Same old story...found porn AGAIN!

[FolderWife]

My name is Monday, and I have a thousand "My husband looks at porn" threads on here...just check out my profile

 

Well, I'm back...again

 

This chapter of the story starts October 31st of this year. The house payment is due on the first of the month, and my husband (who usually handles the bills) had made no effort to get the payment ready for me to mail out. I had already written the check, but it needed the payment stub to go with it. When the 31st arrived, I decided that my hints weren't getting through to him, but rather than bug him with it, I decided to take it upon myself to make the payment.

 

I took his keys, and opened the fire proof safe that he keeps all of our payment books in. Well, the house payment book was right on top, but the first ticket in it was for August 31st. I knew he'd tore out tickets since then, so I pilfered through the box to see if there was another book (because the loan people sent us two...one to the wrong address, and one to the correct address after I called them...but then our post office lady put the one addressed incorrectly in our box any way..so I thought I had the wrong one....).

 

Much to my shock and horror, I found two tapes..one titled, "Sluts and Butts," and one titled, "Ready and willing". I didn't know what to do. I wasn't angry, just shocked. I tore the tape out of the cassetts.

 

I was so confused! Usually when he looks at porn, he's a jerk to me, and he doesn't have sex with me! Neither was the case this time...in fact, I haven't been able to keep up with him sexually lately. I had no idea he was looking again

 

While still in shock, I went upstairs, and found my husband. I gave him a kiss, and told him that I loved him, and that I was SO PROUD of him for giving up porn for me. He seemed lovey dovey, and it just made me sick that there wasn't even a shred of guilt in his eyes.

 

bla bla bla, a little conversation of me asking when the last time he watched porn was, and him insisting that it was before we bought the house.

 

So I got the tapes and confronted him, and he shut down. The only thing he told me was that his uncle gave them to him.

 

This kinda pees me, because once I remember him saying, "Where'm I gonna get it!?" I replied, "I dont' know, you could buy it, or borrow it!" and he said, "Who would I borrow it from!?" I replied, "Your uncle for one!" He then said, "I would NEVER do that!"

 

I know him so much better than I realized.

 

So I ask him WHEN he borrowed it. He said a loooooooong time ago. I said, "Back when you were looking at it online?" He said, "Yeah, way back then." He insisted that he hadn't looked at porn since we got the house, and accused me of snooping around. I said that I was NOT snooping, and that I wasn't even looking for them, because I had no clue that he was watching porn again, because he is usually mean to me, and doesn't have sex with me. He said that since he wasn't acting weird like usual, that it was proof that he was telling the truth, and he hadn't used the porn tapes.

 

But how do I believe him, when all he does is lie to me about it!?!?

 

I tried to accept that he was telling me the truth, and that he had them for that long amount of time, and as he promised, he had forgotten them, and never looked at them......

 

But then I got to realize how STUPID that is!!!!

 

He and his uncle had a fight, and they stopped speaking in June of 2003. We didn't get our computer until August. He had 14 porn tapes back then, so there was no point in getting more......

 

Also, I SAW the inside of his safe in November or December, because he got in it right in front of me, to get me a copy of our Marriage License, so I could get my Driver's license renewed!!!!!

 

We didn't even start seeing his uncle again, until June of this year, right before we bought the house.

 

SO HE'S LYING!!!! He didn't have the porn tapes in the safe last December, because I SAW the inside of the safe. He didn't even speak to his uncle until right before we bought the house, so he got them THIS year, not last year.

 

But you know what? I don't CARE! I figured that every word out of his mouth would be a lie. As far as I know, porn is the ONLY thing that he CAN NOT tell the truth about

 

It would be so much better, if he'd just tell me the truth, but he must think he's protecting me from something or something

[Moose]

While still in shock, I went upstairs, and found my husband. I gave him a kiss, and told him that I loved him, and that I was SO PROUD of him for giving up porn for me. He seemed lovey dovey, and it just made me sick that there wasn't even a shred of guilt in his eyes.

 

Monday, I find your tactics very distastefull. This is a manipulative action if I ever saw one. No wonder your husband goes behind your back and looks at porn! No wonder he's afraid to talk to you about it. You've set him up so many times that you're lucky he even tells you anything.

