What if you regret marrying your short fused husband?

[DanielleR]

My husband and I were together for two years and our relationship got serious very fast, I've always known that he was jealous and protective which he says he cant help because he is a cop but lately it just keeps annoying me, Our relationship can be very volatile. For example, If I have a day off and he is working when he texts me if I delay in replying for like 45mins or miss his calls he quizzes me on what the delay was and wont let it go until I tell him and although I tell him the truth he still doubts me and just says that its 'odd I didn't answer/reply' which can cause arguments between us because he drives me crazy when he does that, it is very draining! Other times he will drive to our house when he is working to check up on me. I have one very close male friend who is a musician and my husband cant stand him even though I've known this guy for 8yrs, He doesn't even try to be nice to him & calls him a pr*ck because my friend called me his 'muse' once. This cause a heated argument the other night between my husband and I which resulted in him smashing the bathroom mirror, he apologized straight away but I was so shocked I told him to get out and he spent the night at his friends place.The next morning he came home with flowers and said he acted like an a*shole, for peace I accepted his apology but deep down all this really gets under my skin. How can I get him to loosen up a little because as much as I love him sometimes I wonder why I married him. Any advice?

[Balzac]

Give up trying to change somebody. Do some reading on codependency.

You entered the marriage fully informed, you knew he was a cop, now you have to decide how long you'll stay married.

[DanielleR]

Thanks for the advice guys, Its really helping me right now!

[amaysngrace]

Smashing items in the home is a form of domestic violence.

 

Nobody should have to live with that.

[amaysngrace]

Read this:

Domestic Violence: Are You a Victim

[2sunny]

Control of that nature is very unhealthy - why are you allowing it by staying?

[oldshirt]

your alternative could be that you are writing in here wanting to know what to do because your passive, easy going, supportive husband is a wonderful friend and father but your chemistry with the musician that you are banging is so intense you can't give him up either.

 

Your husband is a cop and works with people every day and knows what goes on in the real world. He knows the minute he stops mate-guarding you, that your legs will be over this rock star's shoulders in no time.

 

so pick your poison, do you want a guy that is assertive and strong enough to keep other mens d!cks out of his wife, or do you want a passive guy that lets you walk all over him and who you do not respect or have any chemistry with?

 

Me thinks you are wanting your cake and eating it too. IMHO everyone wants that to a degree so I can't really fault you for that. But the catch is, other people have their limits on how much of that they are willing to put up with. sounds to me like your husband isn't willing to put up with much.

 

If you wanted a nice, quiet, spineless little beta boy to support you and rub your feet at home while you bang the band backstage, you simply picked the wrong guy to be your husband.

[Quiet Storm]

He needs to work on controlling his emotions better. Many men feel the urge to smash or hit things, but acting on those feelings is a sign of immaturity. I don't feel that it always leads to physical violence, though. Early in our marriage, my husband's mother died suddenly & unexpectedly, and it happened in a public place. Her last moments were spent with total strangers. When he got the call he was so overwhelmed with emotion that he punched & put a hole in the wall. He's never done anything like that again, and that was 19 years ago.

 

How close is your "very close" male friend? Do you spend time alone with him?

 

My husband and I don't have close friends of the opposite sex. It's not something that either of us are comfortable with. If your husband hates this guy, then maybe you should consider distancing yourself from this friend. The friend is most likely sexually attracted to you. My husband can trust me 100%, but most definitely would not like a guy hanging around & thinking about me sexually. You may think your friend doesn't see you like that, but your husband can see through it. These men can be very validating because they have an agenda. These men will use common interests to form a connection and hide their true motives.

 

I would tell your husband that he needs to get a handle on his emotions because his destructive behavior is not acceptable. Tell him that his constant questions and keeping tabs on you is draining & annoying. If you are spending alone time with this guy that called you his goddess, then you need to stop. It's disrespectful to your husband. It sounds like your husband is tolerating the friendship, but it's obvious he hates it and the resentment is building. He has expressed his hate for the man, but it doesn't seem as if you are considering your husband's feelings. If the friendship is more important to you than your marriage, then you need to really think about that. What needs do this friendship meet for you? Attention, validation, an emotional outlet?

[smoky eyes]

your alternative could be that you are writing in here wanting to know what to do because your passive, easy going, supportive husband is a wonderful friend and father but your chemistry with the musician that you are banging is so intense you can't give him up either.

 

Your husband is a cop and works with people every day and knows what goes on in the real world. He knows the minute he stops mate-guarding you, that your legs will be over this rock star's shoulders in no time.

 

so pick your poison, do you want a guy that is assertive and strong enough to keep other mens d!cks out of his wife, or do you want a passive guy that lets you walk all over him and who you do not respect or have any chemistry with?

 

Me thinks you are wanting your cake and eating it too. IMHO everyone wants that to a degree so I can't really fault you for that. But the catch is, other people have their limits on how much of that they are willing to put up with. sounds to me like your husband isn't willing to put up with much.

 

If you wanted a nice, quiet, spineless little beta boy to support you and rub your feet at home while you bang the band backstage, you simply picked the wrong guy to be your husband.

 

Ummm, methinks she wants a husband who understands that she picked him and can be TRUSTED around musician dude whatever that guy may want from her... and even if she couldn't that is NO EXCUSE for smashing things up.

[MrRightNow]

One more reason to hate cops I definitely wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has anger issues like that. My ex's temper was one of the main reasons we broke up. I never had any peace of mind. I doubt he'll ever change, OP. People like him never do.

[Turtles]

Call me a possessive jealous a*hole but if some guy calls my wife his "muse" I am definitely not going to "try to be nice to him", or take kindly to them hanging out together, unless she was VERY clear to him about how inappropriate that was.

 

I think Quiet Storm's post was right on the mark.

[jphcbpa]

he is probably so controlling because he is a cheater or has cheated incessantly in past relationships.

 

i would suggest MC for you both to work through this together. he probably needs some therapy. does his work offer someone to talk with??