Nick204 Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Alright I just wanna know if im over-reacting or if i have a reason to be upset with my girlfriend. Lately we have been getting in more fights than usual. Mostly its because we are mad that we can't see each other (we are at different colleges about 1.5 hours apart), but mostly we have a fairly solid relationship and we love each other very much. Heres the deal, I know that she is a very flirtatious person. It does bother me but I understand that's how she is. I get very jealous rather easy and I have trust issues. Her past with cheating on other boyfriends and my past of being cheated on are the main reasons im not very trusting. I get very jealous when shes around other guys peroid because i know she gets hit on because she is a beautiful, wonderful person, inside and out. I went to a party with a bunch of high school buddies of mine and she came up with some of her friends. She was getting hit on by a couple guys and i was drunk and told them to back off. They made some comments to me that i didnt particularly like and went nuts. My girlfriend defended them and told me i was being an ass and they could hit on her if they wanted. She said that shes my girlfriend and that i shouldnt be worried. Now i let it go after a while and we went to another party. Now last night she told me that they left her a voicemail. I asked how they knew her number and she said she gave it to them. I dont understand why she would just give these total strangers that i shouldnt be worried about her number. I got very angry about this and we got in a fight about it last night. I really love her and i dont want to throw away our relationship but i want to know if its worth the time and energy to make it work or is it already over? Link to post Share on other sites
Shiraz Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 I'm curious, Do you believe a couple after being together for 18 years would still have sex 2 or 3 times a week? now throw in 4 young kids ages 7-13, full-time job, huge house. Do you think it would still be 2 or 3 times a week? If so, would the woman do it, just to please her man? or would she enjoy it. Then, if the man has a lover on the side, do you believe it would still happen that often? Most of the girl friends I talk to in healthy marriages, don't have sex that often. Once or twice a month if we find the energy. ANyone in a healthy happy marraige believe this can happen? Link to post Share on other sites
bryanp Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Hello Nick, It is time for a reality check. 1) Your girlfriend is very flirtatious 2) She has cheated on her past boyfriends 3) She tells you it is acceptable to have male strangers hit on her 4) She gives her phone number to male strangers. The bottom line is that you are out of your mind to stay with this girl. Past behavior is the best predictor of the future. How do you think she would react if you told her you have cheated on your past girlfriends, it is acceptable to have women hit on you and you give out your phone number to other women? There is an old saying which states: There is nobody as blind as someone who refuses to see. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Her actions speaks volumes toward you. You would have to be in major denial to not see that this girl will cheat on you. If somebody else wrote what you have written, what would you say to him? My opinion is that you would have to be a fool or a masochist to stay with this girl. She has already made a fool out of you. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Trust me, it's not worth it. And if I had to do it all over again, here's what I would've done. I would've let her believe that nothing has changed even though I decided not to pursue a relationship with her.....let her believe that my feelings are the same as they have always been.....continue to go out with her, be with her, the whole nine yards. Then, just when she feels that someone pissed me off by hitting on her....I'd walk up to the guy, hand him a quarter, and tell him you'll give him another one if he'd just take her with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 It doesn't sound like it's worth it, sorry. Her behaviour is unacceptable - I guess a little flirting can be okay, but defending people who hit on her in your presence and giving out her #to strangers is really too much. You deserve better than a girlfriend who disrespects you like this. Also, she cheated on her previous boyfriends.....so she used to be a cheater, she talks like a cheater, and she acts like a cheater....the odds are not on your side How would you ever be able to trust her??? Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 get out now..... just run.... please... trust us... Link to post Share on other sites
LastThoughtTonight Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 A tiger never changes it's stripes. Get out now, and don't ask questions. You may not want to hear the answers. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 You need to tell her directly that you don't like what she is doing, and if she continues then you have no choice but to leave. Give her the ultamatium. She should be respecting your feelings enough to know that if this bothers you, then she needs to stop. That the love that you two have for each other should be leaps and bounds over the attention she craves from other men. Also tell her that by the things she is doing, it is eroding the underlying trust you have for her. If she's fast on ending it then, then you know your true answer. Don't let her turn this around on you, and don't let her make your feelings not important. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Originally posted by Nick204 Alright I just wanna know if im over-reacting or if i have a reason to be upset with my girlfriend. If my lady was continually doing that, I would wonder why she does, why she feels a need to do so. I have observed that some women will flirt simply for the sake of flirting. They enjoy the way men respond to it. And they don't expect a man to respond with a serious come-on. Another reason is not getting enough affirmation in her relationship. She needs to know she's desirable, and that she can turn heads & get men excited. From what you describe, she is taking this a bit too far, as it is causing trust issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nick204 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Share Posted November 3, 2004 thx to everyone that gave some advice. i sat down with her and had a long talk with her about it and told her that she needs to change things now. she seemed to respect what i was saying and didn't know that i felt this way about it. she said she doesn't even realize thats what shes doing sometimes. we'll see how it all works out . thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts