Need support

[lovesick_085]

As I write this entry, I'm flooded with tears streaming down my cheeks. I feel so alone, and empty with no one to talk because I have exhausted my closest friends with the same story repeatedly and cannot speak of it anymore as they all don't understand how I'm really feeling. I don't know where to start, so I guess I'll just let the words flow off my finger tips as they emerge...

 

I ended things with MM tonight, so it's very fresh. I have ended it repeatedly in the past but he would always come back, even more persistent than the last and I would always succumb to his charm and my feelings, but I can't and I won't this time.

 

We started the A 3yrs ago (I was 25 and he was 29), I was in a relationship also but I was so unhappy, even though he was a good guy. We were constantly arguing and things were just not the same, then he came along and everything changed for me. I blame myself and most days I'm disgusted and ashamed of myself. I feel I deserve this pain, because I ended up leaving a relationship with a man that was actually pretty good for me and falling in love with someone that doesn't or ever cared. Sometimes I question like myself, like...what if I really worked at my relationship but then I realized we did that, we tried, my feelings vanished long before meeting MM. He ignited something in me I never even thought I had. He was such an egotistical person at first too, but he was charming, funny and attentive. For the first year we would just talk and talk about anything and everything. Before I knew what hit me, I was head over heals in love and just wanting more and more of him. He's now 32 and been married for 10 years; they have a 8yr old daughter and they look like the perfect family on each and every pic I've seen of them on facebook.

 

In the beginning he told me, they're not in love anymore. They're more like roommates and staying together because of their daughter and the finances. He would never post pics of her or with her...very rarely. If there was anything, it would be pics that she tagged him in. However, the past year has been different. He got more emotionally bonded with me (or that's what I thought) but even more attached to her. Suddenly there are pics of them together everywhere, trips, vacations...everything. I remember once he posted that he's single on FB after a rough patch they were having and shortly after that's when everything changed. Suddenly, they were doing everything together and just blissfully happy all over on FB. Yet, he was chasing me relentlessly. It was worse than when they didn't seem as happy.

 

That's when I figured it out. I was simply a vessel for him, to satisfy his sexual urges and fantasies, which made everything at home even more perfect. I woke up....said to myself..NO! I am better than this. I started dating, having other relationships but nothing would work out. It would always be him. I would always find myself working it out and deciding to give it another shot. Now, I've made up my mind once more that I can't continue with him, I need a clean break in order to take someone else seriously. I blocked his number, email addresses and have decided to stick to it.

 

I just need some support on how to stay strong. I just can't believe I allowed myself to be taken for a fool for 3yrs, to be played, manipulated and just so belittled. The worse part of this whole thing is...I still love him, when I know he doesn't love me. He loves her, not me, and I can't blame him. I shoud've never interfered. They've been together for 13yrs, what was I expecting? They share friends, family, business...everything. She is his life, and I was just a toy.

 

It's hard for me to accept it, but I only have myself to blame. I just feel so stupid. I can't stop crying, I can't eat. I feel insecure, empty, so lost. Weird thing is, I'll never know if he cared or loved me...or ever felt anything, so I figure if this went on for 3yrs and I still couldn't tell the difference, chances are he didn't. We had good times though, we'd talk for hours on webcam, phone, texts..A day wouldn't pass without him contacting me. We talked and laughed more than we had S. I guess it was a lot emotional.

 

Still, it doesn't matter now. I just want to let him go..for good. Please don't be harsh. I didn't expect to end up in this situation...ever. Sorry for the long post.

[JustAReformedGirl]

You will get no judgment from me. I've never been with an MM before, but I have been in an affair. There were many emotional rollercoaster rides involved.

 

My heart does go out to you, in all of this. I assume you are single? That can either be a blessing, or a curse, in a situation like this. If you are single, at least there isn't another spouse being betrayed, besides your former MM's wife.

 

You're going to need time to grieve. Don't try to stuff the emotions down; every time someone does that, it only winds up exploding, later. And when it does that, you feel ten times worse.

 

While it is impossible to let yourself grieve all day long, you can allow yourself specific times of the day to focus on it. If you can afford to take leave from work, you may need to do so, until you're not as emotionally shaky.

 

If you cannot afford to, make a point to let yourself feel everything you need to feel when you aren't at work, and when you don't have any other obligations. If there are obligations you don't need to immediately fulfill, put them on the back burner for now. Right now is the time to focus on getting better.

 

I say getting better because mourning is like being sick; in fact, it tends to physically manifest as one form of illness, or another.

 

Aside from all I've said, there is no magical wave of a wand to make all of this go away. It's going to take time. Be patient with yourself.

 

Hang in there, okay?