 

I think that women who manipulates in this fashion deserves what they get. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

 

You keep on treating him like this and you'll never see an end to all of this. I can just about guarentee you on that! Haven't you ever tried reverse physcology? Hell, tell him you don't care anymore, tell him you'd like to watch it with him, tell him you want to go buy some more. Take away the excitement it gives him doing it away. I'm willing to bet that he does this just because you don't want him too. And the way you manipulate him and trap him adds to this rebellion.

 

Manipulating is a cowardly act.

[jmargel]

Yep.. and we've had countless replies to you for you to stop treating him like your his mother. Yet, you refuse and DEMAND he stop looking at porn. Well, this is what happens. Keep doing it, and he's going to start resenting you for treating him like a child. To the point where he is going to find someone who doesn't think looking at porn is such a threat.

 

You'll then be in here asking what would ever drive him away like this?

 

All you are concerned about is yourself. This is not only being selfish but immature the way you are treating him. He has every right to look at porn if he wishes. He is not inflicting it on you, not making you look at it, and he is also giving you the sexual attention that you need. So why mess up a good thing? It's because of your insecurity and jealously.

 

Insecurity & Jealously stems from two things:

 

1) Irrational thoughts that plague your mind about a certain topic

 

2) Acting on this irrational thoughts

 

Face the facts, he is not going to give this up, and it's unreasonable for you to ask him to do so. Let him live his life and start working on the things that are hurting this marriage. Porn isn't the issue here, it's your insecurity about this. Learn to beat this and you won't have a problem anymore. Don't you get tired of looking and catching him like this?

 

You are just going to drive him away with your behavior.

 

In order to fix your insecurity & jealously, first thing to do is to catch yourself doing it. Once you've done that, replace the thoughts of being 'cheated' on in your own way, with a thought that you two shared together that you treasure. Also, please goto counseling. This has been an ongoing problem for a long time.

[whichwayisup]

But if he has a problem with porn and it affects their sex lives and they way he treats her, doesn't she have a right to be angry?? Just being devils advocate here because I'm abit moody today!

 

The porn is obviously an issue and he has sort of owned up to that too. Isn't doing anything to change it, but it is a problem.

 

I don't disagree with what you all are saying either, but it does take two to make it work. Seems as though the more she asks him to stop the more he's gonna do it...That is a natural reaction of someone TELLING you what do. We all do that. I know when my husband TELLS me to do something I usually don't want to do it because it was the way he said it to me, made me react foolishly so out of spite, my intial reaction is like, OK, F U, now I am DEFINATELY NOT gonna do that cuz you want me to. Childish I know but reactions are reactions.

[Mr Spock]

F*ck It Monday,

 

He's NOT IGNORING YOU. Throw the porn tapes out. If he doesn't leave you for being a manipulative controlling shrew you should leave HIM for being unable to stick to his word.

 

If he's ignoring your sexual needs you have legitimate reasons to be a shrew. But if he's NOT, then you have no right to be that evil with him. He's going to lie to you about this, forever, because in your eyes it's paramount to infidelity and cheaters find their story and stick to it when they're unrepentant for their actions (he's not sorry he jerked off, just that you caught him)

 

Bottom line

 

If he's wearing you out a new vagina, leave him the hell alone or one of you is going to leave.

 

I'm not telling you that you have to start veiwing porn differently, but I AM telling you to change something in the way you handle it, or you're going to be alone.

[Moose]

Really, I don't think she has the right to throw the tapes out. Those are his property. I would be pissed myself if Mrs. Moose threw anything of mine out. We have a mutual respect for each other's property, but that's just common courtesy......some people don't have or use that.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Moose

Really, I don't think she has the right to throw the tapes out. Those are his property. I would be pissed myself if Mrs. Moose threw anything of mine out. We have a mutual respect for each other's property, but that's just common courtesy......some people don't have or use that.

 

This is true. My Mom once threw out my dad's first edition signed-by-the-author dune series, and some of his army medals. Boy was he pissed. I've never seen my Dad yell except that one time.

 

Regardless of how you view porn personally, you can't control how anyone else views it. Same with anything. So this comes down to a choose your battles thing. You want to fight about this every few months for the rest of your life, or you choose to overlook it. Hey in couples, each individual has their own interests. You said that there has been no problem with your sex life, so what is it? What is so bad about porn? I would like to know because this boggles my mind - is it jealousy or insecurity? Is it a moral conundrum?

