Should I give up on trying to win my ex back?

[hinatticus]

Hi hinatticus, I wanted to send you a pm but I'm not familiar with the site. I take it I have to add you to my contacts???

 

My question was, what was your ex's(now partner again) stance throughout the time you were separated. Did she ever say to you that she "can't see it" or that it's over for her. My ex sais this, not a lot and usually when he is angry but as time goes on he also sais things like "let's just take it a day at a time and see what happens"!

 

What he sais seems to go back and forth depending on his mood, but when he sais "no no no never ever" he seems so certain of it. So many mixed messages.

 

In the first few months after you separated was this similiar with you guys?

 

The first few months were absolute hell for me. As soon as she got her own place all the resentment she had towards me came gushing out. Everything I said to her, be it positive or neutral, she would spin it around and act like I was attacking her. I never got any mixed messages in the beginning. It was "this is over, I tried for 4 years!!". Turns out she was just very angry and resentful towards me.

 

I kept being patient with the whole taking it a day at a time. I mean, I had lots of work to do on myself before she would even consider coming back.

[trippi1432]

Well I am ashamed to say I back pedaled. I rang him and outright said to him & I quote!!

 

"your an a**hole!!!" , you know that! No matter how much I want to just let this go and move on I can't. Something just keeps pulling me back to you"

 

He laughed and said "I know exactly how you feel, you think I haven't tried to just walk away, I can't!"

 

I asked him if the above mentioned ^^^^ that my mood swings are actually an issue related to my hashimoto's, if that would change how he feels about things and he said yes......... but he also said he still has resentment and it's going to be a long and slow process!!

 

I don't know what this means, was he talking about me sorting it out, with all the testing and what not etc. getting it under control or was he talking about us working things out??? What will be a long slow process??

 

I didn't want to push the subject too much!

 

Should I take what I overheard him saying to his brother with a grain of salt?

His brother has recently gone through a very bitter divorce and I know he would just be telling him not to come back as his whole attitude after his divorce became "if it ain't 100% right then get out"!

 

He is very negative about all things "relationship"!

 

Anyway we are back to just what we were doing before.....!

With no end in sight, permanent f#$% buddies and working on being best mates that spend 90% of their free time together. With no talk of getting back together but both in agreement that when he gets his apartment we will still be spending weekends+++ together and doing the same thing.

 

Oh and an agreement not to sleep with other people whilst we are sleeping together......... I mean seriously wtf!!!

 

I wish I could just fast forward to a year from now!

 

This won't change until you do....when you are willing to put him behind you and move ahead for YOU. He is still sucking everything out of you that you were willing to give when it was a marriage. You don't want a f'ck buddy husband....heck, you could have anyone for a f'ck buddy, you want a husband. You bow to his terms, why?

 

He can't walk away because he knows what he will give up.(sex)..so he strings you along. Quit looking for excuses to your behavior that he doesn't like and think that a diagnosis will resolve it. He's already said yes, that would make him feel better, but he is still not supportive of you. You need to understand him...he won't be there no matter what the diagnosis is...it's your problem as long as you keep hunting for what is wrong with you and give no weight to marriage being a two-way street, meaning he has issues to.....you are still trying too hard to please.

 

Until you own up to YOU, you will continue to people please...and you will just be a f'ck buddy. It would be good to talk to your psychologist about this.

 

When your own husband doesn't have your back and is using you, the only person you can rely on is YOU.

 

It doesn't have to be drama....it's as simple as having a boundary. It starts with saying No, this isn't what I want. You are allowed to say NO.

[jhehir84]

This won't change until you do....when you are willing to put him behind you and move ahead for YOU. He is still sucking everything out of you that you were willing to give when it was a marriage. You don't want a f'ck buddy husband....heck, you could have anyone for a f'ck buddy, you want a husband. You bow to his terms, why?

 

He can't walk away because he knows what he will give up.(sex)..so he strings you along. Quit looking for excuses to your behavior that he doesn't like and think that a diagnosis will resolve it. He's already said yes, that would make him feel better, but he is still not supportive of you. You need to understand him...he won't be there no matter what the diagnosis is...it's your problem as long as you keep hunting for what is wrong with you and give no weight to marriage being a two-way street, meaning he has issues to.....you are still trying too hard to please.

