Boyfriend sells drugs.....any idea how to get him to quit?

[Christ85]

Ok, I know you all are probably tired of hearing me complain, but I really need help with this one.

 

Michael and I are still together, but his job is driving me crazy. He sells drugs......let me clarify that.....he picks up the drugs, delivers them, gets the money, and then takes the money back to his boss. he gets half of whatever money his boss makes from the deal

 

I spend my days and nights worrying about him.......about where he is, what he's doing, if he's ok.....especially when we get off the phone and he has to go on a run. I worry about him until he calls me the next day.......

 

Everyone says that I should leave him, but I can't. I left him before because he actually did the drugs, but I can't do it again. Its too painful....Plus, I love him. He is everything to me. My life, my world, and if something happened to him, I wouldn't know what to do.

 

He tells me that he's doing it because it pays a lot of money and he's trying to make sure that our future is secure....He wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I want the same. He wants me make sure that he has enough money to buy a house and take care of our kids and stuff.....But....I know that if he keeps this job, that there won't be a future for us and we won't have any kids b/c he will end up dead or behind bars. And I don't want that to happen....

 

So, does anyone have any suggestions on how to get him to quit? I'm going to talk to him this afternoon about this, and I'm afraid we're going to have a fight over it. I love him, and I will stay with him no matter what, but it would make it a lot easier on our relationship if he quit and got a job that isn't illegal.

[Dakini]

Originally posted by Christ85

He tells me that he's doing it because it pays a lot of money and he's trying to make sure that our future is secure....He wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I want the same. He wants me make sure that he has enough money to buy a house and take care of our kids and stuff.....But....I know that if he keeps this job, that there won't be a future for us and we won't have any kids b/c he will end up dead or behind bars. And I don't want that to happen....

 

I think you just said it yourself: If drugs continue to remain illegal, there is a HIGH likelihood that he will face the consequences of his chosen vocation. As such, being with him as it stands, your future and the future of your children is NEVER secure. NEVER! Not for even one minute. You are sitting on a ticking time bomb.

 

So, does anyone have any suggestions on how to get him to quit?

 

Only he can make this decision. You can ask, but the only way he will follow through is if he truly wants this for himself. Good luck.

[SoleMate]

Honey, I just don't even know what to say here. Aren't you 16...and he's what, 17? Wasn't he going to get imprisoned for 7 years? And he's a drug dealer. Do you know that his dealing puts YOU at serious risk? That's right - if you are just in the car or apartment where his supply is, or if you take a phone call related to dealing, or if you give him a ride somewhere so he can deal, you can be charged as an accessory. This is not a farfetched threat - it has already bitten lots of girls just like you in the butt, big time.

 

"...Kemba Smith is a 23-year old African American woman now in prison on drug conspiracy charges. She had been a college student in Hampton, Virginia, and became the girlfriend of a guy who was an entrepreneur in the drug trade. She had no other arrests, not even a traffic ticket, but because of her involvement with this man she was sentenced to 24 years in federal prison. Hers is just one of many cases..." Read more at http://www.afn.org/~iguana/archives/1999_02/19990204.html

 

"...Women are serving long prison terms for living with or dating men who sell drugs..." Read more at http://www.alternet.org/drugreporter/10924/

 

"A woman who takes a phone message for her dealer boyfriend can be charged with participating in a conspiracy; her sentence will be set by the weight of the drugs, not by her complicity. While the guilty can get lighter sentences by testifying against others, those in the girlfriend category usually don't know enough to help convict anyone else. So they can get longer prison sentences than mid-level and high-level dealers." Read more at http://www.commondreams.org/views/101600-102.htm

 

If that doesn't scare you, then nothing will. Have you ever seen the inside of a federal women's prison? You probably will someday if you keep it up with Michael.

[Stone]

I used to be in your situation and from EXPERIENCE I say RUN for your life!!

 

Ask your self these questions.

 

1. If he went to jail, would you or could you wait for him

 

2. Do you want a future with someone ( possibly children) who does this for a living?

 

3. HOw would your faimly feel if they knew

 

4. Does he want to stop? Or is he drawn in for the money

 

5. What are his "JOB" qualifications to help support you and a faimly if you stick togeather?

 

And no one is sick of hearing your problems that's what we are here for

[Stone]

great links solemate

[tattoomytoe]

like what solemate says-

tell him it is a risk that he is unfairly asking you to bear.

 

tell him you are soo stressed out, wondering if you got caught, shot, what ever........you cannot Deal-(haha deal).

 

i do not think you should say 'well, ok, what ever you do i will be with you anyways" what kind of push is that?

 

you need to give him an ultimatem....maybe not a really harsh one that you will keep forever, but tell you will not be around too much longer just waiting on the day he gets picked up....not that We want that to happen, but it is quite likely.

[Christ85]

I would like to say that I never plan on being in the car with him when he has the drugs with him.......and I don't live anywhere near him, so I couldn't possibly be at his house to take messages or anything else.......but I do know that I could still get caught

[Stone]

Originally posted by Christ85

 

 

He tells me that he's doing it because it pays a lot of money and he's trying to make sure that our future is secure....He wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I want the same. He wants me make sure that he has enough money to buy a house and take care of our kids and stuff.....But....I know that if he keeps this job, that there won't be a future for us and we won't have any kids b/c he will end up dead or behind bars. And I don't want that to happen....

 

PLease Please Please don't even CONSIDER having children with this man, why would you even entertain the thought of bringing a child in to this lifestyle? lets say ( even though it probably won't happen) he saves money for a house, kids, ect. there is never enough money to do that) and you need "extra money" so he deals for a while and gets arrested or SHOT!! and you and the child are left without him. then the child has no father or has to visit him in jail, then you are a Young single mother left with crap!

 

I know you will do what you want and everyone here is only trying to help you but you need to look at the big picture here not how much you love him now, how much do you love yourself?

[SoleMate]

does anyone have any suggestions on how to get him to quit?

No, because you can't enlighten the unconscious. He is the only one who can make himself quit. Or should I say that the law enforcement officers or possibly his violence-prone competitive fellow dealers could also make him quit, via imprisonment, assault, or murder.

 

Can you take a look at yourself and ask why someone who is so FOOLISH and MISGUIDED would be in your thoughts for even a minute? How is this "LOVE", if he is getting set to drag you down into the hell of dealing?

 

...I never plan on being in the car with him when he has the drugs with him...

Oh, did I forget to mention that users and dealers tend to be big LIARS as well? You will not be able to trust him if he tells you there's nothing in the car or on him. Sorry.

 

Other than this one thing, he sounds like a great guy.

[Stone]

Not that it matters at all but What kinds of Drugs is he dealing?

[SadAndLonely]

I have a PERFECT plan for getting him to stop selling drugs. Find out when the "drop" or whatever is going to be, alert the police, and let them cart his sorry ass off to jail. Once he's in jail he won't be able to sell drugs (at least not as easily) anymore. The BONUS is that you'll be able to find someone who isn't a loser.

 

Honestly, you SHOULD be asking, "What's the quickest way to get away from this guy" rather than, "How do I get him to stop selling drugs".

[tattoomytoe]

I would like to say that I never plan on being in the car with him when he has the drugs with him.......

 

well i am sure he would Tell you if there were drugs on him or at his house or car....right? doubtful, if he tells you yes, then you will not come over......maybe he does not do drugs anymore- although i would think that would be the only reason to STILL be involved in the dealing with drugs and the risk....Is the money THAT good?

 

it is soo clear that you love this man, that you will risk your future for him....and I would think if he felt the same deep love that you do he would stop selling....i mean it's Not like he can't take it up again if Bush is elected and unemployment rises.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by SadAndLonely

I have a PERFECT plan for getting him to stop selling drugs. Find out when the "drop" or whatever is going to be, alert the police, and let them cart his sorry ass off to jail. Once he's in jail he won't be able to sell drugs (at least not as easily) anymore. The BONUS is that you'll be able to find someone who isn't a loser.

 

Honestly, you SHOULD be asking, "What's the quickest way to get away from this guy" rather than, "How do I get him to stop selling drugs".

 

I'm glad you said this -- it's the first think I thought when I read the post.

 

Christ85 said: I will stay with him no matter what

 

Honey, that's not love.

[Christ85]

stoneheather: He deals marijuana..........

 

Originally posted by SadAndLonely:

I have a PERFECT plan for getting him to stop selling drugs. Find out when the "drop" or whatever is going to be, alert the police, and let them cart his sorry ass off to jail. Once he's in jail he won't be able to sell drugs (at least not as easily) anymore. The BONUS is that you'll be able to find someone who isn't a loser.

Honestly, you SHOULD be asking, "What's the quickest way to get away from this guy" rather than, "How do I get him to stop selling drugs".

 

I could NEVER do that to him......He tells me when and where every deal or "drop" is, but that is something that I don't have the strength or heart to do..........And finding someone else is out of the question.......Even if he did get caught, I wouldn't be able to let myself look for someone else.....I love him too much.....

 

HokeyReligions: Honey, that's not love.