 

I see why people have a problem with an *addiction* - where the guy neglects other facets of his life to engage in a deleterious activity. But jeez, your hubby has fewer porns than I do, and I'm a woman!

[Mr Spock]

Moose, but she DOES have a valid reason to fear his porn, he prefers it to sex with her when he has it which would be TERRIBLE to suffer through. Imagine if Mrs Moose would rather have sex with her vibrator than with you. You'd be pissed.

 

My point is that since he's f*cking the hell out of her, she shouldn't use those tactics at ALL with him. Just toss the tapes out. She's controlling and manipulative, and he lies about his porn addiction-it's a match made in hell.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by blind_otter

This is true. My Mom once threw out my dad's first edition signed-by-the-author dune series, and some of his army medals. Boy was he pissed. I've never seen my Dad yell except that one time.

 

Regardless of how you view porn personally, you can't control how anyone else views it. Same with anything. So this comes down to a choose your battles thing. You want to fight about this every few months for the rest of your life, or you choose to overlook it. Hey in couples, each individual has their own interests. You said that there has been no problem with your sex life, so what is it? What is so bad about porn? I would like to know because this boggles my mind - is it jealousy or insecurity? Is it a moral conundrum?

 

I see why people have a problem with an *addiction* - where the guy neglects other facets of his life to engage in a deleterious activity. But jeez, your hubby has fewer porns than I do, and I'm a woman!

 

Read Monday's history before you take such a casual attitude.

[Pocky]

I was so confused! Usually when he looks at porn, he's a jerk to me, and he doesn't have sex with me! Neither was the case this time...in fact, I haven't been able to keep up with him sexually lately. I had no idea he was looking again

 

 

Mondy - why have a problem with the porn considering he's changed the way he's treating you? I've understood many of the frustrations you've felt regarding his porn because I experienced them with my husband, but there comes a time where you both have to compromise. You're never going to move forward in your relationship if you don't want to and holding his mistakes over his head constantly isn't helping either one of you. From what I recall the biggest problem you had with his porn was how he treated you when he was looking at it. However, he's not treating you like that anymore. He's not being mean, he's not denying you sex and he's being so good you didn't even think he was looking at porn. Hasn't he done what you wanted him to do all along? Hasn't he learned how to not have you compete with his porn?

 

This time you need to let things go. You're the one that is perpetuating a behavior that isn't positive for your relationship.

[Moose]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

Moose, but she DOES have a valid reason to fear his porn, he prefers it to sex with her when he has it which would be TERRIBLE to suffer through. Imagine if Mrs Moose would rather have sex with her vibrator than with you. You'd be pissed.

 

My point is that since he's f*cking the hell out of her, she shouldn't use those tactics at ALL with him. Just toss the tapes out. She's controlling and manipulative, and he lies about his porn addiction-it's a match made in hell.

 

It still doesn't validate her throwing away his property. I wouldn't throw out Mrs. Moose's vibrator if I thought she preferred it to me. I'd figure out what the problem was and fix it. Then she can choose whether or not she wants to keep it around.

 

I agree with your last paragraph, however I think his lying is because of here approach dealing with it.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

Read Monday's history before you take such a casual attitude.

 

I read this:

 

I was so confused! Usually when he looks at porn, he's a jerk to me, and he doesn't have sex with me! Neither was the case this time...in fact, I haven't been able to keep up with him sexually lately. I had no idea he was looking again.

 

= Not impacting sex life.

[Mr Spock]

I see why people have a problem with an *addiction* - where the guy neglects other facets of his life to engage in a deleterious activity. But jeez, your hubby has fewer porns than I do, and I'm a woman!

 

He promised he wouldn't have any at all...that's the problem. Unreasonable, perhaps, but he was ignoring her sexually and in other ways. I just disagree with her tactics at this point in the game.

[FolderWife]

While still in shock, I went upstairs, and found my husband. I gave him a kiss, and told him that I loved him, and that I was SO PROUD of him for giving up porn for me. He seemed lovey dovey, and it just made me sick that there wasn't even a shred of guilt in his eyes.

