argh Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 argh ok, before i start, i KNOW that what i did was completely out of order, i just dont know what to do now. basically, my best friend has been going out with her boyfriend for 9 months. at the beginning of their relationship, he flirted with me a lot but we stopped because my friend found out and i didnt want to hurt her. recently shes cheated on him three times but only kissing guys, and he found this out the other night when i was out with him. basically, he decided that their relationship was over (but hadnt told her this) and i ended up sleeping with him that night, it was my first time. i can't tell anyone i know, which is probably why im here. i dont know what to do now, whether i should tell her, or pretend it never happened. it just feels like a kind of big thing to be going through alone. i dont want to lose her as a friend, and i dont even know why i did this to her. im not a slutty kind of person, it was completely out of character and i feel terrible. i dont know what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 i dont even know why i did this to her You hurt yourself worse than you hurt her. I am afraid that you cannot really be around her anymore unless you are sure that there will be no contact with her bf. I don't think your friendship will last long, sorry to say. What to do? That water has already flowed under the bridge. You can't undo this. If I were you, I would try my hardest to pretend (to myself) it never happened. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 OH You wasted your first time with some guy that you don't love How sad What to do, what to do.....ugh, I don't know. Telling her would ruin your friendship. But what if he tells her Also, now she's dating a cheater ARG!!!!!!! Your best bet would be to stop hanging out with her or him. Otherwise, the guilt is going to kill you Link to post Share on other sites
alicia24 Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 you are not a very good friend. I hope you learn your lesson adn I hope you learn it the hard way. That way you will never make this mistake again. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 What makes me sad is that when you think of your first time you'll be flooded with all these memories of guilt and shame. I really think you should tell your "best friend". If something like this happened wouldn't you want to know that your boyfriend was a cheater? I really think she deserves to know. If it does ruin your friendship, then oh well. You're not much of a friend to her in the first place (sorry, but it's true) and keeping a secret like that is going to tear the two of you apart anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 What an awful situation to be in You'll have to decide whether to tell her or not - telling her would probably be the best thing to do, even if chances are high that the Do you have feelings for this guy? And does he have feelings for you? Would he like to get together with you? I really hope he didn't just use you. You didn't act like a good friend: you started with flirting with your friend's bf and stopping only because she found out....and ended up sleeping with him, but it is you the one who is most hurt by your actions Not that you have to feel like a monster- you probably wouldn't have done anything like this it if you hadn't know she had been cheating on him and if he hadn't told you that it was over between them - , people make mistakes of all sorts, it's human to do stupid things. You will have to forgive yourself, and possibly find out why you acted this way - it will be difficult to ask certain questions to yourself but it will tell you a lot about yourself and hopefully help you NOT to do the same mistake again. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 tell her and tell her how you feel and then tell her that you will leave it up to her if she wants to ever contact you again....then i would not call or talk to her unless she wants to...and dont talk to the guy either unless you want to lose her forever as your friend.... seems like your going to have to deal with this for a long time and i ache inside for the whirlwind you are going to go through.... but i feel much much worse that this girl had her best friend and her boyfriend cheat on her relationship (even if she cheated) since you dont wish that on anybody... sounds like the 3 of you should just be apart from one another anyway.... i am glad you 3 are not my friends.. Link to post Share on other sites
ushouldbeashamed Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 how strange that he found out his girlfriend (your "best friend") cheated on him when you were the one out with him...and then you f*cked him. or let him f*ck you. how convenient. i wish i knew your friend, i would tell her myself. nasty. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Keep permanently mum about what happened and lay low from your friend for awhile. Stay clear of her boyfriend 100%--you are fully responsible for what you did, but he's a surefire loser. They sure don't sound like Romeo and Juliet, so hopefully they will break up at some point. Learn a lesson from this--don't have sex with your friends' boyfriends. Was it really worth the experience? Be realistic--if your friend ever finds out what you did (either through other people or possibly her boyfriend getting revenge on her) your friendship with her may be over. This was the risk you took when you decided to sleep with him. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 How the HELL does this sort of thing happen? Banging your best friend's SO? JESUS. Before breaking the law, that's just about as low as it gets, I think. They weren't even broken up yet, even if they WERE, it's still low. She deserves to know and you don't deserve to have her as a friend anymore. After all, what kind of friend can you be to do this? Does she mean nothing to you? Why DID you do it anyway? You say you aren't slutty and you do something like that? Well, which one is it? Link to post Share on other sites
ltomlinson81 Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 I have had this happen to me before. My ex and my ex-best friend were sleeping together while he and I were still together. Today, 4 years later, they are married. Good for them, but it was terrible for me. Needless to say, when I found out, I told her exactly what I thought of her and never spoke to her again. I lost the best friend I had ever had, but I couldn't let someone treat me with such disrespect. I could have never trusted her again. No offense, but I am not sure you deserve her friendship. You are not a good friend. You didn't even tell her. Stop being so selfish if you want even the possibility of salvaging this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Think too much Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 People make mistakes. You sound remorseful or else you would not be here posting this. There is probably a lot of people out there that have done worse and could care less. what's done is done. Learn from your mistake. Tell your friend. She probably won't want to be friends after this but what would your friendship be if it were based on lies anyway? It would be pointless. She may surprise you and want to stay friends. Part of taking the first step in learning from a mistake is to face the consequences. Good luck! Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
No One Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 Okay, sorry to be blunt but you gave it up to a guy that you didn't even love your first time? I know, where have I been living? - sheltered life I suppose. To make matters worst this was your best friend's boyfriend. How could you do something like this to your best friend. Obviously you didn't care about her when you were eeking her bf. To be frank - it doesn't matter how sorry you are after the fact. Well, the fact is that you betrayed your best friend and even worst yourself. I'm trying to be tactful but it's just not working. I'm sorry but your actions show the extreme baseness of your character and if I was your best friend (thank goodness for the both of us that I'm not), I would see you for what you are - cheap. This is very harsh I know but the truth often is. My advice to you is to take this as a learning experience and learn from it. Hopefully, your best friend would be more compassionate than I and would give you a second chance. Anhow, I wish you good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
emmy lou Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 1) what the hell were you doing out with him in the first place, if she didn't even know he was "supposedly" going to break up with her? 2) with friends like you, who needs enemas? Link to post Share on other sites
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