[canuckprincess]

As I write this entry, I'm flooded with tears streaming down my cheeks. I feel so alone, and empty with no one to talk because I have exhausted my closest friends with the same story repeatedly and cannot speak of it anymore as they all don't understand how I'm really feeling. I don't know where to start, so I guess I'll just let the words flow off my finger tips as they emerge...

 

I ended things with MM tonight, so it's very fresh. I have ended it repeatedly in the past but he would always come back, even more persistent than the last and I would always succumb to his charm and my feelings, but I can't and I won't this time.

 

We started the A 3yrs ago (I was 25 and he was 29), I was in a relationship also but I was so unhappy, even though he was a good guy. We were constantly arguing and things were just not the same, then he came along and everything changed for me. I blame myself and most days I'm disgusted and ashamed of myself. I feel I deserve this pain, because I ended up leaving a relationship with a man that was actually pretty good for me and falling in love with someone that doesn't or ever cared. Sometimes I question like myself, like...what if I really worked at my relationship but then I realized we did that, we tried, my feelings vanished long before meeting MM. He ignited something in me I never even thought I had. He was such an egotistical person at first too, but he was charming, funny and attentive. For the first year we would just talk and talk about anything and everything. Before I knew what hit me, I was head over heals in love and just wanting more and more of him. He's now 32 and been married for 10 years; they have a 8yr old daughter and they look like the perfect family on each and every pic I've seen of them on facebook.

 

In the beginning he told me, they're not in love anymore. They're more like roommates and staying together because of their daughter and the finances. He would never post pics of her or with her...very rarely. If there was anything, it would be pics that she tagged him in. However, the past year has been different. He got more emotionally bonded with me (or that's what I thought) but even more attached to her. Suddenly there are pics of them together everywhere, trips, vacations...everything. I remember once he posted that he's single on FB after a rough patch they were having and shortly after that's when everything changed. Suddenly, they were doing everything together and just blissfully happy all over on FB. Yet, he was chasing me relentlessly. It was worse than when they didn't seem as happy.

 

That's when I figured it out. I was simply a vessel for him, to satisfy his sexual urges and fantasies, which made everything at home even more perfect. I woke up....said to myself..NO! I am better than this. I started dating, having other relationships but nothing would work out. It would always be him. I would always find myself working it out and deciding to give it another shot. Now, I've made up my mind once more that I can't continue with him, I need a clean break in order to take someone else seriously. I blocked his number, email addresses and have decided to stick to it.

 

I just need some support on how to stay strong. I just can't believe I allowed myself to be taken for a fool for 3yrs, to be played, manipulated and just so belittled. The worse part of this whole thing is...I still love him, when I know he doesn't love me. He loves her, not me, and I can't blame him. I shoud've never interfered. They've been together for 13yrs, what was I expecting? They share friends, family, business...everything. She is his life, and I was just a toy.

 

It's hard for me to accept it, but I only have myself to blame. I just feel so stupid. I can't stop crying, I can't eat. I feel insecure, empty, so lost. Weird thing is, I'll never know if he cared or loved me...or ever felt anything, so I figure if this went on for 3yrs and I still couldn't tell the difference, chances are he didn't. We had good times though, we'd talk for hours on webcam, phone, texts..A day wouldn't pass without him contacting me. We talked and laughed more than we had S. I guess it was a lot emotional.

 

Still, it doesn't matter now. I just want to let him go..for good. Please don't be harsh. I didn't expect to end up in this situation...ever. Sorry for the long post.

 

Oh sweetie, you are far younger then me but so much wiser and stronger. You need to pamper yourself, eat some comfort food or hit the gym. Cry lots and stay away from love songs and chic flicks. Distract yourself with other things, dating, friends, or take a road trip.

 

I've been in my affair for close to 8 years and although I don't want to stop seeing mm, I do want the lies to stop.

 

I wish you well and please be strong, we are here for you. I'm curious did you tell mm you were ending things and if you did how did he take it?

[Ladydrib]

I'm sorry. You are doing the right thing. Deal with the pain and loss so you can move on before you waste any more time. Be thankful you are still an age where when you have stopped loving xMM that there will be single men for you to meet. If you wait too much longer before ditching this guy, you might find yourself in a position where most everyone else is already married and that will make it so much harder to find love again. Stay away from him.

[whichwayisup]

Lovesick, all you can do is let yourself grieve this loss and the image of who you thought (and he led you to believe) he was. He is a selfish man who doesn't care about anybody but himself. Yuck!! In time you'll you're better off without that scum-hole!

