Benefits of dating people who have children

[salparadise]

I wrote this post for EmmaB's "wanting kids with you is insulting" thread, and found it inexplicably closed in the meantime by our all-knowing and benevolent moderator. So this shall hopefully become the positive counterpart to that unfortunate thread.

 

As a guy embarking on his 2nd voyage, and the father of a mostly grown daughter, I am finding that I prefer women who have raised children. The reason is because a) it filters out people with the OP's [other thread] dysfunction who just can't bear the thought of the universe not being about them, and b) the love of a mother for her child is transformative... people learn and practice the joy of being other-focused, to be fulfilled through loving with all their heart and soul, how to exist in a space separate from their own egoic needs, to let their affectionate energy flow unbounded... I could go on.

 

I'm not saying that being a parent teaches one all there is, nor am I saying that people who aren't parents cannot know love. I am saying that it provides access to a dimension that is usually not known any other way, and this affects who we become and how we experience love and life in many ways.

 

Being a parent is certainly not for everyone, and those to whom children are but annoying distractions, see nothing in it for themselves, it's probably best they do not––not to mention that no child should have to endure being the object of such feelings or a dearth of unconditional love, affection and devotion.

 

I have realized that I feel the difference. I relate to women who have blossomed through this role so much better than those who have to try and imagine how I feel about my child because they chose not to. There is a mutual understanding that helps inform romantic relationships and friendships as well. Does whether or not another person is a parent (whether you are or are not) affect how you relate to them? How does being a parent inform your other relationships?