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Would a married man intentionally lead on another girl?

I'msolostatthemoment

By I'msolostatthemoment,
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I'msolostatthemoment

I'msolostatthemoment

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This guy has been extremely kind, considerate to me, gone out of his way for me. He has stared at me an awful lot, told me he likes me twice, got jeolous when a male friend of mine hugged me, touched me, hugged and kissed me on my cheek as much as he can. I really like him, and he has pursued me for 2 years. I have gone through hell and back, and been very ill, which he knows about, and has been extremely kind, and considerate to me because I have been so sick. Do married men pursue another woman for 2 years just for the thrill of it, without having an intention of making a move on her?

 

I would really appreciate some advice on this, as this issue is driving me crazy, thanks

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krazikat

krazikat

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This guy has been extremely kind, considerate to me, gone out of his way for me. He has stared at me an awful lot, told me he likes me twice, got jeolous when a male friend of mine hugged me, touched me, hugged and kissed me on my cheek as much as he can. I really like him, and he has pursued me for 2 years. I have gone through hell and back, and been very ill, which he knows about, and has been extremely kind, and considerate to me because I have been so sick. Do married men pursue another woman for 2 years just for the thrill of it, without having an intention of making a move on her?

 

I would really appreciate some advice on this, as this issue is driving me crazy, thanks

 

Go check out the threads on the other woman/man boards...affairs are toxic and can be heartbreaking for all involved. Read those threads and if you still want to consider a relationship with this man, then get counciling to find out why you would want to bring that into your life.

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I'msolostatthemoment

I'msolostatthemoment

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Why is this issue driving you crazy?

 

Because I have no idea what's going on, and need some advice so I can figure out how to deal with it, as its taking up my mind at the moment

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I'msolostatthemoment

I'msolostatthemoment

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Go check out the threads on the other woman/man boards...affairs are toxic and can be heartbreaking for all involved. Read those threads and if you still want to consider a relationship with this man, then get counciling to find out why you would want to bring that into your life.

 

Anytime I place something in a forum that mentions a married man, I have found that it is prosumed that I am having an affair, or want an affair.

 

In my case that is not the situation at all. It is what this married guy has said and done to me for the past 2 years, and is causing me alot of distress.

 

I came here, in the hope of getting advice from all of you, thanks

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2sunny

2sunny

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Yes, they do.

 

And it causes a lot of hurt and pain when the spouse finds out he pays that much attention to another woman.

 

Why not find an available man to focus on?

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TaraMaiden

TaraMaiden

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Anytime I place something in a forum that mentions a married man, I have found that it is prosumed that I am having an affair, or want an affair.

 

In my case that is not the situation at all. It is what this married guy has said and done to me for the past 2 years, and is causing me alot of distress.

 

I came here, in the hope of getting advice from all of you, thanks

 

There's a very easy way of stopping the distress.

 

Quit playing into it.

he can only 'get to you' because you let him.

 

If you've been enduring this for 2 years, you probably know a bit about him.

 

Tell his wife just how much you know.

 

That should bring a halt to his involvement in your distress.

 

Ignore him, go no Contact and distance yourself completely from his influence.

 

You have to be the one to do that, if all other attempts to stop him have failed.

The ball is in your court.

He bats it there, and you return it....

Quit bouncing it back.

Edited by TaraMaiden
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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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Married men are the worst. Did you know that around 70% cheat on their wives at some point? And that is only the ones that admitted it in an anonymous questionnaire. The % is likely to be higher :sick:

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2sunny

2sunny

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Married men are the worst. Did you know that around 70% cheat on their wives at some point? And that is only the ones that admitted it in an anonymous questionnaire. The % is likely to be higher :sick:

 

Yep. A lot of men groom their potential other women - many times several women - just to be sure they have plenty of back up plans.

 

He will wait - and when you're most vulnerable - he will take you further on this roller coaster ride.