 

Until you own up to YOU, you will continue to people please...and you will just be a f'ck buddy. It would be good to talk to your psychologist about this.

 

When your own husband doesn't have your back and is using you, the only person you can rely on is YOU.

 

It doesn't have to be drama....it's as simple as having a boundary. It starts with saying No, this isn't what I want. You are allowed to say NO.

 

No, your right I don't want a **** buddy husband [sigh]

 

I'm not sure that I would say he is using me though. I did initiate it the first time and there has been numerous times where he has had guilt attacks over it, saying that he feels like he is doing the wrong thing but I assure him that I am ok with the sex thing (for now). To be honest I have a really high sex drive and I'd prefer to get it from him than someone else and I know he feels the same about that.

 

A few times I have said that the sex has to stop, but within a couple of days I am literally jumping him and vice versa, he has said it f#$%s with his head and he doesn't want it to get messy because of it and then it only takes a small amount of time before he just grabs me.

 

The no sex won't work as long as we are anywhere near each other!

 

So how do I try to move forward with him if I have to not be around him so we don't sleep together?

[trippi1432]

No, your right I don't want a **** buddy husband [sigh]

 

I'm not sure that I would say he is using me though. I did initiate it the first time and there has been numerous times where he has had guilt attacks over it, saying that he feels like he is doing the wrong thing but I assure him that I am ok with the sex thing (for now). To be honest I have a really high sex drive and I'd prefer to get it from him than someone else and I know he feels the same about that.

 

A few times I have said that the sex has to stop, but within a couple of days I am literally jumping him and vice versa, he has said it f#$%s with his head and he doesn't want it to get messy because of it and then it only takes a small amount of time before he just grabs me.

 

The no sex won't work as long as we are anywhere near each other!

 

So how do I try to move forward with him if I have to not be around him so we don't sleep together?

 

I'm going to go by this last sentence here because I'm thinking it wasn't a typo...how do you move forward WITH him if you have to be around him and you don't sleep together anymore.....

 

You don't....it's not about moving forward WITH him. He's being honest...no man will turn down sex, but it doesn't mean he loves you or wants to be with you for the rest of his life. This is how you fell into f'buddy stage.

 

You have to become a woman he can respect in and out of the bedroom, and honestly....maybe he isn't the man that can.

[jhehir84]

I'm going to go by this last sentence here because I'm thinking it wasn't a typo...how do you move forward WITH him if you have to be around him and you don't sleep together anymore.....

 

You don't....it's not about moving forward WITH him. He's being honest...no man will turn down sex, but it doesn't mean he loves you or wants to be with you for the rest of his life. This is how you fell into f'buddy stage.

 

You have to become a woman he can respect in and out of the bedroom, and honestly....maybe he isn't the man that can.

 

 

So what you're saying is that as long as we have sex he will not respect me?

 

Is that right? He is here and he helps around the house. He drops anything and everything if I need him, he comes running. He cooks and cleans and makes sure that we have everything we need. He still chooses to spend time here rather than with mates 95% of the time and even at 1 stage when I put a stop to the sex for a few weeks he was still here just as often and you think he has no respect for me?

 

I'm not sure that I agree with you on that. I think he made up his mind that he doesn't want to be hurt again and walked back in April.

 

Also at what stage did I ever say that I want to move on without him?

 

So basically what you think I should do,(to the man I hurt) although he is here all the time and here for me whenever I need him, is to tell him he can't have anything from me unless he fully commits right now??

 

I'm not a raging feminist..... I believe that women have a certain role and so do men. I like to play my part, I enjoy being the woman of the house and everything that comes with it.

 

I believe you also said in a previous post that men connect emotionally through sex. If this is true then what benefit is there in cutting that tie?

 

I don't feel used for sex, the only thing that concerns me about it is that I am keeping myself emotionally close/vulnerable to him by doing so and that scares me!!

