Solowoman Posted December 29, 2000 Share Posted December 29, 2000 I am a 25 yr old woman. My problem, never having an orgasm with a man. I know that some women don't have them til they're in their 40's, but I don't want to be that old! I can have my "own" with a vibrator but never by a man. I was also molested when I was a small child, so the thought of doing really nasty things with someone there is not an option. So any suggestions? And no, none of the guys I've been with know.I told one once and it became the reason we broke up. So any advice would be great. Thanks for your time Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted December 29, 2000 Share Posted December 29, 2000 Forget the guy that didn't accept you for being so open with him. You obviously feel as though this may have something to do with having been molested at a young age. Have you received counselling for this? If not...maybe it's time. Also, do you fantasize about men when you acheive "solo" orgasms?...because this would show healthy heterosexual feelings, and migght suggest a different type of problem than merely your sexual interactions with men. Please respond, I'm interested to hear what you have to say. Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
Sex Goddess Posted December 29, 2000 Share Posted December 29, 2000 Until you think of sex as "nasty things with another person", you will never have an orgasm. My thoughts are that that is the root of your problem. You need to reprogram your psyche to understand that sex is good. It is expressing love and affection towards another person and it just feels good. I don't know if you've been to a therapist, however, it might be money well spent. Sex and orgasm with a man is too good to not experience. Also; You said one boyfriend broke up with you because you told him you didn't experience an orgasm with him. Well, he was a coward. He was probably a very insecure person. I would suggest you not lie about this to the next person. Also, you might not want to have sex with the next person until you are sure that you can confide in them and they won't run off. Most people won't I can assure you... I didn't have orgasms the first two years I had sex.... Now I really and truly have anywhere from 4 to 8 each and everytime. I also told my first partner that I wasn't achieving orgasms. He was basically very patient with me. I think the molestation issue needs to be dealt with. Also, have you had any of your partners, use the vibrator on you? I would have them try that. Also, doggie style(scuse me for being so frank), seems to produce most stimulation . I almost never have an orgasm missionary (traditional) style. Dont' lie to your partners. They will continue to do what they are doing, because they think you had an orgasm. So they will have no way of knowing to try something longer, or different. Foreplay can be very slow and time consuming. Many men enjoy participating in long long foreplays. My guess is with an hour or so of fore play on a regular basis, your trust will gradually improve. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Quandary Posted December 29, 2000 Share Posted December 29, 2000 I had this same problem and I still have it if I am with someone new who I am not completely comfortable with. The way I have handled it is by helping out during intercourse. (you have to be comfortable with who you are with). Also you need to be able to tell the guy where to go and what to do. Guys actually really like it when a girl participates and/or directs them. (That is if he has intentions in getting you off, some guys just don't care about your orgasm). But you need to change your idea of it being nasty or dirty. What happened to you was a long time ago, back then it was not mutual. But if you are having sex with someone you like then it is mutual and it becomes a team effort. Hope that helps you. Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted December 30, 2000 Share Posted December 30, 2000 Guy's broke up with you because you couldn't orgasm, are you for real? Oooooh poooo boys, it offended their own sense of manhood, better off without them! You need someone who's understanding of this, someone who loves you enough to be willing to work on it with you. The guys you've been with aren't those type of guys, you are attracting the wrong type of guys to begin with. It's not a matter of age, at all, don't think that you'll turn 40 and some switch inside you will go off, whaaaalaa orgasm woman LOL Anyway first things first get with the right guy! I've had my own problems re this issue, so I speak from experience. Accept that you won't be able to orgasm purely through intercourse, that's normal, but if you want to have an orgasm whilst having intercourse then it's up to you, do it yourself, play with yourself, do what you have to - use your vibrator, whatever! It's a big turn on for guys to watch this and it's a big turn on for you. You CAN orgasm with foreplay, it's a matter of setting yourself up in the right position and using your mind to get you there as well as enjoying what he's doing. It's all in the mind, believe me, watch porno videos (if that doesn't offend you) at the same time, it works trust me! It's all in the mind sweetie! Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted December 30, 2000 Share Posted December 30, 2000 You WHAT!!!!!! Have anywhere from 4 to 8 each and everytime - are you talking purely throught intercouse or what? How did you go from nothing to that, tell me, tell me LOL Thanks Ms Sex Goddess ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Sex Goddess Posted December 30, 2000 Share Posted December 30, 2000 It's absolutely true. Of course this has been over a period of many many years, and I am now a confident woman. Four to eight times is not unusual. Of course it depends on the guy too. Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted January 3, 2001 Share Posted January 3, 2001 Thanx for the reply but you still didn't answer my question! Are you talking through intercourse alone, or foreplay or what?? And how did you go from nothing during sex to that? Please explain, I don't mean to pry but I am very curious. Many thanx in advance :-) Link to post Share on other sites
kazzi Posted January 3, 2001 Share Posted January 3, 2001 I discovered sex only five months ago and I too, have never had an orgasm. I'm only 24 so I relate to your fear of getting your first one at forty! I've never been molested or anything remotely like that. In fact, the guy I'm with is pretty much my first everything - first kiss, first massage, first normal sex, first kinky sex..(you get the picture). But the thing is I absolutely enjoy every minute I get to touch him. I love to run my hands over every inch of his body. I love to lick him everywhere and explore him entirely. Naturally, I love it when he does the same to me. And I don't need to orgasm to enjoy it! I simply cannot get enough of him. I want him incredibly badly all the time!!!!! Maybe you need to think about how you were when you first had sex. Wasn't the mere touch of his skin enough to get you horny? Didn't a brush of his lips down your belly make you shiver with desire? Didn't a kiss just make you sink into heaven? Maybe you need to concentrate on these feelings more, so then that 'newbie' passion can get reawakened. Then you will enjoy it just as it is. The issue of an orgasm doesnt feature as much then. I'll be honest, I've heard all about the pleasures of orgasm (caused by a man, versus self) and I do want one. But hey, its not like I'm not enjoying what I have now! I don't know why I can't, I have no issues of molestation or anything else to deal with, but thats the way it is. I'll just keep working on techniques and positions and experiment on what finally gets me there. The experimentation is the most fun! I have the groundwork of intense passion for this guy, its just the actual physical side of it that needs to catch up. Do you have the passion? Maybe thats part of the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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