most men aren't going to call the cops on you because it makes them look bad, and you have heard from a lot of people here telling you in their own words what I'm telling you. What you haven't heard is this.

 

Believe it or not, there are some men out there that will not just walk away from a face slap. Slap one of those guys and you could experience a real life nightmare because they will retaliate and they might wind up in jail but you will experience the full force of what a pissed off man can do when he's mad. I've seen it from a friend of mine who married a man that cut loose one night and caused terrible damage to her and my own sister who was beaten by a man only two inches taller than her. Please keep your hands to yourself. You have some growing up to do and that's not a put down ok? Face it. We were all 16 at one time.

Edited August 5, 2013 by bubbaganoosh

[Got it]

Based on your logic, which I agree, don't you owe it to him to break up? He doesn't deserve the treatment and deserves a girlfriend who knows how to respect him and understands constructive conflict resolution.

[BamaBelle07]

Thanks for the input bubbaganoosh. I haven't slap any other man, only my bf. Sorry to hear about your sister. That guy was a scumbag. But yeah, I'm careful with those types. I wouldn't even be friends with them.

Have you ever been slapped in the face?

Only by my mother when I was 10 years old. I always knew not to talk back to her or us foul language but that was the only single time I lost it (can't remember what the argument was about but it was regarding something I felt she wasn't fair) and called her a biotch. She slapped me right away and it did hurt. That's the only person I can accept being slapped if I was in the wrong. As for my father I've always felt he's easier than my mother and have sometimes talked back to him, which was bad too but it's like I would obey her more than him. Edited August 5, 2013 by BamaBelle07

[BamaBelle07]

Based on your logic, which I agree, don't you owe it to him to break up? He doesn't deserve the treatment and deserves a girlfriend who knows how to respect him and understands constructive conflict resolution.

Yes, technically he would. But I can change. I'm going to apologize to him and solve future arguments without resorting to slapping him. I'll learn to walk away then come back when I'm calmed.

[bubbaganoosh]

I'm glad that your careful around "those guy" but understand that "those" guys look like your normal everyday type of guy and you can't judge a book by the cover. it's when their provoked that you see what their made of and then it's too late. By the by, you do owe your boyfriend an apology and when you mouthed off to Mom, you got what you deserved so I hope that you learn a lesson.

[sillyanswer]

Can I still get in trouble for this if I'm a minor?

 

Yes, in many jurisdictions minors can still be charged with assault and related crimes. The prosecutors may have to additionally demonstrate that you understood that it was a crime (whereas for an adult such a test wouldn't be necessary). Now that you know this you won't be able to say that you didn't know that it's wrong to hit someone.

 

(I see that you've already had great advice from an 'abuse' point of view so I won't repeat that.)

[howtomoveon]

I was in an abusive relationship that almost cost me my life (emergency room visit that ended in eight stitches to the back of my head, plus a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation by a cheating, lying partner). I left that relationship and then met the love of my life, but the untreated, emotional damage I suffered from my abusive ex seeped in & eventually caused that relationship's demise. I am now a single parent going through a lot of therapy.

Abuse leaves invisible, emotional scars that take a long time to heal. You're young, you have the world in front of you. I'm glad you want to be better.

[BamaBelle07]

By the by, you do owe your boyfriend an apology and when you mouthed off to Mom, you got what you deserved so I hope that you learn a lesson.

I did and he seemed ok with it. Regarding the slap I got from mom, yes it was deserved. Never back talked to her again ever since.

[BamaBelle07]

This is very true. When I was younger, I tried to pick on someone in high school who showed very little emotion.

 

Biggest **** storm I've ever seen.

You got beat up?

[BamaBelle07]

I was in an abusive relationship that almost cost me my life (emergency room visit that ended in eight stitches to the back of my head, plus a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation by a cheating, lying partner). I left that relationship and then met the love of my life, but the untreated, emotional damage I suffered from my abusive ex seeped in & eventually caused that relationship's demise. I am now a single parent going through a lot of therapy.