[trippi1432]

Is that right? He is here and he helps around the house. He drops anything and everything if I need him, he comes running. He cooks and cleans and makes sure that we have everything we need. He still chooses to spend time here rather than with mates 95% of the time and even at 1 stage when I put a stop to the sex for a few weeks he was still here just as often and you think he has no respect for me?

 

the only thing that concerns me about it is that I am keeping myself emotionally close/vulnerable to him by doing so and that scares me!!

 

 

Hmmm, think about that, I think you just answered your own question and argument.

 

The rest of your post I will ignore...was not my insinuation...it was yours. Sex is not being vulnerable...emotions are...sex is easy.

[Onward_Upward]

Wow... Sex "at least" every night, and blowjobs after breakfast EVERYDAY... And all from an apparently beautiful woman who is "not" a staunch feminist, and who enjoys doing all those traditional household chores that are "expected" of a good wife...

 

Where the heck do I sign up for a missus like YOU?

 

Seriously now... I've read through this ENTIRE thread, and whilst at first, I was fully sympathetic to your husband's apparent plight, by the end, I was genuinely starting to think that perhaps your husband has been, and still is, manipulating you.

 

You said yourself that you have been the subject of "abuse" from the men around you, all your life... And it is an unfortunate fact that many women in your situation constantly strive (subconsciously or otherwise) to attract men who are willing to abuse them, whether physically or psychologically, out of sheer habit and a rock-bottom low self-esteem...

 

You paint yourself as the near-"perfect" wife... a woman that most men would kill for, and yet - oddly enough - no matter how much you strive to "rectify" yourself, your husband constantly keeps you at arm's length (whilst stating that you haven't, or won't, "change").

 

If I was a cynical bastard (and I sometimes am), here is what I might see:

 

Your husband is the classic old-time traditional "macho" man. He expects dinner to be on the table at 6pm, the dishes done by 8, the kids in bed by 8.30, and his "wife" to be ready for sex by 9.30...

 

He keeps you tucked away at home (and feels "threatened" when you decide to become more independent and to better yourself with higher education), whilst he goes out "training" at the Gym... He then scores a cushy job there, and is continually pestered (NOT!) by women from this Gym asking for "advice" and "support" (sometimes at 2 in the morning!) ... And some of these women even call him "babe"!...

 

And now, he keeps you at arms length, living the "single" life, whilst visiting you for sex, whenever HE chooses... with you dutifully complying because you "just want him back", and you're terrified you're going to lose him.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but you seem like a bit of a pushover, and it wouldn't surprise me at all, if this guy has you, and 2 or 3 other women "on the side"... (Or are YOU the one who is just "on the side", now?) He's made you feel like sh*t all these years, tricking you into blaming yourself for being "suspicious" of HIS deceitful behavior; when in reality... I strongly suspect that your female-intuition was "spot on"!

 

If what you have written is all true, then it seems clear to me that you are a VICTIM in all this... You're being controlled and manipulated, and you don't even realize it.

 

Man! What a waste of a good woman you are! Blowing your youth, and your life, on users like this over-sexed, pill-popping "gym-junkie"... Bah!

Edited August 24, 2013 by Onward_Upward

[jhehir84]

Hmmm, think about that, I think you just answered your own question and argument.

 

The rest of your post I will ignore...was not my insinuation...it was yours. Sex is not being vulnerable...emotions are...sex is easy.

 

"The rest of your post I will ignore!"

 

My...... how incredibly rude are you?

 

Trippi this is not an argument, I don't know why you think it is? Is it because I said I don't agree with you?

 

Build a bridge!

[jhehir84]

Wow... Sex "at least" every night, and blowjobs after breakfast EVERYDAY... And all from an apparently beautiful woman who is "not" a staunch feminist, and who enjoys doing all those traditional household chores that are "expected" of a good wife...

 

Where the heck do I sign up for a missus like YOU?

 

Seriously now... I've read through this ENTIRE thread, and whilst at first, I was fully sympathetic to your husband's apparent plight, by the end, I was genuinely starting to think that perhaps your husband has been, and still is, manipulating you.

 

You said yourself that you have been the subject of "abuse" from the men around you, all your life... And it is an unfortunate fact that many women in your situation constantly strive (subconsciously or otherwise) to attract men who are willing to abuse them, whether physically or psychologically, out of sheer habit and a rock-bottom low self-esteem...