 

For some reason, I figured that this would be the ONLY line that would get responded to...MY wrong doing. I reconsidered acting so "shrewly" but then I thought, F*CK IT! He's LIED to me AGAIN! I don't owe him ANYTHING!!!!! So I'm going to give him the same Sh*t that he keeps giving me

 

I have actually thought about letting porn back in, since he's meeting my needs, but I'm certain that as soon as he has it in his life again, I'll get ignored. I don't want that. If I say, "Ok, you can look at it," then he looks at it for hours every day. At the very least, since he's lying to me, he will only look occasionally and behind my back, so I'm not getting neglected.

 

I don't like being lied to. It got so bad that the only option was to get rid of porn completely. So that's what we did...in theory. BUT, I don't LIKE my husband hiding things from me, or at the very least not owning up to his lies I don't lie to him

[FolderWife]

He promised no porn He kept porn, and apparently assumed that I'm an idiot, and would never stumble across it. He went to our FAMILY and borrowed it. THAT EMBARASSES ME!!!! I said last night, "How bout I keep these, and ask uncle why he gave them to you?" He said, "Why would you do that!? That would embarass me!" I said, "YOU!? Don't you think that I'M embarassed!?!"

 

But of course, HE'S all that matters. SCREW the fact that he's lying to me...he's getting off. SCREW the fact that if I find out, I'm going to be crushed...as long as he gets to look at boobs. SCREW whether I cry for days....as long as he's doing what he wants

 

If he wants porn, he needs to say, "I want porn. I'm meeting your needs, and I'm not mistreating you, so I don't see a problem with me having it."

 

He doesn't do that though. He says, "I won't look at it any more." and then does it behind my back.

 

HE'S the coward.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Monday

For some reason, I figured that this would be the ONLY line that would get responded to...MY wrong doing. I reconsidered acting so "shrewly" but then I thought, F*CK IT! He's LIED to me AGAIN! I don't owe him ANYTHING!!!!! So I'm going to give him the same Sh*t that he keeps giving me

 

Since I am not in on the entirety of your story I will only comment on this. I realized recently that part of the reason all the conflicts in all my past and present relationships become so blown out of proportion is because I have not been an adult about dealing with the conflicts. You can't do the tit-for-tat thing. It just doesn't ever work. He lied to me, so I'll be sneaky to him....that just escalates the situation. You set it up so that he would know that you caught him, of course he is humiliated and feels like a child and clams up and becomes defensive.

 

Arguments stem from defensive reactions. My bestfriend, for instance, bitches at her GF for smoking cigarettes. Well, as a result, her GF lies about smoking now. It's a defensive reaction.

 

Addiciton is addiction is addiciton, whether to porn or alcohol or drugs or work or shopping. No one quits for anyone else. They quit for themselves, when the repurcussions become so severe that they realize their personal role in the destruction of their lives. You can't make somone stop smoking cigarettes. You can't make someone stop being an alcoholic. You can't make someone stop watching porn. THey have to decide for themselves.

 

Also addiction makes people selfish. You get really focused on your drug of choice, fellow users, the lifestyle, your next fix....and addicts, reccovering or active users, fight the urge to use their drug of choice for the rest of their lives. Addiction is a symptom of a bigger problem.

[Moose]

Originally posted by Monday

For some reason, I figured that this would be the ONLY line that would get responded to...MY wrong doing. I reconsidered acting so "shrewly" but then I thought, F*CK IT! He's LIED to me AGAIN! I don't owe him ANYTHING!!!!! So I'm going to give him the same Sh*t that he keeps giving me

 

I have actually thought about letting porn back in, since he's meeting my needs, but I'm certain that as soon as he has it in his life again, I'll get ignored. I don't want that. If I say, "Ok, you can look at it," then he looks at it for hours every day. At the very least, since he's lying to me, he will only look occasionally and behind my back, so I'm not getting neglected.

 

I don't like being lied to. It got so bad that the only option was to get rid of porn completely. So that's what we did...in theory. BUT, I don't LIKE my husband hiding things from me, or at the very least not owning up to his lies I don't lie to him

 

You walking up to him pretending that everything is ok, and deceiving him into thinking nothing is going on? That's not lying? It dang sure is close enough to me, if not worse.

 

Sorry if that is the only paragraph you think we're looking at....it isn't. Everything else you wrote just sound all too famaliar with your other posts. And I'm telling you that unless you change your tactics and change the way you handle this problem....it'll continue and you'll never find an answer.

