sweetkiwi Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Feelings in a casual relationship, or "set up", mean bad bad bad things. The one with feelings reads into every action of the other, searching for signs they have feelings also. If the one without the feelings is making romantic gestures those can very easily be read as feelings, and the feelings grow and grow and have mutant babies that are known as "crazy-pants", "stalker", "heartbreak", and "I drive by your house every night while sniffing undies I stole from your hamper". I have had guys stalk me just because I was nice to them. I am not going to make romantic gestures with anyone casual because I don't need anymore crazy in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 I don't think romance requires commitment. I think it requires genuine feeling. Some relationships are very romantic, without having any potential to be long term for practical reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Notice in both my scenarios they were committed relationships. Shocker. There are no real emotions in a casual fling. You know ahead of time that there will be an expiration date on the fling so no emotions are involved or invested. I agree entirely. As someone who has had casual relationships where there very much so were emotions. The fact that people actually believe such a thing is baffling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 I don't think romance requires commitment. I think it requires genuine feeling. Some relationships are very romantic, without having any potential to be long term for practical reasons. But you said earlier that romance when not in love is trickery... I agree completely that romance requires genuine feeling, the idea that to have genuine feeling you need to be in love or committed long term relationship is what I don't agree with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted August 3, 2013 Author Share Posted August 3, 2013 Hey you're the one who proudly waves the flag here that you are up front and honest with your intentions. By that if you are honest then you should be telling her that it is casual and is not long term before you and her start banging. Yes but you're not taking into account the ebbs and flows that present themselves in relationships, of all kinds. Casual is not a complete emotional detatchment of romance. It's not like one day I wake up and decide, "ok, this thing is done." Emotions are involved. Fleeting moments of doubt. Of "well maybe she can be something more," or "oh...she's posting facebook pics of her and some new guy...I guess this thing is over." It's not some cold, business like transaction. It starts off casual and may morph into something more, as almost all relationships do. No one starts out exclusive on date one, you get to know a person first. During that getting to know you phase, emotions get invested. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Hey you're the one who proudly waves the flag here that you are up front and honest with your intentions. By that if you are honest then you should be telling her that it is casual and is not long term before you and her start banging. Have you ever had a casual relationship? I know in mine it was never known how long it would last, and it never was known that it wouldn't last. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Yes but you're not taking into account the ebbs and flows that present themselves in relationships, of all kinds. Casual is not a complete emotional detatchment of romance. It's not like one day I wake up and decide, "ok, this thing is done." Emotions are involved. Fleeting moments of doubt. Of "well maybe she can be something more," or "oh...she's posting facebook pics of her and some new guy...I guess this thing is over." It's not some cold, business like transaction. It starts off casual and may morph into something more, as almost all relationships do. No one starts out exclusive on date one, you get to know a person first. During that getting to know you phase, emotions get invested. So when you say that you are up front and honest what do you tell these women? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 But you said earlier that romance when not in love is trickery... I agree completely that romance requires genuine feeling, the idea that to have genuine feeling you need to be in love or committed long term relationship is what I don't agree with. If not love, what feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 IMO, the natural romantic enjoys the process and the moment, not necessarily any particular goal (outcome). When he loves women, he loves them in the moment, without expectation. The beauty of this is that there are as many moments and women as he has life within him. The only expiration date is his death. Sure, sex can be a part of the equation, but it doesn't have to be. That depends on the man, the woman and which moment it is. For some dramatization of this, I'm watching Dr. Zhivago right now. The poet, the romantic, the lover. Though Lara and Tonia were the dramatized focus of his romance, Zhivago could easily have cast his net widely. It's a style of male/female interaction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Have you ever had a casual relationship? I know in mine it was never known how long it would last, and it never was known that it wouldn't last. I haven't. To me a casual relationship is where both parties (or at least one in the unfortunate cases) know that they won't have anything that will be considered committed or long-term. Pretty much a ONS or FWB situation. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 (edited) If not love, what feelings? Infatuation. The "art" of romance is not gone. It exists and agree that some 'deeper' emotional element has to exist for it to be genuine, but one can easily simulate romance for more nefarious purposes. I also believe that it is a learned behavior/act. Some people simply do not know what it involves. We all probably have friends who fit this. My question of interest is whether women know how to be romantic? I'm generalizing, of course, but as the women are the ones who are usually the recipients of romance, do they know how to dish it out? Just a question... Edited August 3, 2013 by soccerrprp 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted August 3, 2013 Author Share Posted August 3, 2013 So when you say that you are up front and honest what do you tell these women? We talk about our intentions and expectations at that moment in time I think some of you people have this idea where I say "look, I know you want something more, but if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this my way. And my way is casual." And I am holding these women as my emotional prisoners while I reap all the benefits of our relationship and they reap none. Both of us agree we don't want anything serious. I am in my 20s and in college, after all. Not a whole lot of people looking to settle down right now. But then, as with any relationships -- emotions grow from one side, or both, and then comes the "what are we/where is this going question." My very first girlfriend friendzoned me for two weeks. I asked her out, she said she didn't want to ruin what we had. Two weeks later, she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend. Should I have blasted her? Called her a liar? Shamed her? No, because her emotions for me grew. People change their minds all the time depending on emotions. Hence all the heart break that happens in this game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 My question of interest is whether women know how to be romantic? I'm generalizing, of course, but as the women are the ones who are usually the recipients of romance, do they know how to dish it out? Just a question... Well my little lamb chop, how do you feel about being sponged down naked in a warm bubble bath? I'll even use a loofah made out of European lamb wool. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 My very first girlfriend friendzoned me for two weeks. I asked her out, she said she didn't want to ruin what we had. Two weeks later, she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend. Should I have blasted her? Called her a liar? Shamed her? No, because her emotions for me grew. People change their minds all the time depending on emotions. Hence all the heart break that happens in this game. Considering that you say that you never forgive and forget I am surprised that you agreed to go out with her. Back on topic....... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Infatuation.[/QuOTE] Which we experience as love at the time, and only identify as infatuation after the fact My question of interest is whether women know how to be romantic? I'm generalizing, of course, but as the women are the ones who are usually the recipients of romance, do they know how to dish it out? Just a question... Absolutely! Tailored to my husband's romantic bone, of course....which is the one between his legs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted August 3, 2013 Author Share Posted August 3, 2013 Considering that you say that you never forgive and forget I am surprised that you agreed to go out with her. Back on topic....... 15 year old sexless Castle had a different outlook than young adult Castle with options. I would have agreed to go out with an ostrich. Thank you for taking such an interest in my sex life. Back on topic indeed Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 OP, the prior poster brings up a good point with the naked sponge bath thing.... Have you ever experienced romantic acts from women with whom you were not in a relationship with? Based on the five love languages, I haven't yet so was wondering if you have. IME, with women so inclined, such acts of romance were only observed after they were confident they 'had' me, whether as a serious boyfriend or husband. The one exception, so far, has been married women. They can be a pretty romantic bunch. Perhaps that ties in with the natural romantic thing; they are good at it and cast a wide net and I happened to be bycatch. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Is romance dead? Pretty likely. When was the last time you got seduced Never. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Thank you for taking such an interest in my sex life. If this makes Castle happy then you have my permission to believe that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 My question of interest is whether women know how to be romantic? I'm generalizing, of course, but as the women are the ones who are usually the recipients of romance, do they know how to dish it out? Just a question... Romance 101 for women Ladies, if you wish to romance your man, pay keen attention to his preferences for entertainment, food and sexual needs. Also note what types of compliments that he prefers. Focus on his language(s) of love. Then organize a lost weekend away, somewhere private and romantic. A place where there's fantastic room service with a gorgeous view, so you don't need to get dressed or leave the room. Pack both your bags so only necessities and supplemental romantic accoutrements are evident. Is this sufficient romancing? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Just stroll over to the sex forum if you want to see the art of romance gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted August 3, 2013 Author Share Posted August 3, 2013 Romance to me is handing a woman a checklist of sexual fantasies and us finishing the list in a weekend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Romance 101 for women Ladies, if you wish to romance your man, pay keen attention to his preferences for entertainment, food and sexual needs. Also note what types of compliments that he prefers. Focus on his language(s) of love. Then organize a lost weekend away, somewhere private and romantic. A place where there's fantastic room service with a gorgeous view, so you don't need to get dressed or leave the room. Pack both your bags so only necessities and supplemental romantic accoutrements are evident. Is this sufficient romancing? Yes, this is highly sufficient 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Yes, this is highly sufficient Forgot one more thing. This must appear to be an impulsive gesture where there's a lot of teasing prior so he's redlining. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 I think it's not gone and I'm experiencing it right now, without flowers or walks on the beach (no beach around here anyway). It's more of a feeling of being special to the other than something clearly defined. For heightened romance, sex, while important and present, needs to take a secondary place. Because the brain is the most sensitive sexual organ, in these situations, even sex can be romantic, hence the difference between "having sex" and "making love". I think LTRs can be unromantic, as well as casual relationships, although in different ways (LTRs-taking the other for granted/not special; casual-feeling one among many/not special). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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