 

You paint yourself as the near-"perfect" wife... a woman that most men would kill for, and yet - oddly enough - no matter how much you strive to "rectify" yourself, your husband constantly keeps you at arm's length (whilst stating that you haven't, or won't, "change").

 

If I was a cynical bastard (and I sometimes am), here is what I might see:

 

Your husband is the classic old-time traditional "macho" man. He expects dinner to be on the table at 6pm, the dishes done by 8, the kids in bed by 8.30, and his "wife" to be ready for sex by 9.30...

 

He keeps you tucked away at home (and feels "threatened" when you decide to become more independent and to better yourself with higher education), whilst he goes out "training" at the Gym... He then scores a cushy job there, and is continually pestered (NOT!) by women from this Gym asking for "advice" and "support" (sometimes at 2 in the morning!) ... And some of these women even call him "babe"!...

 

And now, he keeps you at arms length, living the "single" life, whilst visiting you for sex, whenever HE chooses... with you dutifully complying because you "just want him back", and you're terrified you're going to lose him.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but you seem like a bit of a pushover, and it wouldn't surprise me at all, if this guy has you, and 2 or 3 other women "on the side"... (Or are YOU the one who is just "on the side", now?) He's made you feel like sh*t all these years, tricking you into blaming yourself for being "suspicious" of HIS deceitful behavior; when in reality... I strongly suspect that your female-intuition was "spot on"!

 

If what you have written is all true, then it seems clear to me that you are a VICTIM in all this... You're being controlled and manipulated, and you don't even realize it.

 

Man! What a waste of a good woman you are! Blowing your youth, and your life, on users like this over-sexed, pill-popping "gym-junkie"... Bah!

 

Onward_Upward;5161046,

 

Yes you are right on the money there.

 

He is old fashioned and does have certain expectations of his wife.

He is Italian and to make matters worse his family are from Calabria.

 

His father and mother had an arranged marriage. She is not allowed to have a T.V. in the house as he doesn't want her exposed to the outside world and she is given an allowance to by food every week. Anything more and she needs to ask.

 

Having said that my ex husband strongly despises his father, he disagrees with the way he controls his mother and he hates (and I mean absolutely hates) his father for being abusive to his mother years back when he was still living at home.

 

I do think to a certain extent no matter how much he wishes to be nothing like his father some ways of thinking just stick!

 

As for the women at his work, this is what I truly believe......

 

He has an extremely low self esteem himself.....

He was the tall skinny guy at school that every girl just wanted to be friends with. After his last relationship ended (which was due to her not wanting any physical intimacy for over 3 years) he decided he wanted to feel more attractive and started to go to the gym to buff up. Then he met me!

 

Now I don't mean to be cruel (I love the guy) but he is not at all good looking.

In fact the first thing I thought when I met him was how ugly he was. It was his personality that I fell in love with.

 

When I started to move past him in career and education his self esteem took another blow. I mean he already had all the guys and girls at work saying things to him like "how, did you get her? Your punching above your weight?"

 

Then the fights started and not long after that he got promoted from sales manager to general manager.

 

Instantly he was the big boss man and as he always does he wants to control everything that goes on in the place rather than let the managers of the other departments do their job.

 

So, instantly he feels important with everyone coming to him with their problems (and seriously, the people that work in the gym are so dumb it's ridiculous).

 

I have no doubt he loved the feeling that he got from this........

 

but trust me, these girls have no sexual interest in him, they are 19-21 hot and half of them models!! He is ugly, bald and old with kids...... the gym is full of hot young guys with no baggage.

 

So while your right about the first thing....... the second, about having girls on the side....lol nuh!

 

Maybe he wishes..... besides he is here every single night and I'm also not stupid, I'm watching and he has been silly enough to unknowingly make friends with my circle of school friends. I also have other means, make no mistake, I choose to be submissive but god help him if he tries to play me or sleep with anyone else whilst sleeping with me.

 

I am absolutely certain that there is no one else interested in him!!!

 

Now, on to the latest. We have decided to commit to spending weekends together until the end of the year and then we/he will decide if he wants to work things out. At least it is something that gives me a time frame so I know what is going on for the moment.

