liquid_amber Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 when you are friends with someone for a long time and you're very close, and then one day you end up sleeping together, why do things always have to get weird afterwards?? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 (edited) Sex 'crosses the line' and takes you into a level of intimacy you can then not retreat from. Sex is supposed to be, 'biologically' a bonding exercise which cements a relationship into something meaningful and significant. You 'give' something special, personal and highly private, to somebody. you entrust a vulnerability, which they reciprocate. Having sex because you're horny, demolishes that and brings the act down to a simple level of carnal lust and an exchange of bodily fluids. The "awkward" feeling is that you have taken something highly private and intimate, and "reduced" it to a moment of abandon. The wisdom of which you might now be questioning.... Edited August 4, 2013 by TaraMaiden 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Lei Ping Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 when you are friends with someone for a long time and you're very close, and then one day you end up sleeping together, why do things always have to get weird afterwards?? They don't. Things only "get weird" if you don't talk about your feelings as your friendship progresses through its stages. People are programmed to believe that having sex with someone conveys a level of ownership, thus if someone with whom we have sex then has sex with another they are "cheating". People get their emotions all twisted and start doing and saying illogical things after entering the 'romance zone' because they have misplaced the significance of the sexual act. Sex isn't love and love can exist with or without sex. It was love when it was a 'friendship' wasn't it? The tricky part is that to save the love (friendship) you'll need to put the sex into perspective. You do that by talking your feelings out with your friend, completely. Unless the two of you decide to embark upon a romance then decide together that the friendship is more important than the sex and that either of you is free to find romance elsewhere and that if you mutually decide on a repeat performance it is just an expression of deep affection and not an essential component of your friendship. Honesty. It's all about honesty. If people were more honest with one another they'd stay out of sex prison. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 when you are friends with someone for a long time and you're very close, and then one day you end up sleeping together, why do things always have to get weird afterwards?? Because one of the effects of sexual interaction is to cause each partner to become more drawn to the other. If I had to guess, I would guess that this impacts females even more so than it does males. When you had a mere friendship with a guy... you found some (routine, really, wherein he somehow fit into your life) ... and then you shared something so personal and intimate with him, and at least considerable elements of you are now more drawn to that person, as is only natural. It feels "weird" because what was once "balanced" now needs to find whatever the new norm will be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
missconfused123 Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 (edited) I have a friend that I used to work with. I have liked him for awhile, but never pursued anything because he has a girlfriend and two kids. However, recently since both of us are having relationship issues, he subtly asked my thoughts on FWB. We were caught up in the moment, but decided we'd feel too guilty having an affair. I admit, I felt a bit awkward that conversation came up, but at least the feeling was mutual I guess. We decided not to have anything like that unless we're both single. Edited August 15, 2013 by missconfused123 Link to post Share on other sites
AutumnRose1974 Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 They don't. Things only "get weird" if you don't talk about your feelings as your friendship progresses through its stages. People are programmed to believe that having sex with someone conveys a level of ownership, thus if someone with whom we have sex then has sex with another they are "cheating". People get their emotions all twisted and start doing and saying illogical things after entering the 'romance zone' because they have misplaced the significance of the sexual act. Sex isn't love and love can exist with or without sex. It was love when it was a 'friendship' wasn't it? The tricky part is that to save the love (friendship) you'll need to put the sex into perspective. You do that by talking your feelings out with your friend, completely. Unless the two of you decide to embark upon a romance then decide together that the friendship is more important than the sex and that either of you is free to find romance elsewhere and that if you mutually decide on a repeat performance it is just an expression of deep affection and not an essential component of your friendship. Honesty. It's all about honesty. If people were more honest with one another they'd stay out of sex prison. I can't thank you enough for posting this, as I am struggling with the end of a FWB relationship that lasted off and on for 8 years. I posted a thread about it in this section, so I won't repeat my self here. The bolds are mine, stuff I'm struggling with now in terms of mistakes I made that I need to face up to, and stuff I need to do if my friendship with the man involved is going to last. Link to post Share on other sites
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