[Pocky]

If he wants porn, he needs to say, "I want porn. I'm meeting your needs, and I'm not mistreating you, so I don't see a problem with me having it."

 

He doesn't do that though. He says, "I won't look at it any more." and then does it behind my back.

 

HE'S the coward.

 

You need to speak to a professional. You have a lot of anger and resentment.

[GiveAndTake]

Monday,

 

How about someone tells you "I don't like you looking at fashion magazines"

 

The reason, it makes you feel bad about yourself and you are grumpy when you look at all of those beautiful women.

 

It's ridiculous.

 

 

I don't think anyone has the right to tell anyone what they can or cannot look at!!!(unless they are underage and you are their parent)

Even then, you talk about why.

[FolderWife]

Originally posted by jmargel

Yep.. and we've had countless replies to you for you to stop treating him like your his mother. Yet, you refuse and DEMAND he stop looking at porn. Well, this is what happens. Keep doing it, and he's going to start resenting you for treating him like a child. To the point where he is going to find someone who doesn't think looking at porn is such a threat.

 

Well I hope he does I'd like to see ANY woman who'd put up with the sh*t that he'd dealt me. I don't ask for much. I don't ask for ANYTHING. He gets everything he wants, he gets to rule the castle, he gets to drive the good vehicles, and lay back while I do all the work that goes into purchasing these things he wants, and the ONLY thing I ask is that he not look at porn, so he PROMISES not to, and then does what he wants any way.

 

I do not demand that he look at porn. He can do whatever he wants. It breaks my heart that he does though, so I ask him not to, and he says that he won't. So what am I to do but get upset that he lied?

 

You'll then be in here asking what would ever drive him away like this?

 

I didn't do anything. I'd love to put a camera in my house for one week, and then you'd see why I don't think my request is unreasonable.

 

All you are concerned about is yourself.

 

No I'm not. You're self righteous. All bow down to your perfection.

 

This is not only being selfish but immature the way you are treating him.

 

In your opinion. But I forgot....you're perfect.

 

He has every right to look at porn if he wishes.

No he doesn't. Not if he promises me he's not going to!

 

He is not inflicting it on you, not making you look at it, and he is also giving you the sexual attention that you need.

What about the emotional attention that I need? What about the love and security of not doing something that hurts me. AND LYING ABOUT IT. I guess lyings ok, as long as you are lying to someone who is making IMPOSSIBLE demands on you, like asking you to not look at porn

 

So why mess up a good thing?

 

Good thing? Are you KIDDING!?!? How is a relationship wherein you are constantly being LIED to a good thing???

It's because of your insecurity and jealously.

No it's NOT. I was mistreated and ignored when he looked at porn before. So sue me for being afraid that if he lets himself get sucked in again that I'll be put through that hell again.

 

Insecurity & Jealously stems from two things:

 

1) Irrational thoughts that plague your mind about a certain topic

 

2) Acting on this irrational thoughts

 

I assume you have a degree in psychology?

 

Face the facts, he is not going to give this up, and it's unreasonable for you to ask him to do so. Let him live his life and start working on the things that are hurting this marriage. Porn isn't the issue here, it's your insecurity about this. Learn to beat this and you won't have a problem anymore. Don't you get tired of looking and catching him like this?

Yes I get tired of this. And why should I be the one to change? I feel like I'm the only one giving in this relationship. I'm not the one lying.

You are just going to drive him away with your behavior.

If he is such a coward that he leaves me, because he can't deal with me being upset about him lying to me, then good ridance.

 

 

In order to fix your insecurity & jealously, first thing to do is to catch yourself doing it. Once you've done that, replace the thoughts of being 'cheated' on in your own way, with a thought that you two shared together that you treasure. Also, please goto counseling. This has been an ongoing problem for a long time.

 

My insecurity is not the problem here. It's the fact that he's a liar, and he's too much of a coward to discuss this with me. Maybe if I understood him? But no, I'm not worth discussing this with. He doesn't OWE me an explaination, even though I'm his wife. I'm not worth going to councelling to work this out.