 

Prior to this he would say we "probably" would still spend the weekends after he gets his apartment but would not commit to it. So I guess this is a good thing. He said that he no longer can say that he is "definitely sure it's over!"

I'm hoping once the end of the year comes his feelings are no longer clouded by his hurt and resentment.

Edited August 25, 2013 by jhehir84

[Onward_Upward]

 

Now I don't mean to be cruel (I love the guy) but he is not at all good looking.

In fact the first thing I thought when I met him was how ugly he was. It was his personality that I fell in love with.

 

Oh my... You are a rare jewel...

 

 

...but trust me, these girls have no sexual interest in him, they are 19-21 hot and half of them models!! He is ugly, bald and old with kids...... the gym is full of hot young guys with no baggage.

 

So while your right about the first thing....... the second, about having girls on the side....lol nuh!

 

...

 

I am absolutely certain that there is no one else interested in him!!!

 

 

...And yet, this "ugly", balding, "old" man managed to attract you; an apparently very fine-looking young woman, indeed.

 

If you were eventually attracted to him, through regular interaction, why wouldn't other women, as well?

 

---

 

Forgive me for my frankness, but I'm familiar with men who hold a "traditional" outlook on life, and in particular, "their" women. For the most part, they do not change. They compartmentalize every aspect of their life, and in one of those boxes sits their "loyal" and "loving" woman... And God help her if she seeks to remove herself from that box.

 

As much as he states he despises the actions of his father, he seems as if he is well on his way to becoming just like him... But that's just my take, from afar.

 

Reading the rest of your post, it still seems clear to me that he is the one in control of things. And I can't shake this feeling that you are being deceived... In all honesty, I feel sad for you... But then, perhaps I'm also feeling somewhat envious... I mean, apparent loyalty (like the kind you are displaying above), is a rare find these days... and it is even rarer to find it in conjunction with beauty and integrity.

 

Now, if you were a part of a loving and "equal" partnership, I would be wishing you both all the best... But from what you've mentioned thus far, I really think he is playing you.

 

But I digress...

[jhehir84]

Oh my... You are a rare jewel...

 

 

 

...And yet, this "ugly", balding, "old" man managed to attract you; an apparently very fine-looking young woman, indeed.

 

If you were eventually attracted to him, through regular interaction, why wouldn't other women, as well?

 

---

 

Forgive me for my frankness, but I'm familiar with men who hold a "traditional" outlook on life, and in particular, "their" women. For the most part, they do not change. They compartmentalize every aspect of their life, and in one of those boxes sits their "loyal" and "loving" woman... And God help her if she seeks to remove herself from that box.

 

As much as he states he despises the actions of his father, he seems as if he is well on his way to becoming just like him... But that's just my take, from afar.

 

Reading the rest of your post, it still seems clear to me that he is the one in control of things. And I can't shake this feeling that you are being deceived... In all honesty, I feel sad for you... But then, perhaps I'm also feeling somewhat envious... I mean, apparent loyalty (like the kind you are displaying above), is a rare find these days... and it is even rarer to find it in conjunction with beauty and integrity.

 

Now, if you were a part of a loving and "equal" partnership, I would be wishing you both all the best... But from what you've mentioned thus far, I really think he is playing you.

 

But I digress...

 

True that other woman would find him appealing, he does have a great personality but not the girls that he works with. That's what I was getting at there........ they are all extremely shallow!

 

That's not to say that other women outside of his work wouldn't find him very appealing, I'm sure they would! However if he isn't at work he is here so I don't know how many opportunities there are to meet anyone new.

 

I completely agree that he is in control here, unfortunately I have no choice but to let him set the pace since it's me that stuffed up and it's me that wants to work things out more so than him right now.

 

May I ask why or how you think he is deceiving me and/or playing me. I'm not disagreeing with you here, it's a distinct possibility but just curious as to what you think he is doing that is deceitful?

 

We/he did make a commitment not to see/sleep with other people whilst we are figuring us out!

[MikeM]

I can't speak for him, but if it were me, I would come back to you because I would understand that it's not your fault that you have bi-polar. I would hope he would realize that and be willing to give it another try.

