I'm not fun to be around unless I drink alcohol

[Ryan R.]

This past weekend, I realized something. I'm not as cool sober as I am drunk. This past weekend, I got completely annihilated and I was pretty social until I blacked out. This happens all the time with me, I get extremely drunk and I'm able to talk to girls and stuff but sober I can't do it with as much ease, proficiency, and charm.

 

I don't really think I'm as cool to be around sober as I am when I'm drunk because sober I feel kind of "restricted". I feel like a loser sober but drunk I feel like superman.

 

Is this normal or is this a problem?

[Ryan R.]

How many drinks do you have on a night out?

 

I don't know... I don't typically keep track. Maybe around 4 or 5 beers. This weekend I was really depressed, so I drank about 12 solo-cupped beers of some strong ale out of a keg and I had some rum and I ate vodka infused gummy bears that some girl made. I ended up blacking out.

[beautifulearth83]

You don't have to drink alcohol to loosen up. You just have to believe in yourself. It's more work, but anything in life that's worth it is. It is also less expensive, you don't have pounding headaches, your health is better and you meet people of better quality.

[Emilia]

You must be joking. A 21 year old is NOT a child.

A 21 year-old is a kid. Your brain isn't fully formed until you hit about 25.

[bubbaganoosh]

Ryan.

 

There is no such thing as a cool drunk. The way your going if you don't stop, somewhere down the road your liver is going to be toast. Your 21 and yeah when we hit that magic age we can't wait to hit the bars because now "I'M A MAN". Bull si!!. When you get drunk you say and do stupid things and swear that your in control. What your doing is relying on booze to be the life of the party at your own expense. No one likes hanging out with drunks and if you think that women like being around a drunk that slobbers, passes out, blows his groceries in someone's flower bed or sh!!s his pants your crazy.

 

It's one thing to enjoy a drink but another if you need to drink to excess to be cool. If your drinking that much at 21, how much will you be drinking at 31, 41. You won't be the life of the party but rather the guy at the party that everyone avoids. Cool it. Be who you are because people at these parties aren't laughing with you, their laughing at you. Big difference.

[hppr]

I'm the same way.

 

Rather reserved until I start drinking.

 

Also have a VERY high tolerance for alcohol.

 

My advice is to learn your limits, don't binge it up. Nurse that beer until you feel more comfortable in your skin and then start talking to those girls. Eventually you will get to the point that you don't need the alcohol crutch quite as much but until then use it for all it's worth.

[SpiralOut]

I am the same way.

 

I learned to keep it to just one or two drinks throughout the night. And I learned to stay away from people who tell me I should drink more often because I am "so much more fun" that way. Or sometimes guys on dates will tell me they can't wait to get me drunk so I'll talk more. You want someone who talks more? Go talk to someone else then. People who can't accept me for who I am when I am sober do not belong in my life.

[amaysngrace]

Every drunk I know thinks they are boring when they're sober. I think it's just an excuse not to stop drinking.

[era]

In any event, your so-called advice is a complete joke.

 

Maybe Sengir is simply alluding to the fact that people in their twenties go through rapid changes...

Edited August 5, 2013 by era

[Ryan R.]

Ryan.

 

There is no such thing as a cool drunk. The way your going if you don't stop, somewhere down the road your liver is going to be toast. Your 21 and yeah when we hit that magic age we can't wait to hit the bars because now "I'M A MAN". Bull si!!. When you get drunk you say and do stupid things and swear that your in control. What your doing is relying on booze to be the life of the party at your own expense. No one likes hanging out with drunks and if you think that women like being around a drunk that slobbers, passes out, blows his groceries in someone's flower bed or sh!!s his pants your crazy.

 

It's one thing to enjoy a drink but another if you need to drink to excess to be cool. If your drinking that much at 21, how much will you be drinking at 31, 41. You won't be the life of the party but rather the guy at the party that everyone avoids. Cool it. Be who you are because people at these parties aren't laughing with you, their laughing at you. Big difference.