How can you say that's not love? I am willing to stand by him through whatever he goes through.....I would love for him to quit, but even if he doesn't, he still needs someone who's going to be there when he DOES hit rock bottom. He was there for me through a lot of things and I plan on being there for him.

 

tattoomytoe:Is the money THAT good?

Yes, the money is THAT good, but he could make most of it in what he was doing before he started this "job."

 

Thanks for all of the advice....I haven't gotten to talk to him yet, (he's probably out on a run as we speak....) so I'm not sure whats going to happen......

[Stone]

ok so he sells pot, what if someone want's something else coke, herion ect... is he willing to do that if the price is right?

 

I am assuming this is LARGE quanities of pot for a "bigger dealer" to get involved, that is scarry obviously this person is paying him because he doesn't want to take the risk.

 

Are you sure some of his money isn't sponsoring this? Does he know what will happen if he sells to a minor?

 

Honey I have lived this life and now my son is a product of MY mistake please be careful and THINK about YOUR FUTURE WITH THIS MAN!! It is not easy to get away from easy money

[tattoomytoe]

tattoomytoe:Is the money THAT good?

Yes, the money is THAT good, but he could make most of it in what he was doing before he started this "job."

 

But is that what you are worth?

[bluechocolate]

He knows what hs's doing & he's the only one who can quit. If you want to make it hard for yourself ask him choose between you otherwise accept it or leave him - just don't waste your time trying to change him.

[greenlove]

You know these people are right. I’m sure you’ve expressed to him your discontent with his lifestyle. If he didn’t take into consideration how you feel about him dealing by now he’s not going to change. Give him that ultimatum and see for yourself.

 

I hope it works out for the best...for your sake be smart about it.

[conster1181]

OK, now I have been where you are! All the I can say is get up and walk away. That was the best thing for me to do. I was with someone that not only deals but also is more or less you can say gangsta. Get out of the relationship while you still can. Take a step back in your life and re-evaluate it. That is all that I can say. I was engaged to what you are in now. I had moved away for college while he was locked up. And let me tell you before moving out of state for college I was making a trip to see him almost every weekend for three years to see him in jail. That is not something that you would want to have to deal with at all. Get away find someone else. That is what honestly helped me. I never thought that I would be able to find someone else that loved me as much as he did. But I was wrong. I moved away and found out that there is a whole nother world out there that you can see and live.

[Christ85]

Well....A LOT has changed since I wrote this........Let me see........Michael and I broke up....He cheated on me.......I had to find out the hard way exactly what he was like......He came right out and told me that he did it the day after it happened..

 

Anyway....he still calls once in a while....I'm with this wonderful man, Tim. We met three years ago when I was on a trip....We couldn't date b/c he was 24 and I was 16, but we kept in touch and he's been there through everything that I've been through with Michael.....We decided to get together now that I'm old enough, and I couldn't ask for someone better.

 

Thank you for all the advice and stuff!

[conster1181]

Hey,

 

I am glad to hear that you are no longer with Michael. Im sorry to say, but I am glad that he did cheat on you. At least it was a way to help you open your eyes up at your relationship and what was really going on. Don't forget this line....Once a cheater always a cheater. They think I got away with it before, we can get away with it again. Who is to say that all of his runs weren't to other girls houses, you know? That could also be why he didn't want you to come with him also. But the good thing is that you are with someone else now. Just remember to take it slow. If he is a great guy, be careful cause you dont want him to be rebound. Thats the last thing right now that you would want to happen to a great guy. Good luck with the new relationship.

[Christ85]

I don't mean to stick up for Michael, but he did in fact invite me to go on his runs, every single one of them.

[heckno]

Originally posted by Christ85

I don't mean to stick up for Michael, but he did in fact invite me to go on his runs, every single one of them.

 

Wow! how kind of him.

 

So, now you're with a man who you met when you were 16, who was 24 at the time. I don't know the situation, and no offense, but what does a man that is THAT much older than you want? I mean, it's one thing when you're both older in life, but this early on?

 

You know how like, alcoholics, when they stop drinking, find another addiction? Heroine addicts become crack heads.. or potheads become addicted to something else.. you know, the old switch.

 

Well, I hope you're not doing that. Jumping from one bad situation to another.

 

No offense, but it sounds like you have a lot of soul searching to do.. to learn why it is you pick the bad seeds and then nuture them.

 

Nuture yourself first, don't worry about having a man, seriously. At this point you'll only get men who will prey on you.

 

If you live a life that's full and enriched, and walk with your head high, your life full and ambitions fullfilled.. you will find a man with the SAME thing going for him. Just remember that.