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Trimmer

Trimmer

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Do married men pursue another woman for 2 years just for the thrill of it, without having an intention of making a move on her?

 

I would really appreciate some advice on this, as this issue is driving me crazy, thanks

So you say you don't want an affair. Relative to this married man, what do you want? You describe the situation as if you are a passive recipient of his attention: "what this married guy has said and done to me for the past 2 years...is causing me alot of distress."

 

So it's causing you distress and you don't want his attention in this way any more? Do you not feel like you have any control over that?

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uncool

uncool

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from a man's perspective:

I but money that his marriage sucks just like mine does. He hasn't had sex in months and his wife ignores him and treats him like crap.

This guy would totally ignore you and treat you like any other co-workers if his marriage was normal. The poor guys needs aren't being met at home and he's being ignored by his insensitive bitch of a wife and so he's seeking happiness elsewhere. There you go. He likes you. He really does. He probably wishes he were married to you instead. You're there for him when his wife isn't even after he's done everything he can to make it work. I'm one of those guys so I understand him completely. I don't recommend throwing him under the bus... unless for some reason you can't stand him or he's sexually harrassing you.

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LimeBlue

LimeBlue

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Yep. A lot of men groom their potential other women - many times several women - just to be sure they have plenty of back up plans.

 

He will wait - and when you're most vulnerable - he will take you further on this roller coaster ride.

 

And then dump you like a lead balloon.

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xxoo

xxoo

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Yes, he'll lead you on for the ego boost of your attention. He may even have an affair with you, if you allow it.

 

What do you want?

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canuckprincess

canuckprincess

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Go check out the threads on the other woman/man boards...affairs are toxic and can be heartbreaking for all involved. Read those threads and if you still want to consider a relationship with this man, then get counciling to find out why you would want to bring that into your life.

 

Please listen to krazikat, nothing good can come from this. Don't walk, f@cking run. If you can avoid an affair with a married man then please do. I'm 7.5 years into a pa/ea we are very close we share everything and now I can't break the tie. It will eventually eat you up inside. He could just be attention seeking and flirty, so it may be nothing.

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Moper

Moper

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It isn't about her. It is about you.

 

"I am I because I am I and you are you because you are you."

 

Why are you enmeshed? She may or may not have a problem but it is her problem. You are making her problem, if she has one, yours. It seems to me that you have a different problem and you may be projecting? This is someone you love so by all means encourage her but do not pressure her to do it for you. Take ownership of your own feelings and deal with them.

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DaisyLeigh1967

DaisyLeigh1967

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To answer your question, yes they will do just what your guy friend is doing. Get as far away from him as you can. Block numbers, FB and tell him to keep away.

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uncool

uncool

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from a man's perspective:

I but money that his marriage sucks just like mine does. He hasn't had sex in months and his wife ignores him and treats him like crap.

This guy would totally ignore you and treat you like any other co-workers if his marriage was normal. The poor guys needs aren't being met at home and he's being ignored by his insensitive bitch of a wife and so he's seeking happiness elsewhere. There you go. He likes you. He really does. He probably wishes he were married to you instead. You're there for him when his wife isn't even after he's done everything he can to make it work. I'm one of those guys so I understand him completely. I don't recommend throwing him under the bus... unless for some reason you can't stand him or he's sexually harrassing you.

 

^^ this ^^

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oldshirt

oldshirt

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In your other thread you state that you don't understand why he is lavishing this time and money on you because you are a mess and have problems right now.

 

He is not lavishing time and money on you despite you being a mess, he is lavishing time and money on you BECAUSE of it. That is because someone with her act together would not be accepting his time and money.

 

His motivations and objectives are very simple so I will spell it out in the most basic and simple of terms -

 

- he wants his penis in your vagina.

 

He is hoping that his white-knighting will make this damsel in distress fall in love with him and do him.

 

The reason he thinks he can is because you are accepting all of this.

 

Two options here. (well actually 3) One is to do him and take whatever fallout comes from that.

 

The other is to stop accepting his time and money and basically go on about your business without him and rebuff his advances in which case he will soon lose interest and move on to someone else.

 

And the 3rd option is to keep leading him on and keep enjoying the attention and the help but not giving him anything in return and keep making yourself look like fluzey and him a cad and a fool and eventually have him become bitter and resentful for putting all this time and money into you and just have you use him.

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Trimmer

Trimmer

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Anytime I place something in a forum that mentions a married man' date=' I have found that it is prosumed that I am having an affair, or want an affair. [/quote']

That's not quite accurate. You're not just "mentioning a married man", you are saying that he has been very obviously showing you affectionate, intimate attention for 2 years, and apparently you have been accepting it.

 

You haven't said what you DO want - you are just talking about being confused and trying to figure him out. Unless you tell us otherwise, it sounds like you have been accepting of his attention, and since he has continued all this time, we must assume (unless you tell us otherwise) that you have been reciprocating contact, at least to the point where he figures it is worth continuing to pursue you.

 

The important thing is not: do we posters assume you want an affair. Let's say I take you at your word that you don't (although you have been behaving oddly for the past 2 years if that is the case.) The important things are: does he want an affair, and does he think you are a potential affair? Isn't that kinda obvious?

 

You seem to be such a passive participant, and you haven't answered: what do you want to happen?

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oldshirt

oldshirt

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Oh and to address your actual question - no, I do not believe he is "leading you on" in the slightest. I am sure he is sincere in wanting to bang you.

 

The real question is will he want you for anything else once that has been accomplished?

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I'msolostatthemoment

I'msolostatthemoment

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Hey everyone. Thanks for your replies.

 

I think you may have misunderstood my question. I am wondering would a married man intentionally and deliberately lead on another woman - Pretend to be interested in her - meaning his actions, and behavior are all false, and he is lying and pretending to like her, even though he does not?

 

Would a married man, or indeed any man do that?

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Lillyfree

Lillyfree

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Hey everyone. Thanks for your replies.

 

I think you may have misunderstood my question. I am wondering would a married man intentionally and deliberately lead on another woman - Pretend to be interested in her - meaning his actions, and behavior are all false, and he is lying and pretending to like her, even though he does not?

 

Would a married man, or indeed any man do that?

 

no. he wouldn't. as other posters have already said - he does want something, and that something is an affair. is that what you want though?

 

and the reason why he hasn't done anything for 2 years is because he's not in a hurry - he's got a wife at home, remember? and most likely quite an active sex life with her, or possibly other girls besides her. if he was hanging for it he would have made his move.

 

so you're something to play with. is that what you want for yourself?

 

in other words, if you have any self-respect, run.

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I'msolostatthemoment

I'msolostatthemoment

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no. he wouldn't. as other posters have already said - he does want something, and that something is an affair. is that what you want though?

 

and the reason why he hasn't done anything for 2 years is because he's not in a hurry - he's got a wife at home, remember? and most likely quite an active sex life with her, or possibly other girls besides her. if he was hanging for it he would have made his move.

 

so you're something to play with. is that what you want for yourself?

 

in other words, if you have any self-respect, run.

 

Thanks. So there is not a married guy or any guy for that matter, who would flirt, touch, be very nice to a girl, everthing else that comes with it, and it is never false, or he is never lying about his interest? A man always has an agenda when it comes to a woman, and no man would ever flirt etc with a woman, only that he wants something out of it. Would that be correct? Would guys agree with this too?

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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Thanks. So there is not a married guy or any guy for that matter' date=' who would flirt, touch, be very nice to a girl, everthing else that comes with it, and it is never false, or he is never lying about his interest? [/quote']

Nope.

 

TA man always has an agenda when it comes to a woman' date=' and no man would ever flirt etc with a woman, only that he wants something out of it. Would that be correct? [/quote']

That is correct.

 

He has an agenda and you are allowing it.

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