 

I wouldn't consider myself a drunk nor would most people who I know classify me as that. I've never made an ass out of myself drinking nor do I have a problem with excessive drinking. The most I've done is fallen asleep in a bush but that was in college. Probably at this point, the best thing that I could do would be to drink myself into oblivion considering there's not much else for me now...

[amaysngrace]

I wouldn't consider myself a drunk nor would most people who I know classify me as that.

 

Probably at this point, the best thing that I could do would be to drink myself into oblivion considering there's not much else for me now...

 

Spoken like a true drunk....

 

Who doesn't consider you a drunk? Your drinking buddies??

[thefooloftheyear]

A 21 year-old is a kid. Your brain isn't fully formed until you hit about 25.

 

 

I agree...In fact its probably even a bit older than that, for "men" anyway...

 

TFY

[pink_sugar]

My brother complains that I don't drink, so he never invites me to social situations. I do drink, but I drink pretty slow and in moderation. I'm that way with almost everything I drink. I just don't drink very fast. *shrugs*

[HiddenUser]

As everyone has already said, drinking lowers your inhibitions. Alcohol can be very helpful for people with anxiety, but it can also be a horrible choice. You're already considering drinking yourself to oblivion for lack of anything better to do. Why? Don't run from your problems. When you drink on a habitual basis, your body becomes used to it and it changes who you are. You might think you're more fun, but you're actually being a loud, arrogant ass that's ruining it for others, especially as you get older and the people around you mature. The more your body gets used to the alcohol, the angrier you become whenever you drink because now you're drunk and have your problems. It becomes a thing where you keep convincing yourself that you're having a bad time because you're not drunk enough. It becomes so ingrained in you that you're no longer drinking for fun or celebration, but just because.

 

My brother was a drunk for a long time. Nobody in the family wanted to be around him because that's all he did. You'll grow old wondering why people are avoiding you and you'll either hit rock bottom and sober up (missing out on a lot of years) or end up killing yourself.

 

Be careful - drugs are a very slippery slope.

[Ryan R.]

Spoken like a true drunk....

 

Who doesn't consider you a drunk? Your drinking buddies??

 

How about my professors at my past college, my past and current employers, my family members, my friends, and people I do/did volunteer work with. I don't drink on the weekdays. A drunk is an irresponsible person, which I am not, nor do I have an addictive affinity for alcohol.

 

I seriously don't know why you came into this topic if all you're going to do is criticize me. If you're not willing to put forth any valid suggestions, go take your malice elsewhere.

 

As everyone has already said, drinking lowers your inhibitions. Alcohol can be very helpful for people with anxiety, but it can also be a horrible choice. You're already considering drinking yourself to oblivion for lack of anything better to do. Why? Don't run from your problems. When you drink on a habitual basis, your body becomes used to it and it changes who you are. You might think you're more fun, but you're actually being a loud, arrogant ass that's ruining it for others, especially as you get older and the people around you mature. The more your body gets used to the alcohol, the angrier you become whenever you drink because now you're drunk and have your problems. It becomes a thing where you keep convincing yourself that you're having a bad time because you're not drunk enough. It becomes so ingrained in you that you're no longer drinking for fun or celebration, but just because.

 

My brother was a drunk for a long time. Nobody in the family wanted to be around him because that's all he did. You'll grow old wondering why people are avoiding you and you'll either hit rock bottom and sober up (missing out on a lot of years) or end up killing yourself.

 

Be careful - drugs are a very slippery slope.

 

As I said before, I never make an ass out of myself drinking. I'm not a loud or angry drunk either. Sometimes I would just go sit in a corner if it got too much. I have never started a fight drunk, nor have I ever been in one drunk.

 

People here need to stop making incorrect assumptions about me and my drinking habits when they don't even know what I look like.