[trippi1432]

"The rest of your post I will ignore!"

 

My...... how incredibly rude are you?

 

Trippi this is not an argument, I don't know why you think it is? Is it because I said I don't agree with you?

 

Build a bridge!

 

No harm, no foul....didn't make it an argument. Your post I was referring to sounded more like an argument with yourself, which is why I said I would ignore the rest of your post, I didn't feel it was really aimed at me.

 

Now, I will have to say, I am in 100% agreement with Onward_Upwards posts.

[jhehir84]

No harm, no foul....didn't make it an argument. Your post I was referring to sounded more like an argument with yourself, which is why I said I would ignore the rest of your post, I didn't feel it was really aimed at me.

 

Now, I will have to say, I am in 100% agreement with Onward_Upwards posts.

 

I'm not going to answer any more of your posts as its clear that your more interested in being right than helpful. As someone with literally thousands of posts your clearly very opinionated and you like to get your say in on everything, unfortunately I do not welcome nor value your opinion as it seems you'd rather be destructive instead of constructive. If I wanted a lecture I would just go to my Dad.

 

Thanks

[Certhoc]

I've read all the posts. They're quite interesting. I could relate in some aspects, so I'll throw in my personal unprofessional opinion...

 

Your guy, he's a nice guy. He doesn't sound like a player. I wouldn't be surprised if in his youth he didn't wish he was one, cause he saw all the bad boys getting the hot girls. But it sounds he stayed true to himself. If he did have something on the side he wouldn't even bother doing all the stuff that doesn't involve sex with you.

 

Let's go back a bit here, to what led up to you kicking him out and hurting his pride, his ego: weekend with family, and not any family, a family with very strong religious beliefs and different culture, Italian, very tight family culture.

 

These two factors played a big role with their treatment of your two older children. I highly believe that it wasn't the only thing that happened, I'm sure his family talked to him and told him things trying to make him doubt or trying to make him realize you were a bad choice, since there are so many single girls with "better life conditions". And no matter how much he loves you, when family talks, you listen and think about what they are saying.

 

I think he was struggling those days, he had his own mental conflicts, trying to balance out the family input and his feelings. I say this because he has mentioned that his head tells him something and his heart says a different thing. He loves you, no doubt about that, but the logical information his family probably gave him makes it a struggle.

 

The cherry on top, the last block that tipped this conflict, making his head win, was you kicking him out (and you had your reasons). That made him see everything his family told him consciously or unconsciously. It made him doubt whether his family was right. He talks to his brother, so I imagine his family knows what is going on. I imagine they are telling him they are happy he is deciding to move on and ending things with you. That's why he changes from cuddly to cold and distant. He wants to do right by his family, yet he loves you.

 

Adding family to the fact that he is a nice guy (and it sure feels nice getting attention and feeling important), he likes the control he has gotten. He likes it that you feel guilty so you're extra special with him.

 

My prediction: After he has enjoyed a bit more your extra attention, after he has felt a bit more that he is the most important man in your life and you are not willing to give him up, after he has decided that you are the woman of his life, no matter what family may think, since you will be there when family is not, he will say he is ready to go back and improve the relationship. This has been going on for some time, so maybe he is getting ready to move on and go back to normal.

 

My suggestion: Hang on. Don't loose patience. Keep on being the loving partner. Sometimes nice guys just want to feel wanted and play the hurt victim role for some time. Then they get over it and go back to being their usual nice selves. Also, you have to give him time to get rid of the poison he was injected when he spent time with his family. He loves you, you love him, there are no big problems.

 

You guys will be together and ok.

[jhehir84]

I've read all the posts. They're quite interesting. I could relate in some aspects, so I'll throw in my personal unprofessional opinion...

 

Your guy, he's a nice guy. He doesn't sound like a player. I wouldn't be surprised if in his youth he didn't wish he was one, cause he saw all the bad boys getting the hot girls. But it sounds he stayed true to himself. If he did have something on the side he wouldn't even bother doing all the stuff that doesn't involve sex with you.

