Is it still bad to slap a bf once in a while?

[BamaBelle07]

With regards to the bolds, women can be and, in fact are, the exact same way. I, for one am 5'9 and weigh 230 pounds (I'm athletic and have the body stature of a Mack truck ... there's no way in hell I'll ever shrink down to being a skinny-minny) - don't think for one moment that there aren't guys out there who I can't overpower physically and do some damage to if it ever came to that. Fortunately, I don't need to beat a man down in order to make a point; OTOH, if he were ever to put his hands on ME to do harm, I'd be in instant red zone, bashing the nearest heavy object I could find over his head.

You're the exceptionally stronger, bigger and heavier than the majority of women. I know there are certain girls at your frame that can overtake many men but very few. I'm just 5'5 and 128 lbs.

 

To the OP - you may want to see a therapist to find out why you, at only 16 years of age, are getting into arguments with your bf that are culminating in physical violence. I'm curious as to what the two of you are fighting about that could push it to that point, but I'm willing to bet it's tied to other internal issues you have that you may or may not be aware of.

Sometimes I would argued on why he is spending slightly less time with me, about an ex he had before meeting me, his mother that never liked me, etc.

 

Two things are going to happen if you don't learn to curb yourself - you are either going to wind up in jail on domestic violence charges, or in the hospital because you were stupid enough to pick a physical fight with someone bigger and stronger than you. Please, get yourself some help NOW.

Well I already apologized to him. He was ok by it.

[BamaBelle07]

Think about how it makes him feel.

I apologized to him.

How would you feel if he did it to you.

I wouldn't talk to him ever again and might report him. The first time he lays a hand on me would be the last time he ever sees me. I've told him that from the beginning. He knows better.

Maybe you have kids one day...Would you want someone hitting your son or daughter?

I haven't thought about that but that would suck. Somehow I think I would get more scared if I had a daughter and her bf was hitting her than the other way around. If I had a son and he was getting hit, I would get upset too but probably not totally scared.

Walk away when you feel that way. We all get upset and it is a natural feeling to have but keep your hands to yourself bc it will only progress from slapping into something worse.

I will. It's now been a while since I haven't slap him.

[BamaBelle07]

I've thought about how he was feeling but when I apologized, all he said was ''It's ok''. He didn't seem annoyed or hurt.

[anne1707]

What steps have you taken, if any, to manage and control your anger?

[John316C]

it is never ok to assault in any manner another person unless it is in defense. anyone doing this is out of control. even slaps on the wrist indicate favor of physical violence to harm instead of manage themselves and other through social interaction

[lindsay1990]

"Can it really be bothering him?" ????

[M30USA]

I've thought about how he was feeling but when I apologized, all he said was ''It's ok''. He didn't seem annoyed or hurt.

 

Men wouldn't admit to feeling hurt and emasculated.

[TaraMaiden]

Men wouldn't admit to feeling hurt and emasculated.

 

..And look where that got you.

Abused people need to speak up.

There's nothing heroic, honourable or honest about NOT speaking up.

[Trimmer]

Men wouldn't admit to feeling hurt and emasculated.

 

..And look where that got you.

Abused people need to speak up.

There's nothing heroic, honourable or honest about NOT speaking up.

Reasonable point, but M30's point encompassed a much narrower scope than what you are responding to, and his comment to the OP still stands: whether culturally it's in the long term best interests of men to speak up, his salient point is that it's likely, in the OP's specific case, that this is why her man just brushed it off as if it's no big deal. His point still illuminates the OP's situation, and hopefully helps her to understand her man better.

[darkmoon]

til some guy socks you in the jaw to retaliate...yes, slap a man, just a doormat-man, play safe, he will never slap you back, you have a match made in heaven, til one day...pow

Edited September 18, 2013 by darkmoon

[BamaBelle07]

What steps have you taken, if any, to manage and control your anger?

Try remembering what made me fall in love with him and well I don't slap him anymore (I felt bad at after a while). But I do let him know when I'm mad and how I don't want to talk, then talk when I'm not.

 

My mother now knows about him and she didn't really freak out. She also doesn't agree it's right to slap a bf either. She said something like Well men are humans too, they can feel pain but might not say it.My father was clueless I was even dating and had a look on his face and didn't say that much.

[BamaBelle07]

Men wouldn't admit to feeling hurt and emasculated.

That's very similar to what my mother told me. To her, they are beings that can withhold negative feelings and pain but still feel it just like girls do.

 

Though, if he would have just told me it was really bothering him, I would have stop too.

[AnnaAnna]

It's never okay to hit somebody!

[Zahara]

Though, if he would have just told me it was really bothering him, I would have stop too.

 

Why would someone need to tell you that hitting is bothering them? You should know that it's never right to do it in the first place.

[BamaBelle07]

Why would someone need to tell you that hitting is bothering them? You should know that it's never right to do it in the first place.

It's been a long while since I haven't done it.

[turnera]

Try remembering what made me fall in love with him

You're 16. You're not in love.

[filani]

@ Bamabelle07

 

You are an ABUSER ! And a hypocrite to boot!