Edited August 6, 2013 by Ryan R.

[TaraMaiden]

Ryan, everyone is cooler when they are drunk its the only one sure thing in the universe.

 

This is wrong on too many levels....

 

I think a drunk is about the least fun, and most un-cool person to be with.

they're embarrassing, idiotic, unreliable, uber-emotional, nonsensical and frankly, an idiot.

 

I lose all respect for those who believe the only way to be the life 'n' soul of the party is to drink like a fish and act like a lush.

[HiddenUser]

As I said before, I never make an ass out of myself drinking. I'm not a loud or angry drunk either. Sometimes I would just go sit in a corner if it got too much. I have never started a fight drunk, nor have I ever been in one drunk.

 

People here need to stop making incorrect assumptions about me and my drinking habits when they don't even know what I look like.

 

I was simply stating what happens with alcoholism, not what you're currently doing. Believe me when I say getting piss drunk now is different from getting piss drunk for the fifth, tenth and 20th time. Addiction runs in my family. My biological grandfather was a drunk, my adoptive grandfather is a drunk, both of my brothers were drunks and I was a drug addict for the last two years. We're all genetically and environmentally exposed to addiction. Conventional wisdom is not the same as making assumptions. All I'm saying is, you're thinking about drinking because there's nothing else to do. That's exactly how the downward spiral with drugs begins (alcohol being a drug). It's something that you do solely to pass the time. If your only solution to being shy is to drink as much alcohol as you can, there's not a doubt in my mind that you will run into more problems. Not to mention when you begin to sober up, you'll have done nothing to combat what you're running from to begin with (being a snooze-fest when you aren't drunk).

 

You can heed my warning of simply being careful or you can pass me off as someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. It's no skin off my teeth because at the end of the day, it's your body, your future and your peers - not mine.

 

Edit: And I'm not trying to come off as rude or condescending. I just want you to be careful so you don't fall prey to the same trap that I did.

Edited August 6, 2013 by HiddenUser

[Ryan R.]

I was simply stating what happens with alcoholism, not what you're currently doing. Believe me when I say getting piss drunk now is different from getting piss drunk for the fifth, tenth and 20th time. Addiction runs in my family. My biological grandfather was a drunk, my adoptive grandfather is a drunk, both of my brothers were drunks and I was a drug addict for the last two years. We're all genetically and environmentally exposed to addiction. Conventional wisdom is not the same as making assumptions. All I'm saying is, you're thinking about drinking because there's nothing else to do. That's exactly how the downward spiral with drugs begins (alcohol being a drug). It's something that you do solely to pass the time. If your only solution to being shy is to drink as much alcohol as you can, there's not a doubt in my mind that you will run into more problems. Not to mention when you begin to sober up, you'll have done nothing to combat what you're running from to begin with (being a snooze-fest when you aren't drunk).

 

You can heed my warning of simply being careful or you can pass me off as someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. It's no skin off my teeth because at the end of the day, it's your body, your future and your peers - not mine.

 

Edit: And I'm not trying to come off as rude or condescending. I just want you to be careful so you don't fall prey to the same trap that I did.

 

If there's a choice between being my regular cardboard self at parties and being pretty extroverted, it's not a hard decision. I understand you're trying to help, but I don't have many options at this point. It's not like I hook up with girls anyway.

[TaraMaiden]

You actually have plenty of options.

you've just chosen the path of least resistance, effort and common sense.

[Ryan R.]

What exactly is it you feel you lack when sober, OP?

 

I don't know where to start. I just graduated from college a couple months ago and I was the only one of my friends who graduated college without having one-on-one time (whether through kissing/ "hooking up" or more). I ended up being a third wheel observer a lot of times. So sexually, college was a dead end for me. I failed to attract the opposite sex in one of the easiest environments to do those sorts of things. It was a time of sexual experimentation and I missed out.