 

Let's go back a bit here, to what led up to you kicking him out and hurting his pride, his ego: weekend with family, and not any family, a family with very strong religious beliefs and different culture, Italian, very tight family culture.

 

These two factors played a big role with their treatment of your two older children. I highly believe that it wasn't the only thing that happened, I'm sure his family talked to him and told him things trying to make him doubt or trying to make him realize you were a bad choice, since there are so many single girls with "better life conditions". And no matter how much he loves you, when family talks, you listen and think about what they are saying.

 

I think he was struggling those days, he had his own mental conflicts, trying to balance out the family input and his feelings. I say this because he has mentioned that his head tells him something and his heart says a different thing. He loves you, no doubt about that, but the logical information his family probably gave him makes it a struggle.

 

The cherry on top, the last block that tipped this conflict, making his head win, was you kicking him out (and you had your reasons). That made him see everything his family told him consciously or unconsciously. It made him doubt whether his family was right. He talks to his brother, so I imagine his family knows what is going on. I imagine they are telling him they are happy he is deciding to move on and ending things with you. That's why he changes from cuddly to cold and distant. He wants to do right by his family, yet he loves you.

 

Adding family to the fact that he is a nice guy (and it sure feels nice getting attention and feeling important), he likes the control he has gotten. He likes it that you feel guilty so you're extra special with him.

 

My prediction: After he has enjoyed a bit more your extra attention, after he has felt a bit more that he is the most important man in your life and you are not willing to give him up, after he has decided that you are the woman of his life, no matter what family may think, since you will be there when family is not, he will say he is ready to go back and improve the relationship. This has been going on for some time, so maybe he is getting ready to move on and go back to normal.

 

My suggestion: Hang on. Don't loose patience. Keep on being the loving partner. Sometimes nice guys just want to feel wanted and play the hurt victim role for some time. Then they get over it and go back to being their usual nice selves. Also, you have to give him time to get rid of the poison he was injected when he spent time with his family. He loves you, you love him, there are no big problems.

 

You guys will be together and ok.

 

 

I love your personal unprofessional opinion..........

 

Let's hope that it's on the money.

 

We went out for a fathers day fete that was held at our local Bunning's last night.

 

All went really well until as we were leaving I bumped into and old friend (male) and stopped to chat and say hi. This guy is happily married with 2 children and no threat but I swear he got jealous. He was walking quiet a bit in front of me so it's not as though I could have included him in the conversation, anyway 5 minutes later I get a text saying "I'll meet you at home", he basically left in his car without so much as a word.

 

I mean seriously......!!! I thought he was rude for leaving..... he thought I was rude for expecting him to wait around for 5-10 minutes whilst I chatted. (It was 5 mins).

 

After I got home all was fine, we didn't say much and just went to bed but all back to normal this morning.

 

I said something to him this morning "jokingly" to gauge his reaction. I said "It's good that your getting a 3 bedroom place because if we end up back together I can just move in there", he laughed and replied "why? why wouldn't I just move back here (referring to my place). So this is a big step I believe, I could never imagine him even giving thought to that idea a month ago, in fact a month ago he would have very sternly said "that's never going to happen"!

 

I also asked him (very casually) if next weekend maybe he might like to go and see a movie together and grab some dinner, just me and him (no kids). He thought for a bit and then said yes :-)

 

Hoping this is progress........ slow but still!

Edited August 30, 2013 by jhehir84

[Certhoc]

Sooo...how's the progres?

[Certhoc]

...........*progress

[jhehir84]

...........*progress

 

Hi,

 

Sorry it's been awhile since I posted.

I guess there's nothing much that has changed, we have reached the 6 month mark and he has found himself a place and signed a lease. We are still spending the weekends together and sleeping together however it has become a bit more like we are a couple rather than just sex, in as far as good bye kisses and loads of affection but alas still no commitment from him.

 

He admitted recently that he always held out a small hope that one day we could get back together although I don't understand why he would say that when all he has to do is say the word.

 

We are heading away on a family holiday together next weekend so that should be nice. I really have no idea where this will end up or whether it is wise to keep going this way but I just can't bring myself to cut the ties and walk nor can he.

 

:(

 

Wish I had some more exciting news for you