 

I'm expected to go to the shrink. I'm expected to get over it. WELL I TRIED THAT, AND IT DIDN'T WORK! Let him try from now one

[Moose]

He promised no porn He kept porn, and apparently assumed that I'm an idiot, and would never stumble across it. He went to our FAMILY and borrowed it. THAT EMBARASSES ME!!!! I said last night, "How bout I keep these, and ask uncle why he gave them to you?" He said, "Why would you do that!? That would embarass me!" I said, "YOU!? Don't you think that I'M embarassed!?!"

 

He promised no porn probably to hush you up. He knew there would be a chance you would find it. He'd be embarassed if you approached uncle because not all wives react the way you do......

 

But of course, HE'S all that matters. SCREW the fact that he's lying to me...he's getting off. SCREW the fact that if I find out, I'm going to be crushed...as long as he gets to look at boobs. SCREW whether I cry for days....as long as he's doing what he wants

 

Screw the fact that he's an addict and lives his entire day with knots in his stomach worried if he's going to get caught. Screw the fact that he has to walk on egg shells around you all the time. Screw the fact that he can't tell you how he really feels because you'll just belittle him and destroy what self esteem he has left.

 

If he wants porn, he needs to say, "I want porn. I'm meeting your needs, and I'm not mistreating you, so I don't see a problem with me having it."

 

He doesn't do that though. He says, "I won't look at it any more." and then does it behind my back.

 

HE'S the coward.

 

What a joke!!!! This is all you're mad about? So what you're saying is if he walked up to you right now and said, "I'm buying porn whether or not you like it, I'm giving you plenty, so stay out of it"....you'd be fine?????

 

Now I've heard it all! You would never be ok with that for too awfull long.!!! Who are you kidding?

[FolderWife]

So what you are all saying....is that is ok for him to lie to me, because I'm making impossible demands on him. And I deserve to be hurt that he lied to me about it, because I was the one who was selfish enough to ask my own husband not to look at others having sex.

 

Even though past experience has shown me that my husband and porn equals no sex and no love for me. So if he gets too involved in this again, I'm put through hell. But it's still selfish of me, and I still deserve the pain, because I'm so demanding?

 

[FolderWife]

Originally posted by Pocky

You need to speak to a professional. You have a lot of anger and resentment.

 

You don't know the half of it.

[Adunaphel]

All you are concerned about is yourself. This is not only being selfish but immature the way you are treating him. He has every right to look at porn if he wishes. He is not inflicting it on you, not making you look at it, and he is also giving you the sexual attention that you need. So why mess up a good thing? It's because of your insecurity and jealously.

 

I don't agree.

Monday's husband seems the selfish and immature one to me.

They had discussed the porn problem and he did *promise* he'd stop looking at it. And I can see very well why she does not want porn in the house after all the trouble that her h's porn usage caused in the relationship.

 

It might be a man's right to look at porn, but then it is a woman's right to be unconfortable with it and *not* to want it around.

And it's unfair to blame in on the woman if she has a problem with porn.

 

 

Anyway, Monday, I feel for you and I am supportive of your point of view, yet I think your tactic is totally destructive. It *does* make you look like a nagging shrew.

Why not just telling him that you found the tapes and that you were disappointed?

 

If he wants porn, he needs to say, "I want porn. I'm meeting your needs, and I'm not mistreating you, so I don't see a problem with me having it."

 

If he really said so, how would you react?

 

Why don't you just tell him, instead of playing...well, mind games, that you'd rather he were honest about having a porn tape in the house...you'd be upset, yes, but NOT as much as if you found porn hidden somewhere?

 

 

Also, since you couldn't tell that he had been looking at porn from his behaviour, you could give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he really has not watched the tapes.

It is possible that he just liked the idea of a porn flick in the house, but didn't watch it.

If he changes his behaviour toward you and then you find porn, then you have every reason to get upset at him.

[Moose]

Originally posted by Monday

So what you are all saying....is that is ok for him to lie to me, because I'm making impossible demands on him. And I deserve to be hurt that he lied to me about it, because I was the one who was selfish enough to ask my own husband not to look at others having sex.

 

Even though past experience has shown me that my husband and porn equals no sex and no love for me. So if he gets too involved in this again, I'm put through hell. But it's still selfish of me, and I still deserve the pain, because I'm so demanding?

 

 

No....he lied, you have the right to be mad about it, only if you didn't manipulate him into promising something that he knows is unreasonable.....which after reading your posts, I'm willing to bet my fortune that you did. And if that's the truth...shame on you!!!