 

It hurts and it'll probably hurt for a while. Cry and cry some more. BUT.. Make yourself a huge promise right now! NO MORE BEATING UP ON YOURSELF! Yes, you've owned your part in all of this but you're not stupid - You let your emotions take over and your heart. That isn't a crime so please be good to yourself.

 

Your true friends should be there for you now that your A is over, they should love and support you, hug you when you need to be hugged, make you laugh and try to make you feel better and keep you busy and distracted.

[F.U.D]

I can understand how you feel. The pain is sooooo deep and seems to never let up. When I have moments like this, there is nothing I can do to stop thinking about it. It seems to consume every thought, movement and decision. I get waves of indifference, then boom, I am drowning in my sorrow.

 

I hope my words can help and I offer some suggestions because they tend to give me a break during the cycle you are experiencing. First, you have to force yourself to eat. Stick to a strict schedule. When you do not eat, the depression or sadness gets worse. The less you eat the more anger, frustration, and sadness you feel. Second, don't leave your comfort zone. Some may say go out with people, or take a walk. I found that when I did things that we not normal to begin with I felt guilty with myself. Stay where you are comfortable. Third, in your comfort zone, meditate. Try to close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing or heart beat. Give yourself permission to let go and relax. Just 30 min. You will begin to crave these sessions as a way to cope...at least I did.

 

I found that repeating to myself the fact that I can only control myself helps. I cant control anyone else, or make them love me or hate me. If they disappear then they did so for a reason, and it may be a reason that is not known at this time. It does not mean they hate you or love you. They made a decision and gave you the gift of seeing how they truly are. This information is worth more than any words they can provide. Always look upon their actions and make your judgements. If they disappear when things are tough, then they are showing you how they will deal with tough times with you.

[F.U.D]

One last thing, I reread what you wrote and saw that you ended it. I wanted to make sure I covered this aspect as well. Its a hard but very awesome step to take for yourself. Remember that you and him became a "habit" so there are things that you have to unlearn or teach yourself to do to form new habits.

 

I know its sad cause I felt like the crumbs I was getting from MOW were substantially more than I was getting everywhere else. So I thought I was happy...but I was really on a roller coaster with severe ups and downs. Jelousy, anger and attitudes going to sheer happiness after contact. I really believe it changes your brain chemistry going through this for a long time. But I know the pain /betrayal you felt when you saw photos etc. Its like "What am I, cottage cheese?" "How can you do this knowing I am here?" "What about me?" Then flipping to rage then resigning that you are how they are making you feel.

 

Just know that your love is special because you are the ONLY one who can give it. There will never be another YOU and he will know that for the rest of his life. But the tears you cry may be your soul crying out of happiness for yourself. He has drawn the line in the sand and only gave you what he elected to give you. There will be many others that will want to treat you like royalty.

[Cocochai]

OP I understand what your going trough as I also made a choice to cut the ties, even tho I tried in the past especially after he almost got caught.

 

The first step I made (not sure if you haven't already), was to deleted him from his FB page as I felt and saw him being insensitive to my feelings. I never told him how I felt for over a year and a half but, that was my cue to leave once I did. You know what the worst part? Was when I told him why I took him off he made no attempt to show emotions to how I felt.. Never once thought to himself "She didn't get emotionally crazy and tell my wife"... At least you can show me a "Thank you" for leaving quietly.

 

The best advice I can give you is to try and focus on making yourself happy. I also had a friend who dropped me because she couldn't understand what I was going through..., Move on and be around people who wouldn't treat you like that. And that's exactly what I did. Cry it out, don't bottle it inside. Write down your feelings as a letter to the XMM but don't send them.

[Mnogomnogo]

Lovesick, your tears bring me tears. I'm the om with a married woman. Tonight I sit in my dark room with a burning I'm my chest that could easily flood my eyes with pain. She manipulates my love, her callous ways destroying my fiber. I grow stronger, but for what? For who?Certainly she's not thinking about her future with me.

 

 

Consider yourself lucky. Lucky that you have the courage to put an end to it. Lucky to realize that there is someone who won't go home when you're just getting really close.

 

You're already one step closer to finding that man who wants to keep his arms around you at night, and greet you with joy every morning.

[whichwayisup]

Tonight I sit in my dark room with a burning I'm my chest that could easily flood my eyes with pain. She manipulates my love, her callous ways destroying my fiber. I grow stronger, but for what? For who?Certainly she's not thinking about her future with me.

 

Ouch. I wish you strength and courage to end it. You deserve to be with a woman who will give all of herself to you and her full heart.

 

Begin by detaching as much as you can daily. Stop relying on her. Don't include her in your life and exclude her from what is going on IN your life (that is, if she ever asks).. Look after you and get out there - Spend time with good friends and family. Live your life and each day do something special JUST for you.