Abuse leaves invisible, emotional scars that take a long time to heal. You're young, you have the world in front of you. I'm glad you want to be better.

Oh dear I'm sorry to hear that. I feel bad about slapping my bf but I never went anything pass that. That's very crazy and sick. I hope you got rid of that loser for good. He doesn't deserve you.

[BamaBelle07]

Listen OP, you are 16, supposedly. You need to grow the FHUCK UP and realize that abuse is abuse is abuse.

I didn't realize it was abuse before but I feel bad. I did apologized to him BTW.

[AutumnRose1974]

Well a bf doing that is scary because he can then escalate to more and they hit much harder with the intention of causing harm (a hard slap from them would probably feel like a mild punch) so yes I would tell her to leave him. It would even be scary if they raise their voice and got in your face because they can do anything at that moment.

 

With regards to the bolds, women can be and, in fact are, the exact same way. I, for one am 5'9 and weigh 230 pounds (I'm athletic and have the body stature of a Mack truck ... there's no way in hell I'll ever shrink down to being a skinny-minny) - don't think for one moment that there aren't guys out there who I can't overpower physically and do some damage to if it ever came to that. Fortunately, I don't need to beat a man down in order to make a point; OTOH, if he were ever to put his hands on ME to do harm, I'd be in instant red zone, bashing the nearest heavy object I could find over his head.

 

To the OP - you may want to see a therapist to find out why you, at only 16 years of age, are getting into arguments with your bf that are culminating in physical violence. I'm curious as to what the two of you are fighting about that could push it to that point, but I'm willing to bet it's tied to other internal issues you have that you may or may not be aware of.

 

Two things are going to happen if you don't learn to curb yourself - you are either going to wind up in jail on domestic violence charges, or in the hospital because you were stupid enough to pick a physical fight with someone bigger and stronger than you. Please, get yourself some help NOW.

Edited August 16, 2013 by AutumnRose1974

[Lady2163]

Totally off-topic, but Rose, I too am built like a tank. Way way overweight for my height. I got tired of never bring able to fit in any pants. I spent $6000 on liposuction, only lost 6 pounds, but finally had a waist. Best money I ever spent.

 

I do my own yardwork, bike 100 miles a week and play racquetball. I just have one of those shapes and a sucky metabolism.

[TG4MJ]

Hun, sorry to say, but you're what they call a ratchet in the making. I have made the mistake of having three, that's right, three exes who would slap, punch, kick, knee and in one case, hit me in the head with a fire bat. These also started off as innocent little lover's quarrels like the ones you are having. The fact of the matter is hitting someone is wrong, regardless of whether or not it is a man or a woman, abuse is abuse and if you don't knock it off you're going to get arrested or come across a man who will feel that a woman who decides to fight like a man justifies him fighting back as if you were a man. Sure right now it's just slapping him but trust me, if he's dumb enough to keep on taking it, you're gonna think you can get away with more and more and the next thing you know you're gonna be just like what's her name on sixteen and pregnant who beat the crap out of her own baby daddy right in front of the camera, and trust me kid, that's a stigma that is hard to shake. Check me out in the Personal Rants & Confessions section, this actually makes me want to share a video dealing with violence that is technically for youngsters like you.

Edited August 19, 2013 by TG4MJ

[Cup-of-Jo]

Control your anger because if you don't you will end up in a world of trouble. It starts with a slap here and there and a push, then he hits you back one day, police are called, domestic violence or assault charges are filed. Then you have court fees and anger management classes. Then one day when you are older you will figure out a career path and get all excited about it only to be let down that you can't get into that field with any kind of assault record.

 

Think about how it makes him feel. How would you feel if he did it to you. Maybe you have kids one day...Would you want someone hitting your son or daughter?

 

Walk away when you feel that way. We all get upset and it is a natural feeling to have but keep your hands to yourself bc it will only progress from slapping into something worse.