 

What a cheek! So you haven't hit him in a long time !? Well I guess your BF should be grateful that you decided to give yours fists a rest from his face then shouldn't he?

 

Oprah Winfrey is noted for preaching a Zero Tolerance policy to the women on her show

'If a man hits you once, he will hit you again'

 

Guess what ladies , that cuts both ways

 

'If a Woman hits a guy once, SHE WILL HIT HIM AGAIN !!!'

 

This was not a one off thing ,by her own admission BammaBell07 has admitted to hitting her BF on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS !!!

By rights she should be cooling her heels behind bars!

 

Her status as a minor should not be an excuse for her behavior!

[BamaBelle07]

@ Bamabelle07

 

You are an ABUSER ! And a hypocrite to boot!

 

What a cheek! So you haven't hit him in a long time !? Well I guess your BF should be grateful that you decided to give yours fists a rest from his face then shouldn't he?

 

Oprah Winfrey is noted for preaching a Zero Tolerance policy to the women on her show

'If a man hits you once, he will hit you again'

 

Guess what ladies , that cuts both ways

 

'If a Woman hits a guy once, SHE WILL HIT HIM AGAIN !!!'

 

This was not a one off thing ,by her own admission BammaBell07 has admitted to hitting her BF on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS !!!

By rights she should be cooling her heels behind bars!

 

Her status as a minor should not be an excuse for her behavior!

I already understand it was wrong and have changed, I didn't even think at that moment that it was abuse what I was doing. And yes, he broke up with me last month suddenly (just when things were turning out better). That was one of the saddest news to me and I still miss him sometimes.

 

I wonder if he'll come back one day. It really sucks that I was also taken out of his facebook list, not even as friends.

Edited February 20, 2014 by BamaBelle07

[whichwayisup]

I'm new to this forum so I think this must belong to this section. Anyway I'm 16 years old, while my bf just turned 18 a couple days ago but see this is my first relationship.

 

Overall we get along well and it's only once in a blue moon that we get into stupid arguments and I end up slapping him. Thing is I kind of feel bad but then I don't know. He got me upset last time but then everything goes back to normal. Like mention, this isn't something that happens constantly but seldom.

 

I was wondering something. Can I still get in trouble for this if I'm a minor?

 

Can it really be bothering him? It seems like he doesn't take it personal and has gotten used it to, that's things are normal again once the argument is over. But this at times does make me think if he actually thinks about it or just takes it as a whatever, she'll calm down, no big deal thing.

You can't go hitting him or anybody else because you got mad or upset. And yes, you can still get into trouble even though you're a minor.

 

I'm sure it does bother him. Wouldn't it bother you if he slapped you out of anger or if he was upset with you?

 

Learn to control your emotions. It's one thing to yell and feel upset/mad etc, it's whole other ball game when you react and hit. Tell yourself to relax and breath through it, remove yourself from the situation and calm down so you don't smack him again.

[theothersully]

I've never been hit by any of the girls I've been with over the years. Why?

 

They know better!

 

I'd either dump them on the spot or hit them right back with symmetric force.

 

I think someone with violent tendencies can read when another person will not tolerate violence. Any guy or girl should stand up to the abuser the same way.

Edited February 20, 2014 by theothersully

[BamaBelle07]

You can't go hitting him or anybody else because you got mad or upset. And yes, you can still get into trouble even though you're a minor.

 

I'm sure it does bother him. Wouldn't it bother you if he slapped you out of anger or if he was upset with you?

 

Learn to control your emotions. It's one thing to yell and feel upset/mad etc, it's whole other ball game when you react and hit. Tell yourself to relax and breath through it, remove yourself from the situation and calm down so you don't smack him again.

If you haven't seen the update, he broke it off last month and now we're not even speaking. When he broke up, I got taken out of his facebook. Still coming to terms with the sudden break-up.

[ThatMan]

BamaBelle07,

I urge you to reach out and speak with a councilor...

 

Oh man... I have to be honest and say that the future for this young lady doesn't look promising unless changes are made...

Which are something that you can do!

[turnera]

Bama, you'll be fine. I raised my DD23 to believe that boys are for 'trying on' in high school, since you will most likely not last as bf/gf for more than a few months to a year, as you both are changing, maturing, growing. So just have fun. You aren't likely going to fall in love, not really, at your age. You may be infatuated with someone, or with the concept of being in love, but what matters most in your life at this point is focusing on school and your future. NEVER put a guy ahead of that future, not until you've finished college and started your career. You have plenty of time ahead of you to meet other guys.

[stillafool]

Well a bf doing that is scary because he can then escalate to more and they hit much harder with the intention of causing harm (a hard slap from them would probably feel like a mild punch) so yes I would tell her to leave him. It would even be scary if they raise their voice and got in your face because they can do anything at that moment.

I want to stop but it just seems to happen.

 

You'd better stop before you get with someone who reverses the charges on you and knocks you out. It's not very lady like to punch anyone. Learn to use your vocabulary to get your point across.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I'm sure you know that you won't get much sympathy on this board for having gotten dumped by your bf. No ones deserves to be hit. The fact that it took you so long to feel bad about hitting him says volumes about the issues you have within yourself. Get help now before you find yourself in a reciprocating situation.