 

Compared to my friends, I don't feel masculine. I'm not as big as them, I'm not as strong as them, I'm not as adept around girls as they are. I hate comparing myself to other guys but that's what I'm up against. In the end, I will have to compete against guys for girls. I did start a weight training regimen with my friend about three months ago but I have yet to see tangible results. I'm not gaining any weight and when I weighed myself yesterday I lost a couple of pounds, so I'm thinking about just giving it up entirely. I was excited that I'd be muscular but I realize that those were just silly fantasies.

 

The only thing I really have going for me is my intelligence but to be honest, I'm not extremely smart. You don't even need to be smart to get far in today's world and it hasn't helped me out with girls, so my intelligence is pretty much worthless. It did get me a good job here in Manhattan but I have to ask myself "is it worth it" every day I step in the office.

 

Right now, the first thing I'm trying to figure out is how to dramatically reduce my sex drive in a safe way so that I don't feel theses urges to go out and hopelessly talk to girls. I believe once I figure out how to do that, the rest will cascade. If I didn't have a sex drive, I feel my life would be a lot better. One of my good friends is asexual and I envy him a lot of times. He said his life is less complicated without trying to impress women but he does feel lonely at times.

[reddragon588]

I'm 25 and I too am a shy person that struggles in social settings. I too have long felt that I am more social and easy to get along with when I drink. I started drinking when I was about 16 and immediately felt like it "improved" my social life.

 

I have to tell you, what you are feeling is the beginning stages of alcoholism. I ask you to learn how to deal with your social fears before you let alcohol become a crutch, like I did.

 

For me, I realized the reason I felt I needed alcohol was because I had a fear of rejection and a fear of sharing my emotions. When I drank, it lowered my inhibitions enough that I was able to let out my emotions and shake off rejection. The issue was when I let those issues bottle up, and I would need to drink far too much to let them out and put myself in bad situations.

 

You need to sit down and think about WHY you feel less social sober. For many people it is the fear of rejection and sharing emotions that I also struggle with. Once you have identified what the causes are, you can address them and you will not need alcohol as a crutch.

 

Now that I'm addressing these fears, I do not feel the need to use alcohol to "loosen" me up and I find that I can put myself in many situations that used to pretty much paralyze me if I wasn't drinking. You will be very glad once you reach this point.

[Ryan R.]

True masculinity is doing what you want without caring what others think.

 

You don't need to be a big guy to be masculine.

 

Don't reduce your sex drive. Just hit on girls and stop being a pansy about it.

 

I realize that you don't need to be a big guy to be masculine. I know a guy who is 5'7' and he's way more masculine than I am. It's all about the aura, but all of my friends are just more solidly composed than I am. They all just have very strong masculine auras. I don't know, I just feel extremely diminished around them even though I had some of the best times of my life with them.

[TaraMaiden]

TM when you read most of my posts think of a semi truck load of 55 gallon drums (30-40 of them) full of sarcasm

 

This way we won't meet like this often

 

*Slaps forehead*

 

Ok, I'm a dumb-ass.

 

[TaraMaiden]

I realize that you don't need to be a big guy to be masculine. I know a guy who is 5'7' and he's way more masculine than I am. It's all about the aura, but all of my friends are just more solidly composed than I am. They all just have very strong masculine auras. I don't know, I just feel extremely diminished around them even though I had some of the best times of my life with them.

That's a self-esteem issue, and you won't find the answer swimming in a Tequila Sunrise, or even a Coors.

 

I think you'll find that's totally on you.

[reddragon588]

That's a self-esteem issue, and you won't find the answer swimming in a Tequila Sunrise, or even a Coors.

 

I think you'll find that's totally on you.

 

What Tara said is exactly true, and what I was saying. The alcohol isn't some magic drink, it raises your confidence level, but it's not the alcohol doing it, it's the appearance of the alcohol. You can have that same confidence boost yourself without the alcohol if you can find the causes of your confidence issues.